When I was 9 years old I changed schools with 2 weeks notice and it was a disaster. I had no time to come to terms with the idea, it was a total culture shock, I struggled to make friends and fit it, I struggled academically because the curriculum was different at this private school than my public school. I was lonely and miserable, and the worst thing of all was the way every adult in my life waved me away with “you’ll make friends” and “you’ll get used to it” and when those things didn’t happen and I was still lonely and miserable, they got irritated with my continued complaints and waved me off completely, and that ladies and gentlemen, fucked me up for life.
Everyone kept telling me that “it’ll get better”, but not a single person would just validate that it sucks now.
By the time anyone realized that this kid was not adjusting the way a kid normally should, it was too late. I had internalized that my problems were an inconvenience, that nobody was going to help me, that nobody cared. I remember thinking that I just desperately wanted someone to be on my side. To actually listen. Instead I learned that I was on my own. That there was no point asking for help because no one was coming. I went from a social butterfly to crippling social anxiety it would take years to overcome. I withdrew completely. I struggled to make deep, lasting friendships for the rest of my life.
And I spent all these years thinking about how such a stupid, mundane thing had altered the course of my life. It took 20-odd years to hear a therapist say, “Girl, that’s not stupid, that’s childhood trauma right there.” That was the first time anyone had validated how horrible that experience was.
This happened when I was 9. I’m almost 35 now. And thinking about it all still makes me cry. I decided way back then to hold onto this feeling, because I never wanted to make the same mistake. 9yo, and telling myself “Just because it is a child’s problem, does not make it a childish problem.”
My advice to the young is this: yes, it does suck right now. You have every right to be mad about it. And hold on to that sense of unfairness. Never forget how hard it was to be a kid, a teen. Not as a festering bitterness, but as a source of empathy. A reminder to never become the adults who dismissed you, who were cruel to you, who told you “that’s just how it is”.
And to my fellow adults: kids are people. They will have problems that seem minuscule to you but are massive for them. And if the only solution to the problem they can offer is something impossible like “Take me out of this expensive, limited spot, better education private school and send me back to public school where things made sense”, maybe instead of dismissing them completely understand that that’s the only solution they can think of because they’re a child and no one has given them any other possible solution.
So maybe try more than meaningless platitudes. When the cries for help stop, it doesn’t mean help is no longer needed. It just means that child has learned that help isn’t coming.
annaxmalina
snowghoul
yousharknotpass
origamiaround
titsay
theartofmadeline
tangentwithtanner
