The End Of A New Start 2.0

An absolute mistake of a blog made over 10 years ago. I still check in here from time to time, but I'd appreciate it if you ignore all the cringew and unfinished projects I've posted on here. Will the big Twitter exodus drag me back here kicking and screaming? It is not impossible...

[raskolni-kin]

may i present you

penguin pingu classics

[fightingandwriting]

Not proud

I did some things I’m not proud of out of pain But at least I did something and didn’t go insane So here you are lying in front of me crying Complaining that for months now you’ve been dying It isn’t my fault you overdosed and almost died Because you and I have equal parts pain inside So damn you and damn your problems and issues You’re not the only one who could use some good news And don't you dare to ask me for forgiveness It was you who left and caused me so much sadness I told you to stay clean and prayed you'd turn out okay Why should I forgive the fact you killed our love that May?

[mikefrawley]

How does one know it’s time for letting go when all along you’ve been holding on to something you never really had while trying to be someone you never were

Holding On  (via mikefrawley)

[unsends-deactivated20170829]

I hope my heart can forgive me one day for what I’ve put it through.

(via unsends)

[katesbennett]

The same night you caught me writing you a goodbye note in the journal you keep in your pocket, I picked you a daisy and tucked it into the vents of your new car. You never finish all your ice cream, not even when it gets melty, all puddled in the bottom of your bowl, the way you liked when we were younger. I want to go back to that night and freeze-frame those memories, snapshots in my mind: Your eyes, crinkling up in a smile across the booth from me. Your crooked teeth, my silence, the way I never told you how much I loved them. Your long hair, lit up and tangled in the sunset. The way I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the sunset. We drank beer down by the pond when we got home, talked about disappointment and shooting stars and all the things we used to wish on. I never wanted to stop writing poems about you but I think I’m ready to stop writing poems about you. The next time I leave, make a wish on the gravel in my grandmother’s driveway. Make a wish on our memories and our broken hearts and the way we loved each other so hard, the way you do when you are young and foolish and love matters because it is happening to you. Wish on my absence. I’ll pick daisies for you all these miles away.

We Deserve More Than Metaphors (via katesbennett)

[vomitingwords]

It was not entirely my idea to fall in love with you. My heart had chosen you. And even after what you have done to me part of it still aches for you.

(via vomitingwords)

[emptymidnights]

I don’t try to be constantly reminded of you, but that’s just always how my day goes. I turn on the radio and wonder if you’re listening to the same station. I see a car that looks like yours and wonder where you are. Then it’s a longing in my chest because you’re not here. It’s hearing your name and not being able to remember there are other people called the same thing. The phrase you always say comes out of someone else’s mouth and it sounds wrong. I watch the show we both love and wonder what it would be like if you were watching with me.

L.B. (via emptymidnights)

[wnq-writers]

as to why I still love I do not know and my heart won’t tell

charrn (via wnq-writers)

[whitterings]

I still miss you, How long will this take?

Your absence clawing its fingers around my throat - I’m in agony (via whitterings)

[teacup12-deactivated20160830]

Relationship status - emotionally attached to your absence

[prettycrimson-deactivated202103]

Are you thinking of me, Or have you just forgotten Everything we were?

The photos can burn But the memories won’t (via vulgarink)

[londonfromparis]

If there ever really is a day where I can say I no longer love you, then today is that day. You used to be the sun, the center of my entire universe, but it appears I was wrong; You do not shine that brightly. You were merely a star, but now you’re burnt out and drifting through a galaxy where I can no longer see you. I made you out to be this perfect person, but I easily confused you with someone who would hold my hand when things got dark. I had to watch you run away from me as I desperately clung to you, fighting your pull, thinking I could’ve changed things. You said everything happens for a reason, so maybe you left for a reason, I want to believe that.  When you left me I thought it was the end of the world, but it really was just another beginning. I was forced to find myself again. I was only sorry I let you hurt me so badly, I thought my heart broke, but no, it was just a scratch. That night when she asked me if I ever loved you and I said no, I was certain I meant it.  How could I love someone who couldn’t face me? You never were that brave. You didn’t have the courage to say goodbye to me, after everything we’ve been through you tossed me aside like I was nothing. I am not nothing. I was so much more than that. If you couldn’t have the strength to look at me and tell me you felt something for me, you couldn’t let the apology slip out of your mouth, then you could understand why I could never love you.  You don’t love the people that tear you down. I’m glad you can’t look at me, it just shows how weak you are. You don’t have power over me anymore. I don’t hurt people recklessly like you have. Tell me you regret me, please, at least I would respect you for it. Honestly, tell me I was the biggest mistake you ever made. No more lies. Tell me what you told everyone else. I never mattered. I don’t matter because you don’t know me anymore. Strangers don’t matter. I don’t know you, but I know you don’t deserve me. I’m sorry I was never enough for you.

Letters I’ll Never Send // 5-29-16 (via londonfromparis)

[teacup12-deactivated20160830]

What keeps me breathing is what leaves me breathless; I will trail the wind until it exhausts your name, and though time berates secrets confronting silence, you

will always be my favorite casualty. The revolution of broken hearts conceding multiple realities stood no chance beside the mirage of ripples holding my gaze; hurt me like you loved me

before the sun ran out of hearts to break, fold the mud under my tongue into a being you can adore; and I will continue to feed loneliness lies like:

every poem I write is an extension of the only one meant for you

[stargazerinmoksha]

and the story goes on and the birds they chirp and the hearts they beat and the art it is praised and the poems they are read and the steering wheel, we only hope they aren’t pulled and the angels they grab the wings of the demons and pulls them away from the wretchedness of yesterday and the chaos finds peace soothing and the loophole finds itself in a continuous cycle of anxiety, when will it ever end and forever whispers to forever, when is it the beginning if lovers always start with us, using us as something that is breakable, we are forever and we are always, but roses they still grow even if love can break us, even if love can heal us, love can still destroy us, love can still fix us.

if those things must go on, there is still hope and i am hopeful, if you stay hopeless.

we still have hope. just a little faith. just a little smile.

[itscooltobedead]

If time can be good, give me all of it… every ray and passing cloud in this arctic sky. In good time, I’ll have all the life I wish to live. But lost time - can be stolen from me at any moment. On edge, I want to save all my time with you. In good time, I’ll love you like you deserve to be loved. But one day we’ll be out of time. Please don’t go before our time is up. Please don’t die without me.

17 April 2016; @2140 

Spent

(via itscooltobedead)

[downthisrabbithole]

What’s so dangerous about writing about someone you love is that you always seem to remember the person too well. And when that person becomes someone you once loved, you can’t seem to shake off how their words and actions used to mesmerize you. From the hands held and warm hugs, to how each sentence and pieces of you fell apart. You will try to find yourself back through the words. And you will lose yourself in them. How else were you suppose to hold on to something so beautiful and toxic without carving them out word by word?

(via downthisrabbithole)

[teacup12-deactivated20160830]

You had my heart even when I thought I didn’t have one.

And that’s where my favorite place will always be - in the middle of your thoughts and the palm of your hands.  (via teacup12)

[evergreenwords]

I am infinite kindness and cruelty.

I am sweet goddess, mother earth, the protector of all who surround me.

I am demon, I am set fire to your sails.

Kill you with restless waves in the dead of night.

I will drown you and everything you care for.

I am god. I am endless possibility and capacity.

It is I who chooses how much to allocate.

I who decides how much to scoop out between my bones.

How much is left to disperse among the starving hordes?

Giving pieces of myself to the masses til’ there is nothing left.

Turn myself into feast as the people take their supper.

And somehow in between the bites I do not think of the hurt.

Instead I wonder if they like the taste.

- s.z (I Am, I Am, I Am)