Flawlessly Fragmented

[flawlesslyfragmented]

Heya, I go by the name Cherry and I am an adult system ❀

I have Autism, Complex PTSD, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Fibromyalgia as well as other disabilities and health conditions.

If you know me from my other blogs, welcome and if you're new, nice to meet you ❀

I don't tolerate any hate or bigotry. You will simply be blocked!

I am unfortunately starting again with this new blog due to risks on my old one, so this space is to keep myself as safe as possible whilst being seen, and connecting with others ❀

Comments and replies are welcome, just be mindful of what advice you are giving ❀

Thank you for holding this space with gentle care, as always ❀

Parts Key below:

Parts Colours:

Gold: Soother Parts

Orange: Daily Parts

Yellow: Joyful Parts/Comforters

Blue: Type 1 Trauma Holders

Purple: Type 2 Trauma Holders

Pink: Expressive Parts

Red: Protectors

Personal posts will be tagged "#Forest Echoes" please do not reblog these.

Parts will not sign their posts by name, instead, we'll sign by colour or group name. Sometimes both.

[flawlesslyfragmented]

Doing speech to text always makes me laugh... there is a reason we do not post those but that one was our first one. Anyway... the cream and syringe are still looking at me. We have not come to an agreement yet...

But also this might be the best cockblocker ever. Can't do shit with an infection 😁. A win is a win...

[thecryptkeeper]

moodboard

[flawlesslyfragmented]

Speech To Text:

You're never gonna believe it. I just left urgent care. I just left urgent care. They're telling me I have not only a UTI, but thrush. How? How? What the fuck happened? You know what? No, nothing happened. These are normal things that women get. Am I surprised? I haven't had a UTI since... 2020/21 a really bad year. Do you know what I mean? I've never had thrush that I can remember. Now, childhood shit, yeah, okay... maybe. No memories. Shhh. Wait I generally don't know what side of the road I'm supposed to be driving on... for fuck sake I am dissociating. Oh my goodness. No, I'm on the right side of the road. Sometimes I do like doubt myself. I'm like, am I even supposed to be driving on the left-hand side? Yeah. Opposite to the wheel. Anyway, so I have blood in my urine. I have, I don't even know what the fuck else she said. She said I have blood in my urine, protein in my urine, and some random other shit that I can't say, because I don't know. And I'm like, okay, so that's... interesting. How long have I had this for, and why did I only realise two days ago? And then I was like, no, I don't think I have pain in my side. Well, I've been very Present the last three hours. I do have pains in my side and my back. Dissociation is not helping me feel my body at all. This dissociation is not helping me. She said drink a lot of water. I said I will, but I'm going to McDonald's first. Should you eat McDonald's? No. I suggest never eating that shit. I am on the verge of passing out. And that is the only thing with a drive-through. But here we are. I then need to go pick up my prescription. Not only do I have to take antibiotics, not only that, which is more medication, which I shouldn't technically have because I'm technically supposed to be on suicide watch. However, everyone's like, no, it's fine you're all not going to kill yourself. You know what? All right, cool. I will take that confidence. But that's the point. She wants me to put something where? Where? Insert what where? For the thrush. Everyone calm down. I need everyone to calm themselves down and chill out and not make decisions that I will beat them for.

The THOUGHT of using that bastard applicator/syringe in the coochie fuck nah. This reminds me of my mother forcing me to use sudocrem during the abuse from like 3 to 16 🤢🤢🤮

[meanbuddhist]

*turns my attention inwards* mmmmm. no *turns my attention back outwards* oh god

[flawlesslyfragmented]

I've been soooooo inattentive on here lemme go through everyone blog rq and catch up in this urgent care as I'm verrryyy present rn 😭💖

[gelphienation]

guys can we normalize wearing a mask at the very least if you’re sick and not coughing like you have tuberculosis once every 30 seconds in communal areas like can we pleaseeeee normalize that. cause there has been some genuinely unbelievable shit going on lately

[flawlesslyfragmented]

and having a UTI is SOOOOOOOOO fucking triggering I want to cry.

[wetheurban]

May you have the courage to disappoint people who benefit from your self-abandonment.

[c-a-d-a-v-e-r]

[flawlesslyfragmented]

Bro... I'm struggling???!!

UTI, sore throat (now turning into a head cold), scalp irritation/infection (FROM CHANGING MY FUCKING SHAMPOO WHILST STRESSES FFS) ANNDDDD this bastard man WhatsApping me.

Am I allowed to laugh?

Btw I've TOLDD services about him. They know. They knoooww he's a rapist.

Ok. Cooolio.

[givemethunder]

[toiich]

Anne Sexton, The Truth the Dead Know

[shamebats]

"it's just stress" oh thank god, it's just the silent killer that slowly kills you, perfectly harmless, no need to worry

[the-enchanted-little-star]

[flawlesslyfragmented]

There is also the point that a (plsss only let it be one) teen part was hurting some of our youngest parts but we've had our safe mountain for ages so the parts who are there are safe from harmful parts... but the parts who are still in the forests (ignoring that there's even... more) are still being harmed when found by this part. So us three daily parts were like... how do we help without being flooded from trauma by actively looking for new parts? So we asked gatekeepers very sideways, very not directly... very pls can you help maybe if you want to...

They did.

They also shut alllll this shit down too. Everything is internally black... Two of our daily parts are inside regulating with 3 other adult parts. I've been front stuck BY MYSELF with 0 idea what's happening inside... only a brief sentence or appearances from them to remind me I'm not totally alone...

But the teens who runnn towards abuse?? I'm dealing with them aloneee in a trauma anniversary AND FERTILE WINDOW 🫠. At least 3 of them... actually the rest are inside and our teen who is most harmful keeps randomly being yanked back after 3 seconds do I'm grateful because I knooowww they're busy and trying their best...

But my specific role as one out of three daily parts... is to be hilarious, social, sexy and confident, yes! But I hold a lot of our body based awareness. Part of that is I constantly take anything sexually arousal related from other parts... because it makes younger parts spiral into either self harm or contacting unhealthy people. I don't hold the reproductive side of it though that's another daily part because it lowkey unsettles me. But I hold, convert and regulate... as best I can... our entire sexual arousal system. Which doesn't bother me unless I'm going into flop from flooding. Not great. It doesn't bother me otherwise though but yeah I'm always taking some form of arousal flashback from parts, especially teens to help regulate them and so they don't act out.

It also means our fertile window is helllll sometimes during trauma anniversaries because our baseline is sooo much higher. Like rn. So I start thinking about external ways to keep us safe but services hate us and are shit.

If I take birth control as a safety precaution it'll register as permission... so we don't (and I'm currently not)... and they see it as a slight barrier but also not because "we've never kept a baby anyway" bro I'm 28 not 15!!!!! This body is WILDLY different. Also??? Pls chill.

I miss sharing the front omg.

[kosmogrl]

how it feels to accept that I’m getting worse