So, I’ve been seeing a lot of this lately when it comes to role playing and I think that people need to talk about it more. Unhealthy relationships in roleplay are just so rampant that it scares me. So, I thought I’d make a list of “warning signs” that you might be in an unhealthy roleplay relationship. These are heavily based on the signs for an unhealthy romantic relationship.
Let’s be real, taking on a roleplay partnership, or shipping with someone ( either way ) is a lot like getting into a relationship with someone, there’s an unspoken bond between you and the other mun that can be both harmonious and terrifying. Just like an actual relationship. So, here’s some signs that you might be in an unhealthy roleplay relationship.
1) They are holding some sort of power over you.
Maybe they made you graphics, helped you develop your OC, gave you awesome headcanons, they made you a theme, or you gained a lot of followers because of them.
When things go sour they might use those things against you.
Examples:
” You wouldn’t have any followers without my promo graphic. “
” Your theme would look like shit without my help. “
” I basically made your character. “
” You need me. I created you. ”
They may even try to hold that power over your partners.
But it isn’t always that out right. It could be little mentions of these
things here and there.
2) They attack/insult/demean/send anon hate/talk shit about your other roleplay partners either to you or directly to them.
Abusers will do everything to alienate you from others. Even if that means starting shit with other people.
Examples:
” She only roleplays for ships. You shouldn’t write with her. “
” He is really an awful writer. ”
” Stay away from my partner. “
” Keep your hands off of my blank.”
” We’re exclusive. So, that means you can’t roleplay with them. “
” I thought I was the only blank you were going to rp with.”
” I don’t like X and it really hurts my feelings to see you talk to
them.”
” I heard a lot of bad things about X. I’d stay away from her. “
The abuser might even attack your partners as well and then victimize themselves and turn the tables and try to convince youthat THEY were attacked. Get both sides of the story, every time.
Ask for screenshots of the entire conversation. The abuser maytake quotes you said or your partners said out of context and try to use that to further their argument. If someone tries to do this to you, ask for the WHOLE truth and nothing but the truth.
Also, if anyone tries to warn you about another roleplayer, investigate. That probably means they had beef at some point and there are two sides to every story. If someone has to go as far as warning another roleplayer about someone, BE CONCERNED. INVESTIGATE. People talk a lot of shit in the roleplay community and 98% of it is not true or you aren’t getting the whole story. I know first hand how devastating it is to lose friends over people who harassed and tormented you. The abuser will do everything to keep you from abandoning or leaving them.
3) On a similar note, the abuser might demand you go exclusive with them. Now, I’m not talking that they ask nicely and understand if that’s just not how you roll. I’m saying that they force you to roleplay with them and only them. This is probably rooted in their own insecurity rather than in their own actual attachment to you. They might again, attack your partners, deter you from people, spread rumors, or they may threaten to delete and or kill themselves.
4) They threaten to leave, stop roleplaying with you, stop roleplaying in general, stop shipping, and or delete their blog.This is emotional abuse. It is a baiting tactic to make you feel bad for doing what’s upsetting them. They may even hurt your muse because they are hurt. If it seems like they have more value for what they want to do and for your ship than they hold for you as a person, it’s not okay. If you try to end the partnership, they might threaten to do any of the above or proceed to insult you and the rest of your partners.
Don’t put up with that. You are not a wilting flower and they are not the sun. You are a strong and talented person with feelings and emotions and intelligence.
Don’t let anyone try to take that from you.
5) They may emotionally degrade you through IM, asks, or fanmail but when on the dash, you are their BEST FRIEND Or it might be the other way around. They may say, I really don’t want to interact with you on the dash let’s roleplay through IM.
NO. You are WORTH so much more than that.
That’s just horse shit.
6) They never take blame or own up to their transgressions. They will try to control you through minimizing ( making your issues not seem relevant or making a REALLY BIG HAIRY DEAL into a very tiny winy deal ), blaming, or denying. They may also completely invalidate your emotions with their own.
If it seems like you’re walking on eggshells, it’s not worth it.
There’s a million other rpers out there just waiting for you to plot with them.
7) They may make light of the situation and not take you seriously when you try to talk to them about their behavior. They may even try to get sympathy from you.
” I’ve just had terrible rp relationships in the past and I just don’t want to lose you. “
” You’re my only partner. “
” I don’t connect with anyone the way I connect with you. ”
” My muse will die if you do this. “
” I won’t be able to find anyone else like you. ”
NO! That’s not okay! You are free to do what you want! Stand up for yourself!
9) You defend their actions to your partners who they may have slighted.
” They’re just going through a bad time. “
” Things aren’t always like this! ”
” They’re normally really cool! ”
” They just don’t want to get abandoned. ”
10) They emotionally punish you: withholding approval, ignoring you ic and ooc, withhold appreciation, make your muse suffer as punishment ( ” well I guess bobjohn is going to have to get into a fight” or “I’m killing off bob” “bobjohn is breaking up. Bob wants a divorce. ” ), they may cut your ship off entirely without warning just because they feel like it.
11) They criticize you or make you feel like your accomplishments aren’t worth anything.
Newsflsh! They totally are! You hit 200 followers? GO YOU BAE!!
You got a new job? I have never been more proud! You wrote a bitching stater? WELL FUCK, YOU ARE FIRE LOOK AT YOU GO. You graduated? Well hot diddly damn! Remember that youare important too. Not just them. A lot of this stems from jealousy,
speaking of which…
12) They are very jealous of anyone you interact with. They may start emulating them, talking shit about them, being openly rude to them, or warning people about them.
13) They disrespect the things you care about. Other ships you have, drabbles you wrote, shows you really like, people you interact with, e.t.c
14) You feel afraid to post things that aren’t for them.
15) You avoid talking about things like ships you like, accomplishments, partners, plots that don’t involve them, because you don’t want to upset them.
16) You stop rping with someone you want to rp with because you don’t want to upset them.
17) You feel like you don’t do anything right by them and everything that goes wrong is your fault.
18) You feel emotionally numb or helpless and don’t know what to do to make things right.
19) You spend less time on your blog because you know they’re waiting for you to post.
20) They may pressure you into shipping, doing drafts, cutting off ships with other people, going exclusive, changing blogs, changing your muse to fit their muse, doing plots you’re not comfortable with.
21) They threaten to expose you in some way or blackmail you.
22) Refusing to communicate with you about your issues, plots, or even just about your day.
23) You feel like if you stop roleplaying with them, they will hurt themselves.
24) They rally others in support of them and manipulate conversations to victimize themselves.
25) ” If you/your muse doesn’t, I will/ my muse will ____”
26) “You’re great but____”
27 ) Guilt trips. GUILT TRIPS. GUILT TRIPS.
28) Constant need for attention and communication.
29) Mean jokes about you or your writing
30) Stalking, asking for your account info, confronting you about conversations you had on the dash or via ask.
31) UNDERHANDED COMPLIMENTS.
32) Over reactions towards you or your partners.
33) FORCED SMUT. This is 100% NOT OKAY. You do not have to smut if you don’t want to. If they say they won’t roleplay with you if you don’t smut with them, then don’t roleplay with them!!! They aren’t good people. The end.
34) They want to control every aspect of how you run your blog.
” Here, let me make your theme. ”
” I saved this url for you, you should change it. “
” Why aren’t you formatting like I showed you? ”
” You should only use the icons I made you, the rest are ugly. ”
” You didn’t have me in your rules or linked on your blog. ”
” Why isn’t my muse first on your relationships page?”
35) They want to protect you from other people, from listening to the wrong music, from following the wrong blogs, from shipping with other people, from talking to people they don’t want you to talk to.
They will do this by emotionally hurting you.
36) You make a muse that you KNOW they won’t want to ship with, but end up shipping with them anyway.
37) You know you should stop but you value your ships and your relationship with this person. You may be afraid to hurt them or afraid you won’t find something as gratifying.
You are more important than fictional characters. You are more important than your otp. Do not give yourself to people who value anything over your happiness or your emotional well being. It is your blog. It is your life. You create your tumblr community. Do not let people bully you or abuse you. You may want to make excuses for this person, but don’t do it. Do not let people continue to hurt you.
