Not today Justin
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$LAYYYTER
wallacepolsom
祝日 / Permanent Vacation
Love Begins
we're not kids anymore.
RMH
🪼
cherry valley forever
noise dept.
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★
Kiana Khansmith
Jules of Nature
todays bird
Claire Keane
Misplaced Lens Cap
occasionally subtle
Peter Solarz
seen from Malaysia
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seen from Bangladesh
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@fiftytwostories
“I’m scared of what you do to me,” she said softly. Her brown eyes glittered in the moonlight and his fingers suddenly itched to wipe away the mounting tears. She blinked – once, twice – and the tears never found their way down her cheeks. “I’m afraid for you,” she said again, tilting her...
Love & Management
Management has a whole lot of control and manipulation involved. Love contains a whole lot of control and manipulation too with a bit of trust issues and heartache. My life involves all of these, I'm sure there's a lot of people out there that are in the same situation. As I'm on a down day, I'm looking at things in retrospect on my highs and lows....
With love:
I was domesticated for 7 years with someone I fell in love with when I was 17 years old. On our 7 year anniversary, he woke up that morning in bed and said to me "I don't think we should be together..." Two weeks later, I moved out got my own place and started over.
As I started over, I ended up dating a guy I knew from back home for another 2 years. This relationship was filled with me changing myself, to the point where I lost myself so he'd want me. It ended with him telling me he could never commit to me.
What I've learned from this, is that you need to test drive things in order to figure out if it's right for you. I kept trying to control my emotions and figure out the guy's emotions, only to ended up creating negative thoughts...wasted energy and emotion for some guy that couldn't appreciate me for me. Bottom line...it just wasn't meant to be.
Meanwhile, I'm trying to control and manage the rest of my life...but when you're an independent gal, it ain't easy. We push things under the rug in order to hide our struggles. We try to do it all, only to overwhelm ourselves. Sometimes we just need a partner/soulmate that's gonna be there not to solve our problems but just be there to hold us. There to not control, but let us know they're there to help whether physical and emotional.
I'm learning this after my love failures and right now I'm still searching for that one. The one that's not gonna be afraid to take a leap with me, the one that's willing to accept and love me without having to say a word of judgement, the one that is able to show me it's all gonna be okay.
Brightest Star
The brightest star in the sky cannot compare to you my darling, you are trapped in the horizons of this feeble planet with an inability to extend and adapt its atmospheres for the nurturing of the architectural structures of your bones where vast emptiness is needed to place your thrones and you sit in stagnancy and demand to create monuments and hail tourist attractions all the while, being the largest distraction for the ulterior motives of these beautiful corporate buildings lie in the roots of their concrete foundations and the founders, beautiful corporate men in their immaculately pressed suits and shoes that cost more than what I could afford if I sold my soul in a narrow back alleyway to the devil dressed up in a tie and suit with a briefcase to hold and imprison the souls of these narrow minded consumers that think they have control over the products they buy to feed their materialistic hunger but if they question and think for a second longer they will come to conclude that it only feeds the emptiness growing and growing to devour the last speck of their human race that they hold no control, rather control holds them controlled by the very tree they murdered to destroy humanity a paper with symbols and numbers worth more than their souls and for this reason, i cannot say the brightest star in the sky cannot compare to you my darling, for the stars have long gone and died for only darkness now resides.
violence out tonight,
It began with a collection of screams, from one frightened soul to the next. A domino effect of deep emotions as fear became violence right underneath the proprietor’s gaze. She watched from the barred windows as the children scrambled after the littlest one. Pulling his hair, grabbing his cheek as if the flesh were made of rubber, lifeless rubber, they yelled incoherent words, and trampled with feet that followed with the flow.
She picked at her sleeves and blinked. The shoving was never hard enough to hit the ground. It was just a mob of bodies moving in a weak undulating wave. It would die before it reached the shore. And when there was blood, she did not flinch.
“My god, what are they doing?” A cried from behind her. She looked behind her and saw her superior lifting her skirt and running. The door slammed behind the superior as she made it outside.
Even inside the room, she could heard the sharp clap and shriek to stop. It stilled the boys and they parted away from the little one like a receding water line. She noticed a clump of hair in the fist of an older boy. He pocketed the hair like a charm, looking up just in time to meet her gaze. She touched the place where her jaw met her ears. Her eyes never leaving his. So he swiped the same spot and felt a thick wetness coating his fingers.
Challenge accepted.
I took a bartending class in 2004. Yes, you can pay someone good money to teach you how to mix drinks properly. Tough the instructor did say 75% of the drinks served would be beer and that working near a college is a bad idea.
Ocean's Crush
Under the moonlight
Lovers beam
Swimming further and further deep
Into the dark sea
Floating and entangled
In a sweet embrace
Every moment, every minute passes by
Not knowing their demise
As the tide turns so does their dance
Separating the lover’s romance
Lost from each other’s touch
Both swimming lost
Wading in waves of sadness
Lover’s love is washed away
With the ocean’s grasp
Making us all crave
A love so deep
The ocean would be jealous.
clockwork,
He spent a lot of his time on the mountain with his watch. His father had warned him that the hands would stop ticking, and when they did, his time would end. So he woke up in the mornings, packed a lunch and headed into the forest. He pasted the alpine tree-line, where the air was thin and the only animals were the birds and coyotes with strong lungs. His own used to contract, but with time and practice, they grew used to the altitude. And when he reached his spot, the same spot where the world was quiet, he would take his watch out and count the ticking. He counted each stroke, all sixty hits in each minute, and tallied them down in his notebook except the very last one. His life was over before he made his mark.
Tell me: Is this how you win people over?
Does the process start with showering someone with attention even though they don't seem to care? Just keep going at it, regardless of their reciprocation, until you’re accepted in more of a pity party than actual desire - some kind of begrudging invitation that's comes from a black hole of guilt. I’ve seen relationship forge out of shit like that. After all - all the proof is online as long as you go far back enough in their timeline. It’s embarrassing, cringe-worthy, how everything started off like begging between a dog and its master.
I never want any of my relationships to start off like that. Like a fat person in a crowded elevator, nudging their way in while everyone secretly has their eye on the weight limit. There was never a space, never a welcome mat. It would have bothered me so much to not know how the other person feels at the other end. I wouldn't... I would cling onto someone for attention if I knew I was starting out from a place lower than dirt.
The waitress’ hand startled me as she placed my latte down with a clink and clatter. “Thank you.” I stared at my phone, holding a gaze with the time that signaled the last message sent. Two seconds ago, and he was typing again. Bastille never took long to reply, it was like his hand was glued permanently to his phone, to his pocket. I planned what to say to him as I waited impatiently for him to arrive. Something along the lines of, “Were you taking a dump you bastard, why’d you take so long?” and his reaction would be priceless as he finally left me alone. But when he did show up, with the smile that made his eyes crease into thin crescents, I started stirring the cream and sugar, hating how quickly they separated.
this is not how we slept.
It started out blissful. We skipped conversation, rolled into bed with a blanket covering as I passed out on your arm somewhere in the night. Poor decisions, good decisions, the white ceiling made no conclusions for me. I said hello, goodbye and come back in the same sentence. You said let’s go to bed, thank you and good bye without a fight. We went fast and slow: a clumsy introduction, rushed collision and misplaced sentiment to fulfill the dreams before the last page would turn over blank. We held hands, shared a warmth and kept close like our bodies were pieces of IKEA furniture.
But it doesn’t matter how beautiful that intention sounds. Morning came, and without the 40 oz beer and cheap white wine to whet our words, last night’s symphony unveiled itself. A cheap pop song. We woke up grimy, clothes and breath a night old, detangling ourselves and tugging on our hair, too ashamed to open our mouths.
Analyzing the Game of LIFE
Why must most things in life be a game?? I'll give you two examples how life likes to play us..
Example 1 (Dating)- If you're single and in your mid-late twenties like me, then you fricken know dating can be like a game of chess with a bit of Twister (naked Twister if you're lucky). You keep trying to figure out the person's next move or who gets the advantage move of the other person on the outcome of the relationship. Or you cross paths with the ones that you literally just play Twister with and that always seems fun at first until someone falls trying to pull "right hand on red" move.
Example 2 (Career Life...Post College Graduation)- This is one where life sets the career field like the arena in "THE HUNGER GAMES." Okay, maybe not like an inferno of fire but it's still like survival of the fittest out there. Everyone in a rat race and using their resume to show what their deadliest strength is. If you think about it, your career life depends on your food supply...you either shop at Whole Foods or you're doing the non existing $1 menu at McDonald's...aka "HUNGER GAMES."
Sometimes life has more games then the NBA, and either you get paid or get played. Although it's tough out there, wouldn't you rather take the risk and try then be a bench warmer the whole time?? Or are you totally a Jedi Master and figured out that in the game of life it is you who CHOOSES to play and how the game is made??
Being friends means that I can call you, talk to you, laugh with you and the worries in my heart can fade.
Being friends means I don’t have to worry about being this or that kind of girl because I can just be myself.
I don’t have to change my diet or my plans to accommodate and “us” because...
We are made up of various theories, beliefs, laws, rules, likes, dislikes, passions, ambitions… we are the sum of the conversations we commit whether sober or drunk.
I am the embodiment of chocolate brown sheets, plastic phones and library books about to be over due. I am the Victoria Secret...
Prey
Invisible I merged my shadow with the shadows camouflaged into the darkness barely alive and for strength, I prayed to find a prey roaming these streets hiding what I seek to revive me suppressing her hostility or rather concealing me, the jealousy desperately seeking, streaking searching for a way of escaping through these gaping empty holes in her eyes that blinds them all with rays of dark light in a place of bright nights contaminating her soul purpose, her role to uphold peace in the Queendom and to feed the inhabitants words of wisdom, of faith and security but for now, she could only secure me and my hunger for her raging envy trapped inside with her insecurities I feed on as my thoughts carry, I sensed impurity near me so the crowd of beings I searched swiftly until there - I found her the girl, engulfed in obscurity.
american beauty
Work that nine to five job, with a 60K salary, a lovely home with a white fence and a red rose garden. Married to a wife with great legs, a daughter who’s a cheerleader and most importantly, the stability of a retirement fund. Wake up. Brush teeth. Change. Go to Work. Lunch. Work. Get off. Dinner. Relax. Read. Go on until Friday, then get fucked for the weekend until Sunday night to sleep, wake up and repeat.
Patterns are safe, but they can make you go crazy too.
Do you still remember our tea parties? Oh, how you liked to name a simple encounter as a “party”, acting as if we were the most important couple in the whole world; just to show off our little happiness to your non-existing friends.
You would pilfer your mother’s favourite tea set, I...
She hadn’t planned to die, it was spontaneous.
The wood of her desk was lost under the unfinished stories, her fourth cup of coffee was yet to be drunken and her book was left open.
Just, just for one second, she was captured by the beams of light dancing outside. And that was enough. Her...
Inside her, there was a woman, still her body belonged to a man. Her soul chanted the softest tunes, but her voice rocked like a stone. She had locked all her manly clothes into a drawer deep down in her head and put on a glossy lipstick. As the night went on, she continued to swirl her...
