Night

Bodily adult, mentally ancient (tiring) Genuine Nightmare of both varieties (do not fight me on lore this is my life) dealing with the guilt over all of it. Not a roleplay, fictionkin. I'm in my 500s, thats too old to figure out how to make my bio text a more readable colour.

[fial499]

'Haha, goopy man'. Yes, astute observation. I can't be upset about it, it's true in regards to the outer layer.

Though being in there did feel like suffocation. It held me together like glue, and melted me down like acid at different times. It had burst me open. It was my parasite and biggest protector. It was a layer. I appreciate him, in a weird way, for protecting us. Hopefully I don't just feel that way because I'm also that version of myself. The consistency and inconsistency of it all feels strange.

[fial499]

The "I only identify as the younger, not-evil me!" doubles of mine make me especially uncomfortable. I'm still uncertain how I feel about doubles at all yet.

Okay. Well I identify as all of me, I just tend to shift between my corrupt and noncorrupt version. Because I'm me, all of me. There's just a line between myself and myself.

I experience guilt about a lot of the things I went on to do, but I'm getting to be mature about it. I was under the influence of a highly corrupting force. Some people will say thats not true, and that I was essentially the apple version of 'posessed' by some human murderer guy, but I was still very aware of who I am, I was different but the same. The same, but not in the same way. It's more identity discontinuation than genuinely different person. Sure, I was 'posessed' in a way, but only by an extra layer of me I gained from that incident that clung to my bones, there's a separation, but they're inherently connected whether I like it or not.

Right now, 'me' as I consider myself under all the mess, I understand that that was acting as an extension of me. Mostly, I'm aware not just of the before, but if suffocating in myself for 500 years onwards after.

Other times, 'me' as the mess itself, I am cumulatively aware of myself, the corrupt and the prior self I wanted to protect.

I imagine the CDD the this-life brain has, has a tiny bit if something to do with it, but it's still a matter of 'I am me the way I am no matter what', which isn't something fully pure.

But I'm happy for you that you're the do-no-wrong of me- what a saint you are. Having to clarify. (Because I'm just so terrible in full, yes?)

I protect myself for once, I face immense concequences for it, I end up in a different shell in this realm with people who also consider themselves me, but the 'good' version. Alright. If I was ever that good, I would have handled those freaks making a manipulated idol labourer of my brother, wouldn't I? I wouldn't have interacted but certainly I should have pushed more than 'I don't think it's right how much they used you'.

I was a child at the time, I was flawed. If you were that pre-incident me only, 'you' were not perfect.

Maybe I just feel as uncomfortable as I do with it because I'm not alright with doubles, I'm uncertain. I'd like to be, if not for the sake of getting along with more folken, then for the sake of not feeling this heavy sick discomfort when I see one. I shouldn't want to police them just because they're wrong.

[fial499]

Nevermind, I looked back at that confession I reblogged a bit ago again and felt cruel for being so irritated at my less-corrupted counterparts. If you are a non-evilbastard me, I wish you well. I'll keep this up because its still a matter of honest feelings, but I've been hit with the realisation that I'm being a hypersensitive twat.

That aside, it's so strange how my essence of self works. I see my purer self and I feel like that which suffocated me, urged to protect that purer being in some way. I see my 'goopy' self and feel like that 'purer' me, horrified and simultaneously comforted by that entity/extension of myself.

I am an emotionally volatile bastard in a constant transformative state, is the long and short of it.

[fial499]

The "I only identify as the younger, not-evil me!" doubles of mine make me especially uncomfortable. I'm still uncertain how I feel about doubles at all yet.

Okay. Well I identify as all of me, I just tend to shift between my corrupt and noncorrupt version. Because I'm me, all of me. There's just a line between myself and myself.

I experience guilt about a lot of the things I went on to do, but I'm getting to be mature about it. I was under the influence of a highly corrupting force. Some people will say thats not true, and that I was essentially the apple version of 'posessed' by some human murderer guy, but I was still very aware of who I am, I was different but the same. The same, but not in the same way. It's more identity discontinuation than genuinely different person. Sure, I was 'posessed' in a way, but only by an extra layer of me I gained from that incident that clung to my bones, there's a separation, but they're inherently connected whether I like it or not.

Right now, 'me' as I consider myself under all the mess, I understand that that was acting as an extension of me. Mostly, I'm aware not just of the before, but if suffocating in myself for 500 years onwards after.

Other times, 'me' as the mess itself, I am cumulatively aware of myself, the corrupt and the prior self I wanted to protect.

I imagine the CDD the this-life brain has, has a tiny bit if something to do with it, but it's still a matter of 'I am me the way I am no matter what', which isn't something fully pure.

But I'm happy for you that you're the do-no-wrong of me- what a saint you are. Having to clarify. (Because I'm just so terrible in full, yes?)

I protect myself for once, I face immense concequences for it, I end up in a different shell in this realm with people who also consider themselves me, but the 'good' version. Alright. If I was ever that good, I would have handled those freaks making a manipulated idol labourer of my brother, wouldn't I? I wouldn't have interacted but certainly I should have pushed more than 'I don't think it's right how much they used you'.

I was a child at the time, I was flawed. If you were that pre-incident me only, 'you' were not perfect.

Maybe I just feel as uncomfortable as I do with it because I'm not alright with doubles, I'm uncertain. I'd like to be, if not for the sake of getting along with more folken, then for the sake of not feeling this heavy sick discomfort when I see one. I shouldn't want to police them just because they're wrong.

[fictionfolk-culture-is]

Fictionkin culture is saying "this is true/canon i was/am ___ !!" as a half joke except its not really a joke because you are who you say you are

.

[usernamesroverrated]

imagine Nightmare gradually breaking down Cross' morals over time.

whether you see Cross as one of the bad sanses or not, he's most definitely one of the most mentally and morally sound characters within the aforementioned group. and Nightmare is entirely aware of that fact.

so, he offers a position in his group for Cross, and promises that he won't have to do anything he's uncomfortable with, knowing full well how important promises are for the majority of sans variants. only, as time passes, Nightmare grows more and more comfortable easing Cross into doing tiny 'favors' for him that perhaps tap at Cross' morals. slowly, though, those favors turn to requests, then commands, and they only get worse as Nightmare gently assures him that he will only ask if he will be comfortable.

all the while, Cross' morality slowly crumbles without him even noticing.

[fial499]

My new mission, the cheese cipher. Adding a tag to track my progress. Tomorrow, when I return from work, it begins.

[degradingdata]

If I used the letter x as a pronoun would anyone actually indulge me?

[fial499]

Cannot solve your cipher but I felt the need to say yes?? It shouldn't be indulgence to have the respect to use a pronoun you'd rather have used. Use what makes you happy.

[degradingdata]

Thank you kind stranger, I will add it to the list!

[fial499]

Wonderful!

[fial499]

The social horror of having to do anything ever should not be this way. I am on a side blog who gives a fuck!!

[degradingdata]

If I used the letter x as a pronoun would anyone actually indulge me?

[fial499]

Cannot solve your cipher but I felt the need to say yes?? It shouldn't be indulgence to have the respect to use a pronoun you'd rather have used. Use what makes you happy.

[fial499]

[fictionfolk-culture-is]

fictionkin culture is seeing sourcemates online but not interacting because you're bad at making online friends </3

.

[charlesoberonn]

Being reverse-Isekai'd via the reincarnation method would fucking suck.

You used to be a magic-wielding adventurer and now you have to go through high school. And you can't tell anybody about your past life or you'll be mocked at best and institutionalized at worst.

[fromfiction]

This is being fictionkin.

[fial499]

Archiving before I have to replace my phone... let's hope it doesn't happen, though. Dreadful.

I don't like to post entirely ammeture garbage, this is an exception.

[fictionfolk-culture-is]

fictionfolk culture is wanting to stick by so many other versions of you. you are important to me. i want to hold your hand, read with you, sit by your side. i want you to know you’re not alone even if it really feels like it sometimes

- nightmare

.

PT: fictionfolk culture is wanting to stick by so many other versions of you. you are important to me. i want to hold your hand, read with you, sit by your side. i want you to know you’re not alone even if it really feels like it sometimes

- nightmare

[fictionfolk-culture-is]

fictiomfolk culture is meeting a sourcemate irl and like HELL YEAH!!!

.

[fial499]

"Clincially, you're an introject." "The term in-community is fictive"

What if we just let me forget I had this disorder once in a while. That would be nice.

I am still me, I am fictionkin, I still would be, even without that stupid fucking CDD. Wherever my 'healing journey' goes, it isn't going to de-kin me.

[maxwellmcgrath]

remember when mattel released a t-rex extroyer toy that vomited its own skeleton for no apparent reason

[fial499]

How it feels to shed the layer.