thoughts...

the diary of a twisted 15 year old girl

[fatiguedfawn15]

Sometimes I can't touch myself because I can't handle sounding like a girl

[fatiguedfawn15]

I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job

[fatiguedfawn15]

"The meaning of the river flowing is not that all things are changing so that we cannot encounter them twice, but that some things stay the same only by changing."

- Somewhere in northern Italy, 1983

[fatiguedfawn15]

I want to be feminine in a boy way and masculine in a girl way.

[fatiguedfawn15]

Kevin Atwater writing the song Up in Flames right after I finished reading The Song of Achilles must've been divine intervention.

[fatiguedfawn15]

I think I have a crush on the mailwoman who delivers the newspaper to my work.

[fatiguedfawn15]

"Your messed up life still thrills me" - Alison by Slowdive

[fatiguedfawn15]

me

[fatiguedfawn15]

I hate when my styros close up and look like cat scratches. like, stop it, you were gaping two days ago.

[underrtheskinn]

Harakiri (1962)

[cryinginmelancholy]

[fatiguedfawn15]

this is so real oh god

[cherrycola-4-u]

[fatiguedfawn15]

Women are so wonderfully plush. I could hold them all day. I'm in love with their mouths, the way they paint their faces, their gentle touch and warm minds. I love how soft they are, and the way they smell like sweet nature. I love how deep the waters of their emotions go, and how beautifully the sun illuminates it. Women are art, women are poetry, women are beauty.

[fatiguedfawn15]

I just want an older man to coddle me and tell me everything's okay. I need someone who lets me hurt myself as much as I want to...

[fatiguedfawn15]

The sun is out, finally. Today, I'm thinking about anticipatory grief. It truly is so cruel. Unexpected deaths are way different, because you don't have to see the pain that crushes the people who love you. Anticipatory grief forces you to experience the grief along with them. Forces you to receive the purest proof of true love, knowing that you have to leave it. When you die unexpectedly, you don't get to see the grief others feel. Maybe you don't even believe that they'll feel any. But seeing your loved ones weep for you because they cannot stand the thought of losing you, seeing the proof of their love towards you... It may just be the worst hell. I believe that grief is the only way to truly show love. That's why is must hurt so much to see it and know that you have to leave it. You get to know that you are cared for, but at what cost?

[sobssquietly]

[fatiguedfawn15]

I recently watched Bones and All, and I am so absolutely and disgustingly mesmerized by it. The ending is somehow both very harsh and cruel, yet so insanely tender and beautiful. It makes me cry endlessly.