My eyes dimmed as I looked out into the yard. Leaves fell, whisked away into the cool September air. It had been 29 years since Jay died. Memories swirled in my head, Ben, Grey, Rainy, Anderson, Ed, Mata, Cora, Rocco, Thomas. Tears brimmed in my eyes. It had been so long.
Two years after Jay died, I went back to the office and served for 20 more years. I never did remarry. Sure, I'd dated, but Jay was the love of my life- he is the love of my life. I already had my happily ever after. I watched Dakota grow, I watched Rainy flourish. Koda is now coming up on his 30th birthday. He is married with two amazing children, Rainy, in her late 40s was a grandma now. It's so funny how that works. My mind filled with nostalgia. Every once in a while, old coworkers came to visit, said hi, we had Grey over last Thanksgiving.
"It's time, mom" snapped me out of my trance. Koda looked at me with kind eyes that for a split second I could've sworn were his father's. I nodded almost devastated as he grabbed my wheel chair, stopped by my hand as I looked up at him.
"Your father would be so so proud of you, Dakota" I said, choking back a sob. I bit my lip. He didn't remember his father, although he took his love of dance. When Dakota was young he'd dance with me all throughout the living room like Jay used to.
"I know, ma. He would be proud of both of us." He says with a kind smile. I nod.
We went down long corridors, winding turns, and after what seemed like forever back in this room. My nurse, Patricia smiled at me like she did every week. The smile that you dread. The smile of sympathy.
My eyes closed and a single tear slipped down my face as she did what she does every week.
I've been on chemotherapy for three years now. Stage 4, lung cancer. Well, right now it's hard telling where it is. Last I checked, in my liver, pancreas, lungs, and it wouldn't be long until it's all that's left. It used to be manageable, but I don't know what will happen anymore.
God I missed him. More than anything. My life had never been the same. When the wind shifted just right I could swear I smelled him, heard him call my name. It never was him.
A few hours later, Dakota wheeled a sick and tired me back to my room. He always stayed for a while. I heard the nurses whispering. I know I don't have much time. Not that I had much time to begin with.
I laid down on my bed, Dakota's hand in mine. My boy. My whole world, sitting here in front of me, a grown man. When he got out of highschool he wanted to be an agent. The office was his second home, but I quickly changed his mind. Back then I thought i was protecting him but i was protecting me. It was one of the worst mistakes of my life. Watching him grow, he would've made an amazing agent. I was too young and scared to let him go then. But sitting here on Death's door, all I want is for him to be happy. I'm so tired.
"Mom," he begins, "I love you so so much. If dad were here-" I cut him off quickly.
"If your father were here, you probably would've gotten into a lot more in highschool and you'd probably be an agent by now." I chuckle softly. He smiles.
"Yeah.." he says, wiping a tear softly from his cheek.
I look at him lovingly. "Your father loved you so so much. He probably would've gotten into more shenanigans than you while you were in highschool. God knows he was a troublemaker." I say. The 4/20 party. When we became official. I smile softly.
"You're probably right. That's gotta be where I get my mischief from. It could never have been you, though." He smiles at me. "You need to get some rest, ma." He says sweetly, kissing me on the forehead. I nod, my eyes heavy. The chemo always did this to me. Just need some rest. I smile at him one last time, capturing his eyes like they're the last I'll see.
After what seemed like forever I wake up, fluttering my eyes softly. My dark hair laying underneath me- wait...my hair? I sit up quickly, and sure enough, my long black waves are resting neatly on my shoulders. I gasp lightly. I turn and Dakota is sitting in the chair beside me, smiling softly.
I lift my feet to the side of the bed, closing my eyes tight. What in God's...
"Jay..? I-.. Is that you?" I question, my eyes filling with tears. He smiles wider, tears brimming in his eyes as well.
"Colibri..." he smiles at me. My heart drops. Tears spill down my cheeks as I run to him, his arms quickly wrapping around me. For a few short seconds, we sit in a loving embrace, his hand rubbing my back. We quickly break apart with a chilling realization,
"You're dead?" I say, almost afraid of his answer. He nods with serious eyes, before they shift behind me. I turn around slowly, another tear falling.
Me. I laid in the bed, a blanket wrapped around me and a beanie on my pale head. The monitor beside my body rung loud and clear. I turned to Jay, his eyes warm and loving. His hand reached out to mine.
"It's time, my love" he said, almost a whisper. I nod, the tears in my eyes drying. I took his hand as he led me out of the room. Dakota paced quickly along the long corridor. We walk to him, and he stops as I place a loving hand on his shoulder. Tears slip down his cheeks.
"I know, baby" I whisper softly. He didn't answer. I give him a firm kiss before turning with Jay and walking toward the door.
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// I'm not crying you guys are... I was in a sort of mood and decided to write the end of their love story. Joane died peacefully, and loved. As for Dakota, he and Rainy are grieving and he is thinking about joining the FBI. You guys are so awesome and i want you all to know I think about you all sometimes and I really do get nostalgic. I was in a very dark place while RPing with you guys and you were this light in my life that I really needed. I am going much better and i'm in a very happy relationship much like Joane and Jay's (except more tempers and less angst). I hope you guys are doing well, and the best to you all ~
