PLEASE, JUST BREATHE

"save your tears, it's a waste of good suffering." turk oc, by dean sideblog to whitexdove

[fenixbled]

welcome to fenixbled-- a turk OC for FFVII. this blog is low activity. follows the original compilation THOUGH i have yoinked things from the remakes. less of a concern with where this is an oc. some events were tweaked and modified, but it's not a huge issue. supernatural themes present.

9.6.24. vegas' name is being changed to WILLOW. where they are a turk, they are generally called FIREBIRD professionally. threads before this change will continue to use vegas!

written by dean. [they/them/ze/zir. 25]

exploring -- survivor's guilt, proving one's loyalty, reliving the past ++ more

“You remind me of a place I’ve been. I think I died there.” rules bio memes opens

other blogs whitexdove -- rufus shinra (main blog) moldbreakcr -- reno of the turks (sideblog) chasingxfeathers -- ffvii multi

[fenixbled]

as of (whenever this posts) this blog is archived!

willow will be moved to my oc multimuse when I get to it

[fenixbled]

having the 3am debate of ??? deleting this blog. idk if I'm happy with willow as they are anymore and I'm so tired of begging for anything. or having guilt for wanting xyz with them

[fenixbled]

tragic that willow is my most shippable muse and I only have one ship with them 😔

[fenixbled]

unfinished nd very old sketch of willow in their turk outfit

they can crush a watermeleon between their thighs

[tunisian]

google is it too late? google can i still be saved? google will i be okay?

[yangjeongin]

HYUNJIN BIRTHDAY COUNTDOWN (2023 EDITION) ↘ D-6 | through the eras: ODDINARY

[so-many-ocs]

found out apparently if you want to consume content of your own original characters and stories you usually have to make that content? fucked up if true

[weltenwellen]

ugh why must I be always so repulsed by my own vulnerability but I find it very moving and impressive if other people are vulnerable with me????

[weltenwellen]

Brené Brown, Daring Greatly

[soulsfractured]

@fenixbled cont from here

"They aren't in the store- there's a place outside that sells them. They wouldn't sell it if it was bad for you. And we can walk around and look at everything. Did you know they even got this huge section of paints? And theres little card you can see what the colour looks like." Luneth explained, giving wide puppy dog eyes. "Rufus used the paints there to paint the airship on my wall- c'mon please...?"

[fenixbled]

willow had never stepped foot into such a place, and they can't help their expressions as luneth speaks. they blink and... stare. "the store has a.. hot dog stand outside?" they blink. it sounded so weird. the redhead needed a moment to think.

"you really want to go, huh?"

[cowboahs]

quotes that broke me starters

feel free to adjust pronouns / names as needed !

quotes taken from random sources or tiktok. i claim no ownership whatsoever.

❛   i’m supposed to be the one who protects you from monsters. i’m not supposed to be one.  ❜  

❛   if i could make a deal with god, and i’d get him to swap our places.  ❜  

❛  no one heard our screams for a long time.  ❜  

❛   i know so many last words. but i’ll never know hers.  ❜  

❛   there is a home for every departed thing.  ❜  

❛   it reminded me that i will never truly know you.  ❜  

❛   i also buried a part of myself alongside them.  ❜  

❛   after you died i could no longer hold a funeral. so my life became the funeral.  ❜  

❛   you don’t have to be awake to cry.  ❜  

❛   forgive me, for all the things i did. but mostly the things i didn’t do.  ❜  

❛   the human eye is the loneliest creation of all.  ❜  

❛   fairness is for happy people.  ❜  

❛   the things we lost will always be heavier than the things that stayed.  ❜  

❛   perhaps it is the greater grief, to remain on the earth when another is gone.  ❜  

❛   you stain the pages with yourself.  ❜  

❛   tears will not wash away the sorrow.  ❜  

❛   beautiful things grow a certain height and then they fall and fade off.  ❜  

❛    who in all these centuries has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?  ❜  

❛   i have scars on my hands from touching certain people  ❜  

❛   despite everything, i believe that people are really good at heart.  ❜  

❛   you tried to change, didn’t you?  ❜

❛   you can’t make homes out of people. someone should have taught you that.  ❜  

❛   i hid my deepest feelings so well, i forgot where i placed them.  ❜  

❛   we have no scar to show for happiness. we learn so little from peace.  ❜  

❛   i didn’t leave because i stopped loving you. i left because the longer i stayed, the less i loved myself.  ❜  

❛   at every moment in our life, we have one foot in a fairytale & the other in the abyss.  ❜  

❛   there are too many sad eyes on happy faces.  ❜  

❛   it’s strange, i felt less lonely when i didn’t know you.  ❜  

❛   things change, friends leave. life doesn’t stop for anybody.  ❜  

❛   it takes a lifetime to die, and no time at all.  ❜  

❛   i am deathly afraid of almosts. of coming close to what i want and then falling just a little short.  ❜  

❛   i felt your absence.  ❜  

❛   what do we do now, now that we are happy?  ❜  

❛    you honestly thought anybody would love you? purely and truly love you?  ❜  

❛   don’t stop looking. he deserves to know someone saw his end, that someone noticed him.  ❜  

❛    i can bear my pain so long as it has meaning.  ❜  

❛   i dont have a single friend - not one.  ❜  

❛   i’ve had more than enough pain in my life, what’s a little more going to do?  ❜  

❛    it would have been you if i met you first.  ❜  

❛    i really thought he was going to be my forever.  ❜  

❛    maybe in the next life it would work.  ❜  

❛   in spite of everything, you’re still you.  ❜  

❛   the dead have it easy.  ❜  

❛   there’s an ocean of silence between us, and I’m drowning.    ❜  

❛   there have been countless times in my life when i thought i’d be better off dead.  ❜  

❛   what on earth… have i become?  ❜  

❛   don’t look at me! i don’t … i don’t want you seeing me like this.  ❜  

❛   i wish i could’ve been like you.  ❜  

❛   your fate was sweeping you away, like a flood.  ❜  

❛   the future should know the mistakes we made.  ❜  

❛   of course you have. you feel guilt. you want redemption.  ❜  

❛   i’m here because you can’t accept what you’ve done. it broke you.  ❜  

❛   even now, after all you’ve done, you can still go home.  lucky you . ❜  

❛   you’re all that’s left, and we can’t live this lie forever.  ❜  

❛    prometheus gave us light, and warmth, and eternal damnation.  ❜  

❛   take a gamble that love exists, and do a loving act.  ❜  

❛    i know i ruined your life. i suffer for it every day.  ❜  

❛   don’t let yourself get killed for… for pride. i’ve seen it kill too many folk.  ❜  

❛    you and me, we ain’t decent… but those folk… they were.  ❜  

❛   we’re more ghosts than people.  ❜  

❛   despite my best efforts to the contrary… it turns out i’ve won.  ❜  

❛   i gave you all i had … i did.  ❜  

❛   this whole time, I’ve blamed myself for that decision.  ❜  

❛   do you think even the worst person can change…? That everybody can be a good person, if they just try? ❜  

❛   i don’t want to break their hearts all over again. it’s better if they never see me.  ❜  

❛   please leave me alone. i can’t come back. i just … can’t, okay?  ❜  

❛   no matter the struggles or hardships you faced… you strived to do the right thing, you refused to hurt anyone. ❜  

❛    people like you don’t ever want to be happy.  ❜  

❛   i don’t want to let go. i’m not ready to say goodbye yet.  ❜  

[mournfulroses]

Mary Oliver, from Long Life: Essays And Other Writings originally published in 2004

[fenixbled]

@soulsfractured sent, “if we go to home depot we can get home depot hot dogs!! they’re so good!”

redhead sighs as they look at luneth. they didn't even know home depot HAD HOT DOGS (they also had never been inside one, they weren't a home depot lesbian). they never knew what to expect from the kid, but this had thrown them way off. blink.

"that... sounds like it would make your stomach upset."

[x-whiskeylullaby-x-deactivated2]

Rould quickly glanced over once he heard slight movement, and he quickly stood up once he saw Willow starting to come to. "Dear, what happened?! Well, that doesn't matter right now. What matters is that you're alright."

He walked over and lightly wrapped his arm around the other and tried to help him sit up. "You're alright. I'm here.." He said as he tried to be as careful as he could.

[fenixbled]

willow can't help their faint laugh as rould comes over and tries to start helping them up. "you don't have to be so gentle, i've been thrown through a wall before." the redhead murmurs, squeezing their eyes shut in hopes of making the BUZZING go away.

"--- as for what happened, looks like work came home with me."

[x-whiskeylullaby-x-deactivated2]

@fenixbled

Rould was coming home from a long day of working. He had currently been working as a mechanic, but he also did his own tattoo art. He sighed in relief as he had finally arrived home. He pulled out the key to the front door and unlocked it, and proceeded to walk inside. Although it was quiet. Too quiet.

That made him concerned. He took a few steps forward before seeing Willow on the floor. He looked like there was no life left in him, which concerned him. He walked over and leaned down and checked his pulse but wasn't sure if he was doing it right.

Rould quickly shook him and tried to get him up, but he wasn't sure if it was helping any. "Willow? Dear? Wake up. Please..." He just layed him back down and stared at him as his eyes filled with tears.

He sat down on the nearby couch, trying to figure out what to do. Although it wasn't the first time he's lost someone but a loved one was different.

[fenixbled]

a normal life was never QUITE something willow got with their work and the creature they'd become. it's also something they generally choose not to talk about when they can avoid the topic -- it's something that feels a little TOO unreal. then again, so was being a phoenix.

someone, something, coming after them in their own residence? that was new, and it was bold. of course the redhead had been caught off guard, incapable of doing much to defend themselves. before blacking out, there'd been the thought of how the cleanup would be a pain in the ass.

the extent of their injuries make it a slower processing of 'rising' -- while it could be something as fast as seven minutes, this was longer. world fades back into place and they squint, slowly trying to sit up -- falling back onto the hardwood floor with no grace whatsoever.

[fenixbled]

plots i will never say no to and am always down for --

-- someone not quite making it in time and thinking willow is dead. grieving or preparing to do what they have to do, and then willow is sitting up.

-- someone having killed willow and during their gloating, willow is brushing off dirt. (if ur gonna eviscerate willow, make sure theyre dead idk)

people forgetting or not knowing theyre a phoenix and finding out in the worst/best way? yes

[x-whiskeylullaby-x-deactivated2]

"Dear, is that your signature phrase or something?"

[fenixbled]

the redhead snorts and rolls their eyes. "maybe i just like to cause problems." they chirp.