Henrietta

they/them • adult • art, literature, poetry

[fiddleheadedfawn]

do you ever feel that your mind is a radio running waves through the air, endlessly trying to communicate and find connection, yet no one else can pick up on your frequency? sometimes i selfishly wish humans couldn't speak. these thoughts and phrases in my head play on an infinite loop, eloquent and profound in nature. yet when i open my mouth to speak, all that can be heard is television static. and while the rest of the world can switch channels and tune into others, i am cast aside in my mind-numbing low hums. i am a jumble of ones and zeros, something too difficult to decode.

[fiddleheadedfawn]

Brick Red Blues ~

some days i think im better

though i know it isn't true

has at last the rain past,

and the skies are shining blue?

but then some times i step outside

into my little grey car

i dream of warmer days

as i drive way out far

i push on the gas as darkness falls

while the clouds slowly gray

the wind picks up its pace

and my mind begins to stray

i start to wonder what it's like

to take your final breath

oh i hate it when i do this

when all i see is death

when twilight creeps upon me

i can't help but feel free

i imagine the brick wall

and my heart is filled with glee

no i can't think too much

or i'm sure i will regret it

but right now it's what i need

i crave feeling the wall's hit

increasing the speed one last time,

i think inside my head

"what must be wrong with me?"

as i pummel towards the red

[fiddleheadedfawn]

"My darling,

You are the light in my darkest hours

The guiding compass amidst stormy waters

And the oasis in any desert however dry

This I know,

Everything good in this world echos in your likeness"

- Henrietta

[fiddleheadedfawn]

My Veil of Hate ~

I loved you so deeply it made me ill

And i still love you like it's fated

But i've turned this rotten love into anger

And all my anger faded into hatred

I do not hate you as a hunter hates his meal

No, i hate you as a soldier hates his foe

As if blinding myself with rage will shield me

From the fact that you let go

[fiddleheadedfawn]

Crimson ~

She had pale, graceful arms

From them sweet nectar softly trickled

Pure gold flowing through her veins

As her warm skin slowly prickled

Soon dripping turned to pouring

Sugar grew briny as honey ran red

But to her, it made no difference

She'd heard the whispers of the dead

As her mind wandered, a realization grew

It didn't matter what the liquid, she decided

She craved the serotonin

And crimson lines across her wrist provided

[fiddleheadedfawn]

A Gift Never Returned ~

for you, my love

i would tear out my own heart

if yours stopped beating

i would pound it myself

and wouldn't depart

until you were breathing

but as much as i want

to mend all your wounds

and partake in your healing

in the back of my head

instead of security

i have a bad feeling

that if i were the one

who was in need of saving

i would be left bleeding

[fiddleheadedfawn]

Ocean Misted Dreams ~

i met a woman one day

i think ive seen her once before

but this time, she looks much different

as she lies upon the shore

her long hair shimmers in the sun

a tousled crown of golden locks

she's staring at the roaring waves

while they lap at sun bleached docks

i close my eyes for a moment

imagining her there

her golden skin like shining sands

a body so soft and bare

a gentle wave rolls up her body

like a blanket, soft and cool

drapes her it's icy touch

now i'm staring like a fool

i crave just one touch

yearning to feel her body on mine

us together, two as one

our figures misted with ocean brine

she'll pull me up with graceful arms

dragging me just like the tide

hold me on her glistening chest

laying with me at her side

i dream she reaches out for me

strokes her hand along my breast

way out in the ocean deep

under a wave's great crest

[fiddleheadedfawn]

Autumn's End ~

i admire fall

the smoke filled skies

the beauty in endings

the way way the wind cries

oh if i had to die now

it would be quite nice

falling to the ground with the leaves

and the cold, timid mice

[fiddleheadedfawn]

To Leave or Be Left? ~

I guess it isn't winter,

Maybe it's in my head

I'll look outside the window,

Pretend the trees aren't dead

But I Still Know what's coming

I see around the bend

Cold and barren meadows,

A long and painful end

So when the storm does come

I won't worry, not at all

If I tear out all the leaves,

Then none are left to fall

[fiddleheadedfawn]

Grow Into Love ~

I have found that it is best to grow into love rather than falling into it

For falling, while a thrill, ends in brokenness

But growing can only result in strength

[fiddleheadedfawn]

The Loved and The Lost ~

I often wonder why the ones I love the most

Feel so forlorn

Why the people I long to hold forever

Die so young

Why someone with a such beautiful heart

Finds themself repulsive

And why those whom I wish only the best for

Must be living in hell?

[fiddleheadedfawn]

An Ode To Life And Death ~

I grew up loving summer

Like all kids surely do

Frolicking for ages

In the morning dew

I always feared the winter

Dreading something new

Staying up for hours

Scared of turning blue

But as the green leaves withered

And the lilies too

I left my mind to ponder

Only things i knew

So now I lie at rest

Thinking things all through

I'd found that there was beauty

Past the morning dew

[fiddleheadedfawn]

E Pluribus Dividuus ~

"We can still be friends", they say

As an ice agent arrests a familiar face

"Don't let politics get in the way", they say

While the pastor condemns his friend's life

"Agree to disagree", they say

Though the boss lets his colleague starve

"To each their own opinion", they say

But the cop's knee is on his neighbor's neck

And within the eyes of an enemy

Deep behind the monster's trance

The fearful victim

Sees the soul of someone they trusted

[fiddleheadedfawn]

Deer In Headlights ~

Some days I think i've recovered

That I would fight back this time

But I know deep inside that when it matters most

I am still that deer frozen in headlights

Rather watching the light within my eyes die

Than admitting

What

I've

Lost

[fiddleheadedfawn]

The Lover Giver ~

I have began to believe that maybe it is in our fate

for those of us who love so deeply

to never be rewarded with the gift of equally returned love

[fiddleheadedfawn]

Down The Line ~

I was raised in a family bred to fail

Born to dissolve into nothing

Two alcoholics, two smokers

Three divorced

Four expelled

Five unwell

All rotting into the ground with regret

Decades and centuries of loving souls

shrouded by a veil of fear

[fiddleheadedfawn]

A letter to a past love ~

My love, he walks through battlefields

That nobody can see

How many wounds will the bullets yield

Until he bleeds on me?