MY NAME'S—

the sun ; the loneliest star. affiliated with isola radiale.

[antigonick]

“And it was Death itself who stood behind me, with his arms wrapped around me as tight as iron bands, and his lipless mouth kissing my neck as if in love. But as well as the horror, I felt a strange longing.”

— Margaret Atwood, Alias Grace

[flamemorized]

lunadriven‌:

  Why was he here? An appropriate question to ask himself as he stood in the presence of one he told himself to avoid. Yet, despite self given order here he was. Interacting, speaking; but there’s a distance that’s being kept, regardless. Previous outbursts still ring clearly in his ears; still play on repeat in minds eyes. Like weights, they sit heavily on past aggression; on a venomous tongue. Petty insults took the place of anything too bold, appearing almost light-hearted in comparison of what could be said.

    “Hmph.”

  Simple; hardly a response but it’s all that manages to surface. A meager acknowledgement for the fact other had even spoken, taking place where skills for a lengthier conversation were currently lacking. As if he had any to hold one with from the beginning.

  Voice doesn’t manage to surface, not until met with the sight of the others back. Something he’s grown accustomed to, something he expects. There’s something that comes with it. A sensation that stirs beneath the skin and accompanies the sense of ease that, regrettably, comes with the removal of frontal view.

    “…how absurd,” but expected of him. It’s why the lanterns purpose suited Lea better.

    “What answer would you expect? Your obnoxious persistence is enough to have even the dead tune you out; I’d expect your intended ghost to do just that.”

  Yet, he’s not! He’s listening, of course he is. To every word, past and present; clinging to them so tightly as if letting go would cause an endless descent. What a poor, oblivious fool he was / he is! There are answers being given where darkened vessel refuses to look; a constant denial he’s yet to wake from.

  However strongly his mind denies it all, hidden heart persists. Steps follow after silence befalls blue, dragging form to meet redheads side as a hand delves into pockets depths. Something to write with, had other asked for. Here he was to provide; arm held out before present company with a thin marker resting in a loose grip. For now, he finds himself humoring the idea despite own objections.

    “Here. Write whatever you wish…” A pause, “… that L hasn’t gone anywhere.”

❝ yet he’s answering me! heh. really makes you wonder... guess i can’t blame ‘im for sending mixed signals, huh? ❞

HE’S SMILING MORE THAN HE SHOULD, more than he’s allowed to. the enjoyment he feels is hardly worth mentioning, but every word that comes from the other’s lips beyond a disgruntled sound of sorts is a victory in some small way. though, just as quickly as the feeling came, it goes; reminder of their last meeting crawling its way up and nestling against the back of his mind. lea’s been rejected. twice. being called a fool almost feels like a new title; who needed the flurry of dancing flames anymore when he’s been replaced with the fool in love? nobody; xemnas certainly wouldn’t. he can almost hear his leader ordering for lea’s head and he swallows the fear and disgust posthaste. once a coward, always... no, not always. brow raises with a sigh at the sight of a marker and he reaches out, lips curving again despite the grunt it’ll warrant.

❝ so, let me get this right: you came to a festival for fools with something to write with but... you didn’t plan to be here? ❞

IT SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE’S LYING AGAIN, but lea loses his focus amid what follows saix’s offer. fingers twitch at the shoddy grip he tries to give to take what he’s been offered and the marker falls in the moment, gaze shifting to the fallen gift with half-lidded eyes. for so few words to impact him so heavily in a single breath brings furrowed brows with it, anger attempting to boil where a beating heart skips repeatedly. his hand raises to wipe at his forehead to distract from the obvious, instinct pushing him to pick up the marker as his mind forces him to keep moving forward. he wants to speak, but his voice won’t come; the sound of his heartbeat is louder than he’s used to. when it finally surfaces, they’re almost at the water. something about seeing it’s all that manages to calm him down.

❝ ...i didn’t think you would notice. ❞

THE SILENCE PRIOR WAS UNBEARABLE, but the one that comes after is ringing static in lea’s ears in waiting. he manages, albeit barely, to regain some of his composure; a previously shaking hand now stilling as he opens the marker up and kneels. the tip of his tongue pokes out as he gives his best impression of ‘i’m thinking of what i’m writing and not what you said’ and finds himself failing at both miserably. what can he tell a ghost that he hasn’t already said? how many more variations of sorry is he going to exhaust on a tired spirit? how many ‘i love you’s until it clicks? how long is lea going to beg and plea for his best friend to come back? cruel, he thinks, to think his best friend has gone anywhere when he’s screaming beneath saix’s skin. another pause in the silence as he freezes, skin aching at the mention of the other’s in a greedy admittance through a question: how long can lea go without wanting to touch saix again? but his hand, despite the distraction, continues to write and when he’s done - he finds himself processing what he wrote with half a mind. should he show it? no; saix gave it to him for a reason. if this is one of the few ways he can punish the other, then so be it. lea can’t deny him otherwise, it seems.

❝ you have to guess what it says. ❞

THE FEELING DOESN’T SCRATCH NAUGHT BUT THE SURFACE, but he finds it in himself to smile again as he turns his head. it becomes a mental note, but he hates how nice gold looks in the bask of a small fire’s light.

❝ ...unless you just want me to send it off without looking at it. it’s a little cheesy, even for my standards. ❞

[thelovejournals]

“There are a million ways to bleed. But you are by far my favorite.”

— Iain Thomas, The Scars You Love

[sylvia-tilly]

Must be in the snap of the wrist or something.

[munraizu]

  Flickering flame, small but passionate in its brightness. Tucked away behind paper walls of the lantern designed around it; housing it for its intended voyage. A voyage it would, unfortunately, be denied while it sat in hands unwilling. Saix hadn’t spoken a word, neither in agreement or protest, and had received a ceremonial boat in order to partake in the nights intended event. Yet, despite others beginning their parade, he remained behind with eyes fixated on the miniature wisp of a flame. 

  There’s irony to be found when he finally looks away from it. Golds flickering with the flame to stare up at passing forms, misfortune leading gaze to a particular figure and igniting a fire of his own. Heat sits uncomfortably within a dry throat, making the attempt to swallow past it almost unbearable. Desire to speak is assumed to be absent, yet the creaking of his jaw as voice finds its way is unmistakable.

    “It’s lacking sentimentality.”

  What is? Specification is never vocalized, it’s physically given. The boat which was pushed onto him is now passed on to another. Not asked for, unprompted – cast into a different set of hands as though it were a cheap hand-me-down. As if it were simply an excuse to give himself; a reason to bother.

    “These things are better suited for fools like you.”   /   @flamemorized​

[flamemorized]

THE FLAMES THAT HOLD HIS ATTENTION ARE LOST IN A BLUR; a familiar voice drawing him out of the illusions to a reality unbefitting. you know where to find me wasn’t said in such blunt terms to be taken literally, yet saix finds him nonetheless and lea feels his blood run cold for a moment. there’s no butterflies in his stomach or anger clawing its way up his throat in response to the other’s usual insult. fool; how often has he heard that word now? he’s losing count. he doesn’t give himself much time to think of what to say thereafter. the lantern in his hands earns his focus to avoid drowning in gold.

❝ is it? ❞

YET YOU’RE HERE, he wants to say. the comment barely has time to tiptoe along his tongue before its buried beneath his question. he finds it in himself to smile, albeit briefly. his voice feels weak, fragile even, as he continues.

❝ guess the sign that said ‘fools welcome’ on the way here was meant for me. maybe you missed it. ❞

HIS HANDS FEEL COLD, even with the dimly lit flame held in their grasp. lea finally blinks to break away from his distraction, one hand moving to lift the lantern up as he inspected it with quiet acceptance. he hadn’t received one upon arriving, but saix did and passed the makeshift baton off to him; is there a meaning to it? he can almost hear the fool that’ll follow if he made such a connection vocal. he knows who he’d light it for: a ghost, as the other would argue.

❝ did they give you anything to write with? ❞

SOMETHING’S NOT QUITE RIGHT WITH HIM TONIGHT! lea doesn’t feel like himself, bouncing between thoughts to avoid blurting out the unnecessary. the one constant thrum is screaming in his head and pounding at door locked shut: i love you, i love you, i love you. he should start believing in ghosts; maybe he’ll hear something back from them. the step he takes is in the direction of the beach, no glance tossed back to see if the other follows suit in blind hope that he will without the redhead’s urging.

❝ i’ve got a lot to say to a ghost. do you think he’ll answer? i’d like to hear what he has to say. the nobody that looks like him’s not as creative with his vocabulary. ❞

HE’S GRINNING, and soon enough a small laugh slips out too. he still isn’t looking back. 

❝ ...wonder if that L is still on my forehead. i think it might’ve been changed to an F, ya know? it’s a damn shame. i kinda liked the L better. ❞

[flamemorized]

extirpeur‌:

Its almost a chore to hold back the laughter that so desperately wishes to escape the nymph’s mouth. Her expression, though smiling, was pure irritation and hate. If it hadn’t been for him, if he hasn’t betrayed what little trust she’d put in him, she wouldn’t be here. She was almost certain, she’d be alive and well and ruling over the rest of the misfits back at the Organization.

     “Oh, tons. Why, a day hasn’t gone by where I don’t think to myself:       ‘Oh, how much I miss Axel! If only he were here!’”

Now she laughed. Her tone was so sarcastic, it was so easy to tell she was lying right through her teeth. Not that it stopped her. He wasn’t stupid, he knew she hated him. What once could have been the faintest hint of a friendship between them was burned, by none other than the Flurry of Dancing Flames himself.

     “I’m so glad you could make it, though. This place was getting boring with just two members around.”

A genuine remark, surprisingly. Usually the woman had only bad, sarcastic things to say. But truthfully she was getting bored. How many times would her and Saix go at it before they both grew tired of it? Then who would she pick on?! A troublesome thought.

     “Well then, Axel.. we really should catch up!       Should I take you out for a drink? Dinner?       C’mon, it’ll be like old times.”

Still she laughed, as if she really wanted to go out for a drink… well, she could go for one if she were being honest. But not with Axel, that would surely ruin the experience for her. Though, it would be fun to pretend to have a friend again. What better way to double-cross someone than to pretend you’re their friend, right?

HER SARCASM ALMOST SOUNDS PLEASANT, his ears doing everything but ringing to the tune of her voice. her bitterness is welcome in its choice of verbal delivery, a stark contrast from the anger he’s adapted to from saix’s end. he imagines she’s thinking of her past, of how placing her trust in a traitorous nobody is the reason why she’s somehow ended up here. the smallest part of him is enjoying it, but lea betrays the feeling with the pinch of sadness that crawls in. was any nobody deserving of it? a silly thought from a foolishly light-craving man. axel doesn’t think so; that’s why the smile is still present on lea’s face.

❝ well, here i am. now you won’t have to miss me half as much. ❞

UNKNOWINGLY, he’s mimicking her: sarcasm dripping off his own tongue where kinder words would otherwise be spoken. his facade falters at the mention of two, but he dismisses the ache his heart makes in favor of rolling his eyes. boring and larxene weren’t a good mix; anyone with any brain cells left to spare in her presence knew that.

❝ i wish the other member was here to wish you a warm welcome too, but they might be busy. you know how business with the organization goes. unless, of course, you’ve forgotten. ❞

HE BITES DOWN ON HIS TONGUE IN ANGER. enough, he thinks. this isn’t a habit he wants to fall back into; he’s not axel. remember, remember, remember.

❝ are you asking me out on a date? tsk tsk, larxene. you know i don’t swing that way. ❞

HE LAUGHS DESPITE HIMSELF, knowing all too well that’s not how she meant it. she’d prefer, more than anything, to see his corpse. a fine thought; an honest one. one he ignores as he shrugs and lifts his hands to fold behind his head.

❝ but if you insist, how about we make it my treat? ❞

[flamemorized]

lunadriven‌:

 It was acknowledged with such ease! What left his mouth with a bitter weight was taken in so casually; was responded to with an air of calm against Saix’s heated response that almost left the Nobody aching. It was a truth Lea could admit without falter where Saix had almost hoped – was that it? – for some form of an excuse, a reason to bark back further. To allow the scorching beneath his skin an outlet, yet all he was given were words slapping his mouth shut.

 Was he hurting, he asks. Back then, to now; an aching that never truly seemed to leave. Instead it was repeatedly buried, cast aside and left to be smothered beneath that which no longer existed. Under an ever-present amount of nothing. Let it fade like the rest of what once made him, burn out like the very sun he helped extinguish. The answer was clear, wasn’t it? Obvious to all but Saix himself. Are you still hurting – who did the voice belong to, in the back of his mind, that wished to cry out ’yes’? Was it Saix, was it Isa… dare the suggestion be allowed for the possibility of both.

 Jaws creek open as he wishes to speak, to grant further protest against the assumption of his knowing. But, once more, Lea wasn’t wrong; he spoke truth. He did know. The answer he wanted wasn’t one that could be given, yet there was still such a craving for one to be given. For something to be brought forth that helped clear the ever growing storm forming in hearts place.

 It gives a crack; like fresh lightning striking the earth there’s another break in icy boundaries. Expressed in the only manner still familiar to him. The only way he knows how to deal with something so deep, so heavy. To expect a snarl was in no means far from the truth, a bestial sound did, indeed, make its presence known along with a vicious hiss.

   "You don’t get to say that…!“

 There’s a miracle in how hushed such enraged words were presented. Previously quieted tone lays upon the border of something heavier; louder, yet it barely reaches. Caught partially off guard by the sheer gall of being able to give such a long lost title with ease, as if nothing had tainted it prior. As though it had never been passed on to but a new stray; another presence to fawn over, to give more reason to kick aside previously sought company.

 The sight of Lea’s back had become something more easily envisioned than that of the face before him now. Beautiful seas of green easily forgotten for the back of a head; for burning red that became Saix’s very sights now as fury spread.

   ”… how is it so easy for you? To act as if all is fine, as if it can all be fixed–!!“

 But before the fire can rise, Hell has frozen over. Fists that begun to tremble had stiffened, shoulders rising with uncertain tension. To have Lea in so close a proximity mattered little, but to have the gap closed so suddenly with a pressure against his cheek… it was enough to, momentarily, tame a devil’s fury.

 He was doing it again. Holding his breath unknowingly. There’s clear puzzlement in returned gaze, lips left barely parted as further protest fell dead on his tongue. Facial tension begins to contort, a look wishing to be shown that muscles have long since forgotten how to display. It’s almost pained, what manages to surface; a clear mix of anger and… and what? The sorrow he should, otherwise, be unable to feel? That hurting that was supposedly buried and deceased. A single touch shouldn’t elicit such a change! 

 Mind begins to churn, the want to speak rising once again and evident in an odd quiver of lip. His breathing had yet to continue, still lost in its stunned confusion. But it’s then that it comes to him, the very thing his body wished to show and that he wished to deny. From somewhere deep within he hears it, a voice of lost soul; of one wishing for unreachable freedom. You’re afraid, it whispers, of losing it all over again. Of giving too much… and with that voice he hears a thud. A sound so unfamiliar.

 But it’s simply played off as though it were simply the manner in which a foot was brought forward, crashing against the sand as body lurched. With Lea’s fleeting touch came one of Saix’s own, hands aggressively searching and clinging to that of hooded collar. They offer a tug, at first, but not too keep him close.

”… you’ve no right… none at all! To ask me such a thing, to address me as if you haven’t shamelessly burnt the bridge between! Even now it’s clear you do not listen, after all that I’ve said you still proceed so carelessly. You say Axel was a fool, but you’re no different.“

 And with final words came a shove, harshly against opposing chest to put an end to this lack of distance. What aching may lie hidden behind the cage of his chest had been quickly overlooked, focus set on the growing heat – the throbbing behind skin that dared to part between ignited golds.

   "You shed tears over nothing; over a Nobody. You express love for the ghost of a man who no longer exists! I instructed you not to waste your chance, yet this is what you spend it doing – have you no further strays to crawl to, again?”

THE SHOVE COMES UNEXPECTEDLY, green widening briefly before black meets sand at the physical force of saix’s anger. the pain that shoots through his back can hardly compensate for what he imagines the other’s experiencing with such a reaction: provoked, and deserving of where lea now stands. or sits, perhaps, as he does little to move in his own growing anger. any motion, no matter how small, could bring about the same results. the glare that slowly finds itself along his face goes unnoticed until he feels a twitch; how unlike lea, yet saix seems to bring out the least likable aspects of his new persona. new? a buried part of him laughs at the thought.

❝ and what about you, saix? are you finally in control or are you still barking xemnas’ orders? ❞

HIS FORMER LEADER’S NAME IS SPOKEN WITH SUCH DISDAIN, the crunching of sand beneath a closing palm making it all the more evident. it tastes like poison to him; a reminder of something more that made isa something less. the strays saix so wholeheartedly blames paired with axel’s disobedience left little room for interpretation in where things changed in saix’s eyes, but lea sees it differently. that name grips at his anger and tries to choke it. the flames of lea’s anger, ever growing, refuse to smother in its grasp. the heat that rises in his chest is enough to kill himself in the pain his fury brings. this is the last person he wants to argue with but here they are, doing it again.

❝ he must be so proud of you, standing high and mighty with you pretending you don’t feel a fucking thing! don’t act like you don’t remember. i know you do. ❞

AND WITH THAT, he stands. hands move to brush off what’s clung to him and his gaze falters only in his pause. quiet down, the voice says, you’ll say too much. something he’ll regret, or a truth better kept in his heart. neither gives him any of the calm a part of him is so desperately seeking. it’s his turn to grip at at the other’s collar, though no amount of strength left in him allows him to tug saix closer.

❝ i will waste every chance you give me to remind you again and again: i love you. you’re the fool here if you think i’m buying this nobody shit you keep spewing! so go on: tell me to crawl to some strays, tell me i’m wasting my time, tell me i love a ghost. instruct me all you like, but you’ll still stay. you want this too, don’t you? ❞

AND IN SOME MANNER, he pushes himself away instead of mimicking the shove that ignited his outburst. he can hardly feel his skin; the expression he’s making feels just as foreign. to shift so obviously from anger to pain in a matter of seconds will do little but deter from his own point: saix has a heart and lea, in every sense, wants nothing more than that. he’s grasping at straws the longer he waits between his words, but his flame is softly going out. as it should, laughs the voice. it’s not lea’s, is it? something in him woke up over this; lea stiffens for a moment. there’s an ache that carefully rips through him. is axel upset too? he has no right to be.

❝ if you don’t, then why won’t you leave first? ❞

HIS BACK IS FACING SAIX AGAIN, gaze narrowing on the sea as he simmers to silence. he recalls the start of their exchange, the stubbornness the other held and still holds onto dearly in its ending. he asks lea to listen, so he does. the space is necessary and his mind is screaming for it; he can only stand saix’s brutality for so long. that word scratches at his throat, digging its ugly nails into it as he tries to justify the other’s anger without boiling it down to one reason: axel deserved it, and lea by extension does as well. for lea to call hypocrisy for saix’s forgetting while forgetting the damages done is, all in all, exactly what axel would have done. pin the blame on everyone but yourself, a pitifully sound choice where no others are offered. his head shifts to pass a glance over his shoulder, hand raising to wave before he’s even spoken. coward, it scoffs, you shouldn’t be the one running.

❝ ...i'll go. ❞

HE’LL LISTEN, that’s what he wants to say but he avoids the anger it might again provoke. his ass can only handle so much damage before the aches and pains plan to stay for longer than a day. steps are taken in compliance, hand now shaking with the farewell he won’t entirely verbalize. goodbyes aren’t a personal favorite of his, if his memories have taught him anything.

❝ if you need me, you know where to find me. ❞

[extirpeur]

flamemorized‌:

[TO] Larxene | @extirpeur ;

HE’S SEEMINGLY LOST IN THOUGHT, gloved digits hanging over his phone’s screen in contemplation over the array of texts he’s preparing to send. there’s no true reason for the texts, let alone who they’re heading to, but something about nymphs and nasty words comes off fitting. inappropriately so, perhaps, but lea doesn’t give that worry too much focus. larxene already wants to kill him; it doesn’t hurt to ask and dig his grave deeper.

[TEXT] yo i’ve got a question [TEXT] what’s little dick energy [TEXT] ??? [TEXT] just asking for a friend ‘cuz someone i know’s got big dick energy [TEXT] 👉 [TEXT] I’m pointing to myself btw in case that looks like it’s pointing at you

Eyes scanned the phone screen for much too long. Nothing upset her more than the fact that a laugh came out of this pointless series of messages. How stupid.

[ TO: Lea ]

[ TXT ] You can point at me its ok [ TXT ] I’ve gotten bigger dick energy than you anyway ;)

How sad was it really that she was now laughing at her own bad, not even really that funny, response? She thought herself so clever, when really it was the silliest exchange they could have possibly had right now.

She’s gonna leave herself a note to remind him of his ‘little dick energy’ when she puts him the ground.

[flamemorized]

HE CAN PRACTICALLY HEAR HER CACKLING FROM HIS ROOM, but he waits before feeding into her bragging. is it bragging? lea can’t imagine what else larxene would mean with her reply.

[TO] Larxene

[TEXT] i said i wasn’t?????  [TEXT] learn to read blondie

HE WAITS ANOTHER MINUTE BEFORE CONTINUING, finding himself laughing at their exchange despite his better judgment. she wants him dead; he really shouldn’t be making jokes right now or make such comments. they aren’t exactly friends. frenemies? no, pushing it there too.

[TEXT] ...demyx said something about it so that’s why i’m asking

[achronism-a-deactivated20240416]

@flamemorized

      Small, lily-white hands grasp onto fire-red strands… and yank. The sensation of a small form wriggling against his scalp persists for another split second before a pair of arms shoot past either side of his face and reach up to pluck the offending being off his head.            “Beni, no!”           Carefully, the offender– a small white creature atop a bright red flower– is tucked onto the top of her own head, right between her horns. Only then does Aradia descend so that more than her shirt is visible to Benitsubaki’s temporary host, beaming.

          “Sorry about that! I think she thought your hair was some kind of grass she could decorate her flower with! She didn’t do any actual damage, did she?”

[flamemorized]

THE TUG DOES LITTLE BUT CAUSE GREEN EYES TO WIDEN, hand raising to rub at the pained spot with a raised brow. the name he hears is unfamiliar, as is the voice that reprimands it, but lea doesn’t follow suit. he turns to see red and narrows his eyes in spite of the brightness of his own hair, blinking slowly to adjust to the sea of it he’s being exposed to. red is a nicer color than he thinks it is, though he imagines blue disagreeing with that thought.

❝ can’t say she did, so don’t worry about it. besides, my hair’s been through worse. ❞

HE OFFERS A SMILE TO QUELL HER WORRY, gloved hand extending to pet at the odd creature. beni, did she say? he lets his arm drop to avoid stoking any further curiosity, brows furrowing in wonder over the type of “grass” the woman’s familiar with. it’s usually green, isn’t it? his eyes close in thought before he coughs away the nagging need to ask the obvious. it dances on his tongue, but black shifts as he crosses his arms and leans in to have a closer look at the creature.

❝ her name’s beni, right? did you name her that yourself? ❞

[flamemorized]

lunagony‌:

Laughing, is he? Yotsuyu’s fingers drum idly against her hip and she gives Lea a half-lidded glance before turning away out of disinterest. He must hate himself if he was still lingering around after all of this obvious dismissal on her end, but far be it for her to argue with that.

“Believe me.” Based on how he’s been talking so far, Yotsuyu can already imagine him giving another nervous laugh and stuttering out some nonsense about how all he’s capable of doing is be-lea-ving. But her own voice is low and biting; with any luck she’ll have scared the joke out of him before he can even think of delivering it. “It isn’t because of the size of the city.“

There’s an unspoken threat there, emphasized by her leaning in just enough to close some of the distance between them. The corners of her lips have turned up, but it isn’t a happy smile in the slightest. It might look it at first glance, but there’s something off about it – an uncanniness that simply backs up the fact that her previous words were nothing to be taken lightly.

But he’s laughing again, and once more her gaze becomes bored, dismissive. She draws back and returns her pipe to her lips; the smoke she exhales is intentionally blown into Lea’s face with no remorse this time. She lets him get his laugh out before snapping her reply.

“No, I don’t know.” Organization? That could be anything. There’s emphasis to how Lea said it that implies it’s more than simply some amusing get-together to kill time, but she can’t say she’s ever heard Saix actually mention any sort of organization. If he has, she didn’t care enough to get it memorized. “Nor has he given me any particular reason to believe he’s keen on talking–”

Friends?

It’s finally her turn to start laughing, a stark contrast to what joviality Lea’s laughter had. Her own comes in a short couple of sharp “ha”s, and then – as if the sound had never left her at all – she’s returned to the piercing stare she’d held only seconds before.

“I don’t do ‘friendship’. If I did, I would have a better pick than a man who opts to lament to the moon about this nonsense or that, or else sits outside cafés drinking large coffees with no idea how he ended up there to begin with. We’ve had to work with one another – nothing else.           The way you talk about him sounds much more as if I’ve unintentionally discovered one of your friends, but he certainly never told me about a Lea.”

That last part is added with another coy smile – she had recognized him only by what he wore, and not due to any description from Saix himself. Yet here was someone calling Saix ice king and talking about his voice… and Saix hadn’t thought he was important enough to mention.

How sad for Lea.

THOUGH THE WOMAN MAY ALREADY KNOW IT, the similarities between herself and the man she’s criticizing are noticeable to the redhead: cold shoulders, quick dismissals, denial masked beneath bitter assumptions. lea almost laughs but he refrains, coughing instead to avoid further commentary from a soul that he knows would match rather see him drop dead. disappear, as he’d prefer to hear it, though again: he’s thinking of what saix would say, and she...

❝ you don’t do friends, huh? bummer. they... make life worth living. ❞

HIS RESPONSE IS MEANT MORE SO FOR HIMSELF, words barely going above the muttering he’s doing. it gives him pause, as most dismissive replies do, but he waits and thinks on what to say next before the jab is caught amid the internal reeling over smoke. his heart’s racing, much to his dismay, but he’s not sure what the cause is: her confidence or her honesty. he imagines both as he shifts, uncomfortably, and rubs at the back of his neck. heat prickles at his cheeks, half in embarrassment and half in expectation, but green remains focused on the pipe she carefully holds. is there something more to her than her appearance lets on? her words are daggers to his ears, but he’s grown used to the feeling. it’s not his first time.

❝ i imagine he wouldn’t. ❞

LEA IS A DEAD NAME, discarded and forgotten in hopes of clinging to the newer reality his best friend desperately clings to. as far as lea’s concerned, axel’s name is dead too. pity, he thinks, that he doesn’t want to say much else over a name to her.

❝ he’s not fond of me either. ❞

THE IMPLICATION HE MAKES HURTS HIM BUT A FRACTION, the smile he gives pale in comparison to those flashed prior. far be it from lea to not notice the glaringly obvious in wake of the smile his company shows: genuine in its cruelty, though undeserving of his criticism or retaliation. it was his own words that caused his undoing and left enough space to allow that very pipe to stab at his heart. again, a similarity the two share that he’s come to, in simpler ways, accept.

❝ but you said you two worked together? maybe he should’ve recruited you for the organization. their numbers aren’t looking too good lately. ❞

[flamemorized]

wildberryoras‌:

     UNLIKE his User, Star Platinum’s patients for loudmouthed eccentrics who butt into his day flows like a fountain. It’s not that he’s not cautious about strangers. He fully expects attacks at any time. It’s a Stand’s nature. Thing is, his closest friends were out to murder his User at one point. Star Platinum would much rather take the risk than chase off potential friends.

So he gives a slow blink while Lea carries on, stowing the tarot deck he’s been shuffling into his fanny pack when he’s sure the redhead is finished. Now begins troubleshooting to find which manner of communication works between them. From the stone pillar he’d set it upon, he retrieves his sketchpad.

[A cowboy, if you’re not picky.]

He writes, pencil zipping around the page to produce a photorealistic depiction of Lea in cowboy gear. He looks ridiculous. Despite the stony expression, he’s absolutely messing with Lea. A small prod for thinking he’s wearing a Halloween costume. The truth about that will be evident soon enough.

*:・ﾟ☆

❝ is that... supposed to be me? ❞

SOMETHING ABOUT IT REMINDS HIM OF XIGBAR, though nothing about a cowboy in particular seems to fit. perhaps he’s thinking of a pirate? it’s hard to say when his mind’s more focused on the masterpiece before his eyes. lea’s chest is bursting with the laughter his tongue is biting down on; green scanning the paper over again and again as his lips spread wider. he can hardly contain it but all that comes to surface is a smile he does his best to hide.

❝ the resemblance is uncanny, huh? kind of wish i had that getup once i got here. ❞

HE’S STILL STIFLING HIS LAUGHTER, evident in the constant disarray his expression is in: shifting briefly into a smile to the point of teeth showing before it straightens into a forced disinterest. there’s a joke being had here and lea is, only partially, aware of it. the humor of said joke, albeit tastefully done, is in response to his ignorance in the beginning. he’ll be earning no new friendships with that sort of first impression; they tend to last, as he’s come to understand and learn with age. with age comes some wisdom, right?

❝ so that’s not a costume... right. sorry. ❞

[flamemorized]

lunadriven‌:

The words hold weight and he can’t deny that. Own accusation met with a just force, but one that still left particular holes unfilled. Gaps within sound reasoning that were left to rot under thick layers of bitterness; spreading, deepening. He was all but left to sit upon it, wallowing in a putrid void of petty hatred and betrayal. Heavy as Lea’s words may be, they did little to satisfy and – if nothing else – helped rekindle a previously dying, spiteful flame. Regardless of simmering heat caged behind ribs the continuation of others words continues, falling against ears that would otherwise wish to ignore them. But couldn’t; he was never able.

    “Tsk.”

 It was almost humorous in its own right; the way in which such turmoil was dealt with. For where emotions should play there part only one remained most evident, one that did well to accompany another. Two key ’emotions’ left to fester and bide, beaten into this lowly husk as all there was. Saix had grown known for it; an almost iconic state of being for all to remember and avoid – something that seemed so easily drawn on. Anger was met with an equal fury, a fire sparking and beginning to rage in previously distant irises of gold.

   “Don’t tell you to leave?”

 The question is practically spat out, jaws snapping once final word left partially quivering lips. Intention to rise and bare fang had been harshly swallowed down, the heaviness of words before this still clinging persistently in his mind. Heat flickers and rises behind skin, raging and swelling within a vacant chest. 

   “Should it not be what is expected of you? To simply up and leave, to do as you wish without so much as a second thought! Why should I stay when you want me to when you cannot do the same in return?!”

  Words are spoken with a snarl; deep and malicious in its delivery, yet the Nobody did naught but shift his stance. Attention had been set completely on the one who he had addressed, arms left to sit stiffly at his sides, hands balled up tightly in a manner almost mirrored. There’s an evident split, both in icy demeanor and current visage; scarred flesh threatening to part, to spread – fully reflecting growing tension as voice dared to rise.

“When I instructed you not to meddle, you did not listen. When I told you not to grow attached, you did not listen! When I made it clear that certain orders be carried out, you did not listen and thus met an unbefitting end – you left me, Lea… !”  /  You left me behind when I wanted you to stay.

 Rage only seems to falter with an unfamiliar hitch that catches in his throat. It forces silence on that of a venom soaked tongue; hushing pained fury and past jealousies. More had been spoken that originally intended and the sudden quiet he had fallen into was quickly taken advantage of. Once more, eyes wished to wander away; to stare elsewhere and avoid the heart-wrenching scene left in front of him. Calling it that was ironic, wasn’t it? Between the two, only one of them was truly hurting… right? …ha.

   “… what is love to you?”

 Voice leaves before it’s intended to, question dragged along with it in a tone unusually calm; quiet. There’s a hint of curiosity, seemingly genuine in its existence. Someone such as himself; someone like Saix shouldn’t be asking such a thing, there was an uncharacteristic air to it all. Yet, he spoke anyway.

   "Is it the constant turn of your back to those waiting? Or the hollow promise to always come back… for your ’friends’, was it?“

 A click of the tongue is the cue that draws his eyes closed, shutting self away for a passing moment before allowing himself sight again. The vision of sand greets a weary set of eyes, a tiredness that lay ever present only seeming to grow stronger the longer they remained open. Even more so as they foolishly returned to greet a tear-stained face.

  ”… don’t ask me to memorize something I already can’t forget. No matter how much I try.“  /  It would hurt less if I could.

HOW HE’S LONGED FOR THIS: for saix’s anger, for saix’s hatred, for saix’s honesty. he feels the flame in himself relish at the notion, at the welcoming of emotions beyond the claims of a hollow shell. it’s there that isa’s hiding, blaming gold and a lack of something human over a tongue bleeding and bitten. the laughs that comes is one of relief, of acceptance for the truth saix gives. for once, lea thinks, it sounds like he has a heart. but the redhead remains silent, words held off to do what saix tells of him: listen, though the meaning of the other’s words are quietly dissected to their core with his ending.

❝ so that’s it. ❞

AND JUST LIKE THAT, his flame hums and dies down to nothingness. is axel happy over saix’s admittance or is lea still clinging to the belief that it’s isa he’s speaking to? he doesn’t want to spend too much time on the answer; silence will ruin this moment. the longer his pause, the more he grows worried that saix’s honesty will go with it.

❝ i did leave you. ❞

IT’S A FACT HE DOESN’T FIND HARD TO SAY, nor one he finds hard to swallow. saix may have dealt the final blow, but axel’s departure must have been a painful one regardless. is that not what saix’s action was: an order? perhaps axel should have done as told, but lea regrets his nobody’s choice little. he blinks, though he’s not sure when the last time he did was, and it hurts. crying does him little good besides ruin a perfectly good facade.

❝ is that why you followed your order? were you hurt, saix? ❞

ANOTHER PAUSE, albeit expected in his wondering. brows knit in thought, index finger curling and pressing against a quivering bottom lip to still it.

❝ no, that’s not it. are you... still hurting? ❞

DOES THE SPACE BENEATH YOUR RIBS ACHE TOO? he doesn’t ask; he’s still afraid to.

❝ you know as well as i do that i can’t give you an answer. not a good one, at least. ❞

HIS VOICE IS COMING BACK TO HIM. steady in its rise, the tempo in it is picking back up into a familiar pace. it’s still far from his norm, lack of a joking tone amid it as he answers with his own variation of honesty. there is no reason to lie here; it’d be unfair of him to do so. his eyes shut as he sighs, pieces of what he wants to utter coming together jaggedly.

❝ you’re my best friend. ❞

HE WANTS TO HUM, expecting another snarl at the mention of a particular name in retaliation but carries on regardless. his legs are less shaky and he moves closer, hands falling to his side to lightly grip at his cloak to detain them from an undesirable action. spontaneity isn’t entirely unlike lea’s character, and apparently it wasn’t unlike axel either.

❝ disobeying orders didn’t change that, but somewhere along the way i... got stuck with icky orders, ya know? i wanted to do right by you, but what you asked of me wasn’t... it wasn’t right. it wasn’t you. ❞

LEA KNOWS SO LITTLE OF ISA’S JEALOUSY! a shallow truth better left unsaid, and lea acknowledges it little in what was said by the other prior. the question still hangs heavy over his head, gaze shifting elsewhere to avoid another tearful response. weak, weak, weak.

❝ love for me is you. i don’t know how else to define it. ❞

TO SAY MORE WOULD BE DAMNING! who can define such a word with others of lesser meaning? it’s undeserving of anything but his simplifying of it. perhaps, in some small way, he’s avoiding saying too much; fearful of his confession losing meaning if he tries.

❝ you said that once before. i probably said this before too, but... ❞

GREEN FLICKERS WITH A SPARK, a remembrance of when the particular phrase was said and he laughs again. the tension and anger he felt previously is almost gone now; lips curving into the ghost of a smile at the memory. he looks at saix now, the grip on his cloak tightening before he allows himself to breach the other’s personal space with the raising of his hand to cup at the other’s cheek; thumb carefully moving along it to... to what, exactly? saix doesn’t cry. but lea feels a pulse; he imagines it’s his own. he lets his hand drop again, arms crossing as he lowers his gaze to meet gold. is saix still angry? it’s tough to tell but it does little to deter lea from keeping green locked on gold in his growing calm.

❝ can i kiss you? ❞

HIS OWN HEART JUMPS AT THE QUESTION, expression showing little surprise at the slip. the silence that follows, again, pushes him to continue speaking where no more words needed to be said. he is, after all, waiting, but he’s forcing himself to break the awkward ice of it all. he wasn’t listening, was he? saix must admire that about him, or else he wouldn’t willingly put himself in lea’s presence for a second time... right? right. ignorance is bliss.

❝ you may not hate it as much as you think you will. but, uh, on the off chance that you do, i won’t ask again. promise. ❞

[phantomemes]

credit .

‘ did it really happen if i can’t remember it ? ’ ‘ but you kept trying , didn’t you ? ’ ‘ how can someone be too young to be in love ? ’ ‘ i will never forgive you ’ ‘ you have been the star of each and every one of my nightmares ’ ‘ i’m sorry if i wasn’t the child you had in mind ’ ‘ i only ever wanted to make you proud ’ ‘ silence has always been my loudest scream ’ ‘ i used to think i was broken ’ ‘ i’ve always felt like a stranger in my skin ’ ‘ i still wonder who i would have been ’ ‘ i didn’t realize i could be my own knight ’ ‘ i’m not scared of the monsters hidden underneath my bed ’ ‘ some names will always be cursed ’ ‘ i have so much love to give , but no one ever wants it ’ ‘ in all my dreams i could find myself picking my teeth out of the carpet ’ ‘ i’m sick to death of everyone telling me how strong i am ’ ‘ death is one of the senses ’ ‘ children are not meant to die before their parents ’ ‘ fate is a fucking lie ’ ‘ everyone i love leaves ’ ‘ i’m terrified down to my very roots that there are parts of myself that can never be filled ’ ‘ fuck the idea that there is such a thing as destiny ’ ‘ the pain did not make me a better person ’ ‘ i burned the bridges to all the things i could not repair ’ ‘ i would thank you , but we both know you don’t deserve it ’ ‘ i bet you regret making an enemy out of me ’ ‘ you can hate me forever if that’s what you really want ’ ‘ hurting others is a choice ’ ‘ you can have my forgiveness but you can’t have me ’ ‘ please believe me when i say revenge was never my intention ’ ‘ i am strong enough for anything ’ ‘ i am so glad we were born during the same lifetime ’ ‘ i may not believe in fate , but i believe in you ’ ‘ i am allowed to live my life ’ ‘ do not waste a minute mourning me ’ ‘ maybe you should start treating people better for a change ’ ‘ it is a fucking tragedy when the world does not stop for you when you give it every last drop of your blood ’ ‘ your failures are just what happened — they don’t have to be who you are ’ ‘ you have to keep moving forward ’ ‘ don’t allow the world to take your kindness ’ ‘ you owe no one your forgiveness ’ ‘ love is never a weakness ’

[torrentialtempo]

flamemorized 

“Axel. Just the guy I wasn’t looking for but need.  I got a question for you of most importance. You seem like the guy who wouldn’t bury the lead. How many of Us are in this city?“

[flamemorized]

DID HE HEAR HIM RIGHT? wasn’t looking for? how lucky demyx must be.

❝ ......... ❞

HOW LUCKY INDEED! demyx being right is a rare thing, so much so that lea kind of wishes he was axel again just to savor this moment. something to be proud of, he figures, but not as much as saix would be if he applied such flawless logic to his reports. it’s then that, with that thought, a mental reminder flares up and yells at him: you’re not axel!

❝ why would i know? there’s no ‘us’ here. ❞

[flamemorized]

arrowgunned‌:

“Okay, look Flamsilocks, Maybe you’re right. Maybe I got some icky orders. Didn’t think it would have such a butterfly effect, y’know…? Maybe, Axel’s moved on from it. Since you’re Lea now, maybe you could just put things aside then and–”

Xigbar just blinks, and then looks away in defeat. Trying to gloss things over wouldn’t work, considering ‘Axel’ wasn’t the one who was initially stabbed– It was Lea… Running a hand across his aching eye, he just looks back to Axel in an almost disappointment.

Aimed mostly at himself.

“I wont lie, I just made a huge… point against myself there, I guess I haven’t got everything memorized like you do.” 

Xig just smirks at his last words and nods, “Yeahhh Lea, Its like a vacation from both of them at once, especially since I’m not dealing with trying to decipher what we’re actually supposed to be doing anymore… I actually think they’ll be lost without me.”

So, with that Xigbar just laughs again, low and shrugs, looking to Lea and smirking, “But, hey, instead of bickering back and forth like this keeps going, why don’t we just… accept that we’re stuck in this together, huh?” 

–Not to mention he was getting bored with just trying to one up him by trying to be right… Which wouldn’t happen, Xigbar would just try and ignore that part for now, he’d get him later… Probably.

“Ah, oh, also… Think i’m kinda missing the tattoos here.”

THE OTHER’S VERBAL DEFEAT IS GREETED WITH A FROWN, eyes narrowing in suspicion before a sigh softens what would be potential wrinkles from his expression. there’s little point in arguing; xigbar’s always had a knack for talking and lea’s in no spirit to really hear him prattle. not that axel ever was, but he need not delve too deeply on that matter. the memorized comment, though better left ignored, gets bitterly laughed at instead. he’s trying, if that counts for anything with a nobody.

❝ yeah, yeah. enough already. i heard you the first time, braig. ❞

THE NAME COMES ALL TOO CASUALLY, eyes widening at the ease at which it slipped from his lips. he coughs to avoid any further slips, hand scratching at the top of his head before he shrugs off his own mistake. if saix hates it, he can’t imagine xigbar feels happy about it either.

❝ we’re stuck in this, sure, but together? please. together means i trust you. don’t exactly think we’ve crossed that bridge yet. ❞

THE BRIDGE IS GONE, burnt and collapsed like all others prior with any member of the organization. the pause that comes is unnatural, head tilting at the catch of ‘missing’ and it clicks when he hears tattoos. he scoffs, though it’s hard not to laugh at hearing it.

❝ you miss the tattoos, huh? ❞

HE SHRUGS NOW, arms crossing across his chest as he let his back get comfortable along a wall behind it. the ward they’re in is busier than he likes it to be, having grown used to the emptiness of castles, but he’s adjusting as well as any reborn human that lost a chunk of their life would. 

❝ sad to say, but you’re the only one that does. ❞

[flamemorized]

lunadriven‌:

There’s disgust that comes with that accusation; a grimace smeared across features twisted so uncomfortably. Of all the people to to lie Lea held a better tongue for it… no, he supposed it should be Axel. Even so, it remained a past persona; one he knew his former friend could recall easier than anyone else. In a sense, they went hand-in-hand. Armed with a quick tongue and sharp wit, easily able to spin falsities as easily as a spider does its web. Isa never had much of a skill for it; Saix only barely seemed to improve, unfortunately. Lies spoken for the ears of two – a leading tyrant, and himself.

Even so, he’d purposely fails in revealing any truth to the matter. Noticed or not, he would play the part in the role that was given to him; the role he foolishly wished to instill. Past feeling, past desire… there was nothing to show. Nothing to answer with. He would tell himself that, again and again. Right until he could believe it fully and completely.

          … oh, so you want to keep lying–?  /  Enough.

                                                   Some friend.  /  That’s enough.

Eyes fell closed to suppress the dull ache that formed; an idle pulsing within temples, but he shows no signs of tending to it. The memory is fleeting, anyway, words of the past playing out distastefully; as though conscience wished to push him in Lea’s favor. There was refusal to fall, of course there was. Who would he be if not stubborn? But, even that could hold its limits.

   “Don’t.” Not again.

Enough with the apologies; enough with ’sorry’. What good does it do; what does it fix? The word itself is fitting enough to earn the title of Nobody, filled with nothing, as it were. What purpose did it serve to repeat it… or so Saix wished to think. Yet, same as the first it brings with it a crack. Smaller, this time, but a splintering of ice all the same.

But it doesn’t stay such a size. No, of course it doesn’t – for how can ice remain when a fire roars so closely? Of course, Lea only manages to dig his way in further.

A chisel is wedged within that weakened portion of cold demeanor, unsuccessful in uncovering a fountain of fury no doubt expected. Irritation barely reaches the point of simmering, smothered too quickly by a lack of oxygen to further that disastrous flame he calls anger.

   ‘ knowing your fool of a best friend’s in— ‘

  … when had that breath been held? Had it been trapped before or after Lea spoke? He couldn’t recall, and Saix only found himself releasing it once movement is made; once the other stood. It’s slow, his exhale, as if playing upon the act of a deep sigh. Eyes have already darted towards the sand, scanning over it as though the faint shimmering of moonlight against the crystal-like surface will somehow provide him an answer as to what had possessed his lungs. A moment of quiet searching only comes to an end once arms gently fold over chest; protective, in a way. And then, once more, he’s tuning into spoken words.

   “… you believe you’ve a right to say such things, and ask I forget?” Oh, was that a laugh? Breathy and quick, a mere ghost of a sound in a nature so bittersweet.

 ’ and go ’ ; how unfortunate, for Saix holds no intention of leaving. Not this time. It was his choice to come here and it was here he wished to remain, if only for a moment longer. There was a comfort the night sky provided him, even more so with the voice that played through his head; as if a cassette had been played, rewound and played again. Constantly; never-ending. For a short moment, gold pools dare to meet that of others back, momentarily lost in a sea of red before direction is changed. Cast into the sky in a quiet stillness.

   “Willing to listen? That’s an awful joke, Lea.” Voice remains at a usual flat tone, yet knowingly kept quieter; but not inaudible. “When have you ever listened to me.”

 Nobodies don’t feel, they’ve no emotion… so, then, what are you doing? 

                                                   To yourself. To me.

    “You may be the one to take leave… I’ve no intention.”

❝ …when have i ever listened? ❞

THE DISBELIEF IN HIS VOICE IS ALL BUT APPARENT, as is the hurt that trails quietly after it. his hands feel heavy now, almost like the blood they were once soaked in dare to seep through the blackened fabric again. it’s a bitter moment and he can feel the bile crawling up his throat amid the burning. but he bites his tongue, fearful of his own anger in its wake; he has been all but passive since they met again. their first reunion was bittersweet, but this one is doing more to him than he wants.

❝ i’ve killed for you. ❞

HE HARDLY RECOGNIZES HIS OWN VOICE: disjointed and jarred in its admittance. the cracks in it coming to surface in thoughts, or rather memories he wished he could forget. why was axel so willing to dispose of so many for one person? did axel love saix too? no other explanation makes sense to lea. a joint effort to dismantle a higher power and axel did the dirty work to lead him there: it’s no wonder why lea’s skin never feels clean. no amount of soap and water can take away the feeling, can it? his hands feel raw from all the scrubbing of baths prior in his pause and he aches.

❝ axel was a fool but... ❞

LEA IS TALKING TO HIMSELF NOW. his words have grown quieter, unsteadying as much as his breathing in his contemplation. it’s hurting again, the space beneath his ribs. was he rejected again? he can’t tell, but the anger that was so quickly brushed off is rekindling the more his company speaks. to think saix is so capable of rippling lea’s facade in a matter of sentences; how much of him has truly changed from his nobody days to this very moment?

❝ i probably would’ve done it for you too, isa. ❞

AGAIN WITH THE DAMNED NAME but now green turns to find gold in simmering fury at the other’s last words. his heart is ripping beneath the pressure, tearing from the unwelcome thoughts eating away at it; the heart on his sleeve will get him killed again.

❝ oh now you have no intention of leaving, huh? then where the hell did you go the last time we met?! i don’t know a fucking thing about this place, but i saw you and i wanted you to stay! ❞

MUST HE BE SO LOUD? lea’s ears ring with the booming of his own voice, brows furrowing the more he tried to decipher saix’s response. the initial disgust he’s greeted with is brought back to mind and his anger freezes but moments after its sparked: and ask i forget? it’s there that he finds the answer he’s seeking, despite the other’s protest to the redhead’s prying queries. his expression softens like the setting of the sun: mouth parting to softly gasp, brows unknitting to dip in confusion and green glazes over with a shine. he can’t blink; he knows what will come. is there any way he can give saix his heart? it’s all he wants, right? would it make it something special if it was lea’s?

❝ so don’t... don’t tell me to leave. ❞

HIS BREATHING IS GROWING SHARPER, shallow in its depth as his face stains with a familiar wetness. how he wishes it were rain; how he wishes he didn’t— he’s closing the distance between them with unsure steps, though the other has made it clear that he won’t disappear again. the fear is welling up inside of him to a breaking point, much like the last time. predictable, even now, that his desperation would still allow him to move all the more closer in his uncertainty, though his gaze is focused on nothing more than the sand beneath his shaking legs.

❝ i’ll say it again: i love you. ❞

ANGER IS REPLACED WITH HEARTACHE, as all lea’s moments in saix’s presence seemed to go. anger is unlike lea, somehow still better suited for the traitor. his hands still feel heavy as nails attempt to scratch at covered palms; another noticeably nervous tick added to the list of them. he finds it hard to swallow after speaking again, but somehow he finds his voice.

❝ get it memorized already, will you? ❞

[amy-b-blog]

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VNV NATION - Illusion I know it’s hard to tell how mixed up you feel Hoping what you need is behind every door Each time you get hurt, I don’t want you to change Because everyone has hopes, you’re human after all