Finding My Way Forward

[findingmelissa]

Tagged by @rockingred52 for Flex Friday. Thank you!

Last weekend, we outfitted Steve with a new compound bow and while the guys were finishing up and prepping the sales order, I was standing at the counter with my arms bent and Steve was like "gimme your phone." :) So, here ya go. Very proud of how my arms look these days.

(not sure what's going on with my face in a couple of these LOL but oh well)

[findingmelissa]

Beautiful weather here tonight. 🥰

[findingmelissa]

May health and fitness recap:

Run 17 days, total 65.35 miles

Walk 7 days, total 10.75 miles

Indoor cycling 3 days, 2:15 total time

0 Melissa Bender HIIT workouts

Maintenance strength workout 11 days

4 minutes of mountain climbers (uuuuugh) for Habit Hounds 9 days (we had mountain climbers OR run/walk a mile as a check-in)

3 hours field work

Weight on June 1, 2025: 173.3, Weight on May 31, 2026: 150.1 - cut out all the interim months - from here on out, I will track from June 1, 2026

I also had 4 hours of dancing, 2 days of archery, and 2 days of bowling. And, like April, my lowest weight registered in over 3 years, for two weeks in a row. Yay! Getting so close to below 150!

Note: I ran less and did less strength/Habit Hounds this month because after the first week of May, I started having major lower right back pain and intermittent bad left knee pain. Just want to document which month this was. I hate to say it, but I think doing a bunch of mountain climbers at the beginning of the month did some damage and I never really recovered. I can't pinpoint any other reason. I remember fucking myself up with too many mountain climbers and froggers once before (heavy on those the first few days of one of Melissa Bender's 30-Day Challenges). So. Yeah.

But the pain has been bad. I can't do about half of my strength training stuff without feeling it in one or both spots. My back has been bad enough that I am bracing my hands on my knees to sit down on the toilet. And putting on all my lower body clothing while lying back on my bed because I can't bend over without it feeling scary. As for my knee, I am walking upstairs only on my right knee. Just. Not good.

I am having dental surgery again tomorrow and will be doing nothing but walking for almost a week. I am hoping this gives me the full break/recovery I need.

[findingmelissa]

Birthday week recap:

Wednesday: Indian lunch and great conversation with my sister, and Steve surprised me with a dinner and ice cream date

Thursday: Steve surprised me with a birthday charcuterie board from Boarderie, which I then got to share with Paul and Geeta, who made me a wonderful dinner and got me a Central Market chocolate mousse cake, my favorite

Friday: Steve surprised me with gorgeous flowers and a card, made smoked picanha for me for dinner, set up the table and gave me a full body massage, and binged Maul: Shadow Lord with me… and, not to bury the plot there, but I also got a NEW CAR delivered to my door, a 2026 Mazda CX-90, which has been a long time coming

Saturday: our music show - Repercussions/Degs - at The Green Elephant, where I got to see many people I adore and Degs shouted me out for my birthday at the start of his set (to be fair, I asked him to, but how cool)

Sunday, Birthday Day: woke up to a perfect message from @coffeeandmuscles, ran 5.1 miles for 51, received a very very special gift book from Steve, brunch at Hudson House, where he surprised me with the most perfect watch rings (I LOVE THEM*), and he sang me happy birthday when they brought out the chocolate silk pie and I almost cried, bowling (got a turkey!), and fancy dinner at 61 Osteria

Monday: Steve put the finishing touches on a mix that he is recording for me soon and I am STOKED

(*We were watching the Daredevil Born Again podcast that accompanied Season 2 and Lily Allen was on one episode wearing this cute black and white and silver watch ring and I was like "oh man that's adorable, I want one" and then PROMPTLY forgot all about it, so him remembering and getting them for me made it all the better.)

My 51st birthday was one of the best ever. I felt genuinely celebrated and loved - and most importantly, I finally felt that I deserved to be celebrated and loved. What a difference a year makes.

[findingmelissa]

It’s our dating anniversary today. 32 years.

It’s been a tough year (and a half) this go round. But I still trust that this right here is forever. 💙💙

[findingmelissa]

5.1 miles for birthday 51. As long as I can still do these number matching birthday runs, man. I feel very fit and healthy today.

I’ve had a really really great birthday week and will write more about it soon. 🥰🥰🥰

[findingmelissa]

GPOY. You get my sweaty face on the bike.

I was tagged by @rockingred52, who is a joy to follow. Feel free to show me your faces!

[findingmelissa]

I have been eating a LOT of good food lately.

Lemon balsamic chicken

Salmon salad + girl lunch

Pork picanha from Wild Fork Foods, air fryer roast vegetables

Vegetable stir fry from lunch with a friend

Dirty spaghetti

Pork chop, egg, toast, tots

Ribeye, mashed potatoes, corn, roll - not technically my dinner, but I made this plate for Steve after he got a MASSIVE PROMOTION at work yay!!

Girl brunch

Creamy chicken tortilla soup, without the cream

[wetheurban]

You have life. You have music. You have nature. You have your lungs. You have your heartbeat. You have your smile. You have a roof over your head. You have people who love you. You have hard-earned wisdom. You have people you inspire. You have growth to be proud of. You have sunlight. You have the chance to try again. You have a beautiful future. You have time.

[findingmelissa]

I commented in my last post that I laughed harder yesterday than I had in ages. And it made me kind of sad to say that. Because I have always felt like "I don't laugh enough."

In talking to Steve about that last night, that is yet another thing from my childhood that always made me feel like I was so weird. I was always serious. I didn't laugh enough. But my perspective now is, what the hell does that even mean LOL? Enough? What is enough?

And honestly, it made the people who made me laugh hard SO important to me. Steve and I both remember that he was on my "short list of people who cracked me up" when I was 17, 18 years old - and it was one of the reasons we got together, for sure.

There is nothing wrong with me. I am who I am - and when I was a kid, I Ioved me! And now, after years of self-loathing, I love me again. So I am more serious. I am not whimsical or silly. I don't understand when people are being facetious or sarcastic because I am not facetious or sarcastic. And all of that is perfectly fine. It's just me. :)

[findingmelissa]

My first Mother’s Day without my mom was honestly as happy as it could have been. Brunch with my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law (two amazing loving wonderful moms), their husbands, and my niece and nephew. I laughed harder in a few hours yesterday than I had in probably a few years. THE BEST. The best. I love these people so much and I am so grateful.

I also wore my mom’s charm bracelets to have her close. I happened to be looking for something else in my jewelry box but when I saw these in the drawer I knew I had to wear them. She would be really happy if she knew that I had them on. 🥰

[findingmelissa]

Today. Sucked. I spent a good 5 hours angry and sad and almost in tears. Because 1) Steve and I need to have some more conversations about some things and 2) I’ve been grieving my mom a lot. Just an awful day. The only upside, if you can call it that, is that I know neither of those things are irreparable/permanent. That’s something to hold on to.

Highlights: our hunting property butts up against a ranch on one side and because Steve was pouring bags of protein feed out for the deer, the smell and sound brought them over. I didn’t capture well how big the crowd was but you can hear them. There was also a guard donkey. Not a great photo but boy was he getting pissed at us. What a good boy, protecting his herd.

And I got Greek food for dinner. Shawarma chicken Greek salad and a side of falafel. I was craving this for some reason and it did not disappoint. And, Steve tried falafel and really liked it! That made me happy.

[findingmelissa]

Loved this outfit. Wore it to go car shopping last night and today for lunch with a friend. And loving my new Bandolier phone case/wallet too.

Gotta say. This outfit was another moment where I thought… I’m really not dying to lose weight. I love the way I look these days. Whatever happens happens. 🤷🏻‍♀️🥰

Lunch with my friend Marly was really nice. I’ve known her since 2018. I met her through Paul and Geeta. She used to take BJJ with Paul. Sometimes I still see her over at their place for get togethers. But we started going out for lunch just the two of us late last year. Because it turns out we have a lot lot lot in common.

I sort of guessed this long ago. Like. The first time we met we were taking about Serious Shit 15 minutes later. But the timing now was right - this last year we both worked on our own trauma healing. Had a reawakening to ourselves. Read many of the same books. Seemed like kismet.

So we’ve been meeting about once a month. Today we had a very spirited 90-minute discussion about politics and our broken healthcare system and economics and our broken justice system and war and compassion and all kinds of interesting stuff. 🙃 We are very much of the same mind about so many things. I almost cried a few times because I got really passionate. Love talking to someone I can do that with. She’s definitely becoming a real friend.

[findingmelissa]

Great run this morning. I was sooo happy I got out of bed at 5:45 for this cool weather and gorgeous start to the day. This is what I need to remember, clearly and forcefully, on the days I feel like staying in bed. Totally worth the effort.

[findingmelissa]

Strength training, 4 minutes of mountain climbers, running, and archery today. And! New car shopping! We test drive a 4Runner and a Land Cruiser. No decision made. And we’re not in a hurry. But it was fun to go look. And check out that amazing sunset on the way home. Worth being out and about just for that.

I also went in for some service on my truck this morning and heard a song in the waiting room that surprisingly (surprising because it was a country song, I hate country music) gave me a really great perspective on life. The glory days are right now. No need to wait to look back on how good things were. The good is happening right now. Appreciate it. Made my whole day. 🥰

Work is stressful. I missed my (not concrete, but still) deadline on my proposal draft today. Gonna have to hit it hard tomorrow and get a complete draft finished.

Until then. 🫡

[findingmelissa]

A walk/run, maintenance strength workout, and 4 minutes of mountain climbers for Habit Hounds. I haven’t run much in 5 days, my lower back and left knee have been killing me. Hoping those are both just a blip.

Super busy day. But not a bad day. I’m just wildly emotional. I think it’s a combination of stuff. And it’s all okay.

Highlights of the day:

Pretty nails

Getting my tooth 25 cleared by the endodontist to get the implant next to it (tooth 26) in 4 weeks. I want so badly for everything to go according to schedule with this. Today was another thing checked off to keep that moving in the right direction

The season finale of Daredevil Born Again Season 2 (including Netflix, basically this was season 5). Steve and I are obsessed with this show. Not quite Doctor Who obsessed but not far off. Highly highly recommend.

[findingmelissa]

Food prep Friday:

Sausage and cabbage noodles

Skillet sausage, red beans, and rice

Taco soup

Turkey noodle stir fry

Plus 4 salads. Friday night, I also made steak and potatoes for Steve and a turkey/ham melt with fries for me.

Sunday we had a vegetarian friend come over so I made vegetarian enchiladas with homemade enchilada sauce and my spanish rice. I was proud to serve this to him. :)