life isn’t looking up | yuna | dragonthea | re: everything? kinda junpei too
tw: disassociation ; self harm
Time has passed, and that was the only thing Yuna was sure of.
His brain was mushy. It was a fuzzy, messy soup that has been stirred just a bit too much and he could not get out of it. He felt slow, his reaction time nonexistent, and the colours that were right in front of him seemed to blur into a sad grey. Thoughts are supposed to be coherent, yet he couldn’t form a single one. He was simply there. Existing, barely. Yuna felt small pricks at his eyes, reminding him to blink.
If he moved too much he would break, he thought.
He casted his gaze away for the entire trial. It would either land on the dead podium on either side of him or the one far off. Yuna couldn’t think about that too much. He couldn’t remember how those podiums became empty. No, he was trying to forget. There was a sting at the back of his throat, spreading at an even pace. Guilt, guilt, more guilt. It mixed in with the heavy feeling he felt pushing his entire body down. He couldn’t dare speak. He wouldn’t dare make a sound. Yuna already did enough, at that attempt failed.
And it failed.
It failed again and again.
Yuna failed again.
His chest moved on it’s own, his body moved unconsciously. Everything was now a reaction. When did he decide to go on autopilot? His body tensed up, he felt like crying. Yuna didn’t. He couldn’t respond, he couldn’t do anything. Everything was over. How long has he been staring at the same spot on the floor?
Seemingly out of nowhere, he heard an announcement, and his name.
Mastermind? Him?
Yuna blinked once, twice. Three times. He wondered if his dark circles showed. The mercenary regretted thinking about it.
A BMX rider?
“Ah…I’ve…never ridden a bike in my life…I’d fall, you know…Dangerous…The only thing I am good at isn’t even worth mentioning…It…doesn’t really…—”
He was shaking. Talking hurt so much. Yuna had to cough to clear his voice.
People looked upset at Junpei.
They were yelling at Junpei.
Yuna talked to him once, didn’t he? He felt sympathy, he apologized…he wanted to forgive him. Yuna was concerned for Junpei.
He messed up again. Oh, he messed it up. He messed up, he messed up he messed up he messed up— Ow, his nail dug too deep into his left wrist. He rubbed the scratch against his chest, opening his mouth once again.
“I—I should’ve spoken up, hm? Haha…And, I don’t…even get to die, for being so—”
Yuna gritted his teeth, trying to position himself to the ground. He felt like he would fall. His eyes moved over to Junpei, who just slammed his podium, bringing Yuna to most of his senses. Was he admitting his fault? His relation to this entire thing? That would mean that he was the one to blame, the one who should die. The one who deserved to die.
Or at least, that is what the Yuna before would think, wouldn’t he?
What did he think now?
Yuna smiled out of fear. He couldn’t do this. Any more and he would simply shrink out of existence. If he thought too much he was truly going to die. What would he think now? What would he say? What was his opinions? He couldn’t even tell.
“I am sorry—Junpei…—”
His brain mushed up his two occurring thoughts to create that mistake of a sentence. Yuna felt sorry that he couldn’t even react to his entire speech properly. Anger would’ve been normal, right? Yuna would’ve felt happy, he would’ve cheered and laughed in Junpei’s face without any care, because he was right in the beginning. Yuna was not observant enough, he thought to himself. He focused too hard on protecting two people and ruined everything.
Yuna kept staring at three dead flowers while the rest were being pulled out.
And he couldn’t stop staring.












