you are a fighter. get up.

someone, tell me how to live with myself.

[midsommars-deactivated20201109]

Alex Strangelove (2018) Directed by Craig Johnson

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[ @marymacdnld ]

[boydswan]

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[ @marymacdnld ]

[midsommars-deactivated20201109]

Alex Strangelove (2018) Directed by Craig Johnson

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[ @marymacdnld ]

[musehelper-blog]

“I laughed and said, ‘Life is easy.’ What I meant was, ‘Life is easy with you here, and when you leave, it will be hard again.’”

— Miranda July, No One Belongs Here More Than You

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@marymacdnld

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marymacdnld‌:

At the sight of Peter, Mary felt her spirits immediately lift – especially due to the fact that he had a grin on his face. Not only was he unlikely to push her to do any actual work, but any day that she got to see him was considerably better than the others. “Hey you.” This was why they worked so well together; he wasn’t even aware of her sluggish state yet he leaned down to kiss her, eliminating any movement that would be required on her end.

He was so wonderful.

“Honestly… yeah, you probably do.” He was by far the person who frequented the store the most, yet in her opinion, it still wasn’t enough. “Which is great if you’re looking for something because I have zero plans of getting off this table.”

Was it comfortable? No, not really. Did she care? No, not in the slightest.

Forcing herself to raise her right arm ever so slightly, she gently stroked his cheek with her thumb, the palm of her hand resting against him. “Not gloomy. Just… a bit lazy today. I had dinner at this new place down the street, and it was…. questionable at best. Think I’m just getting the aftermath of it.” It was the only thing she could think of, really. “I’m glad you’re in such a good mood though.”

Peter couldn’t help the grin on his features. He felt as though he was on top of the world—and, perhaps smugly, he was inhabiting that zenith on his own. He was the only one who could feel this way, right? He was the best in the world. It was a strange feeling—he wasn’t used to feeling like he was good at anything, let alone good at everything, but he had made it this far and this long for a reason, right? 

He pressed another quick kiss to her lips before lying down on the table next to her. 

“You don’t need to get off the table. I can do all the moving for the two of us.” He put one hand behind his head and looked up at the ceiling, the lights dancing in front of his eyes as he narrowed his gaze slightly, enjoying the feeling of just doing nothing for once. 

He wrinkled his nose. “Want me to take you home later? I’ll make you soup.” 

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sirivsblack‌:

It was almost too easy. sometimes. “Like I said - where’s the fun in that?” He licked his lips to stop his grin from growing wider, dropping the legs to his chair back to the floor with a resounding slam. Satisfying. “Knew it looked better than usual.” He commented, teasing. “Besides, Lily doesn’t expect me to behave.” He raised an eyebrow, as if Peter would think otherwise. He was fairly certain no one expected him to behave particularly well, anymore. At least not all the time. Sirius stared at the cigarette in his hand as peter glanced around, knowing what, or rather who, he was looking for. But he wasn’t about to give in to that, either. He could at least pretend he was flying under the radar when it came to Marlene. “Oh, yeah. I’m sure.”

“Ass.” He wrinkled his nose, bringing his hand up to touch it again. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure the last time I got my nose fixed, it got fixed crookedly,” he said, somewhat seriously—he had been convinced for years that his nose curved just a little bit to the left after the time his 4th year when he was in the stands at a quidditch game and had ended up getting hit in the face with a bludger. “At least today, you should behave,” he replied, shaking his head fondly at Sirius. “You’re not going to feel fine until you see her,” he replied, glancing around the bar to see if he could catch sight of her. “Because you’re in love.” 

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uncommcnlyxkind‌:

Life had become unrecognizable. To such a degree that Lily sometimes felt such an immeasurable desire to mourn herself. It was foolish, really. Stupid, even. She was alive, which in itself was a miracle, and more than enough. But the world was crumbling around her by the day, taking victims and shattering the light. Breaking it into pieces so unrecognizable that sometimes, she feared they wouldn’t be able to put it back together. The puzzle wouldn’t match the box anymore, and at that point, devastation could never end. It was getting close. Still, Lily was determined to be as optimistic as possible. Bad things didn’t have to be detremental. Even when that felt impossibly naive.

Maybe it was – Lily wasn’t stupid. Some broken things couldn’t be put back together. Wars had been fought over far less than blood and family lines. Attacks would continue until there was nothing less on either side, that was the way it was. She didn’t need to be in the middle of every duel to understand that. It was not stupid to be hopeful, even if sometimes the little girl in her felt as though it might be. But this version of Peter scared her. Made her desperate to help him, but some deep voice in her mind worried maybe that wouldn’t be enough. It had to be enough.

“Peter.” She spoke quietly, a forlorn expression flashing across her face. The words she needed to say were painful, regardless of the truth behind them. “In a world where they win, I’m going to die either way. With him in charge, do you really think I’ll be allowed to keep breathing? I’m dirty and worthless to them. They’d throw a damn party if I was dead.” Lily spoke, letting out a heavy sigh. “That’s the point of fighting until nothing is left for me. I don’t care how grim things look. If I’m going to die, I want it to happen on my terms without giving up.”

There was something about his life that didn’t feel like it was his anymore. It felt like he was living someone else’s life, a life he was never supposed to live—after moving out of his parents’ home, he thought that he was going to start his new life, a real life that would be better for him, but instead, all he felt was that he was doing things wrong. He wasn’t supposed to be in any war—he could barely take care of himself—and he wasn’t supposed to be trying to fight and help other people. He didn’t know how he was supposed to do that. He didn’t know how he was supposed to do anything—it was like he was entirely new in the world and he was just placed there, far from home, and expected to survive. 

Peter put his head in his hands, knowing that what Lily was saying was true, though he didn’t want to believe it. If they were going to think of it in those terms, he’d probably not do so well in the aftermath of the war, either. Frankly, anyone who was on their side wouldn’t do well, period. It was enough to renew his energy in the cause, to remind him of why he was doing this—it was the right thing to do to save as many people as possible. Maybe selfishly, Peter was trying to save himself. He always felt like he was full of regrets—there were things he should have done, people he should have helped, a person he should have been. This was a way to save his body and this was a way to save his heart. 

“I don’t want you to die,” he said simply. “I don’t—I just don’t want you to die.” Peter wasn’t particularly good at making friends, and the few friends he did make, he wanted nothing more than to make sure that they were okay and that they would stick around. Maybe this was selfish of him as well, but he just really didn’t want to be alone. He’d spent enough time on his own. 

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marymacdnld‌:

Normally, Mary balked at the idea of people being overprotective of her. Lily had a tendency to act like her mother, Ted would literally show up with meals for her and go on about her ‘water intake’, and most people back at school had handled her gently. As if she would break at a moment’s notice. It wasn’t that she didn’t appreciate the care everyone had, it was that it felt like others didn’t trust her. That they looked at her and saw someone who couldn’t hold their own, who couldn’t fight their own battles, who was… less. She hated that. She spent far too much time trying to prove that it was wrong. Had anyone else thrown an arm at her, she likely would have immediately stiffened up; but this was Peter, and as in so many other ways, she knew it was different. That he wouldn’t doubt her or dismiss what she was capable of; he just… cared; and so, she allowed it.

Stepping into his place, Mary looked over at him, eyebrows instantly raising. “So quick to try and get me into your bed. I’m surprised, Peter.” She couldn’t even finish the last part without laughing, placing one hand over her heart. “That’s very kind of you though. I greatly appreciate it.” And she hoped like hell that he wouldn’t be willing to do it for just anyone. Her feet moving before her mind even caught up, she found that she was already on her way to his kitchen before turning around. “ – I know you’ve been packing and stuff, but do you have anything to eat? I’m feeling snackish.”

Peter always knew that Mary was perfectly capable of taking care of herself, but Peter didn’t want her to have to. He wanted her to feel like she could just take a break every once in a while, like she could just step back from everything that she had to keep track of and care for and know that there will be someone else there as a backup, as someone who could step in when she needed a break. Peter was never the type of person to baby other people; people had been babying him for years after finding out about his parents, and it didn’t make him feel strong, it just made him feel pitied. He hated that feeling, and he knew that Mary did, too. He was never going to make her feel that way—but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to tuck her under his arm just to be safe when they were wandering around a scary alley on an already terrifying day. 

He snorted. “You know what I mean,” he replied, picking up one of the boxes and putting it up on the counter in the kitchen to try and make some room on the floor in his small apartment. He didn’t have that many boxes at all, but because he had so little floor space, it was starting to get difficult for him to navigate the small space. “Check the fridge. Or the pantry above it. If anything’s left, it’ll be in there.” He knew that there was something, at least, though he wasn’t sure how edible it would be. 

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ofmarlsmckinnon‌:

“I know. We’ve seen friends and, in some cases, family die. No one should have to see that.” At some point, she would have to check in on Molly, see how the older woman was holding up. Right now, Marlene wanted to just give her the space to mourn the loss of her brother with family. “But we’re still here, living to fight another day.” Perhaps that wasn’t the most delightful thought. Had the war been won, then yes, being alive would be better. But they still had a long way to go and a whole lot of hell to endure before that day came. “Being alive also means that we can make the bastards pay.” Vengeance wasn’t exactly Marlene’s style, she fought because it was the right thing to do not because of her own personal agenda, but perhaps it would help Peter to focus on something like that, rather than the hope of a future which seemed so impossible right now.

Peter shook his head, as if he was shaking the feeling from his mind. He pressed his lips together for a moment, rubbing a hand over his face one more time before leaning back with a heavy sigh and taking another drag from his cigarette. “We are,” he agreed. He wasn’t sure how happy he was about that fact, but he knew that he would feel better as soon as he could just get a break and decompress. While he was still in the thick of it, he couldn’t feel like he could breathe. And, besides—until he saw Mary, he couldn’t relax. “I never thought you were the revenge type,” he replied, a grin spreading across his features for just a moment. “I kind of like it when you get all heated. Lights a fire under my ass.” 

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remusjhnlupin‌:

@fideproditione​

With a tray of brownies in hand, Remus walked up to Peter’s mothers house ( he refused to even think of it as Peter’s, because he knew it would never feel like a proper home to his friend ). He was both happy to see his friend and sad that this was where he resided now, knowing that this was a less than ideal situation for Peter. At least now they’d be spending time away, something he was looking forward to amidst all that they’d been dealing with in the Order, the deaths at the Ministry, everything. Knocking on the door, he stepped back and said, “delivery!”

Peter was exhausted. His mother was incredibly demanding and it was taking him back to the years he had spent in that house, unhappy and lonely, waiting for someone or something to come sweep him off his feet and save him from that heartache. He was lying on the sofa, having just helped his mother into bed—her condition was deteriorating quickly, which was something he didn’t want to think about too much—and feeling the physical and emotional drain of the day take its toll. He shot up as soon as he heard the knock on the door, however, wary of whoever it might be. He was certain that this was someone coming to kill him. Peter withdrew his wand and inched to the door, just barely pulling the curtain back from the large windowpane in the middle of it to see who it was before he dropped his wand back to his side with a sigh, pulling the door open. “Christ, Moony, I was about to turn you into a slug or somethin’.”

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pctterjamie‌:

James’ head shook, “No, I wanna be here.” He was still waiting on Remus– once he knew all the boys were safe and sound, then he’d venture out. Lily was the strongest person James knew, he worried about her but it wasn’t like he needed to. She was strong and brave and never took no for an answer. James was just hoping he’d find her in better shape than he’d found Pete and Sirius in so far. “I saw Malfoy outside the Ministry– he was trying to convince me we started the killings. If we started it, why the hell are our friends the majority of the dead?”

Peter nodded, rubbing a hand down his face again. He didn’t know how to put what he was saying into coherent sentences—everything came out as half-stilted fragments, 85% of his thoughts but missing the 15% that would have made it make sense. “I mean, I don’t, I’m not—” he stuttered before taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. “I don’t know what happened. I don’t think anyone knows what happened.” Peter swallowed once, his adam’s apple bobbing heavily in his throat. “It doesn’t matter who started it.” He dropped his chin into his palm, his elbow propped against the table. “They’re still dead.” 

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marymacdnld‌:

Most days, Mary had no issue keeping herself busy at work. It was a bit dragging at first; once students went back to school there was significantly less foot traffic, leaving her to fill the gaps. Most days she would find books that piqued her interest and dive right into them. From previously unknown (to her) charms to astronomy books to anything out of the ordinary, if it caught her eye, the spine was cracked.

Other days she would take inventory or count things, such as all the shelves in the store. Balance.

Today, however, she found herself to be up to none of those tasks. Just coming into work was taxing; the desire to just remain in bed and not leave was significantly stronger than usual. However, her financial situation ultimately resulted in her here. She was currently laying down on a table, hair splayed around her with her eyes on the ceiling, but she was there.

At the sound of someone finally coming through the door, Mary remained where she was, not turning to face them.

“If you’re here to find a book, you’ll have to look for it yourself.”

Peter had woken up feeling better than he had felt in a long time. It was strange; he felt as though he had been reborn, as if he had been turned into someone like Sirius or James who had more confidence in himself. It was the person who he had always wanted to be, the person he had always dreamed of being when he was younger. Someone who was self-assured; someone who didn’t have all the insecurities Peter did. 

But it felt off somehow. He didn’t feel right this way; he felt like he was riding some manic high. He didn’t know what to make of it. 

He bounced into the store, feeling like the cock of the walk and dismissing any nagging doubt about what made him unsure of his own emotions. It was just that damn insecurity, coming back to haunt him. He wasn’t going to let it bring down his new lease on life. Peter was too good and too smart for that. 

Peter stopped over the table, leaning against it with one hand on either side of Mary’s shoulders as he looked down at her with a grin. 

“I’m sure I know this store even better than you do,” he replied before leaning in for a quick kiss. “Why so gloomy? I feel great.” 

[emmislou]

[pctterjamie]

@fideproditione

[chewbacca]

Scrubs (2001 — 2010), cr. Bill Lawrence

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[ @sirivsblack ]

[malc0lmfreberg]

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[ @sirivsblack ]

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ofmarlsmckinnon‌:

Marlene sighed quietly, biting at her lower lip as she thought. “I know you don’t. I don’t think any of us want to see that again.” Did anyone really wish to be in the middle of a war like this? To see their friends falling, and to be risking their own lives every day? Somehow, she doubted it. “But we do it anyway. We do it because know it’s the right thing to do.” And would it really be any easier to just give up? To watch their friends get persecuted simply for their blood status or their beliefs? Either way, lives were going to be lost. The way Marlene saw it, they might as well at least try to make a difference.

Peter paused, letting out a huff of breath. “I just don’t feel very lucky.” He knew he was—he’d seen Fabian Prewett’s body, left there on the Ministry floor as they fled—but he just didn’t feel it. All he felt was betrayed. All he felt was used for a war he’d never really wanted to sign up for, a war that he was sure would kill him. He didn’t know what the fuck to do next. “It is. I know it is.” He took another drag of his cigarette. “I just hate it.” Peter was allowed to hate it, right? There were soldiers who knew that the war was just, even if it was ugly. He knew that this was the right thing to do, but he didn’t want to end up in a shitshow like that ever again. 

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sirivsblack‌:

“I could.” He relented, smirking just a tad as he took a long drag of his cigarette. “But where’s the fun in that?” Sirius said as he exhaled, the smoke billowing up toward the ceiling as he did so. He watched as his friend did the same, choosing to focus on the smoke and not as much on the insinuation. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He replied, voice almost too neutral. Sirius knew he couldn’t really fool Peter - especially not Peter - but he still wasn’t about to give in too easily. He blew a couple of smoke rings before he let his eyes wander back to Wormtail, pointing the finger holding his cigarette towards him. “Don’t be an ass.”

“The fun in that is that you won’t break my knuckles.” Peter’s voice took on a playful warning tone. “Unless you want me to tell Lily on you. She won’t like it—she just fixed my nose.” And thank Godric for that—Peter was terrible at fixing bones, and, knowing his friends, one of them probably would have botched it after claiming that they were really ace at fixing noses. Peter raised an eyebrow. “I’m sure,” he replied, the sarcasm clear in his voice. He laughed, glancing around the bar once as he tried to catch sight of Marlene. “I saw her a little while ago, but only for a second,” he said. “She’s fine, I’m sure.”