I've Always Been Dark

@felix--pierce

with light somewhere in the distance; Felix. 35. Field Agent Professor. Charmer. Wine enthusiast. Long walks on the beach and candlelight. That's all you really need to know, isn't it?

440 posts

the speeches // arara + felix, reva & oliver

Asher exhaled as he rested his head on Terror’s shoulder, one leg of his laid on top of the other man’s thigh as he nearly sat in his lap, sipping at a large chute of champagne as he exhaled. Dinner just barely started, they hadn’t even gotten to the cake and already he was exhausted. He was just about ready to drag his husband back to their bedroom for some serious hardcore dirty… sleep. For real. He was just about ready to fall over or something.

But dinner was being served, and he was only half interested. Really, it all looked amazing and lovely and perfect, but he was exhausted and to be honest eating was the last thing on his mind. Toying with the ring on Terror’s finger, he looked up when he heard a soft clinking against glass.

Felix grunted as he stood, clearing his throat as he tapped his knife against his glass, trying his best not to break it. When he was pretty sure he had everyone's attention in the room, he exhaled slowly and reached into his pocket, pulling out a tacky bright yellow piece of lined paper with scribbles all over it. "Now... Y'all know I don't like to give speeches much. 'Specially this table," he gestured to the family's table, shooting Benji a glare so he wouldn't try anything. "I know that I guess it's pretty weird that I ain't a friend, but I'm Terror's son. I guess if none of y'all knew that, yeah." He furrowed his eyebrows and cleared his throat as he looked down at his paper.

"Pop came into m'life when I sorta needed him most, and he adopted me and brought me into the family, and I've never been more happy fer that, cause I was... I was in a low place. Uh, I think I know him pretty well, 'cause, well, the man told me bedtime stories and dressed me in the mornin' and well, hell, he bathed me, so I'd say I know the man pretty well." He shifted and furrowed his eyebrows, scratching his forehead before continuing. "Pop's always been a prety confident and at'em boy guy, but I remember when, um, he first told me about Asher. 'N, well, I'd never seen 'im like it and it was pretty interestin' to see the man that was pretty solid all m'life to be such uh, well, excited, I guess." He furrowed his eyebrow. "It was nice when I had dinner with 'em for the first time, cause you could see that they were just really uh, in love."

Clearing his throat, he wiped his mouth and tried to ignore the shaking in his hand. He blamed it on the cast. "I guess what, uh, I'm tryin' t'say is, well, when pop came t'me 'cause he fucked up and didn't know how t'fix it, and I gave him that one last encouragin' step honestly, I didn't think it would end with a marriage, but I guess it worked out pretty well. I don't think two people fit better t'gether than you two do, and I'm proud to call both y'all my.. parents, I guess." He exhaled and bit the inside of his lip. "I know that Pop has been the best man to me all m'life, and he'll be an even better husband. So with that, I uh, raise my glass to both of you." He cleared his throat, folded his paper back up and stuffed it in his pocket again before lifting his glass along with everyone else, taking a drink and sitting down.

I can't get... my damn fuckin' tie..

little-miss-madeline

Lips are sealed sweetpea~

#guardian angel

I can't get... my damn fuckin' tie..

little-miss-madeline

Oh god, silly. Do you want me to fix it for you?

Yes...

You can't tell anyone, though.

#guardian angel

I can't get... my damn fuckin' tie..

With this stupid cast.

questions // maddix [backdated to: december 15th]

little-miss-madeline

Maddie’s expression changed a little, a soft smile on her features but her nose crinkling up, as she held onto Felix’s hand and held it up a little so the light overhead was filtered through his fingers. This…well whatever the hell it was, the dates and the company, it was nice. It was something she was enjoying and something she found interesting at the same time - nothing like any of her other relationships. No, this one required time and attention - something that Maddie wanted within a relationship. If that’s what she could call it. As he spoke up with his next question, the young woman’s face changed again into a look of contemplation for a few moments as she mused over the carried animals she knew in her head till she found a favorite. “A sparrow.” She nodded finally, tilting her head back a little to peer up at him before going back to playing with his hand and biting down on her lip - searching for her own next question. “What’s your favorite song?” The brunette piped up finally, dainty fingers toying with Felix’s own.

He stared up at the ceiling, allowing her to tug his hand every which way as his free hand pressed itself against the duvet, dragging itself back and forth and back and forth in a methodical movement as he waited for her answer. When she spoke, he pursed his lips slightly. "Why a sparrow?" he asked softly, curiosity peaking up as he tried to think of the answer to his own question. He'd never really thought about his favorite animal, he supposed. He'd never given any of these things a good, solid thought. Maybe it was something to do with the fact he'd been forced to be an emotionless robot a good twenty plus years of his life. At her question, he furrowed his eyebrows and exhaled a breath. "I don't know, probably something by 2 Chainz or Nero," he snorted slightly, shaking his head. "I don't have very good taste in music," he muttered. "What's your favorite... color?"

questions // maddix [backdated to: december 15th]

He didn't remember how they'd end up in the position; both on their backs, although her head was on his chest and one of his hands in hers as they stared up at her ceiling on her bed. He didn't remember how they'd ended up there, he didn't remember much, really. (Maybe that was another side effect of the meds? No, he was being stupid.) He didn't know much about anything lately, really, but there was one thing he craved to know more than anything else... And that was Madeline Greene. He didn't remember much of the last few days, really. How they'd ended up like this. He didn't speak much, he spoke when she spoke to him, but it was never really wordy. They'd had dinner a few times, spent the night together while she worked on finals and he graded papers before he'd gone home, but they hadn't done much else. They'd talked, barely. It was just... odd, to him. It was odd to have someone there, around him, that he didn't control. With Annie he at least had the control, but with Maddie he was just... vulnerable. And open. And he was torn between accepting it and being horrified over it.

"What is your favorite... animal?" was the next question out of his mouth.

I've Been Counting // Maddix [backdated to: december 11th]

little-miss-madeline

Turning her head a little, but still glancing back at Felix’s gaze and letting them meet for a moment, Maddie encouragingly nuzzled into the feeling of Felix’s knuckles against her cheek. It sent a soft warm rush to her cheeks, which fueled her next action. With delicate, dainty hands, Madeline reached up and carefully cupped both sides of Felix’s face - leaning up on her tiptoes again and carefully guiding him down to her level a little bit. She let her eyes search his for a moment, the smile back on her features but it didn’t stay seen for long before she closed the space between them. Gently pressing her lips to his, Madeline became oblivious to the fact she was covered in flour or the fact she was probably dirtying him in return. No, for the moment she would linger on this simple sweet kiss.

He furrowed his eyebrows as she moved closer to him, cupping his cheeks the way that she did. He didn't understand. Was she...? As she leaned forward and pressed her lips against his, he froze for a good long moment, his eyebrows finding each other tightly as he stared down at her. One of his hands instinctively moved to her hip, holding onto it with almost delicate concentration as he relaxed into the kiss. His body thrummed with nervousness and he didn't know why. He didn't want to mess this up, he didn't want to scare her or anything of the sort. He just wanted to relax into it, but at the same time he couldn't. What if he lost control and hurt her? Why did he even care if he hurt her or not? God, his head was throbbing again. Shifting slightly, his free hand sort of lingering in the air, he pulled away from the kiss, scrunching up his nose slightly as he looked down at her. He reached up with his empty hand and bopped her on the nose softly--just the same as she had before with him--and smiled ever so slightly, a soft chuckle coming out of his mouth. He couldn't help it, really, nor could he understand why he couldn't help it. But for once... he was okay with not understanding.

I've Been Counting // Maddix [backdated to: december 11th]

little-miss-madeline

As Felix posed another question to her, Maddie felt her own smile falter slightly and her expression become a little more serious - still soft and sweet but not as giddy and aloof as she normally was. Stepping a little closer to Felix, the younger of the pair pouted out her lower lip if only slightly as her brows knitted together the tiniest bit. She didn’t looking sad or angry though, if anything a little concerned. “because I don’t think you get this enough, if at all. That’s why. Because this is who I am and I don’t think people ever really show you that or give you that. You frighten them, but you don’t frighten me.” The young woman stepped closer to him once more, leaning up on her tiptoes as she did so. “And besides, it’s more like twenty-two. I’ve been counting.”

As she began to speak, his eyebrows merely knitted together even further, and he exhaled a long breath. It was true, he didn't ever get this, but he also didn't see the reason for someone to get this. Why would someone need this sort of... care? Were they needy? Dependent? He wasn't that way, nor had he ever been. The only person he had been dependent on in his life was his father, and that was at least understandable. His countenance turned more into a frown as he cocked his head to the side and reached up, his knuckles experimentally brushing against her cheek as he searched her face, looking into her eyes as if she held every answer to the universe. He didn't understand it. She wasn't afraid of him, and she wasn't attracted to him (or was she?), so what was she after? The corner of his lips twitched at her last words and he shook his head slightly. This was all ridiculous.

I've Been Counting // Maddix [backdated to: december 11th]

little-miss-madeline

"That’s all?" Madeline quirked her eyebrow, biting the corner of her lower lip as she watched his expression before stepping past him and gently nudging him with her hip in a playful gesture. "You’re a quiet one aren’t you?" Her gesture and the words that left her mouth were intended to encourage and ‘liven up’ the man up a little more. Sure, his company was sweet enough as it was, but Maddie was a people person and wanted to see just how much she could get out of Felix. Maybe if she got him to relax….well she could only try.

Felix froze, furrowing his eyebrows when she spoke. What else was he supposed to say? He didn't know what he was supposed to say. Did she want him to say something else? That it was amazing? Spectacular? The best thing he'd ever had? It was good--that was it, blunt and honest. He didn't know how to do this... When she spoke, he shrugged and looked back down to the ground, picking at the cookie she'd given him and eating pieces off of it. When she nudged him, he couldn't hold it back then, he couldn't help but crack a small smile, shaking his head. He calmed himself down a moment later, though, and his smile disappeared as he turned to place the rest of the cookie on the counter and refold his amrs. "Why are you being like this?" he finally managed, his eyebrows knitted together tightly as he chanced a look up at her. "I've barely said ten words to you."

I've Been Counting // Maddix [backdated to: december 11th]

little-miss-madeline

Picking up one of the cookies she had backed earlier, Madeline stepped closer to Felix and held it out to him with a small smile. “I promise, it’s not poison or anything. It’s just gingerbread.” The brunette nodded and kept her gaze on him still - like she was watching an animal in a new habitat. Surely he had been in a situation like this before…but judging by the way he was being, Maddie began to doubt. But it only made her ways and words more gentle, filled with that same sickly sweet kindness as she stood there offering the cookie to him.

Felix took the cookie from her, his brow creasing as he suddenly got nervous, swallowing thickly. He didn't have his poison kit, he didn't--when she spoke, he nearly flushed, how had she read his mind? Had she read his mind? Was that her power? He didn't get it... He offered her a small, almost half smile as he lifted the cookie up to his mouth and took a small bite, chewing and then swallowing. He nodded and the corner of his lips twitched as he looked at her. "S'good," he offered, biting the inside of his bottom lip. Was that alright? Did he offend her?

I've Been Counting // Maddix [backdated to: december 11th]

little-miss-madeline

Maddie returned to where she was in the kitchen, reaching over and grabbing a tea towel before stepping to the oven and beginning to put the trays in. “You can sit down y’know. You don’t have to stand…my stools don’t bite.” That same stupid smile came onto her face again, her bright eyes glancing over at Felix a few times as she spoke though always setting her focus back onto the tray she was carrying. The brunette slid the tray into the oven before resting a hand on her hip and making a slight beckoning motion to him with the other. “I want you to try something anyhow - if you’re standing that far away I’m going to have to walk all the way over there.”

"Oh... kay..." he slowly let out, furrowing his eyebrows as he stepped forward into the kitchen. For a moment he considered sitting on one of the stools, but decided not to. Sitting was too vulnerable of a position. He needed to be alert. Was this like, an attack of some sort? He didn't know. Maybe she worked for AIM. They hadn't found out he was defecting yet though, did they? No, they couldn't know. There was no possible way. He stepped forward slowly, a little hesitantly, before moving into the kitchen and leaning back against the counter, folding his arms across his chest as he watched her.

I've Been Counting // Maddix [backdated to: december 11th]

little-miss-madeline

"Oh! Don’t be sorry, silly! I like the surprise visits…they’re nice." As she spoke, Maddie bit her lower lip as he ducked his head to stare at his feet. She extended her dainty hand out and used the tips of two of her fingers - flour ridden from cooking - to lift his chin ever so slightly before bopping the tip of his nose; leaving flour against his skin. "Come inside. You’ve got good timing actually, I need someone to taste test my cooking." She she spoke she stepped back, continuing her words on her way back to the kitchen and assuming Felix would follow. She hoped he would, hell if he didn’t she would have gone back and tugged him after her with her own hands if she had to.

When he felt her lift his chin, he tensed, unsure of what to do. But anger didn't flood through him. He normally hated it when people touched him, and on reflex would normally grab them and break whatever appendage it was that touched him, but this time he didn't want to... He just let her lift his chin, and while yes, he did tense, he didn't move, perhaps flinched a bit, but didn't flinch away from her. Just looked at her, slightly amazed and confused as his head tilted to the side. "Alright..." he managed, confusion marring his features after she tapped his nose. He followed her, closing the door behind him as he tilted his head slightly and moved into the kitchen, one hand going to the opposite arm's elbow as he stood awkwardly just outside of the kitchen.

#para: bit #bye

terror-in-the-night

Blood Is Thicker Than Water || Terror & Felix [backdated Dec. 18]

terror-in-the-night

Terror frowned and decided to drop the subject of the replacement girl. He’d deal with that another time and it was obviously upsetting Felix. Possibly because of the fact he took away the previous one. It was a decision he still regretted but it was a decision that had to be made.

"This, Felix. We haven’t spoken since what happened with Benji and that girl and we need to talk." Terror rubbed his forehead and a bit of insecurity, the pain he’d been keeping locked up, leaked through. But just a bit. "I just want to fix this, Felix. I can’t be the only one. Let’s just be done with all this fighting." His voice was tired and worn as were his eyes. "Just talk to me."

Felix heard it first, and then he felt it. He felt the tiredness, he felt the frustration in the other man's voice, he could feel it and hear it, and it wasn't a thing he enjoyed. No, how could he enjoy hearing his father crumble like that? His father was supposed to be the strong one, the hero that saved Felix the Knight whenever he needed him most. The father he could curl up against when he had a bad day at school.. that combed his hair and told him stories.

He sighed out and shifted slightly, moving to lean against the door intead of stand next to it. "I don't know if it can be fixed, Pop," he murmured out, and his voice was just as tired as the other's.

I've Been Counting // Maddix [backdated to: december 11th]

little-miss-madeline

Standing barefoot in her kitchen, Maddie hummed along quietly to the overtly cheery music on her radio, wriggling her hips occasionally as she went about cutting out the treats from the dough and setting them on trays. The young woman was covered from head to toe practically in flour and bits of ginger flavored cookie dough. When she heard the knock at her door, the brunette stopped and wiped her hands on the front of her little pinafore apron before moving towards the door with a small spring in her movements. When she opened it she couldn’t help but beam a small sweet grin up at the man behind it. “You don’t give me much notice do you, tough guy?” Her words were light, playful, and showed that she was actually happy to see him. Because despite the fact Felix seemed perplexed and irritated, he gave her some strange sense of happiness that she wasn’t going to take for granted.

When he saw her, he almost wanted to smile. It was there, right there, almost at the surface, but he couldn't do it. Since when did he want to smile at people? Since when had someone gotten their way past his outer shell? No one had. Ever. Maybe his father... but that was a different story. His father came into his life when he needed him most, and he latched onto it. Well, could that be what... could that be what this was? He didn't understand. He didn't know if he wanted to. He frowned and cleared his throat. "I... Sorry," he muttered, looking to his feet. Why did he keep doing that? The only time he ever felt inferior was when his father was around...

terror-in-the-night

Blood Is Thicker Than Water || Terror & Felix [backdated Dec. 18]

terror-in-the-night

The smile faded but Terror’s expression didn’t twitch. He watched Felix take that defensive stance and he felt the pain and annoyance grow. It was a rough emotion like a ball of barbed wire in his chest but he separated them as best he could. Terror ignored the pain and gripped to the annoyance as motivation for his next words.

"I see. I’m glad you found a suitable replacement then. I was hoping you would." Terror stood up and placed his hands in the pockets of his coat. "Are you willing to talk to me now, or are you going to continue shutting me out?" The question held a sort of disappointment about the words, like an adult scolding a young child, but he still meant it honestly. He wanted to talk to Felix. He wanted to fix this. He wanted things to be the way they used to be. So much has changed and he just wanted things to go back.

Felix stared him down, getting more and more on edge the more he spoke. But still, he couldn't help but shifting his gaze to the ground. He couldn't help it because through everything, Terror was still his superior. He was still his father. He still raised him into the man he was, and he could be as angry at him as possible, he could shut him out or disown him, but when it came down to it he couldn't look the man into the eye. It was just how it was.

His hands balled into fists where they were against his chest, and he gritted his teeth, speaking through them. "Replacement for what? She isn't a replacement for anything." He didn't even know how or if the man really knew about Maddie, but he wasn't going to throw her name or her anything because his father thought that she was a means to an end. No, Maddie was the first person he had felt something for in his entire life, and he wasn't going to mess it up. "What exactly are we supposed to talk about?" he snapped, though he kept his gaze to the ground.

I've Been Counting // Maddix [backdated to: december 11th]

For what felt like the fiftieth time that week, Felix found himself walking down the same hall toward the same dorm. Why was he doing this? Why did he continue to let her have such a hold over his thoughts, over his mind? He didn't understand. Normally he could control himself, force him to stop thinking about her or it or whatever it was, but this time he just... couldn't. Every time he found himself shutting it off, he found himself thinking about her a few hours later. He wasn't a good man. He wasn't a nice man. He wasn't happy or flamboyant or anything. He scowled. He glared at people. Hell, sometimes he even growled. She had every reason to be afraid of him, but she wasn't. Why? Because he wasn't scary. What was that about. His head was spinning. He needed to stop taking the meds. Stepping up to her door, he swallowed again, and before he could stop himself he was knocking.

Why // Maddix [backdated to: december 9th]

little-miss-madeline

The brunette tilted her head ever so slightly to the side as she kept her bright eyed gaze on Felix as he posed the question to her. If anything, despite the anger in his voice, she found the whole question well…silly. “Because…” She began, that same gentle smile coming across her soft features as she kept her gaze locked on him without any hint of budging. The answer was simple to her, and maybe it shouldn’t have been so - maybe she should have been terrified of the man like some of the other nurses had been when he’d woken up that day. But Maddie wasn’t, she truly wasn’t afraid of Felix at all. “You’re not scary.”

His eyebrows still knitted together with the utmost amount of confusion, he almost let out a growl. But he didn't, and refrained himself from doing so. Well, was it him refraining himself or was it because he didn't want her to be afraid of him? God, everything was so fuzzy. He needed to lay down or something, his head was throbbing. Clearing his throat, he looked from her face to her feet before sighing. "I see," was all he offered. He didn't get it. He didn't get it at all. "Alright." There wasn't anything more for him to add, was there? Was there something more that he was supposed to say? After looking back up at her one last time, he shook his head before turning on his heel and walking away.

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