I'm feeling so cool

felix stabbington Isle-born dude, 21, ASU junior, frat brother, tourney player, son of a Stabbington (the one with the eye patch, if you really wanna know). Reformed pick-pocket. Now the only thing I steal is hearts and even that, I do mainly on accident ;)

[felixstabbington]

sumskellingtwin‌:

“Hot damn,” Summer added in for him, because the song absolutely wasn’t complete without it. She even shot Felix a wink, playing along like she was actually buying into his ‘hotter than a dragon’ nonsense. Even his flattery couldn’t get her to really buy into it – she wouldn’t sacrifice her ice wine for anything – although she did preen slightly. “You, me, and the sexy exclusive dragon life? Wow, looks like it really is you and me forever, I don’t think there are a lot of other dragons for you to choose from,” Summer giggled. “And since you’re stuck with me regardless… all the more reason to cave and let me get ice wine, a happy dragon is much easier to live with than a grumpy one!’

She let the cruel comment slide – she kind of was cruel sometimes, not wanting to let him have his hot drink, teasing him about a chest that he wouldn’t actually end up touching, selfishly hogging all his time so he couldn’t find someone who he actually could touch… But Summer found that it was hard to care. Even without the alcohol that was starting to pleasantly buzz through her system, there was just this energy around them when they were together, and she had a hard time giving that feeling up.

“Nope, wrong button, you failed, you lose!” Summer laughed, reaching up to grab his hand so he couldn’t try button number two. She didn’t let it go, instead letting it fall into the space between them and clutching onto it. Summer scoffed lightly at his comment, saying, “Oh, yes, I went from ‘you and me forever’ to ‘you’re dead to me’ in five seconds flat, how did you guess?” He was so melodramatic, this best friend of hers, and she poked his nose now with her free hand. “No one will ever break up with you, silly, you’ll never give them the chance. But I’m honored that you’re thisclose to considering me the first,” she said, squishing her thumb and pointer finger together. “Come on, let’s just get both! The next stop looks terrible, we need the extra alcohol to make the Cinderellasburg offerings seem edible. Pleaaaase,” she said, batting her eyelashes at him, praying her begging would do the trick before she did something silly like let Felix have his way. 

"Of course its you and me forever, who else is gonna be the 'hot damn' to my 'too hot'?" Felix joked. He was about to add that as long as he had a separate dragon bachelor pad elsewhere he'd be down to share a cave too but then she was back on trying to sway him. He could've groaned but unless, he grinned and said, "I can think of a million other ways to make you happy." His tone might have come out almost innocent, or as close as he could get, but the mischief in Felix's eyes gave him away as to what those million ways were in his head. "Very very very happy." Happier than anyone else, he wanted to add, but that didn't have anything to do with iced wine or spiked chocolate. That was just his weird competitiveness coming out of nowhere and he choked it down like the egg rolls from the Northern Wei booth, not needing or wanting to get weird. He didn't need Summer to mom him or anything. 

"Boo, rematch!" Felix declared after his poking her nose hadn't worked, but he didn't actually move to try that again. In fact, he'd hardly noticed his hand was being held by Summer's and if he had, he was maybe too tipsy to care for once.  He sneered at her observations like she was taking his jokes too seriously, but she probably wasn't taking them seriously enough; maybe it was growing up on the Isle or maybe it was just who he was, but Felix never doubted that someone could drop him at the drop of a hat. That was life, and even though Summer felt entirely different, she was still a person. What could he really expect? 

"Yeah, well, I believe it was Taylor Swift who said you gotta leave before you get left," he quoted, tapping his temple with a finger from his free hand. "And I can't disappoint Taylor. She's too cute." He wondered briefly if Summer thought there was something wrong with him for not wanting to give people a chance to leave him, but then he realized those were sissy thoughts and focused in on what she was saying, and groaned immediately. "Speaking of being too cute," he sighed, covering his eyes with his free hand before peeking through the fingers to see Summer and her eyelashes and her smile. "You're evil. But fine, we'll get both. You owe me a win tonight somewhere else then," he stated simply, shaking his head at the way their drink argument had been resolved. He'd learn to say no to that face one day, but that day was not today.

[felixstabbington]

TEXT 💬 SUMLIX

Summer: IT BETTER BE MIKE. I know that there's been a lot of speculation that it's going to be Peter, especially now that Mike's going to be on BIP, but I've heard rumors that he doesn't find love there EITHER and that that's a big part of why they haven't announced Bachelor yet, is because they're waiting until Mike's off paradise. ALSO DID YOU SEE HIS INSTASTORY OF HIM PASSING OUT A ROSE? SWOON. WE need to make my Bachelor audition brilliant so I can get on the show and get one of those roses. I find the Blake drama highly entertaining! But I guess for you it's just another day in the life of Felix Stabbington, except that you're charming enough to not get shit for Blake-ing :-p

Summer: It's not gross, it's sweet! But it's over now so you don't have to ew at Tyler C anymore, since he's off the Hannah train. I knew that wasn't going to go anywhere after she dumped him and only tried to get him back because her other option turned out to be scum, but oh well.

Summer: I will steal your phone and turn it on silent and forbid you from using it every time we hang out if that's the case, I'll just have to be very distracting to save myself from the jingle. The Gerber baby's cute too! Maybe he WAS the Gerber baby and grew up to be a pilot with a heart of gold! Wow, you're extending such a KIND and GRACIOUS offer to me? I'm so touched :-p

Felix: Colton was on BIP too and still ended up being another stale-ass Bachelor in a long line of stale-ass Bachelors so the network can't use that as an excuse -- and Mike obviously isn't gonna find love on BIP, who there is even good enough for him? The ones who are mature enough aren't hot enough and vice versa. I diiiid see the story and all it made me think was that we've gotta hurry up and make your tape, stat, and make it something he can't ignore. I have like five bikini ideas lined up because I'm the best producer ever but I'm open to more ideas. The Blake drama isn't even drama, like? A single dude slept with two different girls on two different nights, that's just life? And did you see his Instastory where he posted the texts between him and Caelynn? It just makes her look like a big fat liar about how involved they were and tbh I'm not surprised. Her crying felt so fake and Blake's surprise face looked too real lmao.

Felix: Yeah, and now he's dating Gigi Hadid maybe? Life is going good for this dude, damn.

Felix: Oooh, you're gonna forbid me from using my phone? What are you going to do if I use it anyway, you gonna punish me? :-P a pilot with a heart of gold who's boring as all hell but boring is some people's type, I guess. And of course, I'm the best friend ever, how could I not offer you a sexy training montage? We could even do it in five different positions ;) to really show them how it's done, you know?

[felixstabbington]

text ✉ femmett

Emmett: Okay, sure, I'm gonna fight you. Dude, I can't do that to a brother, I'm going to embarrass the frat by making you look lame :-p (Are you going to claw me and pull my hair? Lol)

Emmett: I don't know, probably just eat and drink. Isn't that all people actually do anywhere? The world's lamer than I thought it would be when I was back on the Isle. (Calm down, bro, you're starting to sound like YOU'RE the one who wants to date her and we know that's off brand :-p)

Felix: Nobody can make me look lame, we both know that. Can't look like what you're not :-P (Nah, I save the hair pulling for the ladies ;-P)

Felix: I feel you. I thought it be like a billion new and exciting shiny new things to do every day but it's so far from that. (Do YOU not think Summer deserves a guy who worships her? Cause if you don't, I'm duty bound to report that to Winter and I'm sure you'll lose points for dissing the sister.)

[felixstabbington]

sumskellingtwin‌:

Well, that’s subjective, but I’m sure there are at least a few people who are on board with the ILF part of that. Maybe even Halloweentown boys, but we’re like, almost lowkey celebrities around there, maybe that’s intimidating or something, I don’t know. And I remember what most of them were like when they still picked their noses and pooped in sandboxes so I’d probably pass even if they did try. I mean, hopefully, I was under the impression that his last relationship ended because she wanted that kind of thing and he didn’t, but who knows, maybe how he feels about Winter is on some whole different level that makes him want to do things on a different timeline than he did before. I definitely saw Mary Kate telling them they were stupid for rushing it! But sure, let’s say that your words hold more sway, I could believe that. Not just any papers, the last papers of my undergrad career, those are a big deal. And of course! Although would you hate me if I said I liked think and double stuffed more than original original? Flavor’s the same, just different amounts of stuffing or cookie thickness. You might be too hot to be their model, honestly. You could be their NSFW model, watching you lick the cream filling is probably like, criminally sexy. You’d sell to the Oreo After Dark squad.

Unless "subjective" means "100% true and indisputable" then nah, its not. The lowkey celebrity thing is the closest explanation to making sense; I have mad skills and I'd still take a breath before making a move on, say, a Bachelor Nation girl. And come on, Sums, that's a little picky of you especially since every dude still picks their noses, hate to break it to you, even the ones you think are all perfect and junk. People change in new relationships! They get excited and weird and pussy-whipped, especially if its with someone they see themselves with forever, so who knows, dude? I could see it happening, if we weren't around to at least delay it. Not for school schedule conflicting reasons though, nope, but because they deserve more time before they become lame married people. Damn, Summer. And here I thought nothing could make me hate you but you aren't an Oreo purist. How do we go on from here? Just kidding -- even if it was an issue, you won me back by being so spot on about what a great model for them I'd be. You'd be a good one too! For the Halloween ones, obviously. Is it an offense to your people if I say I hate those? Because I do, sorry not sorry.

[piratestrength-deactivated20190]

“You know. I haven’t stopped eating fruit since I got here.” It’s been a few years, but strawberries with sugar were his favorite. He continued to be told it wasn’t healthy, but that didn’t bother him too much. He was active enough during the day that a little bit of sugar wasn’t going to kill him. “These are the kinds of things the Isle don’t have to offer.” Fruit. Sugar. Soda. Anything that wasn’t rotten or disgusting, the Isle didn’t have. At least Auradon had brought a breath of fresh air and school wasn’t nearly as boring as it had been on the Isle. “Do you have a favorite food?” He was asking for personal reasons, of course. If someone had a favorite food he hadn’t tried, he definitely would end up doing so after this conversation finished.

[felixstabbington]

"Yeah, because the food is totally the best thing about Auradon," Felix said sarcastically, rolling his eyes at Gil. "If the fruit is sweet, the girls are even sweeter, admit it. No offense to the VK girls or anything but damn." He fanned himself with his hand as a joke, ignoring the rest of Gil's question to focus on what really mattered.

[felixstabbington]

TEXT 💬 SUMLIX

Summer: LOL I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHO THE NEXT BACHELOR IS, I'm not that into most of the BIP cast. Like, controversial opinion? John Paul Jones did nothing for me. And Cam's not worth the drama. But you're more than welcome to hog my summer, you always have been and you always will be!

Summer: Too bad Tyler C didn't get a chance to punch Jed during the finale!!! I can't believe he was so composed, he was too excited to see Hannah to want to murder the jerk that was backstage with him!

Summer: I groaned so loudly when the guitar was with him during the proposal, ugh. And have you seen the dog food jingle? It's not even very good! Peter's cute! I'd hook up with him! And apparently I'd have to do it five times in something more exciting than a windmill if I want to be more memorable than Hannah :-p

Felix: IT BETTER BE MIKE. Like no offense to the franchise but I'm tired of these boys that all be looking the same, you know? And Big Mike is a man who knows what he's looking for and is entertaining to boot, I'm gonna be pissed if it isn't him. JPJ is all about the hair, I don't get it either :-P and good, I'm gonna hog your life because I need to complain to someone that the Blake drama to start the series is... kinda weak if you ask me idk.

Felix: Yeah, no, Tyler C. was too gone for Hannah at that point that he could've been in a room with evil itself and wouldn't have noticed cause he'd just be looking forward to seeing her again. Gross lol.

Felix: I don't know, I kind of like the jingle, might make it my new ringtone :-P You think Peter's cute? For real? He looks like the Gerber baby. I can help though, if you want. We can scour the city for places more interesting than windmills and get up to five times, I'm positive ;-)

[felixstabbington]

text ✉ femmett

Emmett: Bro, I've got longer legs than you, I can use them to make up the difference when it comes to running speed. (I feel like I'm more of a wolf dude or something instead. Like a giant dog, cats are for girls.)

Emmett: I'm sure they must somewhere. Like San Fransokyo or something less castle-y and old timey than Auradon City. (Or Summer. She's like, girlfriend material, she seems like she'd settle down faster than Frankie.)

Felix: Only one way to find out :-P this is all words unless we get into it, dude. (You as a wolf? Those need packs, bro. Tigers can hunt alone, and I ain't made at the girl comment. Girls fight dirtier.)

Felix: But living in San Fransokyo, bleh. What do people do there for fun, go to museums and shit? (You think we'd have a chance at stealing a potential Summer dude? Come on, man, whoever she dates is going to worship her. Or else.)

[felixstabbington]

sumskellingtwin‌:

“Oh, you’re a dragon now, huh?” Summer laughed, rolling her eyes. She almost teasingly asked him if Maleficent was secretly his mother, but knew before the words could even come out of her mouth that that was in bad taste. Felix was always more sensitive about family things than he liked to let on – she had a sneaking suspicion that was why he was so against the idea of spending time with hers. She didn’t mind coming into Auradon City to see him; life was better for having him around, but she was busier with her summer jobs than he was, and it would have been nice if he’d come to her for a change.

More than just wanting to see him, though, he was important to her. She wanted to share the other things that were important to her with him, but Felix made that hard, when he wanted everything to be on his terms like this.

“It’s not that you aren’t allowed to touch my chest, it’s that it’s socially unacceptable for you to do so in public,” Summer taunted, grinning wickedly at him. She folded her arms across her chest then, partially out of petulance about him not giving in on the drink front, and partially just to tease him by accentuating what was there that he couldn’t touch. “Also for the record, my chest is more sensitive than yours, you could find somewhere to poke me that would hurt less,” she shrugged, almost as an invitation to try and find a spot.

She beamed at his singing; Summer had always loved her friend’s voice, and even just small moments like this were no exception. “Half the girls in Auradon are here wearing skimpy summer clothing today, I’m sure we could find you someone very hot as your consolation prize, bozo.” She hadn’t really intended on coming here to matchmake him, but if that was what would make him happy… “Or, you know, we could get both. It’s not technically breaking our pact to split everything if we each drink half still, right?” 

"I'm one better than a dragon," Felix joked. "Its like the great Bruno Mars said, 'I'm too hot, make a dragon wanna retire'." He sang the lyrics with a smile as if that was proof enough that they could drink warm drinks without becoming overly warm in this oppressive summer heat. "And you're one too which means we get a free pass to the kinds of drinks which would melt every else but us. Come on, feeling exclusive and special feels good, doesn't it?" he pressed, now for the fun of it more than anything else. 

He loved when he and Summer were on opposite sides of things, mainly because he knew with 100% certainty that they were always on the same team regardless. There was something comforting about a person he could fight and never lose, and something a little bit dark and tense that existed in the need he had to test the limits of the people he hoped would stick around. 

Poor Summer, with how much he wanted her around, it meant she'd have a lot to put up with. But she was still here. That was what mattered. 

She was here and she was teasing him hard, and a side of Felix's lips rose slightly as his gaze lowered pointedly to the chest in question. His eyes flickered up to meet hers and he shook his head at her. "You're so cruel to me," Felix laughed, "but okay, I hear you, I’ll touch it when we’re alone, just like you asked me." He winked at her and fought the urge to look down at her chest again when she crossed her arms, focusing instead on another spot to poke. "Alright, let's see here, button number one!" He reached out and poked her nose, like he sometimes did, and let out a small “bop”. 

For some reason, Felix hadn't thought of wingmanning as a reward tonight. Maybe it was because he knew Summer had stuff to do back home and that she was taking a break to be here with him and that meant more to him than some random lay, and he'd definitely never tell her that. What he would do however was scoff as loudly as possible at her suggestion of having one each, drop a jaw, and press a hand to his chest like he couldn't breathe at the mere implication. "'Breaking our pact'?" he repeated, a brow cocking half-teasingly. "Summer Skellington, are you breaking up with me? How could you? After all this time on the food passport together? Did that mean nothing to you?"

[felixstabbington]

text ✉ femmett

Emmett: I've got five inches on you, dude, and I bet if we put our biceps side by side everyone'd be betting on me to be the winner. (Sure, whatever, I'll be the lion. Why do you have such strong big cat preferences? TF?)

Emmett: You seem like you're gonna wanna live somewhere where you've got a mail locker room and a key anyway. Like a high rise where you can look out at shit from above, not like... a housey kinda deal. (Nuh uh, there's always Frankie to keep it even, Casper being lame just puts us a man down instead of even.)

Felix: Sure Gigantor, but how do you hit what you can't catch? Those five inches mean nothing when I'm quick as a cat and you've seen me on the field. Good luck :-P (Because it's just obvious, duh. Imagine you as a tiger? It'd be so weird.)

Felix: Dude... you just described the sickest bachelor pad imaginable. Do you think they have places like that here for sale already?? (We need someone else to even it out then. Maybe when Frankie starts dating someone we can steal them for our side.)

[felixstabbington]

sumskellingtwin‌:

Nope, mom friend, remember? Winter and I are equally cute but she’s always been the more fun, approachable seeming one out of the two of us, if you ask me. My sister needs the advice more than I do, Fuckboy Uncle Felix – God, what do you think are the odds of she and Emmett being another one of those couples who are like ‘well we always were in love we just didn’t know we were in love, why wait?’ like Will and Blake were? I swear if they try to get married next summer or something I’m going to riot, I so do not want to be planning her bachelorette party at the same time as I’m trying to finish up my bachelor’s degree. Um, come with you, duh. I’ll stay back while you’re working your charms, and by stay back I mean I’ll probably be picking out seven different flavors of Oreos to go scan in my own checkout line.

More like MILF friend, let's be real, and if it's really true that the Halloweentown boys don't see that, I'm glad I never go there. There must be something in the water. Uuhh I'm hoping my boy E will hold the reins on realism when it comes to that and it'll be at least more than a year of them dating, damn. Besides, they have what Will and Blake presumably didn't, a me whispering in their ears about why getting married so early is a mistake. Good to know I have a rioting buddy, even if it is just so you can be lame and study and write papers and stuff. Don't forget the original flavor of Oreos on your cookie spree! Those are the best kind, hands down, but everyone acts like the specialty ones are the only ones worth raving about. Give me a nice original Oreo with a glass of milk any day -- hey, do you think they'd make me their model? I mean, watching me eat Oreos is enough to get anyone on, right?

[felixstabbington]

TEXT 💬 SUMLIX

Summer: BOTH nights of it, not just one! It doesn't count if we don't watch ALLLLL of it, sorry not sorry for hogging your Monday AND Tuesday this week.

Summer: I think moving the podium was even more iconic somehow. I'm shocked there wasn't a fight but I guess they ARE real people and real charges could have been pressed. Bummer :-/

Summer: I get it with Jed I guess, because their talk got all deep and she felt 'emotionally closer' to him by the end of their date I guess. But Peter??? What did Peter do right that Tyler didn't do???

Felix: That's fine, I gotta get used to Monday and Tuesday being Skype nights anyway because BACHELOR IN PARADISE, BABY! Get ready to have me hog up your whole summer :-P

Felix: I know that moving the podium was huge and looking in his eyes and saying no was awesome but I'm a dude! I want blood lol Hannah's honor deserves blood! She wanted blood this whole season lol with rugby and stuff, it should end in a fight, the good old-fashioned way.

Felix: I don't even hear words coming out of Jed's mouth tbh lol I just hear guitar twanging so I'll have to take your word for it. Peter was probably to try to prove to herself that they COULD have physical chemistry because boooy was she not feeling it before.

[felixstabbington]

vvtani‌:

I don’t know how much this would sell for. Wouldn’t you know that better. I’m not one for finding people’s stuff and selling them so. 

Why would I know that? I'm a little offended at what you're implying here, Vitani. But hey, if you don't want the book, I can take it off your hands for you, just saying. It’d be a win-win for everybody.

[felixstabbington]

casperlockex‌:

Yeah, right. ‘Cause I’m totally running and tattling on myself. It’s like you’ve never pulled a prank! Uh, meta-what now? What are you even talking about? In what other way could I be wrong? I mean, we’re talking fireworks! They’re amazing! You mean treat others how you wanna be treated? That rule? Because pretty sure I’m following it… I’d want her to stand up for me if she felt she had to!

I've definitely pulled pranks, but that's different; for me, getting caught is half the fun. If you're out here complaining about getting caught though, then you’re part of the problem and the solution is to just get better at pranking, plain and simple. Metaphoric? Come on, bro, don't tell me you don't know high school words. And no, I'm talking about the rule that I said outright: there are some things you only do for your girl, otherwise you look like a chump. "Treat others how you wanna be treated”? Ew. This would go a lot easier if you stopped trying to put words in my mouth.

[xxcloexx-deactivated20190903]

Hey, wait up. I found this book and I have no idea who’s it is. I’ve been asking everyone I see and no one knows. Maybe I just need to go give it to the lost and found I don’t know. But do you know who’s it is I found it at one of the picnic table’s.

[felixstabbington]

Nah, don't go to the lost and found, no one goes there. You know what I think? Finder's keepers, loser's weepers. How much do you think a book like this would sell for on the Internet?

[felixstabbington]

text ✉ femmett

Emmett: And you'd love an opportunity to kick my ass with no consequences so why don't you come test that out? 😋

Emmett: Yeaaaaah, Halloweentown's weird as hell but not so weird that they don't follow like, the golden rules of Auradon. Oh yeah, my heart's like bleeding all over the place. We're fine as long as you're fine, it would just be better if you were here. I wouldn't be outnumbered by chicks and dumbasses (that's still Casper, in case you weren't sure).

Felix: Of course I'd love that, bro! It would be epic, in a just-to-know kind of way. Sort of like tossing a tiger and a lion in a cage together just to see who's the toughest once and for all. (Btw, dibs on the tiger!)

Felix: Shame, if they threw the rules away, at least I'd know it feels more like home lol -- if the breadwinners are thieves, who knows, I might even put my name on the mailbox :-P (And hey, as for Casper, I think he just needs a real solid wingmanning! Think about it, if we convert him, we'll always outnumber the girls. Doesn't that sound tight?)

[felixstabbington]

sumskellingtwin‌:

Taking a couple of days off from her work at the kids’ day camp to come see Felix had really been the perfect way to relax. Her friend certainly knew how to take her mind off of things, and he was an upgrade from surrounding herself with children – even when he was acting like one himself, fighting dirty to get what he wanted. Summer barely stopped herself from snorting when he told her the hot chocolate was as hot as she was, swatting at his should, a little unsteady in her movements from the alcohol they’d had at other stands already.

“No! Ice wine’s different. Besides, if I’m hot, and you’re hot, and the hot cocoa’s hot, you’re going to like… melt, and I didn’t come all this way to hang out with a pile of Felix goo,” Summer protested, poking at his chest to punctuate each of her final few words. Okay, so maybe he wasn’t the only one acting a bit childish, but it was nice, having someone she could be silly and maybe even a little bit bratty with. They’d been splitting everything they’d gotten at the food and wine festival so far, easily agreeing, but Summer really wanted that ice wine, and she wasn’t about to let it go without a fight. 

“You need to cooooool down,” she sing-songed, the tune matching that newer Taylor Swift single about calming down. Summer jutted her lip out in an exaggerated pout, but she knew that probably wouldn’t be enough to get Felix to see things her way – she’d have to really entice him, or else she could kiss the ice wine goodbye. 

Felix made a face at Summer's snorting, wondering as he had often times before how someone so attractive could make such an unattractive sound. It made him laugh, but not as much as her logic did. "Hot cocoa isn't going to melt us. Fire cannot burn some dragons, or however that goes," he reasoned, making total sense in his own mind as his hand came up to cup where Summer had poked him as if in pain. 

"Oww! Why are you allowed to touch my chest but I'm not allowed to touch yours?" he jested, raising a brow at her. He didn't actually expect an answer to that and besides, they had a more pressing issue to attend to: he had to get her to agree to the cocoa, stat! They could in theory just get whatever they wanted but they'd been splitting the whole time so far and he hated the idea of breaking their streak. It had become kind of like a silent challenge to himself, and he wasn't going to lose now. 

But he wasn't going to yield either, especially not to some lame Taylor Swift song. "You need to just stop," he sang back, grinning at her and admiring the way her lip looked jutting out. "I also happen to be 100% cool, which makes me the master in both elements which means its totally my call. Unless... what's in it for me?" he teased. “After all, if I’m missing out on something hot for you, shouldn’t I get something hotter in return?”

[felixstabbington]

sumskellingtwin‌:

I am smart, thank you for remembering – but I also don’t exactly have a ton of fuckbuddies in my childhood home, so jot that down. Oh yes, Disaster Uncle Casper, Grumpy Uncle Emmett, Fuckboy Uncle Felix, who would so use my child as a wingman, and Aunt Winter. A fun little family we’d make. Actually, that doesn’t sound terrible, but still, totally doesn’t need to happen anytime soon. Stuck with you. By very deliberate choice, yes, I can imagine I’d really hate coming to see you. It’s cool, though – even if you have other plans, I can entertain myself for a while, don’t worry about me crashing your fun. 

You don't? Weird, I kinda pictured all the boys in Pumpkin Town lining up round the block to get their shot at you, huh. And yeah, sure, maybe I'd use a baby as a wing person -- it would be a legit waste not to -- but joke's on you, because Fuckboy Uncle Felix sounds so cool! I'm fine with waiting a looong time to deal with any babies though, so you jot that down and also pass it on to your sister and my boi. I was just going to do the lame but necessary stuff tonight, actually, like grocery shop and see if I can charm the cashier into giving me my food for free. You want to wait for me back at mine while I do that, or do you want to come with? Either way works for me.