Your Local Fatass @fatass-verified - Tumblr Blog

i think i'm falling down the rabbit whole with no way out alive

i would like to have friends or a girlfriend, but sadly i’m a boring and annoying person

i'm so hungry today wth what's happening lol

#meee #i can't stop eating i really wanna binge on something that involves bread :(#i've had one biscuit with my coffee a huge plate of pasta for lunch a plate of watermelon half a plain corn on the cob with salt #and my bar of chocolate #everything else was either plain black coffee or plain green tea #i don't think that's too much? idk maybe it is #oh nice now i'll stress over THAT lol #i'm gonna binge tomorrow tho #like i'm already planning on it i wanna eat soooo much #i wish i could purge tho #ig restricting afterwards is gonna have to do #cuz i'm a coward obv

stupid rant ahead

i can't fucking stand normies trying to tell me that a 200 cal piece of pita bread is more healthy than 105 small loaf of french bread... deadass lol, my cousin went to a dietitian once (and she didn't lose the weight she wanted to lose lol) and all of a sudden she thinks she's a dieting expert and gives shit diets to the whole family, she gives them all the same diet, which is a personalized diet her dietitian gave her that DIDN'T FUCKING WORK and she ended up getting a surgery to remove her stomach to lose weight? like out of all my family i'm the only one that has actually lost any amount of weight naturally and didn't gain it all back, but somehow i'm the one taken the least seriously when it comes to that topic lol, like okay SUZAN go ahead and eat shit food and lose 5 kilos then gain them all back cuz you're eating nasty food in stupid portions. like seriously somehow they think they're "allowed" a certain amount of each food daily for some reason like five strawberries or two olives or whatever and i don't understand how that works? like yeah okay five strawberries are x cals but my lunch was y cals yesterday and my lunch today was twice that amount, i'm still allowed the same amount? or it was less than yesterday i'm supposed to be allowed more strawberries today no? stupid asses, maybe i did lose my weight in an unhealthy matter, but i maintain it in a healthy was surprisingly and i've read enough media from both sides of the diet culture and have a clear understanding of how bodies and fat work and how stupid diet culture can be in a million different ways so i am pretty much up to date with the new studies and from experience, i know than you can easily lose weight and not gain it all back by simply learning to listen to your body and still eating all the foods you want (in moderation obviously) but of course no fucking SUZAN that has never successfully lost weight until she literally SURGICALLY REMOVED HER WHOLE STOMACH AND PHYSICALLY CAN NOT EAT MUCH ANYMORE that has went to the dietitian ONCE and swears by her shitty diet that the whole family has tried so far and it didn't work for anyone lol knows more than ME, the only skinny person out of my family, that is known for her binge eating problems and still managed to lose over ten kilograms and maintain a healthy weight for five years, sometimes i don't understand people and it makes me mad :)

#meee #like how can you look at someone that has never gone to a dietitian and never really went on a diet #that has gone from being overweight to being at a bmi between 19 and 22 #and maintained that weight for five years aka successful diet #and then look at someone that has tried a million dietitians throughout her whole life and never lost weight until she got surgery #and hear opposite opinions over weightloss from those two people #and believe the latter?#in what logic is she more educated on the matter than me?#they don't know i do anything unhealthy #and i actually never lost any weight unhealthily and kept it down i keep gaining it back #the only weight i've maintained is the initial weight i lost pretty much from just cutting down portions and getting more active #so like even from personal experience i'm more reliable than she is lol #that is if we don't wanna count the absurd time i've spent researching the topic and how indulged i am in the weighloss community #i don't think any of them will lose any weight anyway and i don't even want them to #let them stay fat they deserve it lol #i wanna stay the only skinny one #that one cousin doesn't count she didn't lose the weight herself #also she's not even normal skinny she's curvy #not even slim thick she's got stomach rolls #is it too sick i kinda KINDA want my sister to fall down the ed community so we can starve together?#not really tho i don't want her to fuck up her health #like i want someone to relate to and help me not feel so alone but i also don't want anyone to get hurt #whatever that was a long rant lol

i really wanted to do my official exams but now i'm praying they cancel them so i can focus on losing weight

#meee #oh do you see mr clown? i'm right here hello #as if starving myself is gonna get me into uni #stupid ass bitch istg #like my main goal should be my uni right now but all i want is to starve myself all summer like the one before sophomore year #i can't stand myself sometimes

i'm embarrassed about a lot of shit about myself but the thing i'm embarrassed about the most is that it's been 5 years already since i first decided to stop binge eating and starving myself into my grave and i still look the same, my health is even fucking better than it used to be, and i still binge :) fml

#meee #tbh this is more embarrassing than people seeing me stim #and that's SAYING SOMETHING coming from the bitch that would rather die than have people watch them stim #like deadass whenever someone walks in my room during stimming session i feel like crying even if they didn't see me #and this is even more embarrassing deadass #like can you even imagine being this shit at something you would kill for?#i'd die the next day if you tell me i can be at my goal body tomorrow and i would die happy lol #well i mean my main goal IS death so like obviously lol #whatever i'm just blabbering at this point lol #i saw a picture of a girl with tiny legs and the pic is taken from the person's pov #so pretty much it's like this is what you will see when you look down at your legs when you're that skinny #and i wanted to cry :)#i've somehow convinced myself i don't hate my body over the last year #but i deadass subconsciously despise and am ashamed of it :)#i'd rather die than go to the pool for eg #and i'd rather die of a heat stroke than wear shorts in public #but i don't hate it right? lol #i should really just lose the weight already

my sister is back and i still haven't smoked :( she wants to take a shower tho so i'll smoke while she's in there idc if she catches me i was looking forward to it lol

#meee #we love going back to shitposting every five seconds lol

ugh i wish my wrists were still thinspo material they used to be soo small like i used to have so much handspo where they held a cigarette and a cup of coffee/tea i'd love to recreate that one day lol, sadly i'll have to lose a shitton of weight first and decide if i actually want to post that kinda pics lol

#meee #FUCKING HELL MY SISTER CAME BACK FROM THE POOL AND I DIDN'T GET TO FUCKING SMOKE #fuck them neighbors istg i'mma beat their asses FUCK #like fuck that shit and she immediately went outside to smoke and i'm watching her smoke now-_-

i'm halfway through my 500 ml cup of iced green tea and they're still not done? BITCHES I WANNA SMOKE W I T H THE TEA PLEASE-_- like what is taking so long their roof is pretty small and they never go on there? jesus christ

#meee

lol yeah no it is as bad as i can remember and my barcodes definitely do go way lower than what it covers, oh well

#meee #it barely even covers my nipples the fuck lol #like how is it even designed it's literally see through halfway down the boob part?#where do they think the nipples are if not in the middle?#like i have to push them down and put them in an ugly position if i wanna cover my nipples #like i have to stuff them under the boob part pretty much #such a waste of money istg idek how i went out between people looking like that last year ew

i wanna try on my swimsuit idk i remember it looks awful but i wanna make sure lol i can't count on my memory

#meee #i'll yeet myself if i refused to go to the pool cuz i look bad in my swimsuit and then it's not that bad lol #i'm almost positive it doesn't cover my barcodes tho so i don't think i'll regret not going #again my sister being home all day was the reason i coulldn't try it out before #she can't see my barcodes and i told her it doesn't fit right anymore which is probably a lie #if she saw me wearing it i'd have lost my excuse lol

the house is empty finally so i came here to smoke on the only balcony where there's no one to bust me cuz all the neighbors' houses from that side are shorter than ours so they need to be on their roofs to see and THEY'RE CLEANING THEIR ROOF -_- like why NOW fml, now i have to wait for them to finish before i can smoke

#meee #i haven't smoked in ages i can't wait for them to finally finish and leave #i steal the cigs from my sister so she can't find out i smoke #neither can my parents obv #but like if i was buying my own idc she wouldn't mind i'd smoke with her but since i'm stealing them from her lol i have to hide it #and ever since she quit her job i haven't been able to smoke cuz she'll see me and know i'm stealing her cigs #looks like teh neighs are almost done tho :)

the only positive about my very manly menstruation cycle (or at least i try to convince myself it's manly lol fuck dysphoria) is that it gives me diarrhea and my constipated ass finally gets a relief after a whole month of no bms :)

#meee #deadass i WAIT for my period to take a shit when i'm restricting #i just get super constipated and sometimes i go the whole month without a single poop #and then period diarrhea hits and i'm suddenly not so mad i menstruate lol #i will never understand how taking a shit isn't as ecstatic for normal people as it is for me lol #sometimes it's deadass the highlight of my week #okay enough poop talk

not me going to sleep when i'm not even sleepy cuz going to sleep means watching asmr mukbangs until my eyes start giving up and then i get to not exist for a while, goodnight bitches

#meee #i watch exclusively kyokwang and eat with boki #sometimes i also watch minee eats but not that much tbh #not existing is my favorite part of the day #i'm like sooo done with today and sooo not looking forward to tomorrow #i could just sleep forever tbh and i'm not even sleepy #it's just way better than not sleeping i guess #whatever who cares time to stop existing my dudes byee

i want a tan because it makes me look skinnier but i don't want people to see my skin

#meee #why the fuck am i insecure about showing skin?#see through clothes? i wear that #skin tight clothes? i wear that #shorts and tshirts? i'm insecure #like wtf the only thing that's different is the color #why am i insecure about my fucking skin #like i can do with tshirts i'm a bit self conscious but i wear short sleeves all the time #but shorts? oh lawd #i'd rather hang myself tbh #like it's not even about my legs i wear skin tight pants just fine #i just have an issue with just random people seeing my skin i guess?#like as long as they don't stare or touch my skin it's usually okay #but people somehow always manage to fucking touch my legs when i'm wearing shorts #and it makes me wanna rip my skin off #like no it's not a trauma thing like even my little baby cousins i feel like i wanna yeet them in the ocean when they touch my legs #weird given the fact that i'm huge on thighs and i'm huge on having my partner do stuff to my thighs but when it's not in that setting #it just makes me wanna cut them off deadass #i don't even understand my fucking self #idek mate maybe i'm just weird but like i can't get a tan wearing long pants all the time

bpdisfun

Anyone else feel like they’re just procrastinating their suicide

eddi4ry

yeah

waking up and mindlessly going on the scale after a long time of just ignoring that glass blob of anxiety in the corner and seeing i lost weight since last week? yes sir

#meee #istg i stepped on the scale expecting a higher number cuz i'm supposed to get my period anytime now #and i look down to find a LOWER number? fuck yeah bitch #i mean i have been eating less #well not really i just haven't really binged for a while #but i'll take it! i'm 58.5 this morning #a number that used to make me happy #now it's just the same as seeing 65 tbh #i've been around this weight for so long it feels just as high as my sw #i need to lose some fucking weight already fuck this shit #i can feel myself getting my period i couldn't sleep all night from the pain and i'm not looking forward to the bloat #it does trigger me into restriction tho lmao so i'm not complaining too much #i need a witch to fucking curse me to lose that weight already i wanna be in a body i've never been in #my sister and cousin are going to the pool tomorrow and i really don't wanna go my swimsuit makes me feel extra fat i hate it #i wish i didn't buy it last year such a waste of money it's got a shitty tanning line and the stomach part makes me look like i have rolls #and I DON'T HAVE FUCKING ROLLS #like yeah i'm fat but my stomach is just a bulge i don't have any rolls there #fuck that shit #pray for me i get my period i don't wanna go

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