Tumbl W/ Me

Hot tumbls, funny jokes, bangers of various sort. (Figured out how to queue posts. Everyone is in trouble)

[fauxpapi]

Something: happens

Me: wow, just like in the movie.

[fauxpapi]

New folksy saying just dropped “don’t blame the cow for the cheese”

[fauxpapi]

Humans in charge for 10 million years?

Pretty sure that’ll turn into a slave breed of humanoid dog creatures. Stop letting us be in charge of the planet please? Dogs used to be wolves?!?!? We’ve done enough.

[fauxpapi]

Fun reminder!

Terrorist is someone who wants other people to be afraid.

If your political ideology is that “they should be scared.” You’re the terrorist.

The US bombed a girls school in Iran.

[fauxpapi]

Do you get uncomfortable at the dentist?

Even the playing field!

Wait until they have their hands in your mouth and you mumble an answer to a realistically unfair answer that was generally asked while their hands were in your mouth. They will ask “what’s that?” And that’s when you say:

“I like paying people to touch my teeth”

Now you are in the drivers seat. Enjoy your victory.

[fauxpapi]

GOOD NEWS!

You were born! Which is pretty cool.

Off the jump: there is a 1/4 chance you’re a beetle! Do you feel beetle -y? Please take some time to consider this.

Since you are literate you are likely a mammal! Which is good news indeed!

At this point you should take the chance to wonder could I be one of the 50% of mammals born a rodent? Like a Guinea pig or something. Or one of the approximately 25% of mammals that are bats (which are NOT rodents- despite appearance)

At this point you could be a lemur, or platypus… or something like that, but I see no reason to be anymore divisive because we’ll now know the true enemy! (Beetles)

[fauxpapi]

Sucks that a bunch of rich dudes in K holes are getting to decide the fate of humanity.

They’re rubbing their gums saying “the only place left to expand is the stars” and destroying our planet in the process. All while they sniff at the drip in the back of their throats with their noses raised.

While they all build bunkers that they promise they “don’t think they are going need” and behind closed doors they discuss “the event” and “automated security” so they won’t have to trust their own security.

What is to be done? The only power they don’t control is the unity of everyone else but you are too busy fighting for their crumbs.

And I’m tired.

[fauxpapi]

Looking for like minded indicator change the world (possibly a cult)

Inquire within!

[fauxpapi]

ICE can cover their faces, but their ex wives will always sell them out.

Justice for the fallen.

No more Gestapo.

[fauxpapi]

@tacobell I had a dream about something called the “Crunchwrap superior” it is either a call to action or a dire warning.

I hope this information finds you.

[fauxpapi]

Should I have been meaner?

Yes

You’re perfect 😍

I’m into the genocide (like a kink but less cool)

Remaining time: 1 day 6 hours

[fauxpapi]

If there was enough pizza for everyone and 1 person took 75%of it and then started blaming immigrants for you not having enough pizza; you wouldn’t believe them.

Why would you trust a billionaire saying the same thing?

[fauxpapi]

Life in the universe is an inevitability. Reality cannot exist without something capable of observing it. We exist because of the universe, but likewise the universe exists because we are here.

[fauxpapi]

Hey check out the presidential diaper bag!

Remember how there was a president that everyone didn’t know had polio? They’ll lie to you!

Anyways the official story is that bag is for “notes” not diapers that could fit a nearly 300 lb individual… probably a change of clothes as well.

Oh and all this is ALLEGED for “reasons”, I’m just reporting the news…. Asking questions and all that.

Here’s an unrelated George Orwell quote:

"The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command."

[fauxpapi]

Canonically you can defeat the devil with butt sex.

Use this information however you like.

[fauxpapi]

Not one more tax dollar should pay for this sort of blatant racism.

“They’re just doing their job”

Bitch I pay for their job, and that’s not the job. This old fuck with nothing on his head but skin has a power trip and thought he would get away with it, because you keep paying for it.

This is your taxation, does this represent you and your wants as a society? Stopped for the same crime as Trayvon Martin? The most notable difference being that he was allowed to walk away.

If you can be stopped for nothing, detained for nothing, you don’t have rights you have “permissions” and I for one am done having my inalienable rights called into question.

If you don’t speak against this you are the problem.

A few bad apples spoil the whole batch. All cops are bad.

[fauxpapi]

Thinking about reaching out to my moms “life coach” to tell her

1. She’s not a therapist

2. Her “advice” has made it so I do not trust my mother around my kids

3. Charging 200 an hour is essentially extorting a feeble woman

Watch your parents… they’re sooooo dumb