Dan the Man @finn0 - Tumblr Blog

Well, I'm 34. I got a phone car mount, new headphones and undies that make my junk look good.

I own my own home with no mortgage, my friend who I never see is coming to stay next week, my husband has sciatica, my cat is nice, and my three fireplaces work nicely in the out-of-nowhere horror that is the Australian winter.

I had a fantastic dinner out with my boys and my parents and my very attached cat yelled at me for leaving him alone for 2 hours. My grandmother's 90 year old cousin texted me wishing me a happy birthday. Actually two of them did.

And I got ID'd at the bottle shop yesterday because I shaved my face. Those Korean serums work, I guess.

Just typing out the day. Strange how I don't feel better or worse. Just...beige. I'm old. I'm young. I'm unemployed by choice. I'm relaxing just like I wanted.

I'm going to take a Dexy tomorrow and see if it motivates me to mow the lawn. Or buy some succulents for my library. I have a library. Like a dedicated room with a Balinese day bed. With my 800 books. I need to get one of my 3 air conditioners re-gassed. The well under my house is now drained after all this rain.

I need to buy a tank to catch all that well water rather than let it go to waste since the apocalypse is coming shortly. Trump shit himself with a mic in his pocket. Both my parents are going into hospital for surgeries on their shoulders and knees.

My grandmother died nearly a decade ago and I still cannot bring myself to visit her grave even though my name is etched on her gravestone.

I am older now than my mother was when she gave birth to me. If I have a child she will be be 87 when her grandchild graduates high school.

When I graduated high school my grandmother was there and was so disgusted by the way the principal dragged us all through the mud for something it turned out we didn't even do (rival high school wearing our uniforms) that she openly said as loud as possible that my principal was a "dry cunt". My friend Hayden hugged her for it. He died 2 years later. She died 6 years later.

I don't know. Sometimes it rains and you don't want to get out of bed. Sometimes it's hot and you actually have to get out and shower.

Anyway, birthday blues are a thing that I struggle with. I don't know why. Fear of rejection, fear of being ignored. Everyone who I really care about sent me nice messages today. Maybe I'm just catastrophising. Maybe things aren't all that bad.

The rest of the year will be okay. It will. It will be easy.

It will.

thegroovyarchives

Vegetables With Glamour From the 1958 "wonderful ways with soups...from Campbell's" Cookbook

afterplaidshirtdays

I was not delusional for holding on and trying.

toastbutteregg

senatortedcruz

#this has been me for like 3 months and I do feel bad but I am loving it for a goddamn change #cooking up a storm every night though

stupidlittlespirit

This is so silly but I'm watching a short video essay on sincerity in cinema and the creator is talking about how he watched Lord of the Rings for the first time at 17. He explains that he'd grown so used to the 'ironic' meta style commentary in the movies of the 2010's that as he was watching the opening narration of LotR, he spent the entire time waiting for the joke to come. For someone to take it all back with a zinger line. He listened to Blanchett describe and explain the backstory, and he waited for the other comedic shoe to drop.

And he kept doing it. Scene after scene.

He spent the film expecting someone to make a joke about how unserious things were or to break the fourth wall or do some other self referential type thing.

Now, maybe I'm just at that point in my cycle or maybe I'm too delicate in general, but I literally teared up hearing that. Straight up cried a bit. It is so fucking sad that sincerity and genuineness is being bred out of people.

People say all the time 'this generation can't take anything seriously!' and really, is it any wonder? Younger people have been trained out of it. You are no longer encouraged to be genuine or show emotion or be honest. You are actively punished for it. In fact, you are almost guaranteed to suffer for it.

That is so fucked up. I'm sorry to go on a bit of a random ramble rant but it's so fucking gut wrenching to see younger people lose that element of themselves. You can't express your passion without being told you're 'crashing out' or 'cringe'. You have to live in this neutral state of fear of perception, and god forbid anybody step outside of it!

You're told you should only consume and succumb and be ironic and emotionless and cool.

Listen, if you're following me and you're like.... 25 or under, let's say. Please. I beg of you. Do not fall for this rhetoric. Please, for the love of all things, feel. Feel and create and be honest with yourself. Indulge in things that make you happy. Be sincere. Wear your heart on your sleeve. Do not let this hyper-capitalistic, hyper-consumerist, self-centred, individualist culture take that from you.

Bleed yourself into the work you create. Live. Don't fucking let anyone tell you different.

secrets-of-the-dark-academia

Dark Academia Spotify Playlist

#the way I actually have this now #ghost included #old lady died in there lmao

pi-la

#me the whole last week with a cold and body aches

hermitude

segamascott

So since I quit my job about two months ago, I have found that actually resting and enjoying my time at home has been exactly the tonic I needed to relax and calm my brain and realise that no one is constantly looking at me, I am not under constant scrutiny and not being recorded by CCTV cameras all of the time. There is something deeply troubling that long term retail work does to a person and while I may not be using my time in a very efficient way, I AM no longer panicked because of deadlines and meetings and all the things that had me shaking with fear every SINGLE day of my working life.

Following my resignation, I discovered that another guy at a shop I'd been at for years had his former friend (so I thought) FIRED for inappropriate behaviour even though she had spent 17 years at the company and YEARS campaigning to be a store manager and what did the company do for her after all that time? Fire her with no compensation. The reason she was fired? She told this guy, a close friend of hers for years, that his weight loss was commendable but he would have to work a bit harder to "lose his tits".

Her side hustle is a personal trainer, and she is right. This guy has been reverse Sam Smith-ing for about 6 months but when you're 35 and obese forever, yeah it will take some time to be an IG model.

She said ONE thing that, in an industry that was RIFE with sexual harassment for YEARS, that one thing was enough for her to fired. Now he knew she was fucking joking, but he is so stuck in this corporate managerial world that he saw his opportunity to oust her from her role so HE could be a candidate for it, because, SHOCKER, his husband is also a store manager of a different location and is basically untouchable AND this man in question fucking hires twinks every Xmas in the slight chance that he can fuck them, or turn them gay, or whatever.

The power play of that place was and is filthy and abhorrent and I can't believe I stayed there for so long without realising it.

So, side note, don't shop at Dan Murphy's. I am not disgruntled and bitter, I have just recently realised how deeply fucked that place is and the less people who shop there, the better.