birdz

brain dump account | they/them | 20 | nb dykeboy lesbian

[fauxbirdz]

i said i needed a week bro its been 3 days im ready i want them

[fauxbirdz]

how to be normal fast

[fauxbirdz]

this is the longest I've gone without calling them or being with them in person in months

i can't sleep 😭😭

[fauxbirdz]

this is the longest I've gone without calling them or being with them in person in months

i can't sleep 😭😭

[fauxbirdz]

ugh theyre the only person i wanna call everybody else is boring

[fauxbirdz]

i just miss them so much. i miss calling them everyday. i miss hearing their voice. i played animal crossing today and i just sat around the house they decorated for me for a good ten minutes. i want to talk to them all the time and when we just casually text even then it's not enough. i want to see them, touch them, just be near them. my chest aches so so badly

[fauxbirdz]

ok looking back wow that was kind of a lot. way better now

[fauxbirdz]

ok im fine now. gonna get drunk off old wine now

[fauxbirdz]

hot tears down my cheek fucking myself on my back chanting im so fucking stupid

[fauxbirdz]

i have all these violent fantasies i keep in my head to distract me from feeling anything else

who needs therapy and medication when you have violent lust

[fauxbirdz]

i hope im sore i hope im bloody im too pussy to cut myself or break my bones so i can just fuck myself until i poke a hole through and bleed out (dramatic. im fine.)

[fauxbirdz]

it has to hurt or else was it even real

[fauxbirdz]

i hate myself so much and its not their fault its just the way i am

i just keep fucking myself in the same bruised areas they fucked me over and over again because i deserve this and i need to feel the pain or else it won't feel real anymore and it'll all be done and it can't be done. it can't be over

[fauxbirdz]

i get so horny when im sad its disgusting i have something horribly wrong with me my brain is wired incorrectly

i fucked it all up and im sobbing because i fucked it up and my first instinct is to touch myself to make it all stop. like why am i like this. it feels so bad and it feels so good and my chest hurts and im horrible and i need to fuck my brains out so badly i start crying again i need it to hurt i need to bleed

[fauxbirdz]

rereading my old sad horny notes app memos to punish myself

[fauxbirdz]

drunk and sad and horny and yearnful

time to tear my hair out and jerk off in the bathroom 🫩

[fauxbirdz]

i cannot have nightmares if i never sleep