random shit i’ve heard sentence meme pt. 2
feel free to change pronouns && such as necessary !
❛ you could be a horse jockey on the side. ❜
❛ it’s a pie made out of buttermilk && chess pieces. ❜
❛ put some ice cream on that bitch. ❜
❛ damn my ass look good though. ❜
❛ that face looks like a reject from veggi tales. ❜
❛ you know who’s doing great? the oven. ❜
❛ oh god the oven’s fighting back. ❜
❛ i had _#_ sisters/brothers/siblings when i was younger. i’d say i grew up with _#_ sisters/brothers/siblings but i never grew up, so that’d be a lie. ❜
❛ why is michigan invading? ❜
❛ now we just need to teach her that not every living creature is a dog. ❜
❛ he has no excuse for going the speed limit. ❜
❛ why are you teaching a zumba class in the parking lot? ❜
❛ it’s colder than a witch’s tit out here. ❜
❛ chicken just came out of my nose. ❜
❛ watermelon came out of my nose again. ❜
❛ maybe if hospitals had better food more people would wanna go. ❜
❛ i’m going to the hospital for dinner, do you wanna go? ❜
❛ you don’t suck thumbs, you suck dicks or vaginas. ❜
❛ i did not realize sharks had two penises. ❜
❛ we watched seahorses have sex for like 5 minutes straight. it was very educational. ❜
❛ that stuffed animal’s ass is staring right at me. ❜
❛ it’s okay, i saved the chicken. ❜
❛ so his dad is a dick && decided to play a joke on him saying his grandma died thinking it’d be funny. also, that chocolate milk is really gross. ❜
❛ i think a bug just landed on my arm && literally drowned in my sweat. ❜
❛ i don’t know what’s going on but WOO! ❜
❛ how many times do i have to say don’t put shit in my shit?! ❜
❛ tell them she’s pregnant so you can get a build-a-bear for -8 months. ❜
❛ why is my sweet potato sizzlin’? ❜
❛ i have a dick appointment at 3. ❜
❛ ___, just shut up && do this line of cocaine with me. ❜
❛ just chill with your self destructive behavior for a bit. ❜
❛ what self destructive behavior? ❜
❛ first of all, this isn’t even liquor. ❜
❛ well i’m putting it in the fuckin’ hole. ❜
❛ i punched a therapist in the face && i don’t give two shits about it. ❜
❛ there’s a banana on a plate. ❜
❛ why is there a banana on a plate, it has a peel?! ❜
❛ why is the banana such a big deal?! ❜
❛ no, it just tastes like milk. ❜
❛ i’m the idiot, but ___ has a banana on a plate. ❜
❛ yesterday was my turn to be tied up && that was interesting. ❜
❛ when we were in virginia screwing everybody’s lives up. ❜
❛ i didn’t jaywalk i just used two crosswalks at the same time. ❜
❛ how do you fuck up fucking up? ❜
❛ i don’t know jack shit about what you’re talking about. ❜
❛ you left me on read like some hooker. ❜
❛ that was some intense opening. ❜
❛ here in johnson city, all our kids are straight && none of them have the gay. ❜
❛ he’s like 3 already, he’s basically an adult. ❜
❛ fuck ‘em, fuck everyone but me. ❜