Fckedup247

Welcome to the hell that is my humour

[fckedup247]

I really hope I’m not the side character people are rooting for, cause bad news guys, I don’t think I’m making it to next season

[thebullensshitposting]

He looks like he forgot something

[fckedup247]

Man’s getting war flashbacks

[fckedup247]

Emmett : “here for a good time not a long time”

Edward: “you’re literally immortal”

Emmett: “you ruin fucking everything you know that”

[fckedup247]

*New Moon when the Cullens had to pack up and move cause of Edwards dumb fuckery*

Emmett helping Carlisle pack the jeep

Emmett: “you know all of this could’ve been easily avoided if you didn’t adopt him”

Carlisle: “…you do know if I hadn’t adopted him..none of you would be here?? He was my first adopted child”

Emmett: “and evidently your first mistake”

[fckedup247]

What I find funny is in the books is that nearly everyone is like “stop it edward” or “go for it edward!”

Meanwhile:

Emmett: “you got two options, kill her and get this over and done with orrrrrr turn her, idgaf”

Edward: “it’s not that easy!”

Emmett: “it literally is, grow up Virgin”

[fckedup247]

*during Bella’s sad boi hours in New Moon*

Charlie: “I’m not mad, I just wanna know why you have a fake I.D”

Bella: “I um… I was gonna buy alcohol”

Charlie: “Try again”

Bella: *mumbles*

Charlie: “what was that?”

Bella: “…You need to be 21 to hold the puppies in Port Angeles”

Charlie, grabbing his keys: “Come on”

[fckedup247]

*just an average day in the Cullen house*

Alice: “Shut your mouth Emmett or I’ll-“

Emmett: “What can you do at your height huh??Kick me in the ankle? Oh I’m so afraid”

*later that evening*

Edward: “hey why is Emmett in the bathtub in a fetal position?”

Rosalie: “Alice broke his ankle kicking it”

[fckedup247]

Emmett: “hey so if the opposite of pro is con…

Jasper: “then the opposite of progress must be congress

Emmett: “So then opposite of constitution has to be-“

Carlisle abruptly closes his newspaper: “WHO WANTS TO GO HUNT??”

[fckedup247]

*Family time @ the Cullens (cause Esme definitely makes them do that)

Esme: “where’s Jasper?”

The Cullens: “??”

*meanwhile at forks old folks home*

Random 90 year old man: “Kids now a days wouldn’t know hard work if it hit them in the face, when I was their age I was fighting for my country in Nam”

Jasper as he reclines the sofa chair: “man I hear you Burt”

[fckedup247]

It’s 3a.m and the boys are out hunting

Emmett: “d’ya think we’ve bought milk from the same cow twice?”

Edward: “we don’t even drink mil-”

Jasper, who lifts his bloody face from the deäd mountain lion: “that’s so deep bro”

[fckedup247]

I don’t think enough parents tell you in your early 20’s that it’s ok to be lost, cause it is, you don’t always have to know what your next step is or know exactly where you’ll be in 6 months.

Being lost is terrifying, but it’s ok cause you’ll eventually find your way

[fckedup247]

I recently started therapy and told my therapist that the Twilight Saga books and movies are my go to comfort, she told me to see how long I could go without them……well let’s just say I’m giving something up and it ain’t twilight

[fckedup247]

The embarrassment i’d feel if I was S1 Eren and my titan couldn’t “perform” when the time came would be unreal

[fckedup247]

Bella makes the mistake of telling Emmett and Jasper about the whole Jacob/loca thing so now every time either see Jacob they go

“Jacob?! Where the hell have you been loca” or “loca? We’ve missed you loca” or just using loca/loco in any sentence they can

[fckedup247]

No one disappoints the family like I do

[fckedup247]

Rosalie: “what do you mean you want to break up?”

Emmett *eye-roll*: “I don’t WANT to break up but I feel like it would aid in my experience of the Midnights album if we broke up, would really get me to that vulnerable state to really understand the music y’know?”

Rosalie:

Rosalie: “WE’RE MARRIED-“



[fckedup247]

*During Breaking Dawn pt1 when the family find out Bella is pregnant*

Edward: “Carlisle I don’t know how this happened”

Emmett: “Well did you wear a condom”

*the whole Cullen family stare at him*

Emmett: “Oh so none of you guys got the safe sex talk”