Well, I'm 34. I got a phone car mount, new headphones and undies that make my junk look good.
I own my own home with no mortgage, my friend who I never see is coming to stay next week, my husband has sciatica, my cat is nice, and my three fireplaces work nicely in the out-of-nowhere horror that is the Australian winter.
I had a fantastic dinner out with my boys and my parents and my very attached cat yelled at me for leaving him alone for 2 hours. My grandmother's 90 year old cousin texted me wishing me a happy birthday. Actually two of them did.
And I got ID'd at the bottle shop yesterday because I shaved my face. Those Korean serums work, I guess.
Just typing out the day. Strange how I don't feel better or worse. Just...beige. I'm old. I'm young. I'm unemployed by choice. I'm relaxing just like I wanted.
I'm going to take a Dexy tomorrow and see if it motivates me to mow the lawn. Or buy some succulents for my library. I have a library. Like a dedicated room with a Balinese day bed. With my 800 books. I need to get one of my 3 air conditioners re-gassed. The well under my house is now drained after all this rain.
I need to buy a tank to catch all that well water rather than let it go to waste since the apocalypse is coming shortly. Trump shit himself with a mic in his pocket. Both my parents are going into hospital for surgeries on their shoulders and knees.
My grandmother died nearly a decade ago and I still cannot bring myself to visit her grave even though my name is etched on her gravestone.
I am older now than my mother was when she gave birth to me. If I have a child she will be be 87 when her grandchild graduates high school.
When I graduated high school my grandmother was there and was so disgusted by the way the principal dragged us all through the mud for something it turned out we didn't even do (rival high school wearing our uniforms) that she openly said as loud as possible that my principal was a "dry cunt". My friend Hayden hugged her for it. He died 2 years later. She died 6 years later.
I don't know. Sometimes it rains and you don't want to get out of bed. Sometimes it's hot and you actually have to get out and shower.
Anyway, birthday blues are a thing that I struggle with. I don't know why. Fear of rejection, fear of being ignored. Everyone who I really care about sent me nice messages today. Maybe I'm just catastrophising. Maybe things aren't all that bad.
The rest of the year will be okay. It will. It will be easy.
amandla
prguitarman
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
turnnoffyourmind
gamechangershow
romaincrisis
gummygunk
