Give Me All Your Hopeless Hearts
Synopsis: Frank didn't plan on befriending the art and music kids at school and he especially had no intentions of falling in love with Gerard Way. All he wanted was to get through the year as quickly and as painlessly as possible.
Frerard: Classic high school setting but I'm fairly certain this combination of characters has never been done before. My Chemical Romance, Tonight Alive, Set It Off, PVRIS, Panic! At The Disco, Paramore, Fall Out Boy.
"This will be your class schedule," the secretary says handing me a printed form. I take the warm paper from her hand and scan it. Well, at least they got the guitar class I wanted and I was also given the early release I was promised. Though I didn't ask for math, history, or English but this is a school so I can't really complain there. I got what I wanted and looks like my study hall is the first hour. Good, I'm not a morning person. "Is there any other questions you have that I could answer for you?"
I glance up from my schedule and look at the woman. "No, that's all, I guess," I mumble.
"Well then, welcome to North Shore High," she says with a cheery smile. I stand and fling my bag over my right shoulder then shuffle out of here. I guess I should be going to class but I don't really want to. Due to the untimely cross-country move, I'm already coming to school two weeks after it started, making my transition a hell of a lot bumpier. As if the new kid from New Jersey dropping into a sea full of prissy teens living their whole lives in upstate Cali wasn't bad enough. I'd be worried I'd get jumped for standing out so badly but I have to remember I'm not at home anymore where not constantly looking over your shoulder is a death sentence. The worst thing that could happen here is you tan too dark for your eyebrows or someone else bought your $750 dollar shoes and you can't wear them anymore to be "original".
I know I'm just being spiteful here and I'm sure not everyone is as bad as I built them to be in my head. But I fought a one-man war about this move and tragically lost. I don't know how I planned on spending my summer but moving from New Jersey to California was definitely nowhere on the list. My top three would be catching up on sleep, finally relaxing, and saving up to buy an electric guitar. Turns out parents' job rearranges everything. When my mom and dad sat me down to tell me, I was expecting them to inform me they are finally getting a divorce. They've been fighting over the years and it kept getting worse and worse. I know deep down they don't love each other anymore like how they did when I was younger and I felt it coming soon, I felt in my heart. The fact they shouldn't be together is the only thing they could ever agree on in the past 10 years. But turns out they still haven't gotten around to the divorce so instead, both of my parents move to California and they drag me along biting and clawing the whole way there. How could I possibly move across the country and not be angry? I knew they were both offered jobs over in LA but I'm in school and my life is in New Jersey. I didn't want to go but I didn't get a say in the matter. After doing everything I could, I knew there was no way I could opt out of this move or convince them otherwise. So I lost the war but I did win one battle and it was the battle of my life. I managed to compromise and at least get to finish my sophomore year before the move.
I told my friends I was leaving but none of them took it as hard as I did. They were "bummed out" but nowhere near as distressed as I as. It seemed to constantly slip their mind I was leaving too because I had to keep pointing it out every time they talked about "next year" with me. I wasn't going to be there next year and they didn't seem to care. It was in that moment I realized you're not supposed to care much about your friends. I mean, the lot of us never really been close. We were all very different. Charlie and Luke were on the football team, Patrick was the super nerd in all the computer, science, and math classes, Darin was I dare say the delinquent of our group as well as the player. Then there's me: the metalhead who likes music too much for my own good. Friends aren't much of anything besides something to pass the time. I could never define friends until now.
I climb up to the second floor and roam the halls until I come across the room number. The door is open and the teacher is sitting in the front at his desk typing on the computer while the class is working or diligently napping. A few kids have their earbuds in while writing homework assignments, some kids are talking to their friends next to them but a majority of them are either on their phones or burying their face in their desk asleep.
I walk up to the teacher's desk and he looks up at me. "Ah, you must be the new student," he says getting up and greeting me. "Frank Lero is it?"
"It's Iero actually," I correct.
"Oh, my bad," he says. "Well, welcome to our school. I'm Mr. Cee and this is your study hall. I know it's the first period of the day so you won't always have work. If that's the case, I don't mind you on your phone or relaxing before you go to your other classes. I also don't have assigned seats, you can find a place. And if you ever need to go somewhere else like a computer lab, library, any other class, just sign out with a pass and you're good."
"Okay, thanks," I say and awkwardly shuffle away from his desk and glance over at my options of open seats. A few kids noticed my arrival and are glances at me. Others are too busy to realize which is all for the better I'd say. Then I spot an empty seat in the very back of the room on the same side as the door. That's a good place. I head over to the empty seat and ask the girl with glowing hair next to it if it's taken.
"Huh?" she says still laughing at whatever funny thing her boyfriend or wannabe boyfriend said to her.
"Is this seat taken?" I ask again.
She brushes her neon, scarlet hair out of her face and looks up at me still giddy. "Oh, no. You can sit there," she says. I drop my bag off my shoulder and grab the strap before it thuds to the ground and I sit down. The girl starts giggling again and the guy with dark hair shortly cropped on the sides with longer bangs falls over on his desk. I roll my eyes at those two and put my music in. I just want to get through the day and then the week. I just want to get through this year and repeat for my senior year. I don't care anymore, I just want to get through high school in one piece and then I'm done. I don't ever have to deal with this again, I'm free. I just want to be invisible and make this as painless as possible. No time to bother making friends, I doubt any of them are worth it. There's no such thing as real friends. Just people to pass the time. I turn on my phone and look at my text messages. The last text I received was from my mother this morning. The standard "have a good day at school! Here's our address in case you forgot so you know how to get home" My dad hasn't texted me recently and my friends all forgot about me already. I've tried texting them in our group chat but they started talking about hanging out together, which I clearly can't do anymore. Then Patrick said they should make a group chat with all of them but not Frank and use it for when they hang out so I don't feel bad. I guess they started using the one without me and never went back. I tried texting them, both on the big one and individually. Some of them haven't responded, Patrick hasn't even opened my texts to read. The ones who to respond only send one-word replies and kill the conversation quickly. I eventually left the group chat and stopped trying a long time ago. I've come to see they don't text me, to begin with, which is why I no longer have friends and maybe never had any in the first place.
After a period of sitting there contemplating my life while listening to Smashing Pumpkins, I make my way down to the music hallway for guitar. I really hope that this class is better than the last one, something to do but hopefully even less interaction with people other than a teacher. Sitting in the corner by the door, I notice in the back the same girl and guy from my study hall are here except they're with more friends. There's five of them all together. Another guy wearing a hoodie and two more girls with a unique hair. The brunette has really long hair down to her waist and it's wavy. The side of her temples are shaved completely and she wears all black and grey schemed clothes. Grey tights, black boots, dark grey skirt, light grey blouse and a very classy jacket. Then the other girl sitting next to the fancy lady is dressed similarly to the neon-haired girl. She too has ripped skinny jeans, converse, some sleeveless shirt that requires her to wear a black tank top underneath and a flannel tied around her waist. The five of them all sit in a tight circle laughing together and playing really obnoxiously on their instruments. Part of me really wants to start shredding Metallica because I know how to but I don't think that would be a good idea. Remember, low profile and invisible.
History goes by. Gym goes by. Lunch is a real adventure trying to find somewhere to sit and then I have a brilliant idea of going down to the empty guitar room during my lunch period. No one is in here so no one can bother me. I'm almost done with the day when English comes around and I have an aneurysm. I go up to the teacher and instead of keeping her cool like the other teachers have, she makes a huge scene after the bell rings.
The last of the kids walk into class as the bell rings and they're all still talking when she pulls this stunt. "Class, we have a new student today." Everyone quiets down and starts looking around the room. I pull my hood over my head and try to avoid eye contact. Oh god... "Frank? Please stand up so we can all meet you." By now, a majority of the class knows I'm the new kid intruding on their lives. I reluctantly stand and pull my jacket down. I'm now showing the whole class how short I am. If I was a girl, I'd be average height except I'm a guy and I am pathetically small. "Introduce yourself to the class," the teacher says with her preppy voice.
"My name is Frank Iero," I reply.
The teacher waits for me to continue but I just stare at her wanting permission to sit back down. "Tell us where you're from and something about yourself so we get to know you."
This is not part of the plan. I'm just supposed to pass by here invisibly and unnoticed until I'm free. I don't want people to know who I am. I just want to hide. "I'm from Summit, New Jersey and I like the color red," I say flatly. There are some whispers going around over the fact I'm from Jersey.
"Oh, that must be exciting over there. Did you like it?" the teacher asks.
"Yes. And then I was dragged here to this land of sunshine." The teacher looks at me slightly uncomfortable sensing my attitude.
"Well, thank you, Frank. You may sit down." My knees collapse as soon as the words leave her mouth and I retreat back underneath the hood of my leather jacket and do my best to become invisible. God, that was utterly humiliating. I could have just died on the spot right there. Hell, dying on the spot right there would have been better. Man, this is a train wreck. I just want to go back to Jersey. I may not have had friends but I fit in with the people there. Everyone listened to the same music and it was a passion we carried deep in our blood. We fought for what we loved and we lived as though we'd die tomorrow. People were crazy, everyone was crazy and everyone was okay with being crazy. There was violence that made you fearful and knowing one wrong mistake may get you killed prevented the idiots from surviving. Everyone around had common sense and we weren't stupid. Knowing while walking home you might get shot made sure you never took anything for granted. We all sounded the same and we were never pointed out for how we pronounced words and we never pointed out when someone we knew spoke differently. I missed it back there. I don't belong in California.
The period is almost over when someone taps my shoulder. I uneasily turn around to see the girl from my guitar class wave at me. It's the girl with the flannel around her waist and sitting next to her is the other girl who dressed as if she just might go have tea with the queen of England at any moment. "Hi," she says cheerfully.
"Hi?" I say unsure and give a small wave.
"So you're new here, huh?" she brings up as a conversation starter. I really wish she didn't feel the need to talk to me for the sake of talking to the new kid.
"Yeah," I answer hoping to end the conversation.
"My name's Jenna and this is my-," Jenna looks back at the girl and gives a nervous laugh, "my friend Lynn."
"Hi," I respond towards Lynn.
"Yeah, well, I noticed I had a lot of class with you. Our friend Hayley said you sit next to her and Brendon in study and I saw you also in my gym class. You seem to be hanging by yourself so I wanted to ask you if in guitar tomorrow you wanted to sit with my friends and me."
"Oh, um, that's-wow-really nice of you," I say, sitting up. "Um, I guess if it's cool with them."
"Oh, totally. They're super chill. And Hayley and Brendon said they wanted to talk to you but you had your earbuds in so you didn't hear them.
"I didn't know they were," I say. "I didn't really want to bother those two, couples tend to get annoyed with others intrude I thought."
Jenna and Lynn start giggling. "Oh, no. Hayley and Brendon aren't dating. No, they're like brother and sister. And Brendon is dating someone else," Lynn explains.
"Oh, okay," I note. "So, I'll see you girls tomorrow then?" I ask.
"Definitely," they say in unison and then look at each other laughing. I smile warmly as the bell rings and I head to my math class. I resume my undercover op of remaining invisible however I kind of wished Jenna or Lynn were here, especially Jenna. They were really nice to me and Jenna seems like we'd make good friends. I can tell just by the way she dresses. And she's really nice, I don't know. God, what's gotten into me? One nice person makes an effort of being kind to me and all of a sudden, I'm hoping she's my best friend. I need to keep it cool, in case this is just getting to my head.
My math class ends and I don't have homework considering I used to be a year ahead of math at my old school and they put me in honors juniors math, which is technically the class I took last year. This is way too easy for me but all the better to get an easy A. My early release is after math class so when the bell rings, I walk out of the school. My phone had my new home address typed into google maps so I knew how to get back from here. On my way out, I see Jenna again with more of her friends. The girl she's with looks like her twin. It's not Hayley or Lynn but another girl. I think Jenna has a twin because this girl has the same 90's punk rock style cut and platinum, bleached blonde hair. They look like they both have an off style of Joan Jett's hair but bleached to an almost white. They also both have ripped skinny jeans, Jenna's grey and the other girl's blue. They have the converse, tied flannels, and sleeveless tops. The two of them walk together in front of the rest of them. Only one of the guys is familiar. I don't think it's the Brendon dude so it's the other one in guitar class. There are two more guys walking side by side. One wearing sports clothes and looks like a preppy athlete, the other kind of looks like me almost. Long, black bangs covering his face, wearing a leather jacket with the hood up and his bag hastily slung over his left shoulder. The only real difference between me and this guy walking out with Jenna and her friends is he's a few inches taller and he's carrying a bulky sketchbook.
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