lesbianism is a full time job

femme dyke ~ any pronouns ~ eng/jap - occasionally nsfw ~ analysis posts about my hyperfixations (i love comments and rbs!!)

[samirasystole]

i actually think it was really hot for trinity santos to walk in on her first day with that amount of confidence, make nicknames for every loser in there, try and get to do as many cool procedures as she could, catching some asshole stealing drugs, flirt with a 30+ year old surgery resident and still bag her after stabbing her in the foot, and just in general walking around and taking up her rightful space. i think women should do that more

[hereticalism]

summary · you and ellie are just friends. you're just friends when she always insists on spoiling you, driving you home so you don't have to do it yourself, you're just friends when you cuddle together for hours every day, and you're definitely just friends when her cock is plowing into you.

watch out · fem!reader, bsf!ellie, lemon, no ai used, nsfw, strap-on usage (reader receiving), not related to bella ramsey or the live action version of ellie williams, all characters are eighteen year old high school seniors and not "aged up," work of fiction

"you want me to drop you off at your house or at mine?" ellie asked, hazel eyes flicking to yours then back to the road as she pulled out of her parking spot.

"mmm..." you thought for a second, "yours."

she smirked.

"knew it."

"you always have to make it a thing," you giggled, leaning your head against the window. she didn't reply, opting to shake her head and start driving. the ride to her house was quiet except for the hum of her truck, and whatever was on the radio, the music loud enough to hear but too low for you to make out any words. it was nice out that day too, so every now and then a bird would chirp or squirrel would chip or dog would bark. the scent of ellie, cologne, cigarette smoke, and something fresh smelling, almost lulled you to sleep until the car ceased to a halt, the large two-story joel'd bought years ago standing tal in front of you.

you sat up and started rubbing the sleep out of your eyes. ellie readjusted her mirror, checked her hair in it, then shoved her phone in her pocket.

"we're here." she mumbled, climbing out of the truck, walking around it, and opening your door for you."

you smiled. "wow ellie, what a gentleman."

"and they say's chivalry's dead," she laughed with a wink.

you rolled your eyes and groaned out an exasperated "oh my god," but followed her up the driveway anyway. she fisted her pockets for you the key for a moment before shoving it in the lock, turning it, and walking in. she wasted no time kicking her shoes off by the door in the exact same place she'd been leaving them for ten years, yelled "I'm home dad," and started stepping up the stairs.

you took your shoes off too, politely found joel and said hello, then followed suit until you reached her room, plopping down on the bed like it was yours.

"so," you said, looking up at the ceiling.

"so," ellie echoed, putting her jacket away then settling down next to you.

the bed dipped for a second, and then the spot next to you became warm with her body heat. the sunlight was just barely cutting through her blinds, falling in little lines across your eyes and her neck.

"what's the plan? what're we gonna do today, I mean." you finished.

"well... what do you want to do?"

"I'm asking you because I don't know, idiot," you rolled your eyes and sat up a bit, propping your head on your hand.

she sighed. she was doing that thing again, you noticed. that thing being when you could visibly see the gears turning in her head and she wasted about to say something neither of you would expect. then, as promised: "have you ever thought about kissing?"

... what?

your eyebrows raised.

she looked up at you.

your lips parted slightly in shock.

"god," she chuckled, "you're so easy to mess with."

"you can't just say things like that." you swatted her on the arm, interrupting her laughing and earning an offended "ow!"

"why not?" she asked. "I mean, it's not like we like each other so I don't see what the problem is. plus, you wanna be ready for the spring formal, yeah? can't have you out there slobbering over some poor guy," she exhaled a breath that sounded something like a laugh.

you replayed the words in your head. it's not like we like each other.

"so you," she nodded, "want to give me, like," she blinked, "kissing lessons," she let out an "uh huh," "so that I don't mess up at the 'spring formal?" you repeated to make sure you'd heard her right.

"yeah."

"oh."

you thought it over in your head as she kept staring at the ceiling, looking completely indifferent while you internally panicked.

you exhaled. "I, I guess we can do that," you said softly.

"great." she sat up too, then.

you raised an eyebrow.

"not like that," she snorted.

she got up, locked the door, and then got back on the bed, hovering atop you. her hands were on either side of you, and her dark, hazel eyes were peering into yours curiously.

"is this okay?" she asked softly.

"... yeah," you exhaled, "yeah, it's okay."

"okay. so first, you're gonna wanna start closing your eyes in like, I guess anticipation of the kiss," she chuckled, "sorry, it's weird to explain."

you obeyed.

"next, you just... kiss. with your mouths closed at first, of course," she started leaning in."

"wait," you said and snapped your eyes open.

she stopped a few inches away from your lips. she waited expectantly, and despite the fact that usually you would've felt bad, usually you would've felt like you were inconveniencing someone if it was anybody else, ellie had that look in her eye that seemed to say that everything was okay. you felt yourself relax and shook your head.

"sorry, nevermind. I'm just... nervous," you gave an apologetic smile.

"it's okay," she reassured you.

"now, close your eyes again.

so you did.

after a few seconds, the soft, plush material of her lips met yours just for a few moments before she pulled away.

oh.

that was nice, you thought after you opened your eyes. it wasn't that you'd never kissed anybody before, everyone knew you'd kissed plenty of people and were more than popular in the romance department, but something about it being ellie felt... different. something about it being a girl. what was so different?

"how was it?" she asked, pulling you out of your thoughts before you could dwell on it.

"good, yeah. good. what now?"

"now, you don't only have to kiss on the lips." she leaned down and pressed her mouth to your neck. your breath hitched at the contrast between her warmth and the coldness of your skin, then eased into it.

"you could kiss here," a peck to your collarbone, "... here," a kiss to the underside of your jaw, "even here," her lips met the spot just under one of your ears.

"ellie," you said shakily.

"and sometimes, you don't just have to kiss," she suckled the skin near your carotid, earning a soft exhale from you. she was definitely gonna leave a mark, but right then it felt too good for you to really care.

"you can do this, too," her hand slipped under your shirt, not wandering up far and just resting on your stomach while she continued her assault on your neck.

"ellie," you repeated again, firmer now.

"yes?"

fuck. what you were thinking?

"I want you."

and then there was no turning back. after a flurry of more kisses, more hickeys, and discarded clothes, you both ended up completely naked with her on top of you kneading your breasts.

"can you touch me?" you asked, hips bucking up a little in desperation.

"I am touching you." she smirked.

"no," you whined, "really touch me."

instead of doing what you asked, she of course got completely off of you, walking over to her closet and opening it.

"w—come back. I need you," you pleaded.

"hold on, I'm coming baby, I just," she cursed a bit as she reached for a box, "gotta get somethin'."

eventually she pulled down a black case with locks, undoing the latches on it until a thick, lengthy dildo the color of her skin with a harness revealed itself when the box popped open.

"is that...?" you trailed off, suddenly nervous again.

"aw," she laughed at the fear on your face. "you're so cute. don't worry, it's not gonna hurt I'll be gentle."

before you could really protest, she was back on top of you with it between her legs, rubbing the head against your clit. all previous complaints and inhibitions you had were thrown out the window as soon as it met your skin, your hands flying out to reach ellie's shoulders as you tried to deal with the pleasure.

"see baby?" she cooed. "feels good already."

after getting you nice and wet, even though you'd already been soaking, she started prodding at you until she pushed in inch by inch, reaching the hilt in a few minutes.

"ellie, 's too much," you whined at the length of her.

"it's okay baby, it's okay. 'm not gonna move yet," she cooed, reaching down to kiss your neck and groaning into your skin when the motion moved the strap a little.

after you'd adjusted just enough for her length to be tolerable, you let out a soft "you can move now."

and so she did. slowly at first.

she had really been trying to keep control of herself, but between the way your tits were jiggling, the way your face looked so soft and vulnerable, the way your pussy kept gripping her—"fuck, I can't take it anymore baby," she groaned before speeding up.

before you could form a proper response she was plowing into you, silicone balls making harsh plaps every time they met the flesh of your ass.

"el—lie!" you mewled. you gripped the sheets, her back, her hair, anything to try and find some resolve from the pleasure frying your circuits, not that you disliked it. it wss just so much, and god, you'd liked to pretend it wasn't true before, but ellie was so hot.

"I know I know, I'm so fucking selfish baby, ah, I'm sorry, I need you," she got out between gruffs and rough moans, brows furrowed and eyes rolling back every now and then when the base of the strap hit her clit just right.

you got louder and louder until eventually ellie had to cover your mouth with one hand, the other dancing across your skin until it met your clit.

"feels good?" she asked, talking more to herself than you as she rubbed your bundle of nerves.

you were completely out of it now. your face was a mess, you couldn't form any coherent words except "ellie" and "please," and your lips were gripping her cock so hard sometimes she could swear she actually felt the tightness herself.

she wrapped her arms around your upper body, using her hips to drive into you then pull out and then force herself right back into you again.

your pussy fit her cock like a glove by now. it was just tight enough for everything to feel so, so good for the both of you, but just wet enough for her cock to not have too much trouble sliding out.

"come on baby, please, please cum on my cock, yeah? need to feel it, need t'feel you cum on it," you managed to make out amongst ellie's incoherent, delirious ramblings.

"ellie, ellie, I'm—!"

and then you were creaming all over her fat dick, milky white fluid leaking all over it and spilling onto her thighs and the sheets.

"fuckkk baby," she groaned then finished, still bucking up into you, drawing little high pitched "ah, ah, ah"s from your throat.

eventually she finally exhausted herself, collapsing on top of you with one last groan.

".... so... think you're ready for the spring formal?"

[fl0w3rf3mm3]

can’t believe i just got kicked out, i feel like im in a bad queer coming of age

[satellitespinner]

ellie williams is so excited about Artemis || right now

[heliza24]

the thing about Anne Rice is that you kind of have to read her the same way you read Greek myths. sometimes you read an ancient text and the actions of the gods feel so outsized and brutal they're just kind of indecipherable on an emotional level (at least this is how it feels to me, a layman. i'm sure some classicists might disagree). and then sometimes someone writes a modern adaptation that keeps the canon mythic events but connects them with an emotional tapestry or explains the historical context in such a way that makes you go "ahh that all makes sense now". anne wrote these big events and sometimes forgot to make the connecting web. she sometimes couldn't see past her own limited views on disabled people or queer people or people of color. sometimes she couldn't see past her own romanticization of abuse and her own participation in its cycle. reading The Vampire Chronicles is like reading two texts at once: the books, and the tale behind the books. the books, and Anne as a person. the books, and the drafts and short stories from Anne's archives that were never published. the books, and whatever missing file explains why Louis moved back in with Armand at Trinity Gate, what was really going on with Daniel when he lost his mind, what reunited Armand and Daniel in the end, whether Claudia hated Louis or loved him, why Lestat feels so out of character in Blood Canticle, why the whole thing switches from gothic fiction to science fiction in the end, and etc etc etc. the show is doing the work of creating the connective tissue the books lack, a job the fandom has always done and continues to do as well. i love Anne with a bone deep affection but I don't just take her at her word, because there's always a second narrative dancing behind the lines that she wrote. she would probably hate me for this and that's ok. i doubt the ancient Greeks would be into me either. but I think her text only really works in adaptation. it's only really given life by fan interpretation. and I think not questioning the presented text means not really reading it.

[fl0w3rf3mm3]

ik it was such a small line but i think the funding for samira’s study getting cut under trump’s administration is ESSENTIAL to understanding her this season.

(especially in conjunction with santos’ line last episode about how the cdc is a joke now) we need to acknowledge how hard she’s taking it. she has been shown to be an extremely empathetic doctor, ready to advocate for her patients tooth and nail. she want to do good on both a micro and macro level—through being a good doctor to the poc who come through the er, through researching and studying, she can make bigger changes in the system (see “i’m trying to change that” w/ her sickle cell patient)

the exhaustion she’s dealing with this season is not just robby’s pressure, or her mother’s, or her love life. it’s the realization that she’s fighting an uphill battle. at every turn, she’s losing. at every turn, she has no one supporting her dreams. she did have a purpose. she did have a goal. but then the rug got pulled out from under her with no fanfare, and she’s fighting to keep afloat in an environment (under an attending) which continually punishes her for dreaming of more.

[greenfairys]

santos saying that langdon could relapse and then picking up a scalpel and putting it in her pocket...the whole "santos and langdon lash out at each other because they see themselves reflected in the other" thing is not even subtext

[wildandgreen]

robby saying that he’s not sure that al-hashimi is fit to run this place when all he’s seen her do all day is excel at treating patients both medically and emotionally with a high level of professionalism and the only messes she’s had to clean up are his. for whom does the bell toll

[fl0w3rf3mm3]

the sequence of events for ogilvie’s growth this season is so well ordered. having him express his inability to understand how a smart person could make a mistake, in the same episode where he makes a mistake so dire he almost (and might!!) cost someone their life…oh that’s the good shit.

[fl0w3rf3mm3]

at the end of last season i got the sense that javadi’s arc was culminating to her leaving medicine altogether, but now i dont know if thats still the case, and tbh i think its really cool writing that i dont! how much of her decision making is in response to her parents is left kinda ambiguous, so i feel like im learning along with javadi whether or not she wants to be on this path.

[thesmallestpotatto]

All of AJ White's books feel like he's grabbing you by the shoulders and yelling

STAY AWAY FROM THE CIS MAN YOU WILL NOT CHANGE HIM

And I respect that

[fl0w3rf3mm3]

and then there’s spirit bares its teeth that’s like

GO TO THAT TRANS GIRL SHE WILL SAVE YOU

[canidykes]

paging student doctor bambi

[trinitysantosdoesnowrong]

The crazy thing about the Pitt is that there are like five Chekhov’s guns and they are shooting different mirrors and bouncing off them all around that damn hospital and they all are going to hit Robby in the head.

[fl0w3rf3mm3]

one time i had a therapist describe growing up in an abusive household as being similar to living in a war zone.

when you hear a loud boom at night, it’s probably an attack, and the smartest thing to do is to get your armor on and get ready for battle. this is logical, and rational, and it keeps you alive.

but, just as with veterans, if you once you leave the war zone and return to civilian life, you have trouble adjusting. what was once useful, smart, and essential to your survival, is now irrational and destructive. now, a loud boom is most likely something unimportant off in the distance, or it’s your dumbass cats knocking something off the counter.

these aren’t easy to unlearn, though. it’s not easy to abandon what kept you alive. it doesn’t feels like the right thing to do, either. it feels stupid, it feels naive, and if something were to happen to you, it feels like that would be your fault be you should know better, you should have been smart enough to protect yourself.

anyways, this is a post about dr trinity santos

[ohgoodnessidunno]

What santos said in the langdon fight scene isn't just about her anger towards langdon, it's about her anger towards herself. She isn't just upset at him for what he did, she's mad at herself for not reporting abuse she faced again. In her mind, she's let another man with power over her get off completely scot free for what he did, and worse everyone around her is telling her to just accept that he's changed when they don't even know the extent of what happened like she does. This has got to be so re-traumatizing for her ugh im sick.

[fl0w3rf3mm3]

you’re SOO right, and i think it’s not just that it’s a man whose walking all over her, i think langdon’s identity is part of it as well.

the straight white man who is charismatic, and handsome, and liked by everyone, is (in her eyes) getting away with everything. meanwhile, the lesbian of color gets painted as aggressive and standoffish. she’s frustrated at the ways in which others view her in comparison to him, and also in the ways that she can never obtain the easy amenable charisma of a white man.

[man1cpixiedreampuppy]

my take on every pitt character btw

[lilligib]

i feel like there has to be some deeper reason as to why santos is so upset about langdon stealing drugs from the ed?? or am i just reading this situation entirely wrong? i completely understand that what he did is wrong but growing up with addicts in my life i have a lot of empathy toward them. i just feel like she’s taking it extremely personally?

[fl0w3rf3mm3]

i interpreted this as an extension of her childhood trauma, both in the wariness she has towards others, and the anger she hold towards herself.

it’s been established that she is a survivor of child sexual abuse (and most signs point to her abuser being a man), so this heavily affects the way she interacts with male authority figures. in s1, langdon doesn’t simply have an addiction. he actively tried to undermine her credibility and put her position at stake her first day on the job over a situation in which she is (objectively) correct. whether langdon deserves a second chance is up for debate, but what we can say for sure is that he was committing a felony and actively tried to discredit the one person who had to intelligence and awareness to catch him on it.

of course santos is taking this personally—she’s lived this before! and to me, the line “i should’ve reported you to the medical board” shows that she’s not just mad that langdon isn’t receiving a punishment she feels is proportional to his crime, she’s also mad at herself for not having the guts to carry it out. in season one she explicitly says that she doesn’t want to get anyone in trouble, and she expresses worry that others won’t believe her even if she did come forward.

this mirrors exactly the experience of many csa survivors. knowing something wrong is going on, but the person doing it has too high of a standing for other to believe you. said criminal discrediting you because of your emotions aund your comparative inexperience. the fear of getting them “in trouble”, of making a mountain out of a molehill and becoming known as the person who put a beloved community member behind bars.

santos is taking it personally, because it is personal to her. in langdon, she sees her abuser. in langdon, she sees every man whose ever gotten away with something simply because he’s popular. and in herself, she sees a scared little girl who didn’t have the bravery to stop it.