☆ジェッシカ☆ @feedyourtiger - Tumblr Blog

Passport, privilege and power

At first I thought I'd be smart enough to somehow make this into an essay or something intellectually valuable. But my brain has been quite a mess lately and turns out I just can't really tidy it up right now, so before the thoughts vanish into thin air like how they usually does in my head, maybe it'd be nice to at least tie some of them down in this brain dump kind of a post.

So, finally, at last, I've got a job. Quite a big one. I'm working at the Consular section at the Embassy of a country where I spent 4 foundational years of my youth questioning my own values and worth. It's a very powerful nation, admired and loved and respected by many other, but to be honest part of it was just the result of very good marketing and kawaiification. When I first heard about the position, people said that it was "stable and easy", "suitable for women like us", and "you wouldn't have to be so stressful".

And they were right.

Most of the time I would be replying to emails inquiring about whether or not a person is eligible to apply for a visa and what documents should they prepare, playing a real or fake game by making phone calls to banks asking if they really issued this bank statement, checking if students have graduated from high school, and sticking visa stickers on people's passports.

At least for the first few weeks.

After that, things started to unfold, realisations are came into, and it turns out to be really morally and ethically draining for me to be in this position.

First of all, one of my boss is racist af. Long before entering this position I've always heard that

The nature of this position racist af. Từ trc đến giờ mình vẫn nghe là lúc xin visa sẽ có 1 số thành phần của 1 số khu vực/quốc gia sẽ bị nghi ngờ hơn bình thường. Và mình thực sự đã được chứng kiến điều đó. Chị đồng nghiệp đẩy sang cho mình phỏng vấn 1 anh ng Đông Á, bảo là cô đang muốn cho fail ng này, em pv hỏi những cái này xem sao. Và mình pv. Thì hóa ra ảnh là chủ của nhà hàng Mr. Kebab rating hơn 4 sao với hơn 1k review trên google map, và ảnh kết hôn với 1 ng Canada. Mình báo lại với chị đồng nghiệp. Mặt chị sáng lên, ồ hóa ra đấy là hàng kebab con chị hay ăn, ồ vợ ng canada à, em nhớ highlight lên nhé để cô thấy. Hóa ra việc bạn kết hôn với 1 ng da trắng sẽ là 1 điểm mạnh trong hồ sơ của mình. 1 dịp khác mình pv 1 ông khác, vẫn là lệnh tìm ra điểm yếu để đánh trượt của cô. Mình thấy rất thương ông ý vì he sounded very frustrated and fed up with this whole visa system. Ổng cbi hồ sơ thật đầy đủ chi tiết, kê khai hết mọi thứ rồi nhưng vẫn bị nghi ngờ chỉ vì he is brown and comes from a -stan country.

Trong khi những người như chúng tôi, sinh ra ở những nước hộ chiếu hạng bét xong còn bị nhiều định kiến, phải lôi hết từ công việc, học vấn, tài sản đến gia đình ra để chứng minh là chúng tôi tử tế và không ở lại bất hợp pháp, chỉ để sang du lịch ở nước các bạn 5 hay 10 ngày, đã thế mà chúng tôi vẫn bị nhìn như thể tội phạm vì hộ chiếu hay màu da, lại có những người đc blessed với 1 chiếc hộ chiếu vô đối và họ có thể tự do đi lại bất cứ đâu and no questions would be asked. Mình làm bảo hộ công dân, và mình đã phải đứng ra hỗ trợ giải quyết cho 1 bạn khách du lịch ng Nhật bị mất điện thoại. Đây là lần đầu tiên bạn đến VN, bạn đi du lịch 1 mình, và bạn k biết tiếng Anh lẫn tiếng Việt, nên mất đt coi như bạn câm điếc luôn. Mình đã nghĩ là vãi chưởng nếu phải xin visa thì họ sẽ lập tức bị question là tsao k biết tiếng mà lại đi, còn đi 1 mình nữa, và aint no way she's gonna get the visa. Thế mà họ vẫn ở đây, chỉ vì họ có 1 chiếc hộ chiếu màu đỏ.

Mình k biết đã phải chứng kiến bao nhiêu hồ sơ của những ng từ những nước như Myanmar, Pakistan, Uzbekistan,... bị nghi ngờ và muốn cho đánh trượt.

Rồi gần đây mình cũng phải đi support cho 1 vụ 1 anh ng Nhật mất ở VN. Gia đình họ lập tức có mặt sau khi được thông báo, và họ có thể ở VN thoải mái trong vòng 45 ngày. Còn ở chiều ngược lại, nếu có ng Việt mất ở nước họ, chúng tôi dù tang gia bối rối tn cũng vẫn phải gạt nước mắt để cbi hồ sơ visa, kiếm ng để xin thư mời từ bên Nhật rồi đến ĐSQ để nộp và ưu ái duy nhất họ nhận đc là đc cấp visa sớm hơn, which still takes like maybe 2-4 days. Rồi kể cả sang để chữa bệnh cũng k tính là nhân đạo để đc cấp visa sớm nữa. Vừa rồi có 1 case xin cấp visa sớm để sang Nhật chữa bệnh, nhưng k biết trong hồ sơ nộp nhầm lịch trình bay hay có thay đổi gì trong việc điều trị mà họ cần phải qua Nhật sớm hơn lịch đã nộp cho ĐSQ. Nhưng tất cả những gì họ nhận đc vẫn là a cold hard no sorry can't do, ĐSQ sẽ chỉ cấp visa sớm cho lịch trình đã nộp, which is still like on the day of departure. I mean, cái này có thể liên quan đến sự sống còn của bệnh nhân ý. Giả sử có như thế, thì mình k thể tưởng tượng đc là mạng sống của mình phụ thuộc vào 1 hệ thống phân chia lãnh thổ và quyền lực đc lập nên bởi những người có tiền và tự cho mình quyền đi đô hộ các nước khác độ vài chục năm trc. Và mình cũng thấy khó chịu trong lòng khi nhận ra là mình dù ít đi chăng nữa thì cũng thuộc 1 trong số hơn chục người có quyền đi nghi ngờ và đánh giá người khác chỉ vì 1 số người klq có cùng background với họ lại nằm trong blacklist. Thậm chí nó còn là 1 phần nghiệp vụ. Mình thấy thật không công bằng.

bibimsim

me, weeks ago: some new anime about two guys taking care of some kid? what's it called, buddy daddies?? what kinda lame ass name is that bro haha this is gonna be so trash but I could at least watch one episode, yk for funsies

me, ten episodes later:

rizblogs

some musings;

For a show that constantly talks about change they did a really good job showing character progression. This impressed me as early as episode four when i caught on that whatever happened in episode 1 influenced episode 2 which influenced 3 and so on. this is great actually! cause by the end of the show kazuki and rei are the same characters we know BUT they have changed. and we did see the progression of the change and how they got there for the year we spent with this family

i know i sound delusional but for the 2 cowboy bebop fans that are probably in the buddy daddies fandom, i swear this show is cowboy bebop's lost cousin. they both share the same dilemma but are fundamentally different in its execution. i can write a whole post on this tbh but all the talks about "waking up from a dream", episode 8's heavy cowboy bebop vibes, the fact that kazuki and rei's whole dilemma is basically spike's whole dilemma in two people, etc. now that maybe the case with most hitmen/mafia dramas but this is the first time i can make direct connections

on the cowboy bebop train i LOVE buddy daddy's fight choreography!! it reminds me of the gritty character relevant fight scenes of cowboy bebop too. i mean obviously one show has a much higher budget and is more polished but you get the idea

(i would include the mansion fight scenes here but i cant find them :( they are best examples of this)

4. I know people are worried that people are not going to understand the subtext of the show but i actually found it really cool that this show really trusted its audience's intelligence. i wasnt a fan of some of the opinions on misaki but the fact that we all had so many discussions around her shows that the show let you figure out how you feel about certain things rather than telling you. it is intentional ambiguous storytelling to allow you to come to your own conclusion which is cool! yeah sure some of it was plot holes and censorship but some of it was very intentional, like misaki looking at miri's bedroom that was filled with things she could never afford vs the two toys she had for miri in the motel they stayed in. it says enough that a long exposition will not tell you

5. this show has some fantastic lines like "i wont ask, i wont tell", "memory isnt a prison", "its those with the loftiest ideas who bring the greatest misfortune", "we will take turns tucking her in", etc. AGAIN these lines said a lot and hit really well without feeling the need to go into heavy exposition

6. i loved the violence! it was sparse but it was INTENSE when it showed up

7. this show really has such an absurd sense of humor lmao; the daycare mom's group chat, rei asking miri if she won the fight with a toddler, the comedian and middle eastern oil barron thing, rei joking about domestic abuse as he fights goons at his father's house, etc absolutely unhinged this show

8. loved that this show was a show for adults about parenthood. i know its not the only one but this really feels like a exploration of parenthood and family from an adult perspective which allowed it explore some dramatic and dark stuff. which was really cool for those of us wanting more anime tailored to our age range

9. the transmedia in this show is UNMATCHED. i hope the interns behind that got a fat cheque cause the work put into it was so sincere and consistent. its one thing to get in character instagram updates, but instagram stories? post-it notes? daycare journals? like that is insane! kudos to the staff behind this!!

mommyesque

*buddy daddies drama CD volume 1 spoilers*

It's not 'Babe' or 'Honey' all the time, sometimes it's *Hikikomori* and *Isoro* <3

kudouusagi

Buddy Daddies Drama 4

*Puts down box*

Kazuki: Okay! Now all of our stuff has been moved into our place. Ah, thank Kyuu-chan. On top of finding us a place, we even asked you to help us move.

Kyuutarou: Well, I'm too involved to stop now. So? How do you feel about the place?

Miri: It's smaller than our old place, isn't it, Rei-papa?

Rei: Yeah... and the TV has gotten smaller too...

Miri: So our mori kart cars have gotten smaller too!

Kazuki: Hey, don't be playing games when you should be unpacking. Besides, I think this is the perfect size for 3 people to live cozily.

Kyuutarou: You're living quite a bit further away than you were at your old place, but the further you are the more difficult it will be for the eyes of the organization to spot you.

sfaghetti

new official art proving wrong the ppl who said that Rei would quit gaming after becoming disabled 🙏

I don't think u can take gaming away from this guy he'd figure out a way to game telepathically if he had to

urlthatsumsmeup

Rei’s Apartment

Okay, so! As announced yesterday, I am Obsessed with Rei’s apartment, and I have been compiling screenshots and making sketches and stuff for the better part of last week now - and I have put them together in this big, hopefully somewhat concise google doc!

[Edit] It’s now as complete as it will get ♡

Please do note that neither am I Japanese, now have I ever lived in Japan, so if I say anything odd or straight up wrong, please feel free to correct me.

having-conniptions

Just realized something devastating about BD Ep8

So you know how Kazuki called Rei after Rei finished the job, when he was just sitting there?

I was like "why would Kazuki call him if he knew he was on a job, that could have been really dangerous if his timing was bad"

In fact, I was even worried that Kazuki would call him while he's fighting, throwing him off and causing him to get hurt (so much angst potential oof)

But Kazuki's timing was too good. So I'm guessing the GPS in Rei's phone is accurate enough that Kazuki could see he'd been in the exact same spot for a while, not moving around like before.

Knowing Kazuki, there must have been a moment, maybe right before he called, where he thought the reason why Rei wasn't moving was because he was dead or badly hurt. There must have been a moment, however tiny, where Kazuki thought he'd lost another partner and parent to his child.

Maybe that's why he called when he did.

karlyboyyy

In all seriousness, I really do think it’s entirely plausible that Kazuki and Rei can (and/or will) fall in love with each other, but I don’t necessarily see them as suddenly looking at each other with attraction and having that “why am I having these thoughts about another man?!” panic moment that seems to be a common trope in anime whenever gay romance is involved. Their relationship isn’t that simple. No, I think it will happen over time in a more subtle way. And I feel like we’ve already begun to see this unfold.

In episode 7, we learn that Kazuki struggles with his grief of losing his wife and unborn child, all while feeling overwhelmed and under-appreciated for all he does for Rei and Miri. He then tries to have a night of fun by gambling and surrounding himself with women, all things he would normally enjoy. But by the end of the night, he’s still miserable. Then he has the conversation with his sister-in-law, and we find out that he feels guilty about moving on and finding happiness for fear of forgetting his past love. But she reassures him that it’s okay to continue living his life. It’s what her sister, his wife, would want. And a small weight is lifted from his shoulders. And when he finally goes back home, and finds a sick Miri sleeping peacefully with a clearly-worried Rei sleeping at her bedside holding her hand, we see Kazuki gazing fondly at the two of them. The look on his face says “These two are my happiness.”

And I think that realization will continue over time. Now that Kazuki no longer feels as guilty about moving on, I think he’ll start to really see Rei as family. As someone he can build a life with. Someone he enjoys spending time with. Someone he truly loves and cares for. And a day will come when maybe he’s out running errands while Rei is at home with Miri, and a woman starts talking to him. Kazuki doesn’t think anything of it at first, but then he realizes she’s hitting on him… and surprisingly, he doesn’t feel any particular way about it. In fact, his mind instead wanders to “I wonder what Rei and Miri are doing. I better hurry back home.”

And Rei… he’ll start to open up more around Kazuki, and show his vulnerabilities. He’s already started doing this with Miri, but I think we’ll begin to see him telling Kazuki more about his past. Maybe not even in a dramatic reveal type of way, but more so in off-hand comments or random stories that he suddenly remembers. And without realizing that things have changed so much, he’ll find that he’s truly enjoying his life with Kazuki and Miri, that he can actually laugh about things and feel relaxed. And one night, as he’s trying to fall asleep in his bathtub, maybe he’ll struggle to get comfortable. So he instead finds himself going to Miri’s room and curling up on the floor next to her bed, and quickly falling asleep. Kazuki walks in to find him, laughs to himself, and without even thinking about it, picks Rei up and carries him to bed. Not Rei’s bed, though. No, Kazuki subconsciously realizes that Rei needed the comfort of having someone next to him while he slept, so without a second thought, he brought Rei to his own bed. And when he went to lie down next to Rei, he was careful not to get too close. He didn’t want to disturb him after all, and it’s not like he had any other intentions but to simply sleep near each other. But the next morning, Rei wakes up to find Kazuki’s arm around him. And it doesn’t even occur to him to move Kazuki’s arm. Instead, he just looks at Kazuki’s sleeping face, feels the warmth between them, and thinks “this… is nice actually.”

And eventually the both of them will realize that they would do anything to protect one another, do anything to make the other happy. And maybe one day they’ll start to see each other in a different light. Maybe Kazuki will begin to notice the way Rei’s eyes light up when he gets a new video game, or maybe he’ll see that one piece of Rei’s hair that refuses to stay in the ponytail and think “hah, that’s adorable.” And maybe Rei will start to compliment Kazuki on his cooking more because he knows it makes him happy, or maybe he’ll take Miri shopping to find the perfect birthday gift for Kazuki but ends up getting several things because this thing reminded him of Kazuki’s smile, and this thing is Kazuki’s favorite scent, and this thing reminded him of that inside joke they had, and this thing…

So instead of looking at each other one day and thinking “why am I having these thoughts and feelings about a man?!”, I think they’ll look at each other and think “this feels right. This makes sense. Of course I have these thoughts and feelings about him.” Because at that point, the love is already there.

logicalbookthief

It’s so funny to me that the boss demeans Kazuki at every opportunity, calls him a peasant, poorly skilled, a bad influence. And yet it’s Kazuki who has gained in three years (probably less) what this man never could — the absolute loyalty and devotion of his son.

Like, the boss has tried to get Rei to take over the organization and accept his role in the family legacy, twice, and each time he’s dragged his feet reluctantly.

Meanwhile, all Kazuki has to say is, "Rei, we’re keeping this kid and raising her as our own" or "Rei, we're sneaking into the zoo to spy on our daughter because she’s mad at me and forgot her lunch" and Rei will sigh and groan but immediately go along with it like: “Ok, babe, whatever you want.”

cobaltfluff

household dynamic

lilyginnyblackv2

Buddy Daddies - Episode 7 - Thought Post - Side Rei

Oh, Rei…OTL

This episode was an eye opener for him. But, I also think it did a good job of highlighting how this isn’t just Rei “being lazy” and not contributing enough, but also about Rei just not knowing how to do these things.

When he opens the fridge, he doesn’t even know which stuff in there is the food. And this is because of his upbringing, not necessarily because he was rich, but because he was brought up to kill and that was it. Skills pertaining to his ability to kill were the only thing his father and family focused on, so that was all he learned.

If you don’t teach a child how to do something (whether physically or emotionally), how can we expect them to know how to do it as an adult? That’s the issue facing Rei here. That’s not to say that he is completely blameless here or that he hasn’t put in any effort. He has, but a lot of the things he does right tend to be more accidental and where he is largely putting in some effort (like playing games with her) is a bit misguided. Making sure she stays protected from people who can harm her is an area he has gotten extremely good at though.

But, let’s look at some of the things that I think Rei accidentally gets right with Miri. By being, on a life skills and emotional development level, in a similar place as Miri, he ends up accidentally being really good at allowing Miri to guide him at times. For example, in this week’s episode we have this moment:

Rei is in front of her closet, looks at her, and askes, “What do you need to take?” He’s asking about her things for daycare. Miri is then able to point to the sheet of paper that tells him everything he needs (a little checklist). This is a good thing to do with children around Miri’s age from time to time, since it can not only work as a good confidence booster for them, but also let the parent or teacher know that the child understands aspects of their daily routine.

Of course, it isn’t good for a parent or teacher to rely on this. Why? Because the child is still a child and still learning and will sometimes make mistakes, like Miri does when she says to Rei, “Don’t I have daycare today?” And then this mistake is what ultimately leads to Miri developing a cold and fever later on in the episode, because she wasn’t wearing proper clothes and Rei was riding too fast, thus making it even colder and wetter.

But, we’ll get back to that in a bit.

The rest of this I will put under a Read More due to length.

Keep reading

logicalbookthief

Wait. So it’s Rei who owns the apartment. Kazuki is crashing there indefinitely, and he does all the shopping, cooking, and cleaning?

He is never beating the malewife allegations.

silversoulstardust

props to the animators for being so fucking accurate on the anatomy of rei's injury. in case you have any doubt this man is permanently disabled on his right upper limb from all the nerve damages. just so he could leave the organization and stay with his family. i am feeling so normal about them :)

soniadamasco

Can we all appreciate how Kyutaro chose our papas' fake jobs based on how he sees them?

Rei: a rich kid

Kazuki: a fucking clown apparently

noodlehairhooman

silly kazuki what a way of proposing to ur partner 😭

theunfairmaiden

The Development of Papa Rei

“Not” Papa Rei: Rejecting the idea entirely.

“Sure, I guess I’m” Papa Rei: Saving her from being dragged away. First nudge at acceptance. Papa Rei? c:

“Hell yeah I’m” Papa Rei: Smug that Miri is raving about Papa Rei over Papa Kazuki to her friends. Enjoying being Papa Rei? uwu

“Content” Papa Rei: Happy to hear his daughter call his name in her sleep. The teeniest hint of a smile ;~; Creeping towards full papa.

“Protective/Worried” Papa Rei: Staying by her side while she sleeps when she’s sick to make sure she’s okay. Transitioning to PAPA REI.

“Happy” Papa Rei: Full of love coming home seeing his daughter and partner work so hard to give him a good birthday. PAPA REI ^~^

“Supportive” Papa Rei: Finally cheering on his little girl :’) He really is Papa.

“Selfless” Papa Rei: “Miri comes first.” WHAT. A. PAPA. MOVE.

FULL FLEDGED PAPA REI. “I am her papa, I want to be her father.” FIGHTING FOR HIS DAUGHTER.

God I love this man so much I will never stop raving about him.

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☆ジェッシカ☆