WHAT THE FUCK DO I EVEN LOOK LIKE?

Research blog for personal project regarding feminine identity and the notion of outside influences on ones appearance.

[feelingfemmeresearch]

SILKY SMOOTH

The project has moved on to the making stage, which is exciting. I normally like to get stuck in pretty quickly, but having done so much research, I’m feeling a lot more prepared for the actually photo taking process. Religious iconography obviously has so much meaning and depth behind it, and I think research was necessary, or the outcome would just look like a cheap imitation. I’ve taken some time just mapping out my own compositions, using the golden ration as a starting point, and the book ‘Vision, Composition and Photography’ as a very helpful reference shot. I’ve done a little reading on set design, as I want the images to have a very ornate and sort of decadent feel to them. Stephen Brimson Lewis has designed a couple sets for multiple plays with religious undertones, and he placed an emphasis on lighting, using glass and shadows to create intricate shapes and patterns in the space. I think that’s I would love to play with something like that, but I have limited experience myself with set design, so I’m going to have to keep things as simple as possible without loosing the kind of vibe I’m trying to create. Instead, I bought some yards of different coloured silk. It still has the sort of luxurious and decadent look I wanted in the background, but isn’t as complicated as building my own actual backdrop. Plus, layering the different fabrics gives me the chance to play with different shadows and shapes.

[feelingfemmeresearch]

[feelingfemmeresearch]

MOTHER MARY

The project has evolved. Or devolved. I’m not entirely certain. But I know I like the direction that it’s heading in. The planned interviews decreased to a snail pace, and was yielding next to no results. The interviews at Notre Dame have been put on hold until I have received a background check from Glasgow City Council, which I’ve been told would most likely be processed at the end of April. I contacted the Sisters of Mercy convent, and we had a couple emails and phone calls and although they seemed willing at first, they slowly seemed more and more hesitant until they told me they would contact me for more details. And then never did. I decided to go back to Glasgow any way, and asked my mum if I could interview her instead. She grew up in a traditional Irish Catholic household, but has distanced herself from her religion somewhat as she got older. Before the interview, I visited my old church that I attended when I was younger to do a little filming and it was an experience. I’ve never been in a church that was entirely empty, and it was odd walking around with a camera. I was instantly drawn to the art around the church, particularly the paintings that were hung up all around the church. They portray the 12 stations of the cross, and have 3D ceramic figures that are attached, showing Jesus Christ in all his crucified glory. The church has multiple statues of Mary, Veronica and Mary Magdalene and they’re all very beautiful and ornate. When I interviewed my mum, she raised a really interesting point that although she doesn’t strictly attended church or adhere to all of the ‘rules’ of Catholicism, she still considered herself Catholic. The point I found most interesting that she raised was that religion is personal to everyone, and no one can dictate otherwise. From that, and the imagery I collated, I began wondering about my own experiences with religion. Since growing older, I’ve distanced myself from Catholicism because I didn’t feel like it aligned with my own personal morals. I’ve decided to use this project to examine my relationship with religion, and how it effects my growth, rather than my appearance. I’ve been looking into the composition of Catholic art, specifically 18th Century Spanish statues, and the currently plan to recreate my own kind of version. Artists like Rachel Maclean have been really interesting to look at, and I’m beginning to experiment with different compositions and visuals of my own.

[feelingfemmeresearch]

[feelingfemmeresearch]

FLESH SUIT

My main goal for my research is this: collate information from various women, whether that is through interviews, ethnographic tactics or literary research to gain a deeper understanding of various individuals relationships with their appearance and their surroundings.

Having started my research I still felt somewhat lost within my topic. I was worried that I had bit off more than I could chew by being so general, so to narrow it down, I decided to do some personal reflection. By dissecting myself as an outsider, breaking down the different facets of my personality into tangible concepts, I was able to break into what I think I want to further research in this project. Right now the areas I have are: religion, education, sexuality, family, and body modification.

I've reached out to my old high school to ask if I could return to either chat with some of the teachers, or students but at the time of writing this blog post, I've yet to hear a reply. I am hoping to get some form of correspondence going, because I think I would be interesting to see if the experiences I had 5 years ago are the same, or if the young women attending the school have the same ideology that I had. Other people that I've reached out to are the St Catharines Convent Of Mercy, a convent beside ECA, who have said they'd arrange a meeting with me, and I'm hoping to get a meeting with a female tattoo artist in Edinburgh, Deborah Pow. All of these people invoke a very different sense of style, or dress in a certain way that reflects their background which I think is very interesting. I feel like I've taken very small parts from these areas, and that they've all accumulated in who I am today, but I feel like I don't understand the reflection that it creates.

I've done some very interesting reading about women in art, and have become really interested in the idea of the body as a general concept.  I think the two main ideas that I’ve found can be best summarised;

 “You are a result of every piece of media you have ever consumed.” 

“The body is no longer a tool, but a vessel, a dedicated canvas willingly manipulated by the artist.”

The end result of this project will hopefully show how these two ideologies can intertwine. At the beginning of this project I thought I had a concrete idea of what I wanted as an end result., but once I actually have these interviews, I think I might go down a more conceptual path based on what information I gather. The whole point of the project is to examine what it means to project your personality onto your appearance, and I think I could make some very interesting conceptual work from it.