poems and thoughts

to clear a cluttered mind

[featheredmelody]

Raincloud

4/19/16

little raincloud, won't you stay? you chase the blinding sun away

you look so pretty in the sky rumbling your lullaby refreshing me with cooling rain a poem tapped on my windowpane

i can't help wanting to sing along when your winds whistle a sweet song wrapping trees up in a trance inspiring them to join your dance

i see in you so much more than gray there are more colors than i can say strokes painted by an artist's hand for only me to understand and every time i look at you the shapes i find are all brand new

and you may think that you bring gloom but your rain makes the flowers bloom and white sidewalk stands in contrast with lovely shadows that you cast

so when the atmosphere is cold and your burden is more than you can hold, don't be afraid to let some fall i promise i don't mind at all

little raincloud, when you cry i'll stay with you till we're both dry

[featheredmelody]

cxviii. medusa and venus

4/15/16

clinging to memories almost invisible, hardly noticed until i feel the sharp sting of recalling

over and over i reach out to you hand distorted in the water pushing against the resistance but my fingers close on nothing again

i just want to be friends again to tell you that you will always mean so very much to me

is that wrong? i don't expect you to feel the same

i want to know that it's okay to treasure something, even if it is broken beyond repair or lost at sea

something like the venus de milo: damaged, incomplete worn away by more than time but still beautiful; something regarded with reverence thinking, "this was magnificent once." its importance is measured in its history

but, then, sometimes the memories seem like medusozoans drifting in deep blue not meant to be touched or seen ever dancing below where light scarcely reaches captivating in seeming simplicity but mysterious in hidden complexity inconstant, ever-changing rippling and otherworldly

dear, if my memories are an art museum you will always be prominently displayed; and if an aquarium, you will forever drift there silently

i'm not afraid of drowning anymore nor will i crumble into sand i will paint my feelings in watercolor and they will blend together but never be washed away

so please, won't you say i can swim with you in your ocean again?

[featheredmelody]

cxvii. closer

3/30/16

can i be honest?

everywhere i look, there you are. every song i hear, every day i live i'm not in love with you anymore but i miss you with my whole being

i miss talking and dreaming and sometimes even crying over you

the emotion was real so precious

i want you to know: i never threw it away i'll always keep it close a stitched-up patch on my heart it will always stand out rough around the edges, but holding me together.

i love you so much that never changed but now it is the kind of love i should have always had for you: kind, warm, nostalgic.

none could ever replace the role you have in my life

but you haven't followed the script for a very long time

sometimes you let me in a little and it seems like you miss me too i wonder if there are reminders of me everywhere you look?

does your heart pang when you think of me, equal parts longing and fondness and pain?

no matter how far you draw away, i will always keep the thought of you, the memory of you, the hope and belief in you close

[featheredmelody]

cxvi. Anachronistic Dreams

2/7/16

sometimes i can go all day without missing you at all and the feeling of having you next to me is getting harder to recall

my heart doesn't ache when i see your name on my contacts list and it's been over a year since your bracelet adorned my wrist

but in my dreams, i still love you and i just don't know why i let you go so long ago and my hopes for you have all died. but i guess the poet who writes my dreams just doesn't have a clue cuz every night, though it's not right, i'm dreaming about you.

don't get me wrong, now i don't pine after you those days have long since passed, and i have better things to do.

i'm just saying, sometimes, on those nights i stay up till four, my thoughts get jumbled and i forget that i don't love you anymore

cuz in my dreams, i hold you i'd stop it if only i could but there you are, it's so bizarre and it feels just a bit too good. but i guess whoever runs my dreams never got the memo from my heart the script calls for "the one i adore" and they always give you the part

no, no, no just leave me be let me have my dignity, for once just go, go, go and set me free why are dreams of you my favorite ones?

in my dreams, you still love me a ridiculous and impossible thought for outside dreams, your heart, it seems, is impossible to be caught. but i guess when i'm having dreams they take me back in time back to your face, back to the place where i was yours and you were mine.

[featheredmelody]

cxv. Hand Soap

9/8/15

i want to talk to you again though love's lost i still want my friend it's getting harder to remember but a certain scent reminds me of you of sunshine and music and a sky so blue and how i still miss last september

we spoke every day. do you recall? how hard i fell before the fall my eyes were brighter, reflecting your light my dear, you always made me cheer up your voice as sweet as poisoned syrup your name the last on my lips at night

[i still think of you oh, in my weaker moments i wonder how you ever loved a broken doll like me i don't want you back half as much anymore but wholly as someone you can no longer be]

the scent of grape is on my hands and my memory understands this is a smell left upon my skin when i was happier, fingertips shyly tracing across my lips and feeling the nervous joy within

[i still think of you oh, in my weaker moments i wonder how you ever loved a broken doll like me i don't want you back half as much anymore but wholly as someone you can no longer be]

is it really this scent or is it something deeper instead of grapes, maybe i should drink up the scent of wine

oh, darling, let's just drink as friends do

[cherylnothorsey]

I feel sorry towards the songs I ruined with unhappy times

[standingonthesurface-deactivate]

I wonder what it’s like being 28 and waking up knowing you’re going to ask her to marry you tonight. I wonder what it’s like being 30 and waking up to her gone for the week on a work trip and having the entire bed to yourself for the first time in ages so you starfish the fuck out of it, but somehow drift over to their side because you already miss them. I wonder what it’s like being 42 and waking up for work content that the same pair of tired eyes as yesterday, and the day before that, and for the past 13 years, still look at you like you have the ability to reverse time and stop the sun from rising any higher, then you could both stay in bed. You blink, smile, and kiss her forehead softly as a reply, silently acknowledging your shared distaste for mornings, but not apologizing for wanting to wake up to those eyes again tomorrow. I wonder what it’s like being 49 and waking up beside someone who still makes you nervous when they look at you that close up in the morning, especially now that you’re nearing 50 and fully aware of the wrinkles you have and the ones on the way. I wonder what it’s like being 61 and waking up at 2pm because you were too sore and sickly to get out of bed that morning, but when you hear her key in the door after coming back from the store with some medicine, your favourite soup and a kiss, it still makes your heart beat fast enough to propel you off the bed and into her healing arms. I wonder what it’s like being 87 and waking up next to an undisturbed pillow and an unwrinkled half of a quilt because she died 2 years ago, peacefully in her sleep. It was just her time to go. I wonder what it’s like to live life in that much love. And when you do, I wonder what it’s like to lose it to something as trivial as your body passing through time. It’s heartbreaking that the body can’t last as long as the love between two people. But it’s also kind of beautiful that love transcends physical nature. All we can do is experience it while it’s here and while it lasts.

A lasting love. (via thereisagreatperhaps)

Hit me hard

(via woahhitsjenna)

This made me cry

(via superfreakinlonely)

I found it.

(via heathsbian)

I want it.

(via maddisonkennedy)

[featheredmelody]

cxiv. here

7/4/15

it's been more than a month since i wrote a word about you funny just how much one conversation can undo

you set an old worry to rest which gave me peace of mind but did you just feel guilty or were you truly being kind?

i wish that i could spend all my free hours with you watching things like before-- but your free hours are few.

i'll keep trying, i won't give up until i make it clear that whatever we go through, love, i will always be here

[iamhannalashay]

[silver-afternoons]

My skin turns cold at his touch and I am a rock, sucking in warmth and giving none back I take and take, and I will never be what those who impart their fire unto me have always been

Once I thought I was Spring and perhaps for a time, I was but now Winter has come unmistakeable  and I can no longer deny the blizzard growing inside kept behind my ribcage like an animal, throwing itself against my body trying to escape it has spread icy roots  I would have to break myself open to be free from it this is what it yearns for, and I am not strong enough 

He breaks his bones and builds me a house from the wreck but it only gives me more rooms to hide in more beds to stir the settled dust out from underneath

He tells me he loves me and I tell him I’m sorry  -I am running somewhere no one can follow with blackened lungs I breathe heavy  and I breathe for the days ahead when breathing may come easier 

My lungs will fill with the wind that rolled over the hills and covered your face with cascading cherry blossoms and I will split open or soar, eyes closed and smiling 

[positivedoodles]

[drawing of an orange bird with a green wing saying “You’ve already achieved a lot and you still have time to achieve more.” in a green speech bubble.]

[happydorid]

Museum of Moss 

I started this comic almost a year ago, but finally got around to finishing it! 

[featheredmelody]

cxiii. fictional phone call

5/19/15

are you still awake? well, i guess you would be different timezone and all...

what's the weather like over there? feels like i don't hear much about what's going on with you dunno why, but i just kinda missed your voice i guess been months since i heard it didn't really know if it was allowed to need to hear it anymore...

listen, i just need you to know some things please just hear me out

first and foremost: i will always love you care about you but it just doesn't work

you're everywhere, even when-- especially when-- i'm not looking for you

i ask myself what i did wrong every day even though i know there's blame to share i guess i still trick myself into thinking you are perfect, sometimes

do you ever wanna send me stupid pictures anymore?

you're the first one i wanna tell when something funny happens.

sad things, too.

even problems i have with my boyfriend.

you really knew how to listen, once.

but, now i think you're done caring, right?

which was the real you-- the one who went out of her way for me or this closed-off wall?

it's not easy, but i'm trying to be the same as i was before

all of this-- it's for your sake, but i'd be lying if i said i wasn't also hoping you'd fall for me all over again-- i don't know why you did the first time, you see.

listen, i still cry over you. i'm not ashamed that i loved you with my whole heart even if it wasn't allowed.

if you were sure about me i think i'd still drop everything and run to you

despite all the times you've hurt me for some reason i still trust in every word you said to me

we would have worked so well.

but, hey, i know it's over. i just want to clear the air.

no more secrets.

let's love each other be friends without reserve purely, with no ulterior motive

i love you but i'll never cut you out because you it hurts me-- can you do the same?

i miss you so much.

if we see each other this summer, would you let me hold your hand in a crowd?

let's talk again soon.

i love you. goodbye.

[featheredmelody]

cxii. shatter

5/16/15

i'm not sure why i'm writing this i have nothing to say and the emotions that i detail here will someday fade away

nothing i write on this page will ever reach your eyes i try to whisper truth to you mere murmurs drowned by lies

and even if you talk to me, i'll never know if you care and even if i'm in your life i'll never know you want me there

you will never discover the tears that pour forth from my pen and i'll never know if you wonder when you will see me again

this has all gone on far too long i wish i'd be set free i'm tired of swinging from desperate longing to impatience and ennui

every time i'm convinced i'm over you for good you come to me in memory-- i'd forget you if i could

if you do nothing but shatter, please, please explain to me why is my reflection only complete when you are next to me?

[featheredmelody]

cxi. reunion

5/15/15

i dreamt we were together we were as one, you and i as if we'd never been apart and you'd never said goodbye

and usually i don't care for that kind of stuff but it was different with you, darling and i couldn't get enough the way your eyes sparkled the way you teasingly smiled the sensation of fingers in my hair your touch driving me wild we sneaked away from everyone they did not see us go together we found a hiding place that nobody would know we talked and laughed together drunk on our own success and we understood each other perfectly nothing left to confess blissful harmony my heart was yours to take but all too soon the morning came and then i was awake

it felt so real, so powerful that for a blissful minute it seemed the fantasy was reality (or that i could live within it)

but i came slowly to realize that it could not have been true-- i wonder, my love, if you still dream of me too?

[featheredmelody]

cx. forever

5/15/15

again i must realize you've left me behind--our sparks all wasted and our paths unentwined yet those sweet summer days still stay on my mind

[featheredmelody]

cix. anew

5/14/15

where has the time gone? it has moved on without me never thought it'd take this long to get over you green leaves outside i blink and there are vibrant flowers where once everything was dead and barren unfulfilled, a forgotten hope. please, let's pretend that spring has come again you and i will be the same ever the same as before trying to un-feel until summer