I will never understand asexual people’s obsession with informing other people that they’re asexual. Being gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender? Those are all significant to the way you interact with the world. You have to tell your mom you’re bringing home a girl for Christmas. You have to tell the hospital that your emergency contact is John Smith, your husband. You have to screw up the courage to tell your boss that actually she should call you Ashley, not Tyler, and that you want her to use female pronouns to talk about you because you’re transitioning to female. You have to bring up your bisexuality when your uncle asks you how you had a girlfriend last year, why are you dating a man this year?
Being LGB, that is, being lesbian, gay, or bisexual: all of these things affect more than your bedroom life or your relationship with your partner. They affect just about everything in your life, because who you love, marry, settle down with, and/or raise kids with is a prominent part of our culture. Not to mention being the proverbial “T"ransgender is even more involved than that, since you have to change everything down to the little three or two letter honorific words people call you at the supermarket.
The problem with asexual discourse is not that it’s ridiculous (it is) or that it’s unproductive (it also is). It’s that it’s fundamentally flawed. So, so many vocal asexual people on Tumblr are obsessed with forcing their narratives into every single space that they see as “queer.” They are fixated on that notion of “fitting into the queer community” because of what? Because they…don’t have sex…and don’t experience sexual attraction?
Being asexual is relevant to absolutely no one in your life besides your sexual partner. No one is marching with signs that say God Hates Aces. No asexual person, in the context of being asexual specifically, is afraid to use a busy sports stadium bathroom in the American Deep South, walk home late at night through a Brazilian slum wearing women’s clothes and knowing they’re not passing as a woman, or give their partner a kiss in public in Russia. The obsession with “coming out” as ace, telling friends and family, and otherwise insisting that the whole world knows is not only bizarre but irrelevant. It is not a significant societal struggle to have no libido. Outside of Tumblr, no one gives a damn what an “asexual” is nor do they really care to discriminate based on being asexual versus not asexual. The fact that people both directly on this post and in the notes are claiming “I feel safer coming out as trans than as ace” really shows the absolute deluded mindset of these people. People are assaulted for being transgender on a daily basis. The suicide rates of the gay, lesbian, and bi populations are still elevated to an alarming degree compared to their heterosexual peers. Something like 40% of homeless youth who were forcibly removed from their houses, or otherwise fled in fear of their safety, identify as some kind of LGBT, and that is, lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender, full stop. No “ace” numbers are included in that statistic as it is completely irrelevant to this discussion. No one is kicked out of their homes for coming out as not wanting to have sex. I can’t imagine a scenario in which it would even be sensible to tell one’s parents that sort of thing unless it was related to some kind of medical treatment for actual diagnosed issues with your libido. If you want to get together as a group and talk about the ways you experience life as people who don’t feel sexual attraction, no one is stopping you. If you want to partipate in the LGBT community as a bi, lesbian, gay, or transgender person who also happens to be ace, I see no problem with using the community as a resource for that part of your identity. Everyone is welcome in the LGBT community who is LGBT. No one is excluding ace lesbians from a pride parade. No one is yelling at aro trans men that they’re not valid because of their aromanticism. I don’t like to abuse this word, but I truly cannot even fathom the PRIVILEGE it took for you to write this post. Get your head out of your ass and go think about how lucky you are for this to be something you have the time and space to let upset you so much. It’s unhealthy to spend all your time in a queer-theory academic circlejerk.