cxiii. fictional phone call
are you still awake?
well, i guess you would be
different timezone and all...
what's the weather like over there?
feels like i don't hear much about
what's going on with you
dunno why, but i just
kinda missed your voice i guess
been months since i heard it
didn't really know if it was allowed
to need to hear it anymore...
listen,
i just
need you to know some things
please just hear me out
first and foremost:
i will always love you care about you
but it just doesn't work
you're everywhere, even when--
especially when--
i'm not looking for you
i ask myself what i did wrong
every day
even though i know there's blame to share
i guess i still trick myself
into thinking you are perfect, sometimes
do you ever wanna send me stupid pictures anymore?
you're the first one i wanna tell
when something funny happens.
even problems i have with my boyfriend.
you really knew how to listen, once.
but,
now i think you're done caring,
right?
which was the real you-- the one
who went out of her way for me
or this closed-off wall?
it's not easy, but
i'm trying to be the same as i was before
all of this--
it's for your sake, but
i'd be lying if i said
i wasn't also hoping you'd
fall for me all over again--
i don't know why you did the first time,
you see.
listen,
i still cry over you.
i'm not ashamed that
i loved you with my whole heart
even if it wasn't allowed.
if you were sure about me
i think i'd still drop everything
and run to you
despite all the times you've hurt me
for some reason i still trust
in every word you said to me
we would have worked so well.
but,
hey,
i know it's over.
i just want to clear the air.
let's love each other be friends
without reserve
purely, with
no ulterior motive
i love you
but i'll never cut you out because you it hurts me--
can you do the same?
if we see each other this summer,
would you let me hold your hand in a crowd?