Summary: the one where they survive the Great War. - this is part four in the 𝓟𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓬𝓮𝓼𝓼 𝓟𝓻𝓸𝓽𝓮𝓬𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 𝓟𝓻𝓸𝓰𝓻𝓪𝓶 series. Word count: 3.1k Warnings: Dimitri and Alexei trying to play masterminds & Gracie’s parents being awful per usual. Upset Charles in this one I’m sorry guys💔 Note: part 5 will be just as eventful can you guess what will happen next?
Charles had gotten on the flight to England a few days later after Dimitri and Alexei visited him. Gracie’s letter tucked away in his bag. It had become a lifeline of sorts to him. He hadn’t gone anywhere without it after reading the words she had written to him. Making a promise to himself that he wouldn’t give up on finding her no matter what, and he could be quite stubborn about something when he put his mind to it, this was no different.
Thankfully once he got to the hotel he noticed the two people he needed to speak with standing in the lobby. Perfect.
“I need your help! Gracie got sent away and I think it might have been my fault.” Charles blurted out quickly once he made it over to Lance and Mick. A look of worry and shame on his face after uttering the words he still was trying to deny were true in his mind.
“What.” Lance asked blankly, not understanding a word of what Charles just said. Partially because he just wasn't listening and the other part being that it just sounded so unbelievable that he couldn't fathom it actually being true.
“Her parents…sent her away…because they didn’t want her to keep seeing me… and we kept seeing each other in secret. Pierre accidently posted the picture of the three of us on Instagram and got us caught..” Charles explained again slowly, hoping it would click for the Aston Martin driver now.
The dark haired Canadian just stared at the Monegasque driver for a few seconds. How dumb could the Ferrari driver actually be?
Pretty fucking dumb apparently.
Mick on the other hand just stood there silently looking between the two pursing his lips, partially because of Lance's inability to understand the simplest things and the other at the fact that nothing could ever be normal in Charles' life, something always had to go wrong.
“Oh my god, We need an adult.” Charles said, putting his hands on his hips in exasperation after neither boy said anything to help him, this was not going how he thought it would and he was turning into a little ball of stress and anxiety like a wet cat falling into a bathtub after scurrying too close to the edge. He was grasping at straws at this point.
“You are the adult here.” Mick pointed out looking at him confused on why they'd need someone else. It baffled him sometimes at how some of the older drivers did not act their age, Fernando especially. Godforbid if he acted like a teenager because Eris, His mother and Sebastian would jerk him by the ear until he acted right. Clearly the likes of Charles, Lando and Pierre never got the privilege of fearing their mother, big sister figure and second father like he had.
“I don’t count! We need a better one, an actual adult.” Charles denied, shaking his head he may be older than the two in front of him right now but he is not qualified for this. Then again who would be qualified for this he thought, how the fuck do you find a missing princess? He watched a lot of sad movies sure but he was positive none of them gave him insight on how to do this.
“Why don’t we call Seb? He’d know what to do?” Lance suggested finally giving his two cents on the matter, which caused Mick to look at him in disbelief at the suggestion. “No! Absolutely not, we are not calling him, call your dad.”
“Why do we have to call my dad?? Seb is the one with a level head!” Lance said throwing his hand out to make a point, the last thing he wanted to do was bother his dad even if he knew he’d drop everything to find Gracie as soon as he told him what had happened, his dad never liked Albert or Charlene.
“Because! Do you really want to sit through a two hour disappointment discussion about how this whole thing could’ve been avoided if Charles had just been smart about this?? Because now you’ve implicated me and I wasn’t even involved in Charles getting her sent away her parents actually like me thank you very much.” Mick said, putting his hands on his hips. He was not going down with this sinking ship; he would white knuckle grip his stubbornness like Captain Ahab trying to harpoon Moby Dick.
Charles had a look of offense on his face, he knew he had a hand in this but this was mostly her parents fault for not letting Gracie be happy. He was just in love. Was that such a crime? Her parents seemed to think it was and maybe it was, in some fucked up Royal protocol way, but don't she have the right to love who she wanted? This was not the 1830’s anymore. Nobody was getting married off to the highest bid? Especially not his Gracie, not if he and the rest of the grid had anything to say or do about it.
“Right, yeah, I’ll call my dad.” Lance finally sighed and said, pulling out his phone to call his dad to fix this. He cared about Gracie just as much as he did his own sister Chloe, they had known each other for years ever since his mother had made an outfit for an event Charlene was attending, both women leaving him and Gracie in the ballroom to galavant about and play.
As ten year olds would naturally do.
“What are you guys doing?” Max asked as he walked over to the three after seeing them huddled together in the hotel lobby. Initially what made him walk over was seeing Mick, who looked about ready to strangle Charles and Lance, which was odd because the quiet German boy hardly ever got mad but on the rare occasion when he did he looked like a spitting image of his father. So he had to be nosy and see what was going on. Obviously.
“Charles was seeing Gracie against her parents wishes so they sent her away and nobody knows where to.” Mick blurted out causing Charles to gasp and turn to look at the blonde boy. “Mick!” “What! You said it was Pierre’s fault! He’s the one who posted that Instagram story that got you guys caught!”
The Dutch boy just stood there, completely baffled by all of this gossip. “You let Pierre in on this?? And you didn’t tell me??” He asked his emotional support rival. “I helped you the first time Pierre screwed up.” He pointed out, a bit offended that Charles hadn’t asked him to keep this secret but instead went to Pierre who apparently blew it.
“I have had so much happen in just a few short weeks. Can you please cut me some slack Max.” Charles groaned, rubbing at his face because this was getting out of hand now.
“No.” The Red Bull driver said, crossing his arms. “Because you’re dumb. That was so dumb. You’ve done a lot of dumb shit but this has to take the cake.”
Lance suddenly hung up the phone after talking to his dad. “My dads on the case. He said he'd look into it and he's sure he can find her. Money always makes someone talk.”
Charles sighed in relief, had Lawrence said no, they would've been royally screwed in every literal sense.
“Right, so what have we learned?” Max asked, clasping his hands together as he looked over at Charles expectantly who just gave him a confused look. The Dutchman just gave him a flat unamused look. “Stop fucking telling Pierre shit. Tell me next time I can keep a secret.”
Charles just rolled his eyes exasperatedly because yes, he should've not told Pierre, but he wasn't thinking properly, clearly.
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
Further down in London, Gracie felt like her life was over.
In every dramatic sense a 23 year old girl could think of. She was forbidden to see the boy she was head over heels for, got sent away, and now was stripped of every sense of her being as punishment for continuing to see said boy.
Annalise didn't want to but did as Charlene and Albert asked and had Gracie's natural soft blonde hair dyed an auburn red. The only tell of her looking like her late grandmother Grace Kelley was her face and unmistakable blue eyes, they couldn't change that besides with colored contacts, which Albert and Charlene also ordered they get.
Her ocean blue eyes, now a dark oak brown.
She didn't even recognize the girl she was looking at in the mirror.
Annalise sighed as she rubbed the girls shoulders. “It will be alright Chèrie. Trust.” She hated how upset Gracie was but they had rules to follow, but if she knew one thing it was that love would prevail and that boy of hers would stop at nothing to see her. Young love always does the craziest things the more you push it. This most definitely wouldn't be the end of it all she was sure of it.
“Come, you have practice soon, must get your clothes on, I'll put your pointe shoes in your bag.”
Gracie sighed as she nodded, grabbing her practice clothes and went to change in the bathroom of their little apartment while the older woman went to put her shoes in her bag. She just hoped things would look up sooner rather than later.
In the midst of Silverstone weekend Lawrence had people scouring every Ballet school within the European region for the Monègasque girl. How hard could it be to find the princess? He had more than enough money that he knew someone would cave and start talking.
It didn't take long because just like he thought, a few hours later someone had come forward with information. There had been a generous anonymous donation to the Royal Ballet School in London the same time a transfer student was approved. Bingo.
He had the informant fax the file over, which gave him all the information he needed. A girl by the name of Cecily Marchesault was the said transfer, and by his luck a picture was in there as well. It didn't take a rocket scientist to deduce that the girl was Gracie in a disguise. Sure they could change her hair color and eye color but the girl had a very distinct button nose and rosy cheeks like that of her late grandmother.
During the early morning of Saturday he left things in the hand of his team principal under the guise he had some things to take care of. Said things were making the two hour drive down to London from the racetrack to pick up Gracie and Annalise.
Neither of them knew he was coming so what a shock it was for Annalise to open their apartment door on their way out after hearing a knock to see the Aston Martin owner.
“Lawrence?” Gracie asked rather confused but wide eyed, because this could only mean one thing, that people cared. That Charles got her letter. That everyone was looking for her. Charles was looking for her. She nearly burst into tears on the spot.
“Hey kid, Anna, mind if I come in and have a chat?” The older man asked, raising a brow, it wasn't exactly a question, it was more of a ‘we need to talk’ which Annalise understood and let him in.
It was a devious plan really, in the grand scheme of things because only Lawrence Stroll could get away with single handedly giving the prince and princess of Monaco the metaphorical middle finger by taking Gracie out of the ballet school and to an F1 track.
Remarkably hilarious, truly.
After the press conference Lance had quickly grabbed Charles by the arm as he was talking to Max and pulled him to the Aston Martin garage without giving a reason as to why. Charles being Charles would not shut up and kept wondering why Lance was dragging him off.
“Dude I told you, you'll see when we get there.” The Canadian driver sighed loudly as he pressed the button that slid open the Aston Martin's Motorhome as he pulled Charles inside and up to the little lounge area. His dad had entrusted him with grabbing the Ferrari prince after getting Gracie to Silverstone.
There, looking out at the race track was the all too familiar bubbly, now auburn haired princess, talking with Annalise pointing things out as she excitedly spoke in a hushed tone.
“Gracie?” Charles whispered wide eyed as he froze next to Lance. He was in shock, he couldn't believe that Lawrence pulled it off and got her back. He thought he was seeing a ghost till she whirled around with that all too familiar dimpled smile he had gotten so used to seeing in the time they had spent together.
“Charlie?” Gracie gasped excitedly as she heard Annalise laugh softly as both kids quickly made their way over pulling each other into a tight embrace. It was straight out of an emotional rom com. The guy finally gets the girl after all the trials and tribulations.
“Oh my god I thought I'd never see you again.” Charles whispered emotionally as he held her close. Everything just felt right now. He had his little starlight back. “I was so scared for you. Dimitri and Alexei found me and told me what happened. I'm sorry. I never meant for that to happen I should've known Pierre would've-”
His rambling was cut off by her gently reaching up and cupping his face. “Charles, it's not your fault. Okay? It's not your fault. I'm okay, I'm back now and nothing will ever take me away from you again I promise and when I promise something, I never ever break that promise.” She spoke. And she meant that. She was done abiding by her parents' rules.
“Ever since you bumped into me that day, I've belonged to you; all you had to do was look at me with those big blue eyes like the sea and my heart was a goner.” Charles whispered as he looked down at her and that wasn't a lie, it was like fate had made them bump into each other that day and from that day forth a single thread of uncuttable gold had tied him to her like an invisible string.
Gracie smiled as she reached for his hand, their fingers interlocked together so easily like it was meant to be. His hand was the one she reached for all throughout this war-like endeavor. She felt safe with him, alive, like all the stars had finally aligned and she could actually be who she wanted to be not who she was told to be.
“What have they done to your hair?” Charles whispered with a pout as his free hand reached up to touch the once soft blonde hair that was now the color of autumn leaves. It made him sad that her parents put her through such things just to hide her away.
“It's alright Charlie, Chloe said she'd take me to get it fixed after the race this weekend.” Gracie smiled softly, it warmed her heart he cared so much about something trivial like that. He knew how much her hair meant to her, it reminded her of her grandmother, but seeing her smile caused him to smile back at her. He couldn't help it really; her smile was contagious. He was always smiley and giddy around her, not that anyone could blame him, they were guilty of it too.
Lance just shook his head as his dad came up to stand next to him shaking his head as well as he watched the two. He hadn't seen a love like that in a while, not since Chloe married Scott. He had a feeling these two would be next at some point. If not he was going to hatch a plan with the grid to make it happen that was for sure because if anybody deserved to be happy and married it was Gracie. Whenever she so chose to want that, if she even wanted it. But after knowing her for so many years he knew she secretly did, the whole shebang white dress and all.
“You're welcome by the way kid.” Lawrence called out to Charles with a small half grin trying not to show how happy he was, he was still trying to keep up the stoic appearance and failing. “The things I do for you kids, thank god I'm already gray headed.” He sighed dramatically. “Best get back to your garage soon though, practice is starting soon. Wouldn't want you to be late and have Ferrari up in arms that their prince is missing god forbid we have another missing Royal situation.”
Charles nodded to Lance as he pouted slightly, he didn't want to leave Gracie now that he just got her back but he knew he had to go back to his own garage sooner or later.
Gracie turned to Lawrence with her best puppy dog look causing the mafia boss-like man to hold up his hand and close his eyes immediately so as to not see the look she was giving him. “You can go, just take Annalise with you, and please don't wander off.”
“Yes! Okay deal!” The blonde Royal excitedly grabbed Charles hand and the two were instantly off causing Annalise to sigh as she shook her head following after the two younger kids. “Kids these days.”
“I know.” Lawrence shook his head with a sigh of his own knowing his own son was a handful but seeing the two dart across the paddock hand in hand back to the Italian garage, Annalise quickly trailing after them like a mother hen chasing after her baby chicks made him hope at least that this was the last of the drama for a while.
But he knew as well as everyone else that it was simply wishful thinking.
All isn't fair in love and racing, that much was true. But would it turn into something bigger now? Somewhere in the haze someone will get betrayed especially once Gracie's parents find out that their daughter is starting to defy orders putting the eight century ruling monarchy in jeopardy of ending with them.
Oscar Piastri x Horner!Reader
Oscar finds that having a crush having less than platonic feelings for your boss's only adult daughter is apparently free real estate for some of F1's biggest gossips
Warnings: As per, explicit language and grammatical errors.
dates on tweets don't exist, right? they're all just fake??
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oscarpiastri A week full of sim training, rage rooms and relaxation before going home for a p1 on the podium (hopefully) (max let me have this i beg)
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logansargeant did I not tell you rage rooms were the coolest ever
-> oscarpiasrti yeah yeah keep bragging 🙄
-> logansargeant well since you gave me permission-
fan38 at least its a controlled environment to deal with your emotions
-> yn.horner thank FUCK i convinced him to do this instead of what Ruben wanted
-> rubenholtt what was wrong with egging and tp-ing her house?
-> yn.horner uhh everything???
maxverstappen1 I'm not gonna go easy on you just because you grew up 10 minutes from the track
-> oscarpiastri BOOOOO 🍅🍅🍅
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user358 make him wear them!!
oscarpiastri The glasses are NOT the issue and you know it.
-> yn.horner What you think I don't look good with facial hair?
-> oscarpiastri Hey don't put words in my mouth
-> oscarpiastri I just wasn't expecting you to pick up looking like THAT
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oscarpiastri What can I say, I'm just built diff 🤷♂️🤷♂️
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danielricciardo We stand on business here
-> oscarpiastri And that's on what?
-> yn.horner PERIODTTTTTT
user325 AND NOT A SINGLE DISQUAL IN SIGHT
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-> user325 sorry Danny
-> danielricciardo 😒🫶
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yn.horner having matching plushies always helps me feel better when i'm away from home
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oscarpiastri what names have you chosen for yours? assuming that whoever they match with has named theirs
-> yn.horner their names are confidential i'm afraid
-> oscarpiastri boooooo no fun :(
user549 wish my boyfriend did this for me
-> user550 babe, we're literally on our way to go buy jellycats
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if you see this, know that you WILL be getting the next update after the Imola GP i promise.
I've been in a really odd spot in my life where I haven't been very motivated to do any writing (or even just creating in general) for long burst of time, which means that any requests I have been sent previously have been sitting in my drafts half finished because I cannot for the life of me find any inspiration to write anything.
I count myself lucky that I had enough motivation and energy to start pre-planning for the rest of this series. If you take a look at the series masterlist you'll notice that there are numbers next to the current chapters and beyond. I've decided that the entire series is going to be 14 chapters in total with a bonus chapter for Oscar and Y/n's shenanigans at the end of the 2024 season.
I can't thank everyone enough for being so incredibly patient with me as I try to work through this writing slump. Slowly but surely I will start uploading fic reqs again
Formula 1 was much more fun when drivers ignored team orders … so this is my petition for everyone to channel their inner Multi 21 era Sebastian Vettel from now on
To be added to the rest of the series click here -> 🌌
Lock broken, slur spoken
Wound open, game token
I didn't know you were keeping count
Rain soaking, blind hoping
You said I was freeloading
I didn't know you were keeping count
“Do you have to be such a fucking cunt all the time?” Ben huffed after unlocking the front door, tossing his keys in the bowl in the entryway. “God it’s like every time-” he sighed, shaking his head as Lennon softly shut the door behind them. She was blindly hoping that he’d just drop it, it had been a long day for both of them and she could tell it was only going to start an argument at some point.
“I do all this stuff for you, I took you out on your birthday, I went out to dinner with your family. I got you flowers last week, I watched that stupid show you like with you, I do this, that, and the other things, and you don't ever do anything for me, you didn't even say thank you when I made the bed for you last week, you're just freeloading and taking advantage of my feelings for you.” He bit out pointing out every little thing he’s ever done for her over the course of the last few months as if she hadn’t done the same things for him.
Lennon could only stare at him as he threw all of that back in her face. Everything he just brought up was the bare minimum she never asked him to do any of that. She never kept track of what they both did for each other so she couldn’t even come up with an argument back because she was never keeping count of the things she did for him, she never realized he was keeping count.
High infidelity
Put on your records and regret me
I bent the truth too far tonight
I was dancing around, dancing around it
High infidelity
Put on your headphones and burn my city
Your picket fence is sharp as knives
I was dancing around, dancing around it
Cheating, a thing that could break or make a relationship. Ben could tell something happened, so he did exactly what she was doing and acted like nothing was wrong, but deep down he was starting to regret ever getting involved with Lennon. She had bent the truth too far about April 29th, dancing around where exactly she was and who she was with. He knew it was someone, and it was only a matter of time before the truth came out.
All he wanted was answers, granted he didn’t deserve them after how he treated her but that didn’t make the situation any better. He wanted to watch the city burn. The picture perfect relationship that everyone thought Lennon was in, was not as great as it seemed. Ben wasn’t what he projected to the world, especially behind closed doors.
The green eyed girl knew she needed to get out, it’s what she should’ve done in the first place but with how Ben was treating her lately self sabotaging the already dying relationship seemed like it would drive the final nail in the coffin and end it all for good.
Do you really want to know where I was April 29th?
Do I really have to chart the constellations in his eyes?
“I just want to know where you were last month. You just disappeared and never said anything.” Ben threw his hands up as he leaned against the counter staring at her trying to figure out what she was hiding. He knew it was something because they usually never kept secrets from each other.
The dark haired girl was silent as she stood across from Ben. She was teetering on the edge of if she really wanted to tell him where she was on April 29th, if she really had to chart the constellations in his eyes for Ben to understand. It was a painful process that made her realize what she needs isn’t what she has. Realizing that to get what you need, you are going to hurt someone who may not deserve it. But in Ben's case he did.
“Do I really have to chart-“ there was reluctance in her voice as she spoke, she wanted to come clean she really did. Wanting to chart the constellations in the brown eyes that were filled with such comfort and warmth ones that felt like home when you looked into them, compared to Ben’s icy blue eyes. But she just shook her head and walked out of the kitchen with a sigh, it would be no use.
Storm coming, good husband
Bad omen
Dragged my feet right down the aisle
At the house lonely, good money
I'd pay if you'd just know me
Seemed like the right thing at the time
Lennon could feel it, the end of it all. Her and Ben were too far gone and their once safe and good relationship was far too damaged to save. Everyone thought Ben was nothing short of ‘good husband’ material. But to her it was nothing but a bad omen. He didn’t excite her; it made her feel like she was dragging her feet in through the motions with him. On paper they looked like the perfect couple but she knows he isn’t the one she wants to marry at the end of the day, it would be a life of misery if she was dumb enough to let it get that far.
The house was lonely, Ben had bought a mansion which wasn’t a surprise with the money he made at Chelsea. But he was hardly ever there. On the days off he had he was usually spending it with the guys. She would give the world if he would just understand and see her instead of just leaving her alone for days on end. Moving in seemed like a good idea at the time. But now she was thinking it was clearly a mistake. Lennon was expected to stay in the relationship with the blue eyed player, people would tell her how lucky she was that she had a good man who had good money and a stable life like him.
They didn’t see behind the walls, the fights, the arguments, the cheating rumors, the neglect. It was hard to put up with someone who would push her off to the side like a trophy sitting in the cabinet only being brought out to be shown off. It was humiliating. All she wanted was to be loved and appreciated and he made it seem like she was asking for far too much.
You know there's many different ways that you can kill the one you love
The slowest way is never loving them enough
Do you really want to know where I was April 29th?
Do I really have to tell you how he brought me back to life?
It had been months of the same back and forth shit, Ben didn’t even realize what he was doing to the girl. There were many different ways to kill someone you loved. Cheating, abuse, manipulation, all of it, but the slowest way?
Simply never loving them enough.
Lennon didn’t even mean for it to happen. She really didn’t, but she knew Ben would never really love her like she deserved. It was supposed to be just a fun getaway weekend in Spain until she bumped into someone familiar at the club downtown. That night had turned into a whirlwind within a matter of hours and Ben was none the wiser.
Where was she that fateful April 29th you ask?
The Cheshire native was with someone who had so easily managed to bring her back to life in such a short amount of time. His touch brought forth an incandescent glow despite her being tarnished by Ben's neglect, but he made her feel oh so grand. He was someone she couldn’t have out in the open.
At least not right now, not while she was still tied to Ben.
Lennon realized the brown eyed man was someone that saw her for her and loved every piece of her without fault or care, it was something she wasn’t used to. To be shown such love without having to beg for it. Like it was natural and actually meant something.
“You should leave him Len, you know I would take care of you better than he has and ever will.” The man softly spoke, gently running his fingers up and down her back as she laid on his chest. Both of them coming down from their highs after what they just did between the sheets.
Did he feel bad knowing he just slept with Ben's girlfriend?
No.
A blind man could see how much the Milton Keynes man was ruining the girl laying in his bed. One whose smile would brighten up the room the second she walked into it. He was kicking himself over the fact that he didn’t get to her first. But he’d take having moments like this with her for now until he could have her openly and unapologetically to show her how she should’ve been loved and treated this whole time. Not hidden away like a burden. Like some participation trophy, no she was that of the most beautiful painting one could ever compose, and he thought she should be shown off and cherished.
The doe eyed girl looked up at him, it hurt a bit knowing he wanted her so unapologetically but Ben never would, it was a hard pill to swallow but she knew their relationship was nothing but a pile of smoldering ashes now. “I know but I don’t know how to make him understand that he and I can’t keep going on like this.” Lennon said softly. “He just doesn’t listen, and I always end up letting him back in when I know we aren’t good for each other.”
“Let’s worry about it tomorrow mi amour. We can think of something together in the morning over breakfast.” Kepa said, placing a gentle kiss on the top of her head as he pulled the blankets up over the both of them. “I’ll make French toast, I know it’s your favorite.”
It was the little things like the mention of French toast being her favorite that made her heart slowly start piecing itself back together. She had mentioned that at a party Mason had thrown months ago the only party Ben had brought her to, and yet he still remembered it.
Ben never took the time to ask what any of her favorite things were.
Oh, there's many different ways that you can kill the one you love
And it's never enough, it's never enough
Ben had been sitting in Mason’s living room with Kai and Christian, the boys' girlfriends were in the kitchen talking about god knows what. But it was Sophia who had come out to hand her boyfriend a drink before her eyes set on the Milton Keynes man. “Is Len not coming?” She asked softly, she rather liked the green eyed girl, she just never understood why she put up with a guy like Ben. “Nah. We broke up a few days ago.” He shrugged unbothered. “Oh.” Sophia mumbled frowning a bit as she looked back at her boyfriend with a questioning look before walking back to the kitchen to talk to Nettie about it, the two were planning on going to see the girl soon to make sure she was okay.
Christian side eyed him for that response as did Mason. This was the first they were hearing about it; they thought everything between the two was fine. Evidently not. But it was Kai who looked like he knew something that Ben didn’t. “What mate spit it out, I know you’re dying to say something.” Ben sighed, crossing his arms as he looked at the German boy. Kai just shrugged as he fiddled with the tab on his drink. “Nothing, just glad she’ll be able to find someone who might actually treat her well now.”
“The fuck is that supposed to mean mate? She broke up with me.” Ben asked, narrowing his eyes.
“It means you treated her like shit.” Christian spoke up leaning back against the chair he was sitting in. All of the guys adored Lennon. She was a sweetheart, not to mention how well the other guys' girlfriends got along with her. But of course Ben had to go and ruin it for himself because he fell in love with everything that moved but clearly had commitment issues. They were gonna miss seeing her around. “You didn’t deserve a nice girl like her.”
Ben just looked over at Mason for help to back him up, but the Portsmouth boy just avoided his eyes. “Mase?” He asked tensely, he felt backed into a corner now. “They’re right mate. The way you treated her just- it wasn’t right Chilly.” Mason said softly, he and Nettie had talked about it a while back. The French girl wanted to find someone better for Lennon but little did they know she had already done that herself.
“Do you ever think she finally broke up with you because she found someone better? I mean she did take a trip to Spain a while back.” Kai said offhandedly, he had known who was also back home in Spain at the time of her trip.
“Spain?? Why Spain? She’s never even been out of England?” Ben asked as a million different thoughts ran through his head. Why would Lennon go to Spain of all places? His thoughts were interrupted as a Spanish voice called out after shutting the front door making him glance over the back of the couch seeing Kepa walking into the room. But what caught his attention was the faded hickeys on his neck, as far as he knew the goalie didn’t have a girlfriend and wasn’t one for one night stands. “What about Spain?” the Spanish player asked, taking a seat on the loveseat next to Kai after walking in mid conversation.
“We were just talking about Lennon’s trip to Spain last month and how she broke up with Ben a few days ago.” Christian caught him up, he saw the way Kepa’s eyes flickered to the Milton Keynes player briefly which only he seemed to catch, that piqued his interest. “Didn’t you go to Spain around that time too? Your sister's wedding right?” The goalie nodded and a soft smile as he thought back on that trip before shrugging as he looked over at Ben again.
“I’m sure someone else will appreciate a perfect rose like her, maybe they already have.” Kepa commented with a hum as Mason started the game they were playing again.
Suddenly the dots connected for Ben and it felt like he had just jumped straight into the Thames.
Lock broken, slur spoken
Wound open, game token
I didn't know you were keeping count
Rain soaking, blind hoping
You said I was freeloading
I didn't know you were keeping count
…..But oh, you were keeping count
The blue eyed Chelsea player had immediately left Masons and made his way to the doe eyed girl’s apartment. He needed answers. He knocked frantically on the door as he stood there in the rain waiting for her to come and open the door. It made him rethink every interaction she’s ever had with the goalie.
“God Lennon you’re such a fucking slut, my own teammate really??” Ben asked as soon as she opened the door as he pushed his way into her apartment. He was livid at the news. He was blindly hoping that the comment Kepa made was just a coincidence. But when she just blankly looked at him not even bothering to deny it, it just further irritated him causing him to snap. “Who’s next huh? Are you gonna go for Conor or Christian?” The blue eyed man shouted as he glared at her. “Gonna go on and fuck the whole team?” He was going for a low blow, he knew that but he was too pissed off to care.
“You always said I was freeloading Ben, I never knew you were keeping count of the bare minimum of things you did for me. Did you know in the short amount of time I’ve gotten to know Kepa he knows all my favorite things? Actually wants to spend time with me?” Lennon asked, as she crossed her arms.
“What does that have to do with anything??” Ben asked, throwing his hands up with a groan. He wasn’t getting it again. “It has everything to do with it!! He cares, Ben. Kepa took the time to actually see me. I wasn't just a trophy sitting in a glass case collecting dust anymore like you had me for the last year and a half. He remembers things I talk about, my favorite food? He remembered it from Mason's party months ago. Do you even know what my favorite food is?”
Ben just blinked at her; he felt like he had been smacked across the face with reality as she kept going. “Did I cheat on you with Kepa? Yes. I’ll admit that. But you have to understand the relationship we had was far past saving, it was nothing but ashes.. Just one simple night with Kepa was more than you’ve ever given me. You just never wanted to let me go. So I did what I had to do to make you hate me. But I won’t apologize for finding someone who actually treats me the way I deserve to be treated.”
The dark haired girl standing in front of him wasn’t the same Lennon he knew and had under his thumb for the last year and a half. She had grown a backbone and was standing up for herself. Maybe Christian was right, he didn’t deserve her, because he clearly didn’t know what he had until she was gone. Now he had to watch the beginnings of her life with his teammate, and he knew the Spanish player would have no problem showing off a girl like her, shouting from the rooftops how much he loved and appreciated her.
Something he never did but wished he had right about now. In the midst of keeping count of all the things he did for her and using it against her he never counted the fact that one day she’d walk away from him.
There’s many different ways to kill the one you love, never loving them enough is one, but not realizing what you had until it’s gone is possibly even worse.
To be added to the rest of the series click here -> 🌌
I spy with my little tired eye
Tiny as a firefly
A pebble that we picked up last July
Down deep inside your pocket
We almost forgot it
Does it ever miss Wicklow sometimes?
Jack glanced at what you had pulled out of your pocket, a questioning look on your face, as the two of you got ready to walk out the door. It was small, almost the size of a lightning bug. A small little pink pebble that you two had found last July whilst on summer break. It had slipped both of your minds, nearly forgetting about it until just now as you held it up with a smile before setting it in the dish by the door with the extra set of keys and oddities that you both had in your pockets that week. He wondered if the small rock ever missed Wicklow, the cozy seaside town. That something so small could hold such important memories. It was when he asked you to move in with him. At first he didn’t think you’d say yes, because it took you a few minutes to give him an answer, but that was because you were just in shock. He had been so upfront and honest about it you didn’t think a guy like him would want that. But you had been proven wrong as you realized this was Jack, your jack. The goofy brummie guy who had swept you clear off your feet with his horrendous jokes and down to earth personality. He was the personification of soft. He missed Wicklow, if the rock didn’t then he did, because it gave him you.
They said the end is coming
Everyone's up to something
I find myself running home to your sweet nothings
Outside, they're push and shoving
You're in the kitchen humming
All that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing
The Birmingham man was tired.
Tired of everyone saying that the end of City’s reign was coming, that they wouldn’t make it till the end. They wouldn’t get the treble. Everyone always had something to say, he more often than not, found himself quickly trying to quickly head out after any practice or game not wanting to be interviewed or stopped by anybody that would hold him up. All he wanted to do was run home to you and the calmness that surrounded you. As he walked out of training he could see people pushing and shoving at the gate as he got into his car, his teammates having no problem stopping to sign things or take pictures. But nonetheless, despite how tired he was, he pulled his car through the gates and stopped for a few people because he knew if he didn’t it would end up being the next big scrutinizing headline, which he didn’t need. He didn’t mind the fans really, he loved them, but on days like this when everything was weighing down on him he just wanted to come home to you. As he drove through Manchester he thought of how relaxing it’d be to just lay on the couch with you, he stopped and got you both some food on the way home knowing you’d enjoy the simple gesture, and when he did finally arrive home, he walked inside and heard you humming in the kitchen. You looked up when you heard him come in and smiled at him. “Aw you picked up maccies” he just smiled and sat the bag on the counter letting you pull him into a much needed hug which had him instantly relaxing into your arms. All you ever wanted from him was moments like this. Sweet nothings.
On the way home
I wrote a poem
You say, "What a mind"
This happens all the time
On the way home from a trip you and him took together, he had been quietly sitting in the passenger seat. You’d look over to him a few times wondering what he was doing, usually you couldn’t get him to stop talking and the quietness wasn’t bad per say, it just intrigued you. “I uh- wrote a poem I wanted to read to you.” Jack spoke up softly which caused a small smile to spread across your lips as you nodded for him to go ahead. You saw him sit up straighter out of the corner of your eye as he looked down at his phone. “I won’t ever find the words, you are everything always and even that is not enough.” Was it grammatically correct? No, but you appreciate the sentiment and the fact he wrote it. “What a mind you have, love. I like it.” You nodded while looking over at him briefly with a smile. Jack appreciated that you supported him and his little hobbies like this and not just football. It was something he realized happened all the time even if you didn’t make a big deal about it. He wanted to write poetry? You were right there encouraging him, wanting to try new fashion styles? You wanted him to give you a fashion show and show you what he bought and gave him pointers on what would look good and what wouldn’t. He had never felt more loved and appreciated besides when he was with his family. But that wasn’t to say he didn’t support you the same way because he did 110% in anything you wanted to do or try. It was a very open and co-op relationship. You both gave and helped when the other needed it.
Industry disruptors and soul deconstructors
And smooth-talking hucksters out glad-handing each other
And the voices that implore, "You should be doing more"
To you, I can admit that I'm just too soft for all of it
It was no secret how some clubs were ran, Chelsea was a prime example of industry disruptors some hotshot millionaire coming in and buying the club ontop of the management fucking everything up. That didn’t mean City was squeaky clean either, they had their own allegations and rumors about them as well. Everyone was pushing for the same thing. Pushing to be the best. No matter what they did they always got told “you should be doing more” pitching it like they were trying to sell it to the players as if they didn’t want to be the best already. Everyone wanted to win the big three but you could only do that if you were being efficient and doing good. But to you, Jack could admit that sometimes he’s too soft for all of it. The pressure, the comments, the scrutiny. He had heard it ever since City signed him, he went from being the star boy at Aston Villa to being a “waste of money” after being signed as the most expensive English footballer to date. Some days he didn’t think he wanted to do it anymore, he had been trying and trying to prove himself that he could do it, that he could be worth what they paid for him. He had to. Because he didn’t know what he would do if they let him go.
They said the end is coming
Everyone's up to something
I find myself running home to your sweet nothings
Outside, they're push and shoving
You're in the kitchen humming
All that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing
Despite all the talk of the end of the season and all the tough games they had to get through. There was the one constant that kept him going, and that was being able to run home to you when the day was over. The two of you and your constant little moments that some would consider boring nothingness, meant everything to him. No amount of cups or championship wins would compare to him coming home from an away game to find you dancing and humming around the kitchen or how you were always there for him, to pick him up after a bad game, in the stands for the good games, or just spending time with him and his family. His mother had asked him when he was going to get the courage to ask you the big question, she knew he already had the ring. He also knew you wouldn’t want a big public gesture, you’d want something small, just between the two of you and your little sweet nothing moments. Which is exactly how he did it, at three in the morning, when you both couldn’t sleep. Was the deliriousness from sleep getting to you both? Probably, but he knew that no time was better than right now. He dropped to one knee in the middle of the kitchen, illuminated by the refrigerator light as he looked up at you with the softest look ever and softly asked as he opened the velvet box that he had been hiding for the last six months. “Will you marry me?” He wanted nothing more than to have a million more moments like this with you.
I for one don’t think a part two is necessary for the Carlos fic it was pretty straight forward. 😅😭 not everything has to be sunshine and rainbows.
I love how much everyone loves it and wants a part two, but when I wrote it I didn’t intend for it to have a part two 🤷🏼♀️ I thought it was pretty self explanatory. The reality is sometimes you don’t get the privilege of having closure. The relationship fizzled out long before she left and she accepted that. That in itself is closure. Carlos wasn’t going to change until it was too late and he realized she left. At that point it isn’t genuine because he isn’t changing because he wants to but because he has to now that she isn’t there to do everything. There’s no fixing what he broke and he has to live with that.
We need a part 2 of Youre loosing me !!! It’s so good and your writing is just amazing !!! It’s so good
Aw thank you!! As for a part 2 I unfortunately don’t think there will be one. This one isn’t meant to have a happy ending because sometimes that’s the reality of it. Though there is 100% plenty of other happy ending ones coming soon!
To be added to the rest of the series click here -> 🌌
You say, "I don't understand" and I say, "I know you don't"
We thought a cure would come through in time, now, I fear it won't
Remember lookin' at this room, we loved it 'cause of the light
Now, I just sit in the dark and wonder if it's time
“I don’t understand what the problem is.” Carlos sighed, rubbing at his face in frustration. You’d been at each other’s throats for forty five minutes now, and over something so trivial. What had begun as him (forgetting to do the dishes? Change the laundry?) had spiraled into an outright argument over him not helping around the house, to him being out so late all the time now. “I know you don’t.” You had muttered, shaking your head with a sigh of your own.
“I can’t do this right now, I told Lando I’d meet him for dinner.” Carlos spoke, his curt reply signaling he was done with the argument, with the entire conversation. He grabbed his keys and walked out of the kitchen without another word as you stood there watching him go.
This is how things always went as of late—at least, that’s what it feels like. It’s always just another small bump in the road, one that you would get over. Always something that wouldn’t stop you from being happy again. Now, though, it seemed like nothing was going to fix things between the two of you. Small bumps are fine until you look back and realize there’s so many, the road is no longer driveable.
As you shut the kitchen light off and walk into the living room, you pause. It was one of yours and Carlos’s favorite rooms in the house because of how the light shone through the windows, illuminating the room in a soft glow when the sun set. Dusk was setting in now as you took a seat on the couch, the room falling into darkness as you sat there by yourself wondering if it was finally time to end it or not.
Do I throw out everything we built or keep it?
I'm getting tired even for a phoenix
Always risin' from the ashes
Mendin' all her gashes
You might just have dealt the final blow
It wasn’t even the big things that made you wonder. No, it was the stupid stuff. The small things you wished so badly you could convince yourself to put up with. You knew what the two of you had was special, could feel it in your very being, but it was beginning to not be love anymore. It was tiring, you were tired. Your mother always told you that you reminded her of a phoenix, always picking yourself up and mending your own wounds, never letting anyone help you because you could do it yourself. Times like these, you wish she was wrong.
You didn’t know why Carlos would rather sneak around and lie than just be honest with you. Maybe it was a pride thing. Charles, bless him, had been the one to accidently fill you in on what Carlos has been doing behind your back. He didn’t even mean to, but when he asked if you were at the club with Carlos last week because he thought he’d seen you with his teammate, it was the final blow. You weren’t at the club. You had been at home. You had been waiting on him because he told you he was stopping by his parents house. He had told you not to wait up for him. It started making you wonder what else he’s been lying about and how long he’s gotten away with it.
Every mornin' I glared at you with storms in my eyes
How can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dyin'?
I sent you signals and bit my nails down to the quick
My face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick
It was five am when Carlos’s alarm went off, making you roll over and glare at him as he slept. Lately, it’s like you aren't even in a relationship anymore. You sighed as you got up, moving to the kitchen and knowing he’d get up in a minute to get ready for his morning run.
As you cooked yourself something to eat you heard him moving around in your room. The footsteps you’d once longed for around the house had become ghostly, the antithesis of what it once was. You dread the sound of them approaching.
It wasn’t like this came out of nowhere, you had sent him signals and tried talking to him to let him know that things between you needed fixing or changing but, he always brushed them off, brushed you off. You were starting to turn into a shell of yourself the longer you stayed in this relationship and dealt with everything alone.
“Love you.” He mumbled, nothing more than a force of habit, grabbing a water bottle and leaving. He knew that things weren’t okay. You knew he knew, and he knew you knew he knew, and on and on and on until the end of time. It didn’t matter what you both knew, though, because he wasn’t ready to admit that out loud that the love you two had was long gone now. The both of you were just going through the motions and with how shitty the season was going he wasn’t ready to lose the one semi good thing he had left going for him.
And the air is thick with loss and indecision
I know my pain is such an imposition
Now, you're running down the hallway
And you know what they all say
"You don't know what you got until it's gone"
The house was heavy sad and you were running out of options. The confusion and grief that came along with the thought of having to leave the man you loved for the last seven years was hard. Harder than hard. Some kind of word that hasn’t been invented yet, hard. You know that your pain and problems weren't easy to deal with, but hell—he isn’t exactly Mr. Emotionally Intelligent, either. It just made you feel guilty that you were feeling this way and maybe that was the reason Carlos was pulling away.
So you did what any normal person would do, you called your mom and asked if you could come stay for the weekend. You needed to get away for a while, clear your head and figure out what you needed to do for yourself and there was no better place to do that than home. You packed a weekend bag and left after Carlos headed to Baku. The time you spent with your mother was eye opening. She had given you advice that you oh so badly needed to hear.
“Why do you keep letting him treat you this way?” she asked you, nudged a cup of tea an inch closer to you. “This is not the way someone who loves you should treat you.”
She was right, it wasn't how you were supposed to be treated. So it was no surprise to hear from Carlos when he got back and noticed you were gone, you’d left him a note on the fridge but apparently that wasn’t good enough. He didn’t realize all the things you usually did for him until you weren’t there to do them. Like help with laundry, cooking dinner and cleaning. Of course his mother raised him right but that didn’t mean he still wasn’t a guy who got comfortable with how things were.
My heart won't start anymore (Stop 'cause you're losing me)
My heart won't start anymore (Stop 'cause you're losing me)
You didn’t go to a lot of races, had your own career and your own life that was more than the title of girlfriend, but Barcelona was one you always attended. Things hadn’t gotten any better, but you still wanted to be there to support him—even if you knew it was going to be the last time. You stood next to Blanca, listened to her gush about her upcoming wedding, about the flowers and the dress and the table runners. You didn’t have the heart to tell her you’d have to miss it.
“Have you two got your outfits together yet? I know my brother can be pretty forgetful sometimes” Blanca asked, looking over at you with a happy smile. You did your best to give her a smile back, Carlos hadn’t mentioned it, but you didn’t want to burst her bubble. “I’ll remind him tonight, I’m sure you’re going to look absolutely beautiful.” You meant that, even if you aren’t going to be there to see her in person.
As Carlos pulled the car back into the garage after the race it was almost routine, he’d get out, take his helmet and stuff off before walking over and giving you a hug. You hang on a beat longer than normal, soak it all up—his hair and his smell and his skin and his arms. “I’m going to go grab my things,” you mumbled, motioning him to his waiting family before moving off to go grab your things. You didn’t plan on standing around for any longer than necessary. Each passing moment is nothing more than another opportunity for your heart to break.
How long could we be a sad song
'Til we were too far gone to bring back to life?
I gave you all my best me's, my endless empathy
And all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier
Fighting in only your army, frontlines, don't you ignore me
I'm the best thing at this party (You're losing me)
And I wouldn't marry me either
A pathological people pleaser
Who only wanted you to see her
Your relationship, if it can still be called that, seems to long outlive its expiration. You don’t know how much longer it can go on like this, all the uncertainty. It felt like nothing but a sad song stuck on repeat, something that you couldn’t come back from. There had been times where the both of you got this way in the past but you were able to bring the relationship back to life but this time?
This time things were too far gone.
You had given him nothing but endless empathy everytime Ferrari screwed him over, everytime the media pulled quotes from their ass, everytime someone twitter blamed him for someone else’s mistakes. It was always you there for him. You were the only one fighting for him, right front and center when he had a bad race or when strategies didn’t work out, everything.
Yet, it was for nothing.
“Don’t ignore me Carlos, please,” you said softly, but the crack in your voice is clear. You’re at a party—Lando’s, drug here against your will, against your better judgment. You knew he needed to let loose, but all you wanted was to talk to him. You knew you had to instigate, that he’d ignore you all evening if you didn’t.
He was still losing you.
Everybody talks about the seven year curse. You never saw it coming, even if it was staring you square in the face.
1. You stop being curious about each other
First, it was the little things. No more questions, no more answers. You didn’t spend your time telling him about your favorite breakfast foods and he didn’t spend his time asking. Years came and went, and you thought it was endearing that there weren’t questions, that it was proof your relationship was strong. He knew you like the back of his hand, you’d told yourself.
2. You start keeping secrets from each other
The secrets, though, that’s a new development. A few months ago, he never would’ve sat at the table with his phone face down, never would’ve leaned away from you when he typed or managed to spend time with Lando even when Lando wasn’t in town.
3. You’re spending less meaningful time together
It’s hard to spend time with someone who’s never around, who never wants to be around. That’s all there is to say about that.
4. You start taking each other for granted
It was no secret Carlos had taken you for granted. Everyone knew it, they could see it anytime the two were together. You were at his beck and call, his personal chef, his maid and his housekeeper and his butler. His trainer and his assistant and whatever else he might possibly need.
5. You don’t discuss your goals anymore
You stopped wondering if he would ever propose two years ago. Well, you told yourself you stopped wondering. Everytime he asked you to go out or suggested you dress up nice or acted even the slightest bit weird, you were bouncy at the idea of him on one knee.
6. You’re drowning in criticism
What was harder than accepting you were never going to be his wife, maybe, was coming to terms with the fact that everyone else wanted it more than you. Seven years is a long time. It hung over both of your heads like a storm cloud of implication. You wondered if he ever planned on marrying you, or if the last seven years have been nothing but fun to him.
And lastly
7. You have no fight left
If you still had any fight left in you, you wouldn’t be googling the seven year curse while he silently sat at the other end of the sofa. You remember the moment you lost it, that last little bit of fight and fire. You remember it easier than you remember what it felt like to be in love with him.
You had shaken your head as Carmen sent another article of some “close friend” talking about how the media was portraying you as a pathological people pleaser. It hurt. Sure, you knew marriage wouldn’t fix everything but it was the fact you didn’t feel wanted or appreciated anymore that finally broke the walls down like a wrecking ball.
Carlos looked over at you watching you shake your head and pocketed your phone. “What’s that about?” He asked, he could tell something was bothering you and he had an inkling of what it could be, but, he wasn’t going to bring it up. If he did, that would make things real.
“Nothing, just… just Carmen sending me another article. I wouldn’t marry me either, you know? Since I’m such a pathological people pleaser,” you looked at him, waiting to see what he’d say. But when the room fell into heavy silence and he just continued to look at you, all you could do was give a curt nod and purse your lips as you got up off the couch and walked upstairs. You couldn’t stand looking at him anymore if he wasn’t going to fight for the relationship you two had.
Sure, you may have been a people pleaser, but that’s just who you were. You liked helping, liked making people happy. But the one thing you wanted most of all? You only wanted Carlos to see you, to see that you’ve been there for him through everything. Not as a complacent stand-in girlfriend, but to mean something to him like you used to back when.
And I'm fading, thinkin'
"Do something, babe, say something" (Say something)
"Choose something, babe, I got nothing" (I got nothing)
"To believe, unless you're choosing me"
Two weeks had gone by and all you could think about was begging him to do something, to say something, anything, to you about how he was feeling. Give up his pride to show he still cared and loved you like you had loved him. It was his choice to make, you couldn’t force him to love you. He had to choose, all he had to do was choose.
But when he didn’t, you took it as a sign. Stop kicking a dead horse, pick yourself up and get on with your life. If he won’t then someone else will. Slowly but surely, every time he left for a race you’d pack up more things and ship them to your parents house. It took a bit longer than you figured it would but when you’ve spent seven years living with someone you realize just how much of your life is grounded in one place.
Once you had gotten all that you had, you stood in front of the dresser mirror looking at the necklace that you had on, remembering the memory of Carlos giving it to you when you both were teenagers. Your fingers play with it and it brings tears to your eyes to reach behind your neck and unclasp it. This would be the first and last time you ever took it off since being gifted it. As you held it in your hand, all crumpled and ready to be tangled, it made you realize that this was real, you were taking the step and finally walking away like you should have when all of this first started. You grabbed your bag off the bed and sat the necklace down on his nightstand knowing he’d find it whenever he got home. Taking one last look around the room you walked out and closed the door behind you, leaving the house key on the kitchen counter as you passed.
A necklace and a house key. The only implication that you were ever here, that you never would be again.
You're losing me
Stop (Stop, stop), you're losing me
Stop (Stop, stop), you're losing me
I can't find a pulse, my heart won't start anymore
Carlos didn’t realize it until it was too late. He had unlocked the front door and the house was eerily quiet and cold. He frowned, set his bags down and realized you must’ve gone out. He checked his phone to make sure he didn’t miss a text from you letting him know, but there was nothing. No text, no call, nothing. It confused him even more as he shut the door and walked further into the house.
He paused when he entered the living room, everything looked normal until he sat his hands on the back of the couch making him pull his hands back in confusion, the fluffy blanket you always had laid there was gone. That made him look around the room even closer, quickly noticing the books and candles you had on the coffee table were no longer there. The pictures above the fireplace were gone, every single trace of you ever being in the house was no longer there.
He skipped half the steps on the way up the staircase, through the hallway and into your room; empty and cold, like the rest of the place. He moved over to the closet swinging the door open, his breath catching in his throat when he saw your side totally bare and empty. The dresser drawers matched.
But he noticed something out of the corner of his eye, laying on his nightstand. As he walked over the tears started pooling in his eyes as he picked the item up, it was the necklace he had given you when you both were sixteen. He had gotten it for you, wanting to show how much he loved and appreciated you. Holding it now just signified how much he had fucked up. You had never taken it off, no matter how many fights you two had gone through over the years. Never. Not until now.
You had given him so many signs that he blatantly ignored or brushed off thinking you would always continue to be there for him despite him acting the way he was.
And now?
The relationship that was so full of love had died and he couldn’t find any way to bring it back to life.
He finally lost you and it was completely his own undoing.
