The Reformer Feminist

A blog of all things feminism with a bit of personal affiliations.

[femcyclopedia]

The Erotic

[femcyclopedia]

For years, men have seen women as people who aren’t supposed to get pleasure out of penetration. To them, women just take it because they are submissive to men. It is a huge misconception, since everyone has a sex drive and the erotic to go with it. This started a trend of losing the erotic for things that are part of our lives that don’t relate to sex at all. 

In Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power, written by Audre Lorde, it is stated that men have misnamed the erotic in women into “the confused, the trivial, the psychotic, the plasticized sensation. The concept I want to focus on is how we lose a sense of self when we suppress the erotic within us. 

The Erotic is defined as “a measure between the beginnings of our sense of self and the chaos of our strongest feelings”, as said in Lorde’s own words. Throughout history, it was believed that women could only be strong women if they could suppress their erotic feelings since it was shamed upon. It has also been described as an inferiority amongst females, supposedly being a sign of this feeling of being inferior. However, in the eyes of women, it was seen as the suppression of a power as well as important information in their lives. Information that makes them who they actually are. This resulting in women not being their full potential in their own way.

A consequence of this notion; us women have been raised to fear the yes within our bodies and soul; to be more specific, our deepest cravings (342). Because of this, we turn into obedient, loyal, and docile women who have no choice but to fall into the aspects of the oppression we face just because of our sex.

The most important part of this reading is where Lorde begins to explain what happens or could happen to a woman who accepts the erotic in her, essentially when she gains her power back. When a woman does just that, she tends to end what has been satisfying for her all these years without the erotic. All the suffering, all the powerlessness, depression, negative feelings and emotions, everything about ourselves that we lose touch with because of the suppression of our erotic. Once we regain the erotic in ourselves, we flourish into ourselves. Regain ourselves for who we actually are. We become who we are intended to be. If it weren’t for men diminishing us for the erotic in sexual terms, we could have always been in touch with the erotic, never to face a time where we don’t know our full potential and our deepest feelings. 

[femcyclopedia]

To Be More Inclusive

It’s no surprise that as we go through the decades that things change. Everything changes. Things are always evolving into broader, more appropriate terms, to be inclusive, not offend people, and just because that’s how life goes. 

In the reading Has Lesbian Become a Dirty Word Among Young Queer Women? written by Sam Manzella, it is mentioned that she used to identify as a lesbian because that’s what the media and the vast majority of people in our society identify as well. As the years progressed, she decided that label of being lesbian didn’t settle well with her because of things other lesbians have been doing, giving the title a bad reputation. The lesbians she looked up to weren’t very accepting of transgender individuals and she didn’t enjoy what they messages they were spreading in society. In addition to the reputation, she also explains how in college she was young and curious and would question the confinement of the label she had given herself. She ended up dropping her label but felt as though bisexual wasn’t fitting for her personally because she was attracted to people outside of females and males binaries. 

Manzella ended up labeling herself as queer, as well as a couple of her friends, to give themselves room for people who don't fit the male/female categories since they are open to more than just those genders. The term queer does come with a long history behind it, however most individuals today haven’ t lived through it and don’t feel the same way our ancestors feel about it. To this day, it still remains somewhat controversial. At the end of the HIV/AIDS movement, it was reclaimed and “made” into a much more inclusive label for more individuals that make part of the LGBTQ+. 

Today, the younger children are leaning more towards terms that leave some wiggle room for possibility, rather than the typical constricting gay or lesbian labels. Queer leaves room for trans and gender non-binary individuals, much more fitting for Sam’s case. The message behind this reading, and how it relates to my “meme” above, is that language needs to be thoroughly thought out especially in cases like these. Sexuality isn’t something to take lightly, and labeling yourself lesbian because that’s what it should be and not because that’s how you fully identify isn’t sufficient enough. It gives off the wrong idea to the community as well. In addition, in our day of age, society is all about being inclusive. We preach that we need to include everybody when applicable so when it’s applicable to do so, do just that.

[femcyclopedia]

The Erotic

[femcyclopedia]

All Things Hetero

The purpose of Homophobia, Heterosexism and Heteronormativity is to distinguish the differences between all three terms and their interpretations of them between 3 authors; Suzanne Pharr & Audre Lorde (homophobia and heterosexism), and Miriam Smith (heteronormativity). This reading is important to feminism because it relates to many concepts of feminism itself. Lesbians are mostly much more likely to be a victim than gay men, however both do become victims much more often than heterosexual individuals. The difference between the number hetero female victims and homosexual female victims to violence whether it is physical fighting, sexual assault or mental abuse is significant. 

HOMOPHOBIA & HETEROSEXISM:

Suzanne Pharr states the following in her book Homophobia: A Weapon of Sexism; “Homophobia works effectively as a weapon of sexism because it is joined with a powerful arm, heterosexism” (pg 241). Pharr continues with her explanation as to why homophobia and heterosexism are linked. She states that homophobia is based upon the climate that heterosexism creates; heterosexism is the belief that heterosexual individuals are dominant and are seen as the norm in our society for as long as we can remember. It gives us heterosexuals power and privilege over gays, lesbians, bisexuals, etc.. Audre Lorde’s definition of heterosexism is very similar, however she goes into more depth about homophobia. She believes that homophobia is the fear of people who are in love with one’s same sex rather than just pure hatred for homosexuals. 

IN DEPTH HOMOPHOBIA

There are 4 types of homophobia described;

1. Personal Homophobia - is the bias one feels due their own feelings in regards to homosexual individuals and relationships whether it is a romantic or sexual relationship.

2. Interpersonal Homophobia - is the behaviour an individual promotes or exhibits that comes from the personal bias they have against homophobia (personal homophobia).

3. Institutional Homophobia - are the many ways government run institutions, businesses and even churches choose to discriminate against homosexuality. An example would be banning them from attending church. This can also be referred to as heterosexism.

4. Cultural Homophobia - is the notion of social standards that “indicate” being heterosexual is the only moral sexual orientation and that everyone should be heterosexual. This can also be referred to as heterosexism.

HETERONORMATIVITY

Heteronormativity, as written by Miriam Smith, means all of society and many social organizations are built off the idea that heterosexual orientation and romantic relationships are the dominant of sexuality. It is also stated that “homosexuality is deviant” (242). This puts gays, lesbians, bisexuals as well as many other sexual preferences individuals may have, outside the norm of our society; it is not seen as normal behaviour. 

An example would be that the assumption towards sexuality is always heterosexual UNLESS otherwise stated. This is how the vast majority of people today assume sexuality because of this idea of heteronormativity. Another, more political example would be the lack of financial support or benefits provided due to one’s sexuality which was once the case here in Canada. This was based off the notion that only hetero couples should be given medial and pension benefits because this is the “only form of couple that is worthy..” (242). 

[femcyclopedia]

My Personal Connection to Beauty Culture and Why I Feel Horrible about What I Can’t Change

Carla Rice brings does a great job in shedding light in how ridiculous today’s beauty culture is in our society in Through the Mirror of Beauty Culture. The media and personal opinions both play a large role in what the standards of beauty are; large breasts and bottoms, skinny waist, being overweight isn’t considered beautiful, perfect acne-less skin, and long flowy hair just to name a few. There are obviously many other beauty standards out there because society just needs to be that picky about what’s “beautiful” and what’s “not beautiful”.

Once I started junior high, puberty hit. It hit hard and it hit fast. My self esteem plummeted fast resulting in a shy 14 year old girl putting herself into a bubble and hid from everyone. I didn’t feel beautiful. It took a lot of talks with my mom and a therapist to get me to find qualities in myself that were beyond how I looked; I was a shoulder to cry on, somewhat a good role model for my younger sisters, a genuinely funny person when happy, dedicated to succeeding in school, and many, many other wonderful aspects I still stand by today. Because of this, the looks people want in a woman don’t even phase me; I want the complete opposite. I don’t care to be the “norm”. 

High school hit and I was the talk of the hallway. I never hated something more. The reason I hate it is because it doesn’t matter to me, only my qualities matter. I may be tiny and “well proportioned” for my body type according to others, but it doesn’t mean I’m happy about it. I don’t like being skinny. I don’t like looking like a damn stick. I feel like I look ill half the time, I’d rather have thick thighs than the thigh gap I do have. I’d rather be more like my sister, because I know it hurts her that both of her sisters are skinny without trying and she tries so hard to lose the weight she doesn’t want. I don’t like that my mom jokes about the fact she almost had an eating disorder as a teen because she wanted to look like me. I don’t like that my friends cry over their body shape. I don’t like when they compare themselves to me. I’ve never hated being “superior” more than in this situation.

So, in all honesty, fuck beauty culture. Wavy, messy hair is beautiful. Tummy rolls are sexy. B cups aren’t something to be ashamed of. Size large is just a damn size, not a label.  You ruin what beauty really is and you ruin people’s self confidence. You ruined my sister’s mental health. You’re behind half of the humor my mom exhibits. You’ve made many of my friends tell me to get over confidence problems because “I have it all”. Beauty should be inner qualities and personality. That’s all that matters, in fact it’s the only thing that sticks around once you get old. Breasts get saggy. Hair thins out. Skin wrinkles. Metabolism disappears. Middle age kicks in. Women get pregnant and double in size and weight. Stretch marks. Acne scars. Illnesses. I could keep going and going. This makes me angry. 

[femcyclopedia]

Why Purity Balls Wouldn’t Work In My Small Town.

Being from a small town, while also attending high school, really opened my eyes on the topic of sexuality and virginity. As a teenager, I wasn’t throwing myself at boys to take my “virginity” like other individuals in my class were. Parties were the number one place for that type of activity, and I was never invited which may be why I wasn’t fond of being taken advantage of. THAT, and because I have more self respect for myself than that. 

I remember a conversation I had with a friend in grade 11. She was asking me about my relationship with my boyfriend and how “doing it” was. I’m not an open person and refused right away. She got defensive and said “if I were in your shoes I’d be bragging. You’re not a virgin anymore, that’s a big deal”. Is it really?She proceeded to say, “since you already have I’m definitely going to throw myself at the first guy I see at the party this weekend to catch up”. The jealousy and major lack of self respect blew me away, but the fact these people were trying to get the label of being a virgin off their backs blew me away even more. Why were these people so eager? I certainly didn’t care or was eager; it just happened to happen sooner than I thought, so what?

While reading Why is America So Obsessed with Virginity by Anastasia Kousakis and Jessica Valenti, the idea of Purity Balls struck me in an odd manner. I hate the idea so much, that’s very restricting and damaging to a woman that young. A Purity Ball is a formal father-daughter dance in which the daughter pledges to remain abstinent until marriage and their father vows to protect or care for their daughter’s virginity. In my opinion, when she grows up, she won’t have the experience of being with others to realize or understand what she wants or what she likes, but she’ll already be stuck in the marriage and feel as though there is no way out. After reading the entire section on the formal event, I thought about having Purity Balls in my hometown. There would be NO WAY IN HELL we could manage to pull something off like that, everyone is way too horny around home to agree to saving themselves until marriage. However, nobody would want that to happen around home for another stupid, judgemental reason; it’s a race to lose it and it’s a competition to see how many people one can be with before they settle down. Integrity Balls make me feel the same way, no male back home would pledge to be abstinent because they “don’t want to do that to someone’s future wife or someone’s current daughter” (421). This is not implying that they take advantage or sexually assault the females back home, their sex drives are just whack and want the same things the females want too. Both genders would 110% succumb to the pressure exhibited by everyone else and break their vows to their mother/father and to themselves.

Purity Balls could be introduced, but I can guarantee it wouldn't go over swell with the community. The community is very accepting for the LGBTQ+ community, and many of my friends have only come out this past year, the majority of them entering grade 12 this past September or starting University. These Purity Balls are initiated when a young female is at the age of 12. That’s my youngest sister’s age. That is literally disturbing to think of considering she’s at the age where she starts asking me about boys and for advice. That’s what a girl in grade 7 should be doing, not saving themselves for something they don’t completely understand yet. It’s a violation of something they don’t know, because they only start to learn about it in grade 7. In addition, I cannot see our community willing to partake in this event due to our religions and beliefs as well as how far we’ve already come to accept such behaviour and sexual orientation. It would destroy what we have worked so hard to overcome. 

[beautyintheblackness]

[femcyclopedia]

This post is important as it relates to the topic of beauty and sets the tone for what our beauty standards are like; very discriminating and hurtful.

The beauty standards in our society today is always a white, thinner women with nice features such as soft, nice looking eyes with lash extensions and long straight hair. However, society’s beauty standards were ALWAYS a white woman; never a woman of color. 

This is most evident in movies and TV shows, especially in the last 2 decades. Although we have gotten better at being inclusive in the media, women of color are still discriminated upon for their skin colour, which can have negative effects for their mental health, confidence, and self expression.

This post acts as a reassurance for young children, young adults and even adults that their skin colour doesn’t make them less of a woman compared to other Caucasian women. 

[hellyeahscarleteen]

As a person with a body, you have autonomy and the right to decide if, when, and how you engage in sexual activity. Consent is constantly evolving, and may shift in response to a huge variety of factors — our emotional state, the circumstances of a sexual interaction, time pressures, or physical limitations, for example. Other people should foreground your sexual autonomy and respect your right to give or withdraw consent at any time. You have the right to have conversations about your needs, concerns, and limits. As a disabled person, you may encounter the common attitude that you are not sexual, which in itself can feel kind of like a violation of consent, because it’s someone else making up their mind about your sexuality for you. If you have cognitive, intellectual, or developmental impairments, you may have heard that it’s also “not possible” for you to exercise consent and autonomy, that you are “incapacitated.” This is dehumanizing, infantilizing, and just plain wrong.

Consent Is Sexy: Sexual Autonomy and Disability (via hellyeahscarleteen)

**The bolded section has been added by femcyclopedia, The Reformer Feminist.

This post is highly important in regards to sex and disability, as well as consent. 

In society, the majority of the population see individuals with disabilities as “eternal children” or are believed to have such excessive sexual desires that they need to be stopped because they “need to be restricted from sexual relations” because of who they are. This quickly becomes a violation of their ability to either give or to not give consent as it is taken from them by others. Disabled individuals no matter what their condition may be have the right to be sexual and to give their own consent as it is in fact their own bodies and their own wishes and desires, nobody else's. They are human just like able-bodied individuals who practice their consensual rights without issue. Imagine the anger if it was the other way around? Ableism is disgusting. 

[proudnb]

Straights are not required for the continuation of the human species.

Gay cis people often have functioning reproductive systems, and are able to use them in a variety of ways. Bisexual and pansexual cis people also exist.

Furthermore, cis people are also not required for the continuation of the human species.

Non-cis people have varying degrees of comfort with their own reproductive processes. It is possible for a non-cis person to be in a relationship and also have a functioning reproductive system.

Humanity could live on even if all het, cis, or cishet people were stranded on an island that was eventually destroyed by a volcano.

[femcyclopedia]

This post is important as it demonstrates how narrowminded the world is; in other words, how badly the world revolves around heteronormativity. 

Heteronormativity: the belief that heterosexual relations are the dominant sexual orientation, and is the only normal/preferred sexual orientation.

This post, even though it does not state but rather is a “read between the lines” situation, was made as a counter argument to a widely stated belief that the world would not continue to be populated if there were no more cisgender heterosexual relationships on earth. This is an example of heteronormativity because of the widely believed that heterosexual relationships are the only types of relationships that can populate the world; they are the dominant (for some, the only) reproducing couples in the eyes of the world.  This is obviously extremely exaggerated. Like the post explains, cis gendered gay women can still carry an embryo whether they are engaged with a woman, and cis gendered gay men can still produce sperm to fertilize an egg whether they are engaged with a man. The same goes for non-cis individuals as well. No matter your sexual orientation or relations, you can still populate the world if your reproductive system is fully functioning, which is usually most likely the case.

[femcyclopedia]

The latest Tweets from EverydaySexism (@EverydaySexism). Documenting experiences of sexism,harassment and assault to show how bad the problem is &create solidarity. We may add tweets with our @ or # in to the project. worldwide

EverydaySexism is a twitter account created by Laura Bates to bring light to issues surrounding women and feminism with original tweets and by retweeting news stories and other feminist account posts with their opinions added. The account is geared more towards sexism and assault towards women; this is what the account sheds light to. Bates’ goal is the share these stories/experiences to show just how bad the issue of sexism in hopes of joining forces to end it. I highly encourage following this account as it’s consistent with its goal of educating people of others’ experiences. 

[femcyclopedia]

https://twitter.com/LiYuan6/status/1187226420637880321

This is an example of a tweet shedding light about a news story which brought on negative comments regarding women and their driving skills, which EverydaySexism retweeted to their account. 

[femcyclopedia]

The latest Tweets from EverydaySexism (@EverydaySexism). Documenting experiences of sexism,harassment and assault to show how bad the problem is &create solidarity. We may add tweets with our @ or # in to the project. worldwide

EverydaySexism is a twitter account created by Laura Bates to bring light to issues surrounding women and feminism with original tweets and by retweeting news stories and other feminist account posts with their opinions added. The account is geared more towards sexism and assault towards women; this is what the account sheds light to. Bates’ goal is the share these stories/experiences to show just how bad the issue of sexism in hopes of joining forces to end it. I highly encourage following this account as it’s consistent with its goal of educating people of others’ experiences. 

[femcyclopedia]

257.5k Followers, 4,601 Following, 1,209 Posts - See Instagram photos and videos from GURLS TALK (@gurlstalk)

GURLS TALK is an Instagram account that is dedicated to not only being a safe space for women to go to and share their stories but is also dedicated to promoting positivity in many different topics such as body image, sexuality, anxiety due to many different forms of abuse, and many more topics related to feminism with its wide range of relating subjects. The account features quotes and images revolved around mental health and ways to cope, problems and common things said surrounding sexuality and sexual orientation, and quotes that encourage or assist in daily, general positivity for women, occasionally for men too. I encourage anyone to follow this account to read stories from other women that many can relate too, quotes and statements from activists and celebrities, and to be engaged in conversations that may be too hard to start yourself.

[femcyclopedia]

RANDOM

saved by the bell hooks is a feminist tumblr account that is dedicated to posting quotes from Bell Hooks, a famous social activist and feminist as well as an author, posted on scene captures from the 90′s sitcom “Saved by the Bell”. The main purpose of this account is to highlight Bell Hooks and her feminist beliefs. This account is a must to follow since the posts made are all direct quotations from Bell Hooks whether it was said in an interview or taken directly from her writings with an added touch of creativity by being posted on scenes from the sitcom that grab the viewers attention but is also clever enough to make it seem as though the characters are saying the quotes themselves.