𝔽𝔸𝕃𝕃𝔼ℕ' 𝕊𝕋𝔸ℝ

OC | Fandomless | Single Father

[fcllisms-blog]

                     𝚈𝚘𝚞'𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚛𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚖𝚎—                                            𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚙 𝚑𝚘𝚕𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝙱𝚁𝙴𝙰𝚃𝙷.   

[fcllisms-blog]

There is a huge difference between Cole’s personalities as a Teen and as he is now. When he was younger Cole had a lot more self-worth and was far more egotistical because he was a highly popular rising star. Because of his parents he was still depressed and angry but he hid it better behind fake smiles and a cheerful persona since he was taught to be what the fans wanted–and fans always want a bright and smiling STAR.  This Cole was more flirtatious and had less of a problem with letting people close. He had several flings that were ended before they really went anywhere but he enjoyed it and he let himself do it easily. 

Cole now is almost the opposite. He’s let go of the idea of pleasing other people, he won’t hide what he feels behind a fake mask and smiles. If he doesn’t like you he’ll tell you without a hint of regret and though he still hides his emotions–he hides them behind anger. His self-worth and confidence is low though he still outwardly portrays confidence he doesn’t let anyone close because he doesn’t believe he deserves to when all he feeds people are lies. When it comes to relationships he’d sooner shove a person away than even consider one. 

[fcllisms-blog]

Cole isn’t the type of person to outright show his love and affection. He does it in such small ways that if you blink you might actually miss it. The bottom line is he simply doesn’t trust people or believe he deserves to be trusted and loved himself. He’s spent the last seven years living a lie, telling everyone not a single drop of the truth. He can’t expect to be trusted and how do you love a person when you don’t even know who they are? 

But he is a very gentle and needy person like everyone else. He’s the type of person to let someone walk away and reach a hand out toward them to grab them before pulling himself back last minute. 

He wants what he believes he can’t have.

[fcllisms-blog]

Small Notes;

Cole is an alcoholic, though he won’t admit it. He’s been sober four years since getting Caleb and denies any alcohol offered to him. In incredibly weak moments though he will drink a bit and only when Caleb isn’t home.

Caleb’s adoption isn’t legal because the paperwork Cole used to do it, his current ID and immigration documents, are fake. This being the case, anyone who even hints they have an idea at his past will have an incredibly angry and closed off Cole at their hands. 

Cole won’t sing or dance where anyone can hear him; the exception being those he’s close to (and the thread with Noah). 

The story he tells about his life as Cole is that his parents are dead and he grew up in a small barely known country town in Japan. It’s the farthest thing from the truth and, over the years he’s told the lie, it’s actually reached the point where it’s second nature to tell the story and he feels intense regret at that. Still, he won’t ever openly disclose the story of his life as Yuki unless the person he’s come to known is very close to him or happens to figure it out on his own. 

Ironically, despite the above, he does actually keep everything regarding his life as Yuki. Articles printed, photos, magazines, his CD’s, he keeps everything in a guitar case in his closet. The case itself is of course locked and he never goes through it because of the memories it drags up but he still can’t bring himself to get rid of it. 

Trust is a hard word for Cole. Currently the only person he would declare he openly trusts is his son Caleb. Because he doesn’t let people close it is incredibly hard to gain his trust and most of it stems from the fact he was just a tool for his parents. His father used him as ‘publicity’ and to build his company, crafting him into the perfect little thing he needed to reel in more people. The man was mentally abusive, which doesn’t help Cole’s problem with people at all, and the media just about destroyed all that was left. But when he does trust someone he becomes very loyal. 

[crossbowrevolution-blog]

                                  I don’t

                                                  like             people

                                                                                 seeing me

                                        vulnerable

[fcllisms-blog]

                                                          “How long does a ᒪIᕮ                                                           need to be told before                                                              it becomes all that                                              ｙｏｕ ａｒｅ?”

[thequotejournals]

I want to talk about what happened without mentioning how much it hurt. There has to be a way. To care for the wounds without reopening them. To name the pain without inviting it back into me.

Lora Mathis, If There’s A Way Out I’ll Take It (via thequotejournals)

[fcllisms-blog]

Most of the time Cole acted like a hardass who couldn’t give a shit for anyone or anything and a lot of the time that could be considered the truth. He’d lost a lot and was on his own seconds after turning eighteen and so shutting the world out seemed to be the easiest way to ensure that it would never happen again, that he’d never feel that loss and heartache.

Walls were meant to keep people out, to protect, but Cole was far from heartless.

No matter how hard he tried he still felt and he still hurt the same as everyone else, he still cared and let himself fall the same as everyone else. But he chose to show it in different ways, he chose to not be open and lay his heart on his sleeve for everyone to grab at and tear apart until their was nothing left. No, instead he gave his heart to someone and let himself care unconditionally for that one person so at the very least in the end he’d still have something to hang onto if their was nothing left again.

Caleb was the one person he cared openly for, the one person he didn’t hide himself from, and he was always rewarded with that bright smile and loving embrace. The little child love his father to the point that he’d even hate anyone who such much glared at his father. Caleb was everything to Cole and the same could be said in return; and so help the person that dared to cross one of them without thinking I’d effect the other.

The days alone in the apartment were the best, filled with laughter and joy as the two of them spent time together. Caleb might not talk but he still laughed and Cole filled the silence by cleaning, baking, or simply playing together with Caleb.

Barbies, house, video games if Caleb wanted to play it Cole was right there, sitting on the floor and smiling brightly at the child who made the silliest sounds or expressions. Caleb was different, he was silly and silent but he was happy and that happy face was what Cole lived to see. Nothing would ever take it away because Cole would do anything to see that smile on the boys face.

[inuvampirechan-deactivated20240]

Pixiv ID: 53391052 Member: itau

[ofhotheads-blog]

                                                                  W A R N I N G :                                          do NOT mistake my goodness for weakness                                              (it’ll be the last mistake you ever make)

[fcllisms-blog]

Caleb has selective mutism. 

Selective mutism (SM) is an anxiety disorder in which a person who is normally capable of speech does not speak in specific situations or to specific people.Selective mutism usually co-exists with shyness or social anxiety.

Selective mutism is not the same thing as being shy. Lots of children are shy. Kids who are shy tend to warm up to new situations over time. Shyness is a personality characteristic that doesn’t tend to get in the way of a child’s successes. Selective mutism is a disorder that prevents a child from performing successfully in many important areas of their life, such as academically and socially. Many people think that kids will outgrow selective mutism with time, but this is usually not true. If left untreated, children with selective mutism may endure years of suffering and miss out on age appropriate activities.

Though Caleb has no fear of strangers and likes to socialize with people, he doesn’t like groups or being the one approached. He’ll approach a person on his own and attempt to strike up communication through hand moments and eye contact but if someone approaches him first he’ll completely shut down. 

If a person isn’t as friendly and communicative as he tries to be they’ll scare him and again shut the boy down with anxiety. 

Cole does work with him to try and help him out of this, he encourage people to try and talk to Caleb but he’s also incredibly protective. 

[fcllisms-blog]

When you misplace your son so much that he has to wear a name tag with his name, your phone number and address.

Caleb just stay out of trouble. 

[reveriiea]

     ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ’ᴛ ɢᴏ ʙᴀᴄᴋ                         ᴀɴᴅ ᴄʜᴀɴɢᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴀѕᴛ …

     ѕᴏ ʟᴏᴏᴋ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ           / 𝐟𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞 / ᴀɴᴅ ᴅᴏɴ’ᴛ      ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ѕᴀᴍᴇ            ᴍɪѕᴛᴀᴋᴇ  / 𝐭𝐰𝐢𝐜𝐞 /

[fcllisms-blog]

Cole: *aggressively shoves everyone away no don't get to close*

Caleb: HELLO NEW FRIEND COME LOVE MY DADDY.

[fcllisms-blog]

Cole isn’t the type of person to outright show his love and affection. He does it in such small ways that if you blink you might actually miss it. The bottom line is he simply doesn’t trust people or believe he deserves to be trusted and loved himself. He’s spent the last seven years living a lie, telling everyone not a single drop of the truth. He can’t expect to be trusted and how do you love a person when you don’t even know who they are? 

But he is a very gentle and needy person like everyone else. He’s the type of person to let someone walk away and reach a hand out toward them to grab them before pulling himself back last minute. 

He wants what he believes he can’t have.

[emulate-life]

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A night sky full of cries Hearts filled with lies The contract–is it worth the price? A soul pledged to the darkness Now I’ve lost it, I know I can kill The truth is just beyond the Gate

[musicinanime]

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Innocent Sorrow - abingdon boys school

Anime: D. Gray-man