ficster28

Founding mod of the Phandom Big Bang. Author of A List of Available Smiles, Best Fanfiction 2012. And also other things. Click here for a full list of my fics. My writing tag is ficsterfics, if you want to skip everything else. No longer writing as of October 2014.

[ficster-28]

what are you up to these days ? anything going on in your life ? do you still like Dan and Phil ? ( ps, you're like a Phanfiction dinosaur)

In reverse order:

I am indeed a dinosaur. Myfanwy, that’s me.

Yep, I’m still watching the gaming channel if nothing else! Although I’m skipping all the ones which seem to involve liberal use of the word ‘daddy’.

Not much, tbh. Lots of musical theatre, this year. That’s always a good thing.

I am still working in general practice, and I am currently engaged in the process of growing my hair.

(So sorry, it seems I went and became a boring adult when you weren’t looking!)

[ficster-28]

I know you're no longer writing and like you may not even know, but do you know what you would have done with the end of learning? Like would Phil have still gone and came back for dan or would he have just not gone at all to be with dan (I think I'd prefer the latter tbh) or is it just going to stay open to the imagination?

It's been so long that I had to reread the last two chapters to remind myself of what that story was even about! I forgot about the class struggle aspect. Shame, that was quite interesting. I honestly can't remember what we were intending to do with the story, or if we even had a plan. I know what I would do now - Phil would go. He loves French, and this is an integral part of a) his degree, and b) learning the language. Dan would, however, go and visit him. It doesn't actually cost that much to hop down to the South of France - you can do it for twenty quid on squeezyjet - and they'd manage a long distance relationship. In terms of actually ending the story... It would probably have to be when Phil gets on the plane to go, tbh. Otherwise it would become an unruly epic. Again, that's kind of a shame because I was writing this during my own year abroad, and I could have written a great story by fictionalising some of my own experiences.But at this point, I'm so far removed from the story that your interpretation is just as valid as mine! It ends however you want it to end 😊

[ficster-28]

Hello. Idk if I messaged you the first time I read haunted (last year) so I figured I'd message you now, after rereading it. You captured everything so perfectly I don't even have proper words. Dans sorrow, his and Phils relationship which is inherently strange by default, the YT aspect, and my personal favorite: the way Dan reacts to the hug the first time? When he just frickin vanishes? The YT video at the end which drove me to tears, that I could visualize so fully. You are truly amazing.💕💕

Aw, thank you! I reread the last chapter of Haunted the other day, and I was like “huh. yeah, this was actually decent, I forgot about that” --- it surprises me that people are still reading my fics? I mean, I think Haunted was first posted in 2012, over on lj? I hadn’t read that fic in literal years. So yes, big thank you for reading and rereading <3

[ficster-28]

Okay, you're fic where Dan's a ghost (sorry, forgot the name) has COMPLETELY DESTROYED MY SOUL in a good way (kinda). It was beautiful, but the end killed me. You're an amazing writer. Just saying. It's 12 AM and I'm getting emotional over a ghost.

ghosts are very emotional. embrace this.

(thank you!)

[ficster-28]

what could i do with a linguistics degree?

Um, well, if you’re me you could go and work as a healthcare administrator? I read medical correspondence and code it onto patients’ records. A linguistic background really does help with that!

To be perfectly honest, linguistics isn’t one of those degrees which leads directly to an obvious job, but then there aren’t all that many degrees which do, unless they’re very very specific. I mean, if you’re doing a degree in hotel management, you’re going to be a hotel manager, but if you’re doing a degree in geography? History? A B.A. in English? All of those degrees give you very general skills which you can translate into a lot of different jobs, and linguistics is no different.

Some jobs which are specifically related to linguistics include speech therapy, copywriting, editing... I have an aunt who’s a linguistic missionary - she goes and tries to write down languages which as of yet have no formal record, particularly those in danger of going extinct. For more ideas, check out the ‘linguistics jobs’ tag on @allthingslinguistic

[ficster-28]

I read your comment to the other annon, and I just, do you really believe that? Like even if you don't know me or those around me, do you think most will be supporting? Cause I'm so scared of saying anything to anyone, I'm so scared that they'll tell me that I'm making it up or that I'm just trying to seem intresting or something (Idk, doesn't make sense to me, but some seem to think that it's trendy or whatever) And I'm scared that if I tell someone, they'll pass it on to my parents. Idk, sorry

Answering the last bit first, because I’m definitely qualified on this one.

I currently work at a doctor’s surgery, as a receptionist. Before I even signed my contract, I had to sign what was basically a non-disclosure agreement, vowing to protect patient confidentiality. I’m sure you already know that doctors are not allowed to break patient confidentiality, but I just want to illustrate to you how far that goes.

Right, say a woman’s yearly blood test results have come back - let’s call her Mrs Jane Smith - and she’s a bit low in vitamin D. The doctor writes out a prescription for some supplements, and then asks me, the receptionist, to ring the patient and let her know that there’s a prescription for her to pick up. I go into the patient record, find her phone number, and ring. Someone picks up and says, “Hello?”

Me: Hi, can I speak to Jane Smith please.

Them: This is her husband, John. I’m afraid Jane’s not in at the moment. Who’s calling?

Me: My name’s Gina. Could you ask her to ring me back on this number, please?

John: And where are you calling from?

Me: I’m afraid I can’t say over the phone.

I am not allowed to tell John that I’m phoning from the surgery, because that would be a breach in confidentiality. It would tell him that Jane has some business here. It doesn’t matter that the business in question is totally routine blood tests, or that John is her husband. It’s just not allowed. That’s what confidentiality is.

I’m going to assume that you’re a minor, and that your first port of call is a school nurse or counsellor. Most people in those roles will have this rule: they can only break confidentiality if they feel that the student is in immediate danger. But please, double check this. Walk into the office and ask, “Before I say anything else, what’s your confidentiality policy?” Once you have your answer, feel free to walk away and think it over before deciding whether or not you want to go back and bring up your issues.

As for whether or not I think people will be supportive, of course it will depend to an extent on people around you and their experiences, but it’s 2016. No professional will dismiss you out of hand any more. What’s more, there are tons of resources around. Google helpful pages for friends and family, print them out and hand them to them. (Here’s one I just found for parents of teens with depression, and here’s one for friends of people with depression.) If you’d prefer to do this before speaking to people about your issues specifically, why not put these resources in a blank envelope and leave them in your friends’ lockers/equivalent?

There may well be some people who don’t understand first off. If you can help them understand, that’s great. Don’t wear yourself out trying to make someone understand - take care of yourself above all else - but equally, don’t give up on someone who gets it wrong at first. People learn, and people change.

I have to go back to work now, but I hope that helps. <3 Feel free to message again if I can be of any more use!

[ficster-28]

I just read your fic A List of Available Smiles and holy shit (soz for the swearing) I related to Dan's character so much in that au. I've known that there's something wrong with me for quite a while and I guess I'm depressed. His thoughts, the lying, hoping for someone to understand, is what I'm going through right now and I don't know why I sent this message now but I hope you're having a nice day I guess

I think you sent this message because you need someone to know what you’re going through. And I think it’s easier to say it to me, on anon, because there is absolutely no chance that I’m going to turn around and say you’re lying, or you’re overreacting, or whatever. Even if I were the sort of person who would do that, I don’t know who you are, so I literally cannot.

What I want to say to you is this: most people won’t do that. I don’t know your friends and family, so I won’t judge them for you. But if you’re in school, go to a school counsellor or a school nurse. If you’re not in school, go to your doctor. Those people, if they’re in any way deserving of keeping their jobs, will not dismiss you. They will listen. They won’t understand, because no one understands anyone else, not completely, but they’ll do their best to help you.

And I know that that’s a frightening thought too. Therapy, medication, counselling - these are big scary concepts, and they don’t sound like they’re going to fix the actual problems, what’s wrong with the world, the impossibility of being happy. And you know what? They won’t. What they’ll do, if they’re options you end up taking, is help get you into a place where you can cope. You’ll still know that people don’t understand each other, and that life is a boring, endless cycle, and that prejudice and inequality and hatred abound. But you’ll be able to focus on the smaller things, the good things. You’ll learn to say “okay, the world is shit. But I can make this one little corner of it a better place than it currently is.”

You’ll remember why that one song on your iPod always used to make you sing along. You’ll start laughing at ridiculous jokes again. Or groaning dramatically and rolling your eyes. You’ll find a new favourite book, because you’ll have the energy and the ability to engage with new things again.

It can happen. And it will happen. But it’ll happen more quickly and more easily, if you go to someone and let them help you.

Forgive me if I’m not at my most eloquent - I’ve actually got a stinking cold at the moment, and my head’s not quite on straight. And not knowing anything about you, I don’t know how much of a chance there is of you acting on this advice. If you can’t do it now, that’s okay. If I sound like just another one of those earnest fools who don’t really get it, well, remember how closely you identified with a story I wrote four years ago. Then you can have fun with the thought that in four years’ time, you’ll be the earnest fool telling others to seek out help.

Yours faithfully,Gina

[ficster-28]

I think that some stories stay with you forever. To that's stories like Harry Potter, The mortal Instrument, doctor who (even though that's a tv show) and similar stuff. Even as I've kinda left those fandoms behind, the feeling I had while reading them, sticks with me. Today I went through a lot of old stuff on my computer, and a lot of links to videos and stuff from years ago. (Part one)

I rewatched a lot of videos, and even though what they showed me, no longer matters to me, I could still feel the echo of what they once did mean. I think your fic haunted is going to be like that for me. Even when I no longer remember the plot (or maybe when I no longer care for phan in general, though I so far can't see that happening), I'll reread it once, and feel that echo (Part 2)

This is a lovely message. Thank you <3

[ficster-28]

Can you post a link to your fic "Haunted" please? I tried to find it because a lot of people have recommended it but I can't find it.

In my description, it says “click here for a list of my fics”. Click on that. Haunted is in the multi-chapter section.

(alternatively, http://ficster28.tumblr.com/tagged/hauntedf28/chrono)

[ficster-28]

I JUST READ HAUNTED AND IM HAVINF BLOODY BREATHING PROBLEMS I HAVE SCHOOL IN FIVE HOURS HOW DARE YOU I JUST HAVE TOO MANY EMOTIONS JESUS CHRIST THAT IS A WORK OF LITERARY GENIUS FLUFFING KUDOS I JUST CANT ARTICULATE JUST AAAAHHHHHHAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO CREATE SOMETHING THAT AMAZING

Me. I did. Mwahahahaha.

(thank you!)

[ficster-28]

I've been trying to figure this out. I know you probably don't use this blog a lot but, when did you write "Haunted"? Also, what was your first phanfiction you've ever written?

Gosh, when *did* I write Haunted? Must have been... late 2012? Early 2013? Whenever it was that I was studying 19th century French fantasy/horror anyway! And the first phanfiction I ever wrote was, I believe, RT, which I haven’t reread in an awfully long time, so if it’s terrible, please don’t judge me. I do remember it being switch!POV, which is already ew.

[amazingdogpie]

hello have a friday evening phan song

goes with this fic: http://ficster28.livejournal.com/2170.html 

[ficster-28]

Everyone should be aware that this is a thing because iT IS AMAZING!!!!!! Thank you so much to Sophie for writing/recording this song, because it is beautiful and I love it and ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!

[ficster-28]

hey is there any chance that you'll upload all your other phanfics to ao3?

I think they're alright where they are. :)

[ficster-28]

Not even in the phandom any more, but oh my goodness, fellow autistic people, PLEASE take care of yourselves when you watch Dan’s new video, the 3D audio experience. I overloaded like hell - keep pausing the video, keep stimming - if you start to overload then just take the headphones out, seriously.

please signal boost

[ficster-28]

Hey! I read Haunted and I'm not the same anymore :) So, may I take that masterpiece to translate into Russian? do our phandom a favour, you're gonna be a star <3

Sure, go for it!

If anyone wants to translate any of my fics into any language, I would be delighted. Just make sure you send me a link if they’re in French or Italian so I can check them out!

[ficster-28]

I read Haunted and I'm going to need about a week to recover, your writing is extremely powerful! The fact that not everything ends perfectly like in fairytales is sometimes hard to take in.

Things I hate writing:

romance

happy endings

Is it obvious yet?

:P

[ficster-28]

I just read Mirror Mirror and at first I was afraid I was going to read about a straight relationship (i sound like charlie. ugh, straight men) but no. And the end is just ... The every men is guilty til it's proven otherwise and shutting up or keep on walking with a skirt and the mirror is gone. It hit close to home.

Ugh, straight men indeed! I’m sorry the fic hit close to home for you. Society’s shit, isn’t it? Thank you for the message, though. <3