Falling silent as Aladdin spoke, Takehiko found her eyes narrowed as she looked away from the sky, instead allowing her head to tip forward and rest her chin on the top of her sternum.
Here I’ve only mentioned that my anger keeps me going strong…but then he asks if I’m always fighting… the young woman swallowed quietly. Was I saying more than I realized? Had she managed to reveal more to the boy than she’d ever intended, simply with her choice of words?
Chronic illness, new responsibility she wanted to make sure she didn’t fail, nightmares…all of those were things she realized she was fighting, in some way, to bring an outcome she hoped for. Those were flames in her heart that threatened to burn away at who she was…unlike the flames Mikoto-san had given her, which protected that same thing.
…I guess I am always fighting. Even if not physically.
Raging out of control…for Anna, that was something Takehiko was responsible for preventing. But for herself…that would be losing to her fears; her nightmares. That would be growing tired of staying well even when she succumbed every couple of weeks to sickness.
If I were to rage out of control, I would be giving up rather than letting my anger consume me. Perhaps Aladdin was able to sense that she’d been speaking, in truth though subconsciously, about things beyond what she’d previously mentioned.
“Even if I am always fighting, it’s alright.” Looking up at him, she managed to smile, this one more genuine than even she expected at the time.
“I was born a fighter, Aladdin. I’ll take anything that comes my way head-on. Even if it slows me down, it’ll never win. That’s why I’m still here right now.” The smile split into something like an awkward grin. "My King is the one truly at risk of being consumed by her power and losing herself. That is why I want to be strong. That is my job in my Clan - preventing something terrible from happening, by helping my King.”
“There’s…actually a saying in my native tongue. ‘Yuu ya shititin mii ya shitinna’. It means, ‘Even if you hide yourself from the world, don’t lose sight of your true nature’. Even if I have periods of doubting myself, and wanting to be as strong as I can for my King and my Clan…I’ll never forget who I really am. It took a lot for me to find that answer…and I never want to let it go. Don’t worry about me forgetting, ‘kay? I promise I won’t.” Even if, for brief periods of time, she no longer felt like the person she’d become.
The sight of her true smile was startling, and yet pleasing. Despite the topic, she somehow managed to bring such a face forward -- There was something very familiar about that look and, while he couldn't say that he necessarily agreed with her words, Aladdin was more comfortable, now.
She reminded him of Alibaba, another person that was a born fighter, knowing or not.
❝I see -- You and your Clan are very honorable.❞ Doing so much for others wasn't an easy thing, and the fact that she managed to dedicate herself to her task so wholeheartedly was something to admire, indeed. ❝That's a great promise, onee-san. I think that knowing who you are, knowing what you need to do...It's very important. Although I still haven't figured out everything myself, I at least know that much is true.❞
He could tell that this topic was something very important to her; aside from the serious nature of the conversation, it really meant a lot to her. They'd had a somewhat shaky start, at least on his end, but now -- Now he could tell that she was truly an interesting and responsible individual. There was much that he'd like to learn about her !
Smiling ever wider, he added, ❝But you know, doubting yourself, wanting to be stronger...I think those things are part of who you are, of who everyone is. It's human to desire to better yourself, to want more, even if that sometimes seems wrong. In this case, I think that you wanting to increase your strength, wanting to help and be useful -- That's all part of who you really are, don't you think?❞