I'm Not Sorry

I'm confused about everything

[titsay]

[nitewrighter]

"You were terrible enough and enough of a public figure for your death to merit a Destiel News meme, but you were not noteworthy or influential enough for your death to merit a Crab Rave," is an uttered depressing legacy to have as far as terrible people go.

[theconcealedweapon]

[c3rvida3]

How come reading tea leaves is seen as this sophisticated, witchy thing but if I slam dunk an open can of Chef Boyardee ravioli onto the pavement in the gas station parking lot to see what kind of soda the old ones think I should buy, foodstuff divination suddenly isn’t cool anymore?

[c3rvida3]

‘Tis the fuckin’ season, friends!! Get out there and live your worst life!!

[memereposts]

What the fuck is happening

[c3rvida3]

Why don’t you grab a can of ravioli and ask!

[professionallyunstable-deactiva]

"i got that dog in me" - personally i got that deer in me (urge to run into oncoming traffic).

[gappcitybitch]

now I know why they do that

[samshepard]

shoutout to everyone dealing with. thhe fucking difficulty

[rosemochi]

the fact that all of my mutuals immediately reblogged this from me really says something about all of us, doesn't it

[hungwy]

Starting some kind of collection

[hungwy]

[veralena-deactivated20240731]

[echomortis]

[honeypleasejustkillme]

im just built different (unstable)

[bathroomcube]

fuck me all my friends have jobs which means they have no time to play toys with me and its fuycking ruining my life

[kaijuno]

Wait this is funny

[red-faced-wolf-deactivated20251]

This humor is so fucking advanced yet so fucking simple at the same time

[grymmoires]

Why are the horrors calling you "babygirl"? 🤨

[nayohme]

scientists are blowing up rats and shit in a lab trying to figure out how to make an even more refreshing mint, and they’re starting to get there

[mylittleredgirl]

okay tumblr’s exclusion from the twitter social media ban list is hilarious but genuinely we do not belong on there. if a real human person asks “where can i find you on social media” and your choice is a swift death or revealing your tumblr, most of us would simply expire. half of y’all change urls every week like you’re in witness protection. just imagine for one second attaching your wholeass government name to your latest two am clownposting and tell me that didn’t send a cold chill down your spine. the only place i ever want to see the words “connect with me on tumblr!” is on the ao3 profile of an author i’m actively stalking. anyone in the world can follow me except anyone i personally know. antisocial media.

[evilscientist3]

Passed my autopsy with flying colours. There was so much inside me

[gamwthnzwhmou]

Reblog if you had a Tumblr for 5+ years

[gouachevalier]

[ispyspookymansion]

seeing ads for bumble on tumblr now….nuh uh babey youre not getting me to a secondary location either my mutuals fall in love with me here or nothing happens at all

[recentlylocal]

Turns out if you reblog this post you IMMEDIATELY summon a spam bot advertising an LGBTQ dating app.

[seat-safety-switch]

Real estate in my area is depressing. There’s the usual: unaffordable condos, unaffordable row homes, unaffordable single-family homes. Boring! Where’s the castles? Where are the volcano fortresses? I can scroll the listings all day long and not a single torture pit or giant laser dome will appear before my wondering eyes.

Part of this is no doubt because of economic incentives. Something like a tank full of sharks that you slowly lower spies into is expensive to maintain – we’re talking sharks, shark food, water, water filtering, the occasional liability lawsuit. Not only that, but any realtor worth their salt is gonna tell you to get rid of it, since it makes the room look smaller. In their eyes, most customers are not “shark tank” people, and they may be thrown off by its presence during a walk-through. Better to move it somewhere else, and put out some decorative throw pillows to cover the spot where it used to sit.

This even affects me, a person with no particular bent towards supervillainy. What do I want? A large industrial space for storing cars, car parts, car accessories, and broken cars. And it would be nice to have a place to put a bed, and maybe a toilet. Does the real estate market provide me with such a building? No. Which is why I’m currently taking a shit at the 7-Eleven, because my bathroom is full of moped parts. I know it’s just for staff, Ethan.

Perhaps I should just be grateful. I heard that some big Hollywood star ended up with a castle addiction. They’re expensive to heat, castles. Just couldn’t stop buying them, the community association was soaking him for every red cent. That’s how they get you, you know. Moat fees. Plus the parking sucks.