Nothing Tastes Better Than Skinny Feels

A weight loss surgery adventure side blog.

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*Dusts*

So, I’m almost three years out and I am a big fat FAIL on the Gastric Bypass scale.

Like, literally. I ended up losing 100 lbs and I have gained it all back. But you know what?

I’m not letting that stop me.

Today was Day 5 of going to the gym. I’m planning on going every weekday and spending 30 minutes on the treadmill. I did this once. I can do it again.

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Changes continue. It’s now 5 1/2 months post-op and I’m down 60 lbs from surgery weight, 80 from the start of pre-op diet. Weird things are happening. I can feel my collarbone and the bottom of my ribcage. My several chins are kind of disappearing; I have a neck now but also look like I’ve got a wattle. Hopefully that goes away. Food is sort of sorting itself out, though I still struggle. Mainly I’ve given up anything fancy and exist on chicken breast and steamed veg packets from the freezer section. I’m okay with that, though. Passover has been hard, because without granola I don’t have yogurt. I also completely forgot my calcium for like a week and half, so my nails are breaking and peeling like crazy.

I gave away all my big shirts to my sister, who needed clothes, and finally had to go shopping yesterday when I realized I didn’t have any work-appropriate shirts for today. I came back with five new shirts and have gone from a 4x to an xl in at least five brands. Which is exciting. I’ve started walking more and am looking forward to getting my bike out, since my foot’s started hurting with the lack of support I get from my winter boots.

Just keep swimming, I guess.

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*dusts* Almost 5 months post op now. Fifty pounds down from surgery weight, 70 from start of pre-op diet. The scale hasn't moved in ages, but my shape is changing like crazy. I can't wear my favourite PJ shorts any more, my 'help I'm being squeezed to death' pants are baggy on me and I just bought the next size down- I'm not there yet, but I will be. I was 4x in shirts and pants, now I'm oozing into 2x for pants and my 2x shirts are getting loose. I got my new driver's license and you can actually see the difference, which is exciting. I guess I should say I can see the difference, because everyone else has been commenting for a while about how fantastic I look.

Mental health is kind of at a standstill. The food/liquid/pills thing is still a struggle for me, and it takes 90% of my brain power to deal with that. If I have to go out or do anything major, one of those things is going to suffer. Usually it's pills, but lately it's been fluids and that is so not good. My sister has been leaning on me a lot lately and between that and my mom trying to lean on me I am emotionally drained and just fucking exhausted. I need a break but I'm not going to get one because life doesn't stop. My therapist is on medical leave so I'm not doing that any more right now. There's a walk in counselling clinic I might hit up this week because I'm overwhelmed and my disability was denied and my sister is here and my place is a mess again and just. God, I need a break.

But I can fit my arm in the blood pressure machine at the pharmacy correctly (and my blood pressure is aces, 110/68), so I've got that going for me.

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First time being sick since surgery! It’s just a cold, but man. I need to put a system in place because I don’t want to eat anything or drink anything or do anything, and that is bad. I’m getting low on easy to make things so timing is also kinda sucky. I drank over 2L yesterday for the first time since surgery (yay!) and I still feel dehydrated. Boo, body. Boo.

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NSV of the week: checked the pressure on my apap and pressure has gone from 15 to 10 since surgery. \0/

People are also starting to comment that they can see it in my face. Which is, I have found, the marker of losing. I don’t see it, so maybe they’re just being kind. Whatever.

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I have been having some crazy cravings. Intense, ‘pregnant woman at 3 am’ cravings. For what? Tzatziki, feta, and sesame seeds, mostly. Not together, but I did try them together and had a foodgasm.

I have never had intense cravings like this before. What the fuck, body?

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I am seriously struggling with my fluids these days and I’m not sure why. I’ve been pretty good about it until the last week or so. Maybe I need more variety? I pretty much exclusively drink water with cranberry juice as it goes down pretty easily and doesn’t upset the stomach. I used to be able to do orange juice, but now that seems to be a no go- I need much more juice to be able to keep it down. Switching to hot drinks might also help. I had some milky tea the other day and that went down pretty well. I drank two glasses of milk today and surprisingly that was okay. I think it’s just a matter of reminding myself to drink, so maybe I can set a reminder on my phone.

I’ve also been slacking off on the eating part. Yesterday I didn’t eat until six hours after I woke up. Today it was three hours. Supposed to eat within an hour and a half to two hours of waking. I’ve been relying on freezer meals as well, because I just don’t feel like cooking. I did get some shopping done so I feel more secure about the food situation. I’m broke as fuck and it’s not even halfway through the month, but I’ve got ten cans of tuna in the cupboard, six chicken breasts, three pounds of ground beef, a pound of ground chicken, and six cups of chili in the freezer. Food security is a big thing for me because of how I grew up, so I have to remind myself to calm down and relax, I’ve got food and I’m not going to starve. This is being a bit more of an issue than I anticipated because where before I could go to the food bank, now the food bank doesn’t offer a lot that I can eat.

I am, however, doing better on the medication front. I moved my calcium chews to the desk so I have to stare at the box and that’s making me taken them three times a day, yay! My sister offered to pay for my calcium and I might let her, because it’s fucking expensive.

As of this morning, I’m 50 pounds down from the start of liquid diet. I haven’t landed myself in the hospital yet, so I must be doing okay. Tomorrow: more liquids. Better eating habits.

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I have now lost enough pounds that by BMI numbers I am no longer super obese. I am now merely morbidly obese. Go me! And I only mean that half sarcastically.

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A nice NSV I've been noticing, besides the fact that my favourite shirt has moved from 'more comfortable' into 'clearly a size too big' territory, is that I'm finding it easier and less painful to move around.

I'm walking, voluntarily. I hate walking. I've got arthritis in my foot, so it's no friend to me. The other day I decided to walk to the shops, no big. Half a mile. But it was 20 minutes for the bus so I just decided to walk home instead. I never would have done that three months ago. Never could have done it. Today I walked from the bus stop to the shop instead of waiting for it to take me up the hill. Walked home from work (where I'd stopped in to visit), too. Two miles in two days. My knee is killing me and my foot aches, but i would have been laid up if I'd attempted it two months and 47 pounds ago.

So that's a thing

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Things they tell you before surgery: your fertility will skyrocket! Use two methods of protection.

Things they don’t tell you: your period will be fucked up. Your hormones are going to be all over the place. You will be weepy. This will go on for like six months or even a year.

Really could have used the prep on that one, really. This post brought to you by the letters T, M, I, and the fact that I’m still spotting after a week.

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Six week post op appointment today! I'm doing well, lift limit is gone so I can go back to work yay! I got to reconnect with my surgery buddies in meat space because we had our post op class together, plus some others. It was really nice to compare notes. Facebook group is nice, but it's also nice to bitch in person.

I've officially set my next weight loss goal, and as of this morning I've lost 26 pounds since surgery. I'm at 307, and I haven't seen that number since 2004. So I have a happy today.

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OMG, you guys. I ate vegetables today. Illicit broccoli of joy.

I’ve not been doing well with the meds this week at all. I feel like my plate (of life) has been overfull and I’m not coping well. It’s a struggle for me to deal with the three essentials of life right now- fluids, protein, and meds. If I go out for the day, meds tend to get forgotten. If I’m home, I sleep through doses. I need to be better, especially about my calcium chews. This week there was emotional stuff with family drama, and I was pms’ing not quite as badly as last month, but if these symptoms continue I’m going to have to figure something out because it’s just not cool. Once my emotions are fucked up everything else falls to pieces, and if PMS is going to take a bite out of me one week a month I have to sort that shit out pronto or things are going to go south very quickly.

I have my 6 week post-surgery class on Wednesday and a meeting with my nurse then as well so hopefully I’ll be able to talk through some of my post-surgery issues and also be cleared for work again because holy shit do I need to work. I miss the kids. I miss the routine of it, such as it is- I’m a supply so I’m not there all the time, but when I am there I know what’s going to happen and when, and how to do all of it. Just that is worth its weight in gold. I can walk in at any time of day and as long as I know whose place I’m taking I know exactly what to do. So fingers crossed.

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Dear self: please drink things. Otherwise you are dehydrated and it hurts when you pee. You hate it when it hurts to pee.

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Life continues to carry on rather suckily. I’ve been losing/regaining the same four pounds for the last three weeks, but today, by my scale at least, I have managed my mini-goal of losing 10% of my total body weight. \0/

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Four weeks since surgery!

I still have only lost like two pounds in the last three weeks but I’m just trying not to let it get to me. I can get on the Wii Fit board so I’m calling that a win. I’m focusing on getting my fluids and protein and meds and just letting the chips call where they may.

I found I can drink Boost on its own, which is amazing because I thought the sweetness would be too much but it’s fine. I also just discovered I can handle lemon water. THANK GOD. This means I can ditch at least some of the juice, which is more sugar and calories than I need.

I went and spent an entire (small) paycheque on food yesterday, because I am tired of eating tuna and cheese. I also found that I need to get rid of my tortillas, because while before it wasn’t that big a deal they are actually kind of are now. I can’t eat the whole wheat ones because they’re too heavy, and I had some white ones and then spent all night dreaming about eating frosting. So, uh. Too many carbs. Need to find a bakery that does fresh pita instead. You’d think in a city with such a massive Muslim population I’d be able to find some freaking fresh pita, but noooo.

I found that Walmart has some decent frozen meals with carb counts under 30g that make for a decent ‘I don’t want to cook but I need to eat’. 260g tray of chicken Parmesan is 270 calories, 27g carb, 5g fibre, 6g sugar, and 21g protein. I added more cheese to it for an extra boost and I was full FOREVER. They’re $2, so not a bad deal for the money. I also got some beef soup, mushroom soup for drinking, greek yogurt cups (the peach ones are only 9g sugar which is not bad), ground beef, a roast, and some juice before I figured out the lemon juice thing but I can probably send those off to the niblings. It was an expensive haul, but at least now I have options.

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These random cravings are really weird. This week: Mexican. Taco fillings mostly this week. Tonight I made myself a crappy quesadilla (TWO! holy shit so extravagant! whole wheat tortillas with cheese in the middle), and I don’t even like quesadillas. It’s weird as fuck.

Today has been a Bad Day in terms of protein/fluid/pills. I’ve had a cup of hot cocoa, the quesadilla, and about half cup of tea. No pills at all. I’m bloaty and uncomfortable and really feel  like I need to burp but no amount of burping is helping. I’m thirsty as fuck but the mere thought of putting something into my body makes me want to yark. I’m nauseated and just feel bleh. I slept like shit, woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t get back to sleep until the wee hours this morning. Slept like shit all morning and didn’t get out of bed until 2. Just a nasty kind of blech day.

I don’t want to eat. I’ve decided it’s definitely worse to not want to eat and have to, than want to eat and not be able to. But I have to get the protein in, I have to drink, I have to take the pills. Today I’m doing a little rebellion and saying fuck it. Tomorrow I’ll do the protein and the drinking and the pills. Today I’m going to drink if I want to and eat if I have to and I’m not taking any of the pills because protein and drink are more important anyway.

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Three weeks since surgery! I am home at last, thank God. Doing fairly well though still struggling with fluids and protein- mostly, I need a scale to make sure I’m getting what I think I’m getting, and when The Great Clean happened my measuring cups somehow went missing. I’ll have to ask about that, because I had half-decent ones and I really need them. Hmm.

Cheese is a thing, though. I have some half-fat cheddar that I thought would be okay, and it turns out it is most definitely not. No dumping, but I’m queasy and not feeling so fantastic so I think it’s just too fatty for me. I might try it again in a few days just to make sure, but I think I’ll have to stick to mozzarella which is tragic because I really dislike it. But whatever, better than no cheese at all.

The scale shifted slightly, and I’m sitting at 315- I haven’t seen that number in at least twelve years, so yay! I’m also a mere 5 pounds from my mini-goal of losing 10% of my weight, so yay again!

I’m tired as fuck but I’m not sure if that’s a side effect of just being at home and finally able to relax (since I was getting about two and four hour stints at my sister’s) or if it’s meds or weather or what. But I’m rolling with it for now. I’ll be trying to keep myself busy next week and make myself go out at least three or four times. At least one of those outings will be to get some tomatoes as they’re on sale this week and they’re 5g of carbohydrate each and holy christ do I miss vegetables. I’m looking up keto recipes since that’s more or less what I need to be eating and hopefully will be able to find actual meals I want to eat since I’m really tired of just chili/tuna/plain chicken/ground beef/hard boiled eggs/cheese sticks.