It’s been a long while now since I have written down any thoughts on this app. I opened it up again and read a few of the old ones and had a few giggles! Glad to be back again.
The reason I came back is because yesterday something happened that broke my heart a little. It broke my heart and placed fear in my heart. Nothing huge, nothing real, but just a sample of horror.
There’s this huge craze going on right now, Pokemon Go. Oh yeah, you know it and/or know it but don’t want to know it, know it. My husband being the video game freak, but not a Pokemon fan- joined the craze because somehow it’s not as lame as the card game (it’s the same concept! Lol!). So he thought it would be a great idea to take a walk with the boys after dinner, and usually our summers consist of evening walks a few times a week. This time we were going to walk and collect Pokemon creatures! My seven year old was excited!
Boy, it was a long walk, I think it was almost two miles but towards the end of our round about, we ended up at the park close to home. My four year old, Benji, got on the jungle gym and my seven year old wanted to grab a creature nearby, so he and my hubby walked on. I said “I’ll wait here” while my Benji played in the jungle gym. He played with the rotating maze for a few minutes as I sat there watching him, then he went to the slide, and slid down. I said, “be careful with the babies at the end of the slide Benji” and assumed he heard me. He steps off and started running toward the toddler sized jungle gym, so I jump off the ladder and go follow him. Then I heard it…. a cry of terror all mashed up with hurt and panic. A cry I didn’t recognize because it wasn’t my son, I knew for sure. He ran past a couple of kids and I assumed one of those kids was crying, so I just kept walking towards Benji. Until I got closer and noticed those kids weren’t crying, their faces were happy. The only kid left was my Benji, but all I could see is him running towards and then past the toddler gym. I see only his little body, his back facing me. I shout, “Benji! Benji!” At this point I am about 10 feet away, and he turns around and sees my face and just stops dead in his tracks with his beautiful greenish eyes wide with fear, full of tears, face with sadness. I knew immediately what he thought had happened. He thought we had left him.
He had no idea I was right there, letting him enjoy the playground. I assumed he knew I was there. I assumed he heard me say to be careful with the babies. He didn’t know. I picked him up with words and hugs of reassurance, and lavished kisses on his head. I told him over and over that I would never leave him, that it's my only job in this world, the most important job- to take care of him. He quickly calmed down. Then dad reassured him once we caught up to him.
We made it back home with a sleeping child in our arms. Emotion took a toll on him. We took turns holding him all the way back home, probably half a mile. Our usually heavy child didn’t tired me, or dad because we knew we had let him down somehow. To have accidentally allowed him that moment of fear and panic, was horrible to us. We have a thirteen year old, and a seven year old…. It hadn’t happened before. We haven’t lost our kids, or they lost us. To imagine what terror other children have felt or lived for more than a few seconds was heartbreaking to me. To imagine kids getting kidnapped. To imagine kids getting lost; worse yet never being found. To imagine the worse possibility of them all, parents not being able to protect their kids from harm. That truly terrified me. I hope to never fail them. I hope that this never happens to my kids or anyone else’s kids.
But… It happens. Everyday. Please be careful.
