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@firstinline
indie. private. selective. mutuals only. low/medium activity blog for a turk original character from final fantasy 7/r. handled by zed.
[carrd]
BEHIND HER EYES (2021), dir. Erik Richter Strand » SEASON 1, EPISODE 6
 --- @stingslikeabee​ queried: "I can't believe this," Melissa's voice was sincerely distraught and her movements slow, careful. The way she acted was not dissimilar of a mother experiencing severe, unexpected grief at the loss of a child or something equally tragic, despite the fact that there was nothing so dire happening in reality. All she was doing was removing the pot where a plant had been from one of Priest's tables, carrying it over to him with a profoundly accusatory glance in her honey-colored eyes. Melissa then raised it to his eye level (he was taller than she was, particularly without heels) as if to emphasize her frustration, and then unceremoniously dropped the thing into the trash bag near them on the floor, the pot joining many other items which had not been salvaged from the deep cleaning of Priest's apartment. At least he was present this time instead of being surprised with his childhood friend sorting his stuff and abusing her spare key powers. "You killed a cactus. That's a new low even for you, Shy," the madame aggressively pointed towards the bag, now hiding the corpse of the cactus victimized by Priest's terrible plant-keeping skills as if she was somehow its representative in Midgar, "You should say some words for the poor plant. I thought at least a cactus would survive here but looks like I cannot trust you with anything that is not plastic."
     ------ADMITTEDLY THE TIME he spent at home was significantly less than any one person probably should. he’d learned a long time ago that purchasing perishables had not been an ideal move, and his refrigerator stayed mostly empty (save for a jug of filtered water & some steaks that had been vacuum sealed and frozen in the low freezer) in an attempt to save money. if anyone knew the state of his home ... and how abandoned it mostly was ---it was melissa. boxes from his move still remained pushed in the corners of the living room and bed room, and the only alternating things were his shampoo, conditioner, and body soaps on the shower shelves. he took better care of his rotating stock of suits than he did himself, really.
     the cactus, admittedly forgotten entirely, was promptly brought to his attention. if he wasn’t careful he’d get a needle to the face - but the turk only blinked slowly at the withered, dried up thing before it was dumped away into trash bags he had no memory of placing. (and for good reason, melissa was far more diligent in her efforts to tidy than he was, though his apartment resembled something more of a well-windowed cathedral for how empty it was).
    “ i haven’t been home in two weeks. ” it was a weak argument, but his voice didn’t waver at the accusation. it was the truth, too. he’d fallen asleep on the couch in director tseng’s office more than a few times, upright with some paperwork in his lap. eyes followed the line down to the bag that her finger provided, and when he moved to step over the bag it was rather unceremonious, “ may odin keep you. i have steaks in the freezer, if you’re interested. ” he bee-lined for the kitchen, ducking beneath the low frame and peering at melissa through the open half-wall. “ what do you want me to say, lil? they taught me how to kill things, not care for them. i put it by the window and watered it before i left. you said cacti were low maintenance. ”
“I figured you could use a good meal after all the hard work you’ve been doing. My special sauce. Taste?” “It’s good.” “Told ya.”
Charlie Weber
Avatars by me. Don’t claim as your own. Like / reblog if using.
cwarscars​:
his eyes reflect the shimmer of whiskey in his glass; warm liquor left stale when his thoughts had ran away from him. burn in the back of his throat, burn in the corners of his eyes. he’s so tired he can’t sleep. the general left in a strange state of restlessness.
to turn - would have him see the sky. stars dotted about blackness; something he’d have once found peaceful. a vision blighted by the glare of the burning rock that taints the sky. an amalgamation of space and magic and fuck-knows-what-
it had never been heidegger’s job to question; never been in his brain to work these things out. oh no. he’s a man who has forever followed orders, forever given them, too.
to look up and stare at meteor has him blinded; has him chugging back the rest of his drink. and how the fuck do they fight this thing? send a few thousand troops up into space? break it into pieces with the might of shinra-manufactured materia? or perhaps there’s a better way; destroy the root. march into the northern crater and hope for the fucking best?
his gaze parts from the sky, bottle retrieved from his desk - more than a quarter glass poured before the door to his office creaks open. heidegger would spare them a glance, perhaps even some formality…instead, all he offers is a tilt of his glass.
“drink?”
-
     ------HE’D SPENT HIS entire life following orders. when he was a boy it was listening to his mother to ensure he didn’t step on toes, didn’t get her into trouble at work ... even if he caused more trouble in the slums than she ever knew. then it was in the junon military academy, where a drill instructor stripped away every semblance of the man he was before he’d been given the nickname priest ... before it became his handle with the turks. then it was during the war ---where men like general heidegger ... and even heidegger himself a handful of times, had told him what to do. then it was shinra, and then it was specifically the turks within shinra ... he was good at following orders. he didn’t mind.
     whenever director scarlet was too busy to run public relations her secretary would descend into the basement of the shinra electric power company and find him in shared office. priest was usually alone: tseng had his own quarters to run his paperwork so that was never an issue, reno and rude were always in the field, elena was always getting information from someone, somewhere ... paperwork had to be done for the speech-to-be, key notes and things included on teleprompters to assure the citizens of midgar that shinra was doing everything in its power for them. often a lie, but priest was good at that, too.
     and he stayed late more often than not - it was easier than heading to his over-expensive, high-rise apartment with an echo and sleeping in cold, grey sheets. this night he needed to have things signed off on: by scarlet, by palmer, and finally by heidegger this evening ... then he was clear to give that address in ... five hours. his wristwatch was just a minute or two fast, even.
     admittedly he was surprised to find the general still lingering, when the door cracked. he figured he would find it empty, leave the file on his desk with a quick note, and go back to his auditing papers in the basement for a while. but the presence of the man, highly revered, was surprising enough. priest felt his fingers shift on the file and he nodded curtly. “ general, apologies, i didn’t think you’d still be in this late. ” and he paused, eyes glancing to the window to behold the thing even he had no idea how to fix. “ yes, sir. ”
john wick doing *that*
I’m only gonna kill this one person; how bad could things get?
Macbeth, Act II, Scene I (via elisabethvonhabsburg)
i. Kaveh Akbar, "My Father's Accent" from Pilgrim Bell | ii. Hayley Williams, "Simmer" from Petals for Armor | iii. Sjohnna McCray, "Portrait of my Father as a Young Black Man" from Rapture
a note about doctor amelia rickard,
   he remembers what it was like to wake up beside a warm body, what it felt like to have the space in the bed beside him occupied for more than just a few hours. he remembers the soft splay of dirty blonde hair across the pillow next to him and the way it smelled like the coconut mix of her shampoo. he remembers the way her chest would rise and fall under their shared sheets, how her fingers splayed gently at the center of that chest, the soft shine of her wedding ring when the sunlight caught it through the blinds just right.
   he remembers the sweet chime of her voice in greeting when he came home, or the way she’d stop him in the halls at work to peck his cheek when they just so happened to cross paths. he remembers the way she’d run her fingers through his hair when she wanted his attention as they curled to watch the news at night (and she’d tease him if he was on tv in that same sweet chime), how beautiful she was first thing in the morning and the last thing at night. he remembers how much he loved her, and how cruel a connotation the past tense is.
   but he also remembers being handed a case file at the end of the wutai war, just as he was initiated into the turks. the briefing cluing him into the machinations of her boss and his intentions. the promise he made to his boss to keep careful watch, every so often. the innocence of a girl and the horrific things done to her under the roof of their shared place of employment. he had no room to talk, not with all of the blood on his hands. not with all of the lives he’d taken (and won medals for), and earned rank off of. but he’d never tortured. he’d never pretended it was for anything other than what it was. he’d never lied about it.
   he remembers the dryness in his mouth when he read one line again, then again once more. he remembers her name signed off on genetic therapy. her handwriting in the margins. for years. the lies for years. the way his stomach turned, the way everything felt cold. was he any better? no, not really. but he wasn’t the same, either.
   he remembers bitter words. he remembers arguing for the sake of arguing, shouting over one-another just to be heard. endless fighting, thirteen years swirling the drain like bathwater in a monsoon: the i love you’s and i’m so happy you were safe’s with nothing inside of them. pretty pleasantries, things of the past. he remembers sleeping on the couch to be away from her, or not sleeping at all. he remembers a cage around his ring finger and how sharp his claws were, scratching hard to get out.
   how the ache of falling out of love was fast and sudden, but hurt worse than a bullet in his gut. how happy he was to pitch that little gold band off of his finger and out of his life. how his boss saved him from alimony because turks don’t technically exist, so they can’t pay for anything, amelia.
   he remembers how it felt to be in love with a black widow, and knows how the memory of it still stings bile at the back of his mouth.          never again.
a note about platefall,
   one of the most obvious points of contention in the final fantasy seven world centers around platefall and the massive affect it took with each of the characters within the realm of the game. as a turk it’s important to note what priest’s stance on platefall was / is:
   he has none.
   this is a man whose spent the better part of his life being carved down to the bare bones of a human: a cog, replaceable if he breaks or falls in any fashion, and this continues into his service as a turk. any semblance of personality he had was knocked out of him in the junon military academy. now, obviously you might say but kay, soldiers have personality. and you’re right, they do. perhaps it’s not fair to say that priest doesn’t have one, when he very much does … but bootcamp and military training serve to beat all sense of individuality out of the soldier. they’re not there to be cheeky or cute, to give opinions —they’re there to be a weapon, and to do what they’re told.
   that shapes an entire person, and it shaped priest to this very day. since his retirement from active duty he’s obviously gained back some semblance of himself, and there are certainly people who will tell you that he was never anyone other than himself, even if it was slightly diminished. but when it comes to following orders and doing his job, priest turns all parts of himself off. it’s not his business to have an opinion.
   so when it comes to the events of platefall and the plans surrounding it, priest turned on that old military training and simply shut off his brain. there’s no connection to what the turks were meant to do, there’s no direct impact on the thousands of innocent lives lost. one can argue priest wasn’t even there, he wouldn’t be as affected by it. and maybe you’re right. he wasn’t there. he didn’t input the code, he didn’t hit the switch. but he didn’t stop it, either. he knew about it —he probably knew about it before tseng informed reno or rude about it because of his position with PR. who do you think had to make the statement? who do you think went on TV and announced shinra’s stance and plans thereafter? who do you think was the face that publicly pointed the finger at avalanche and absolved shinra of their crime to the rest of midgar?
   priest.
   somewhere down the road he’ll have some emotion about it. someday when he allows himself to feel something other than apathy or rage or a sense of duty to his work, he’ll realize he’s honestly no better than his ex-wife for being a passerby in that massacre. or for lying to the faces of anyone who watched the statement because it was his job. but until that moment happens?
   apathy. nothingness. not even a flicker of anything human regarding it. just … emptiness.
   when priest is not in his standard work uniform (the three-piece suit) he can usually be found at home wearing a black sleeveless shirt, black sweatpants, and the occasional house sweater to accompany it.
   but on the off-chance you happen upon him in very certain circumstances … you can find him in colorful tee-shirts with funny images or captions on them. he usually wears each of these shirts just once, otherwise they live in an unpacked box in his living room, pushed off to the corner. however there is one shirt her wears often enough:
Keep reading
insp.
It’s like he’s got two emotions - pissed off and sadistically amused.
Rainbow Rowell, Carry On (via theliteraryjournals)
@stingslikeabee