try to love the questions

27. infp. hate capitalism, love dogs. queeeeeer. white settler. bitter idealist.

[coping-skill-toolkit]

During my first month with my therapist, I was given this worksheet to read and work on. She noticed that while I was talking with her, that my thoughts followed a lot of these. I wasn’t aware that my anxiety had brought me down paths of low self-worth and stinky thinking.  After a couple of weeks of talking with her, she gave me this worksheet to work on. 

While, at first, I thought these weren’t going to work out, I was very surprised to see just how easy they were to use . My homework at that time was to identify which sort of thinking I used on the regular and which ones would best challenge them for me. So, what do you think? Do any of the maladaptive thinking patterns sound like you? which ways would you like to untwist your thinking? 

[fillingthespaces]

a little free cbt for us the people

[versaceofficial]

No feminism worthy of its name would use the sexist idea ‘women born women’ to create the edges of feminist community, to render trans women into ‘not women,’ or ‘not born women,’ or into men. No one is born a woman; it is an assignment (not just a sign, but also a task, or an imperative … ) that can shape us; make us; and break us.

Sara Ahmed, Living a Feminist Life (via lesbianmarx)

[sleepingpigeon]

no one wants to hear it but love is earned after the initial infatuation. commitment is something u both mutually agree to and then from there it’s work. it’s not work like it’s a chore it’s jus work like it takes effort. to get good at these things takes practice. it takes practice to learn to communicate better and it takes practice to learn to love each other in the ways u need to be loved.

[pervocracy]

Insisting that a woman who lived her whole life as a woman except for dressing up as a man back when that was the only way to do a traditionally masculine thing (like join the army) must have actually been a trans man isn't true, and doesn't help trans men. It just denies the lives of women in a sexist society who had ambitions other than cooking hubby's dinner.

The issue of historical maybe-trans people is complicated, probably impossible to fully understand from a modern perspective, and I don’t think it serves them well to declare that they definitely were or definitely weren’t trans.

I’m a little bit prickly about this because one of the things people do to delegitimize trans people is imply that being trans was invented by Christine Jorgensen circa 1951.  (Or by Tumblr kids circa 2007, if they really have no historical context.)  It’s important for trans people to maintain a deeper sense of history.

And that history includes the fact that current trans nomenclature and taxonomy is mostly very recent, and that people who would call themselves trans now may have called themselves “transvestites”, “female/male impersonators,” etc. in the past.  Being trans does not come packaged with a 2017 understanding of gender theory, and when a historical person was thinking “I should dress and live as a man… so I can join the army!” it’s very hard to tell which half of that sentence was louder in their mind.

All of which is not to push the position that they’re all trans and there’s no such thing as a cis person who cross-dresses for other reasons.  Just… they’re both real scenarios, and in most cases we’re in no position to know who was which.

[fillingthespaces]

cis/trans is a false binary anyway, as binaries tend to be

[abridgetonowhere]

life, man.

[mysterymeat6649127739816]

its sooooo ugly how confident so many dudes are in producing the most average music and art … … . .…… ..  where is their shame …   why did i get taught so much more shame than is useful to me 

[dykedekuremade]

Being attracted to men is an endless cycle of “Wow he’s good looking” and watching that man do the absolute most to show you he’s hideous on the inside.

[respectfulmemes]

[fillingthespaces]

add a tiny sliver that says “two of them were brought to a thing by their extroverts and ended up sitting quietly next to each other and then decided to sit quietly next to each other for three years until they finally trusted each other”

[ithelpstodream]

how to tip

[trekkie-lover]

If you do this get the fuck off my blog

[snowconelostinthesauce]

Please understand that they gave a 33% tip, in cash instead of on a card, to increase the odds that the server could keep all of it.

[fatale-distraction]

What they mean by ‘taxation is theft’ is that servers are taxed on the ASSUMPTION that they will be tipped. If they don’t make those tips, they get taxed on them anyway. It is literally theft. By leaving cash and not writing it on the receipt, they’ve allowed the server the option of quietly slipping that 20 into their pocket and therefore not being taxed on it.

[fillingthespaces]

this seems like a cool thing to do but in a lot of restaurants, there are many other underpaid staff relying on a set percentage tip out as part of their earnings (host, bussers, dishwasher, prep cooks, etc)

[firsthome]

[fillingthespaces]

haven’t been on tumblr for a while but i had a coffee in my night class so now it’s past midnight and i’m fucken WIRED

forgot that it’s all porn bots and paid ads ‘round here nowadays

[beyfann]

Beyoncé’s mic feed from her Grammy performance.

[hxmoerotic]

Y'all understand that it is literally not possible for gay couples to be heteronormative. A masculine gay man dating a feminine gay man isn’t heteronormative. A butch lesbian dating a femme lesbian isn’t heteronormative. They’re fucking gay. Telling gay people they’re somehow enforcing heteronormativity by being themselves and dating another gay person is nasty and ridiculous.

[fillingthespaces]

mhmm yes that’s why we have words like homonormativity & homonationalism to describe the phenomenon of gay couples perpetuating white supremacist settler colonial capitalist assimilatory monogamist nation-building practices.

[tastefullyoffensive]

(via pidgeycandies)

[fillingthespaces]

dogs

:’)

[aptxx4869-deactivated20160504]

my traumatized ass: do I have a crush or am I just idolizing this person for being vaguely nice to me

[plutonical]

no nonbinary person should ever feel obligated to say that they’re aligned with a binary gender. your gender does not have to be described in relation to binary genders, nor do you have to feel more closely connected to one of the two.

[plutonical]

no nonbinary person should ever feel obligated to abandon their nonbinary identity because they align with one of the binary genders, either. not even if your gender is immensely aligned with a binary one.

[poppunkvampire-deactivated20171]

could you maybe explain the drag queen thing i dont get it im sorry

drag queens often perform incredibly catty misogynistic stereotypes of womanhood and use a huge amount of misogynistic slurs and transmisogynistic slurs. it’s also incredibly common for drag circles to excuse or actively engage in racism, see Shirley Q Liquor, who wears actual blackface onstage (which RuPaul defended publicly and insisted wasn’t racist). and when RuPaul’s Drag Race was called out by the trans community for frequently using transmisogynistic slurs and then designing a game on the show where the goal was literally to “clock” trans women, the drag community rose to defend him, and he got away with a weak-ass fauxpology. additonally, drag is a performance, so the performers can shed womanhood (particularly the dangerous territory of DMAB womanhood) at will, and do not actually experience misogyny or transmisogyny in any real way. drag culture also often blurs the lines between drag and non-cis genders as a way of excusing transmisogyny, which perpetuates attitudes in queer communities that non-cis genders are performative and therefore to be judged on how “well” they are performed. this often makes cis queer spaces very uncomfortable for trans people; people will openly clock you and comment on your ability to “pass”. I have no problem with drag as a gender expression, or with DMAB people who express femininity, but I have a huge fucking problem with drag culture.

[theechrysalisamidst]

FUCKING THIS. 

[bye0478]

can we also talk abt how trans women are routinely excluded from and abused in queer communities while drag queens are so fucking adored that they’re basically the face of queer communities. go to a queer club, drag queens everywhere, trans women barely visible. go to a pride parade, drag queens fucking everywhere, no trans women visible. cis ppl will pay money to go see a drag queen perform but will refuse to associate w trans women. double fucking standards

[anxiousnoodles-deactivated20170]

I’m bringing this back because fuck I’m mad.

[theechrysalisamidst]

Bringing back this buffalo wing dip organic fair trade tea