fattyanne.

24 year old suffering from PCOS and obesity. Side blog. HW: 110 CW: 105.2 GW: 65 UGW: 50

[seekerofrelief]

[messymultifandomblog]

[whenilooklikethinspo]

this is too LOUD

[fattyanne]

Fucked up over the weekend. Time to start again.

[pudgefree]

[fattyanne]

Weirdest thing. Last night I had to visit my mother, with all the stuff that’s going on, and like I expected seeing her made me want to binge.

So before driving home I went to the shops and bought a packet of chocolate biscuits, lemon cake, ice cream and finally white chocolate and macadamia nut cookies. Oh and 2 I’ve coffees that are basically sugar and calorie hell.

40 minutes later I arrive home, eager to binge, the long drive had tested my patience. I proceeded to set up where I’d be eating, propped the laptop in the right position and put on my shows, sat down, started eating.

Now, I had already eaten a lot at my mothers, but only ketogenic foods that weren’t gonna bring me out of ketosis or make me gain. It was the strangest sensation, to eat those cookies, and suddenly all my cravings went away. My stomach was full, but not in the painful I need to purge sort of way, in a way that was kind of comforting and nice.

I went to bed after half an iced coffee and 6 cookies. I gained .8 kgs which I expect is most glycogen/water weight. I’m going to fast the rest of the weekend, hopefully find some time to exercise too.

It was so weird though, to not be in the mood to binge. My appetite completely disappeared after thos cookies.

As for the rest of the binge food, I’ll be taking it all over to my cousins house today, she has 4 young children so I’m sure the food will be appreciated. Now I’m just sad I waisted all the money.

[inactivemain-deactivated2021032]

I really wonder what my body would look like skinny? I know where my weight goes when I gain it, but have no idea of where it would disappear. Would I have an hourglass waist? Would I lose more breast than I wanted? How wide are my hipbones really, when they’re not covered in fat? Is it even possible for me to get a thigh gap? What is my bone structure? How far will my ribs stick out? Will I be disgusted by it? What about my cheeks? Will they be hollow or chic? My collarbones would probably be perfect

[fattyanne]

My mum lost her job because her boss is an alcoholic and obsessed with her, saying he loves her and all his problems are because of her. I fucking hate this.

Looks like I’ll be moving home to help her pay for everything, only my dogs will be in a small yard and I know mum isn’t going to like them ‘destroying’ the garden that she never looks after.

I am happy to move back there but it brings so many issues along with it. And chances are I’ll never get out on my own as there won’t be any money left to save, at least not as much as I’d like to. Which means all my things are going to be in storage long term.

Maybe when I’m skinny I’ll be confident enough to find a boyfriend who has a good job and I can move in with him while still helping mum.

I’m not prepared to get rid of my dogs.

[skinnnyplease]

Loses 2kg: Oh nice I lost some water weight

Loses 5kg: Some more water weight coming right off!

Loses 10kg: I cAn’T bE aCtUaLlY lOsInG wEiGhT I’m A fAtAsS ThIs Is WaTeR wEiGhT

[thinnothing]

[fattyanne]

Sometimes I think there’s no point in even trying anymore, I’m too fat and useless to lose weight, too weak to say no to binges. I just want to be skinny and see my body as it should have always been. I’m sick to death of fasting and then eating a little and then binging and purging and binging again. I can’t just eat normal, when I eat I have to fill my stomach to the point it hurts, hating myself the whole time, then I throw it up and eat more, then I starve until the next time.

I should just give up.

[fattyanne]

Technically I’ve lost 3 kgs in the past week, but I feel like that’s nothing, especially in comparison to what I have to lose. When will the ‘progress’ make me happy? I’ve been promised.

[twinkdiet]

i think the worst thing about being overweight with an eating disorder is the time. you see all these other people whose ugw is only 10, 20lbs under their starting weight and you just feel awful. you’ve already lost that much and you aren’t even halfway there. they say they can reach their goal in three weeks meanwhile even restricting like hell it’s going to take you months or even years. they need to drop a few pounds while you’re trying to lose a whole person worth of weight and nothing makes you want to cry more

[fattyanne]

I binged last night, and scales are reading I’ve lost weight, I know this is probably the whoosh effect, but I can’t help but think the scales are wrong.

[fattyanne]

35 hours in.

[fattyanne]

Had some muscle cramping last night and today so I’m having this protein water (65 cal) also had some stomach pain today and nausea so not sure if I’ll eat properly or just nibble a little in case, which I will consider breaking my fast over a few hours. A little sad I only made it to 65 hours but then again I can always try again.

[boymadeofglass]

I wanna be scary thin but I can’t even get normal thin.

[fattyanne]

Trying to ride out what I believe is a ghrelin peak, I really want to eat, keep imagining fluffy pastry coated in icing sugar. I’m 60 hours into my fast, only 10 hours off my longest fast record. Not sure if I should start planning a meal for when I do eat or if I should try and push it off further.