Sparkle. Glitter. Whatever.

PJ // old // karate // Star Wars // enfp //Texas forever//

[feralninjaprincess]

I have nowhere else to vent about this so sorry y’all.

So last night I get a message from a girl I’ve been friends with since high school. About 30 years ago I was married to a deadbeat who couldn’t or wouldn’t keep a job. We needed money for food and to keep a roof over our heads. We borrowed a hundred bucks from her. After the divorce a few months later I offered to settle up with her. She said “you don’t owe me a thing”. I got busy with life and totally forgot about the entire thing.

Last night she sent me a message stating that my not paying her back has caused resentment in her heart and that to clear her heart and mind she wants the money. Which is fine. It’s not about the money really. She doesn’t need it and I can pay her but man. That’s kind of a weird flex. And now I can’t help but feel a little I don’t know, angry? Confused? Weird? About the whole thing. Like how you gonna bring this up 30 years later? After telling me it was all forgiven? Look I owe it and I’ll pay it but now this act to clear her soul is kinda wrecking mine. It’s stupid. I know. But damn.

[gratefulfrog]

[finalscore]

[feralninjaprincess]

Hey. Time for my semi-annual update.

Sitting in freaking jury duty.

I’m graduating from college in December. Finally. Bachelors in Healthcare Administration.

Not much other news.

[feralninjaprincess]

A Phone Conversation At Work:

Me to chain pharmacy that shall not be named: Hey this is PJ at Super Rad Independent Pharmacy, we are going to send y'all one but I need to know who your pharmacist is today.

*for context, by law the pharmacist's name has to be in the transfer

Tech at CPTSNBN: it's A moose

Me: uhhh how do you spell that?

TACPTSNBN: I'll let him tell you

Me: WTF??

Moose: Hi my name is Inoussa it means innocent in my language. I-N-O-U-S-S-A

Me: oh that's cool. What country are you from?

Moose guy: I'm from West Africa, Nigeria.

Me: well that's cool, I'm going to send you a transfer.

Him: we should be friends what's your number?

Me: do you hit on every tech that calls your store for a transfer?

Him: I'm not hitting on you I want to be friends

*bro, you probably don't want to be friends with me. I'm old enough to be your mom

Him: take my number ###-###-####

Him: read it back to me

Me: WTF?

Me: *hangs up phone and announces to coworkers: I just got this dude's number.

I was not looking for a Nigerian Prince today but here we are.

[feralninjaprincess]

Ice on all the trees and the limbs are crashing all over. We are now going on 24 hours without power and no expected time of restoration. I keep going out to the car to charge my phone. I have to go to work at noon. Hopefully there’s power at the store. I’m cold.

[feralninjaprincess]

I’ve got some vacation time coming up. I’m trying to decide where to go. Any suggestions?

[feralninjaprincess]

How do you sum up a year in a post?

Most of the year was uneventful. I had Covid in January and got a new car.

In March I visited the New Orleans Pharmacy Museum

April- volunteered at the run for autism with my coworkers, many of whom ran the race. I also got half my baby factory ripped out thanks to a rogue ovary that tried to kill me. Also we survived a tornado that left the pharmacy without power for three days and working without computers was rough.

In May we took a little trip to Lufkin for Erica’s graduation from her master’s program at SFA.

July brought a trip to my hometown to see my brothers and attend my great niece’s birthday party.

In September I went to Gulf Shores, Alabama. It was way too short a trip.

October was busy with birthday and Halloween stuff all month.

November was full because Ian and Kenzie got married.

December seemed to fly by. The holiday season was a blur.

For 2023 I want to savor the moments. Enjoy my morning coffee and evening wine and chocolate. I want to cook more. I want to be intentional about moving my body without being dogmatic about working out. I want to prioritize sleep. It’s a good life. I’m here to enjoy it. Even the hard parts. Because they make the good that much better.

[feralninjaprincess]

Friday before Christmas

I don’t have to work til 1:30 (we all get a half day today) so I’m going to process some things here.

When I moved out here it was finish school. I thought nursing school then I got this job. The owner seemed super amazing (and he is) and he dangled nursing money in front of me to stay. So I did. I dipped out of school. And honestly I don’t really want to be a nurse. But he hasn’t come through on the money part.

Finishing school is important to me for whatever reason. So I applied to the University of Florida because they offered a health education bachelors degree that fits in with what I’m doing already. I got in. The website said tuition was one thing. When I got my bill for spring semester, it’s five times higher than what they said. So there’s no way I can go.

Soooooo back to the drawing board. I was looking up Texas schools to see if anyone offered an online degree completion in the same vein. Texas State has a program that is health information management. So I started researching what the heck is that. Apparently, it’s like coding manager. It’s in the ballpark of what I do now, billing claims and stuff but with the certification and degree, you can make six figures.

So here I am, 48 fucking years old, trying to make a life change AGAIN because I need to be financially secure. I’ve been poor my whole life. I’ve depended on other people because in the family I grew up in, that’s just what you did. We lived with my grandparents until they died. Then it was mom and me. Now I live with the Chases (and don’t get me wrong it’s mutually beneficial, I pay rent and help them with stuff) but the prospect of being able to be on my own for real and not have to worry about money is pretty amazing.

I haven’t told anyone that I’m not going to UF yet. I’m pretty sure I’m getting UF stuff for Christmas. Look, it’s a fairly selective school to get into. I’m proud of the fact that I did. I’m proud that I was almost a Gator so I’m not even mad. I know that’s a dumb reason not to talk about it. Also I’m kinda scared of jinxing the whole thing. I’m taking two classes at TJC in the spring because I need to prerequisites to get in the program at Texas State.

Part of me is scared this won’t work out either. But I have to break this cycle in my life and get what I came here for. It’s scary and hard but for once I need to think about myself and what’s best for me in the long run.

[feralninjaprincess]

How was y’all’s day?

I got to explain to a lady that that she needed to call her gynecologist because I wasn’t going to tell her it was ok to put lidocaine cream on her “vagina shingles”.

[sublimequotesilove]

““We’re all a little weird, and life’s a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.””

— Dr. Seuss.

[mananabuffins]

It’s hard - really hard - to describe executive dysfunction to someone who doesn’t experience it, but here’s my attempt.

Imagine you’re in a car, and are in charge of navigating while someone else drives. You have a list of tasks you must complete. You tell the driver to turn into the grocery store, and they keep going. Alright, at least we’re now we’re closer to the laundromat. Oops, missed that turn, you listening bud? They’re listening, they just don’t care. They park the car and buy candy, or a cold little drink, and they even share! But meanwhile you still don’t have groceries or clean laundry. You ask again to go to the grocery store, and again you are ignored as they drive in circles, not really going anywhere but using up all the gas. The next day, you do this again. And the next day, and the next. After a few days, you’re running out of food so you raise your voice as you pass the grocery store, and startle them into hearing you. They don’t talk to you for the rest of the day because they don’t like being yelled at, but at least you have groceries. At least now that you’ve bought groceries though, you can do laundry- Except you’ve driven past it again, and are once again driving aimlessly. So, again, the next day, you raise your voice. You yell, you shout, and you force them to take the turn. But then the next day they’re back to not talking to you, not listening to you, ignoring you, but your voice is rough and your throat is sore. You ask for help, but all you get is navigational instructions. No matter how much you explain that you know where the grocery store is, that you know how to get to the laundromat, people keep describing the directions while ignoring the issue that you still can’t GET there, because they all drive their own cars and can steer wherever they please. I’m tired of yelling. I’m tired of begging for drives because I can’t make the journey on my own. I’m tired of being in the passenger seat in my own life because I can’t make myself do the things I try to do. I’m tired of paying for fuel to go in circles.

[storm-and-starlight]

A good example I’ve heard of the exact sensation is trying to touch a hot burner deliberately. You put your hand out, feel the heat, brain registers “this will burn me” and stops you from putting your hand down – like there’s a giant wall in the way between your decisions and your actions, so even if you tell yourself “I’m gonna do it, I really am,” a lot of the time you can’t.

Now imagine that sensation all the time, and for the most trivial shit imaginable.

[bitchontheprairie]

[feralninjaprincess]

Happy Day After Halloween.

October was a busy month for me. On the 14th my girl gang took me out to eat and to an escape room as an early birthday present.

I got flowers.

On my actual birthday Dan surprised me with a gift he picked out by himself. A baby yoda beanie and a 50 gift card to Torrid along with funniest card ever.

We went to a live showing of Rocky Horror last Friday.

On Saturday our store was asked to participate in a Trunk or Treat at the Veteran’s Home. We did a mad scientist theme.

The Brickstreet girls had a scary movie night out. Jennifer the pharmacist watched the whole thing like this:

Dan and SanDee left Friday for a camping trip. They will be home today.

It’s been a good month.

[feralninjaprincess]

Every time I pop back in here I remember why I love it so much. I just don’t have the kind of time I used to have.

Life updates:

Got a raise. My cat disappeared Sunday night. We went all over the neighborhood, all over the woods, couldn’t find him. He’s not an outside cat but he was in the garage and Dan opened the garage door and he and Panda got out. Panda always comes back. The next morning he was crying to get in from the garage. The turd probably never left the garage.

I’m going camping on the beach in Gulf Shores in a couple weeks.

Lots of other stuff going on. Just no time to really write about it all. Miss y’all! Hope you’re doing great!

[feralninjaprincess]

All the biopsy results came back negative so that’s great news. My belly is bruised and sore but getting a little better each day.

[feralninjaprincess]

I survived surgery. They took out my right ovary and both Fallopian tubes. I got high on 420 but it was all anesthesia and pain meds. I’m already home and about to take a nap.