Making my little sister identify characters from Cyberpunk 2077:
“Her name is Rose-13 with a dash in between them. That’s her born name and she loved it so much that she got it tattooed all over her body.”
“She doesn’t speak English, so that little chip on her head translates what she’s thinking.”
“Her favorite hair dye is called watermelon blast.”
“She has a receptionist job at the… what did you call the game again?” (Cyberpunk 2077) “Right. At the Cyberpunk 2077.”
“She looks so uncomfortable. The more I look at her, the more in pain she looks.”
“It’s Margeaux, spelled in that weird French way. She’s probably French.”
“Oh she’s at a diner! She works at a diner. She’s never seen without a little bit of cyber-whiskey in her hand.”
*squints at picture* “What does that say? The plant? That’s the name of the diner she works at: The Plant. They’re all into sustainability.”
“On her off-time she’s a traffic meter person because she’s wearing that orange jacket. Times are hard. They all have to work multiple jobs.”
“AHHH that’s Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson!” (Five minute laughter break while I explain that it’s not Dwayne Johnson)
“Oh wait, that’s the guy from The Matrix. What’s his name? Corn Reeves?”
“His name is Corn Reaper.”
“Are they all at the same diner? Yeah, he’s a regular at The Plant. You can tell. You know they wouldn’t let him put his feet up if he was a new guy.”
“Is he wearing leather pants? Gross. OH I just noticed that his arm is wrong.”
“His name is Professor James. I like him.”
(What’s he a professor of?) “He’s a drink tester at The Plant.”
“It looks like he’s wearing little wire-rimmed glasses but I think those are tattoos. One year he was going through a hard time, so he got tears tattooed on his face.”
“Is he also at The Plant? No, he looks like he’s at a Dairy Queen. Being a drink tester is his fake job. His real job is making blizzards at the Dairy Queen.”
“Oh that’s… her name is… That’s Madam Smith.”
“Most people have crappy minimum wage jobs but Madam Smith works as the manager of construction for Walmart.”
“There are all the cyber-Karens who are like ‘lemme talk to the manager’ but she IS the manager. But she’s probably also a Karen.”
“The man behind her is actually her lover but shhh don’t tell.”
“That’s ummmmm… her name is Betta, like the fish. But it could also go for like, beta versions of a game.”
“She’s Madam Smith’s sister, and she runs an underground game developing place. She has to hide it from Madam Smith because Madam Smith doesn’t want anything competing with Walmart.”
“That’s not her real hair, she wears a wig.”
“The games they develop are… it’s all Mario ripoffs.”
“That’s just Saito from Inception.”
(I show her another photo that looks slightly less like Ken Watanabe)
“His name is Jack Burly. AHHH he’s a professor too! He’s got the glasses! Oh, his neck. Something’s wrong with him.”
“He’s also a video game developer, and he likes to support local businesses.”
“He lost his neck” *laughs* (Are you going to elaborate?) “He accidentally cut it off, but it’s okay because… he got a new one. A better one, with 360 degree rotation. His favorite fruit is mangoes.”
(Why is his name Jack Burly?) “Because look at him! He’s jacked and he’s burly!”
“Why does everyone have fake limbs and stuff?”
“His name is… Otter Washington, but Otter’s just a nickname.”
“He has… he lost his eye a long time ago, but he put a marble in there and it’s fine now.”
“Oh he’s at The Plant! I recognize it. He ordered a matcha tea.”
Skunk & her brother, Timothy
“The one on the left who looks like Jennifer Lawrence; her name is Skunk. And the one on the right is named Timothy.” (Why those names?) “His name is Timothy because his father’s name was Timothy, so technically he’s Timothy Jr.”
“They’re brother and sister, but they are estranged.”
“She actually has a full-time job as a policewoman, but he works at the Dairy Queen, trying to make ends meet.” (How did they end up on such different paths in life?) “When their parents died, she got the keys to the house, and she kicked him out. Now he lives on top of a train, like the hobo in Polar Express.”
(Why is her name Skunk?) “Um, you wanna know why her name is Skunk? The thing that she’s holding is actually a staple gun, not a real gun. When she goes to The Plant, she orders her coffee black.”
(WHY IS HER NAME SKUNK?) “Timothy looks really sad… I would be too if I lived on top of a train and worked at Dairy Queen.”
(WHY IS HER NAME SKUNK???) “The rings on their necks are to keep their necks warm in the cold months.”
snowghoul
titsay
baratheonpilled
dailybridgerton
gummygunk
yousharknotpass
prguitarman
