would you write for niamh charles!! i love the dynamic
you give her and j flem and was wondering if you’d maybe write jess wing womaninf niamh and reader?
Hi, I tried a little writing on that but I can't really create the dynamic I get with JFlem (in my opinion) maybe I'll finish the story and post it but that'll take some time
Heyyy, so I absolutely love the way you write and wanted to ask if you’re gonna publish another chapter of the Carlotta Fic or if you would write something short for her. I’m not sure if you’re still actively writing for her and if you’re not just ignore this ask. I hope you have a great day :)
Heeey, first of all thank you very much!
I'm quiet busy with writing my master thesis therefore I'm not actively writing on anything in the moment (sorry for that :/ ) but when I'm finished I'd like do it again!
Maybe you've got an idea for a short for her and if possible im going to work on that.
“Imagine being with someone where it’s enough safe to just talk for hours about your fears and the things you’re ashamed of … Hours of pure vulnerability. And when you look up again and expect the worst, you get kissed instead. imagine …”
The first match day of the season comes closer. In the last training session coach Jessie told the team that she thinks Freyja should be the captain, leading the team on the field, even if she’s one year younger than most of them, they understand, they see it as well, they celebrate her by patting her on the shoulder, the back, her head.
When you hear that your heart bursts and warmth seeks through your veins. This decision shows that the coach trusts your little girl and sees more in her than her young age and her giddiness; her talent, her motivation to evolve.
Freyja follows her teammates out of the changing room. The number on her jersey stand out in white on the moss green material.
21
Just like you.
Her grin reaching from one ear to the other, eyes squeezed shut as her gaze meets yours. Her small figure bounces over to yours where you stand with the other parents, waiting for the match to start. Your sight gets blurry. Kneeling down to meet her on eye level she crashes into you; her arms pulled around your neck.
“Look,” she takes a step back, doing a 360 on the spot.
“So awesome,” you comment. Kissing her cheek. “Did you choose?”
“Yes, I asked if I could’ve this number.”
“No one else wanted?”
She shakes her head as an answer. “I’m scoring a goal for you!”
“Oh, sweetheart,” you brush over her hair. “Don’t pressure yourself, you’re doing great. The most important thing is that you enjoy the game and playing with your friends.”
The coach is the last to leave the locker room and her eyes fall on you. There is a feeling around your heart, chest tightening and warm spreads through your body. The imagine of the first practice floating through your mind.
“I’m proud of you either way and I’ll cheer on you and your team. Now show them what we trained for.” You brush a strand of wild blonde behind her ear, and she hugs you before she sprints over to her team. They get one last motivation speech form their coach.
The game started chaotic, tangled legs, kicking into air, shouts and screeching. Applause and shouts from parents fly around the pitch, hoping to reach the kids.
Then it happened, Freyja makes a calm break, she wins the ball and sprints down the wing towards the small goal.
"Good break Freyja!"
Tied up against another player in the middle she crossed the ball to Tobin on her right who then scores the first goal. Small feet run over to their teammate who was already buried in a hug from Freyja. They cheered on top of their lunges and parents chimed in.
Coach Jessie claps but keeps her posture, "great move. Amazing goal." She claps again. "Now lock in, heads up, we keep moving!" The coach shouts before the whistle blows, giving the ball free.
Before full time Freyja scored herself a brace and assisted another goal. After the final whistle she runs over to you in the stands and jumps into your arms, you lift her up her eyes staring into yours. “You did so well my love.” You kiss her temple.
When the tournament ends the team is the first place after winning all their games. Every player is getting a medal and the whole team wins a trophy.
A special ritual this time is that the coaches chose a player in each game as Player of the Match and the player with the most votes becomes player of the tournament.
You froze when you hear Freyja’s name being called, you didn’t except this for her first season, for her first tournament at last. Freyja rushes over to the man and nervously fiddles with the hem of her jersey.
“This is for you, young lady. The first of many, congratulations.”
“Thank you!” she shouts taking the small trophy. Freyja then beams toward you, and you take a picture.
“Mommy look!” she shouts as she runs over to you.
“That’s unbelievable, you did so well.”
Her tiny feet then carry her over to coach Jessie and she hugs her coach. The Canadian reciprocate the embrace.
“Thank you so much Jessie,” she mumbles into the space between the two.
“No, it was all you,” coach Jessie corrects her.
“But I couldn’t have made it without your practice. Thank you so much for being the best coach ever!” she squeezes the coach by the end of her sentence.
Freyja then skips back to you grabbing your hand, but your attention was still on the coach, a smile lingers on her lips as your eyes meet, and you mirror her with a shy smile.
“I need a shelf.”
“Yeah sure,” you chuckle.
“I want to collect them all.”
“Oh yeah. But you’re still young. It’ll need some time until you’re there but, in the meantime, you can place it on your nightstand, right?”
Would you please write some Jessie angst? Where Jessie has moved to the thorns is doing long distance
With reader who is still playing for Chelsea and sees something online about reader and Lucy being close maybe toooo close and gets jealous
Hello anon! I hope you like the story, I really had fun writing it.
TW: swearing, jealousy, language, typos
Another side to you ~ Jessie Fleming
After the quarter final, which altered you for a few years, you are out with some of the team, celebrating, living the moment. Sitting in the booth buried in the back of the bar, your head rests on lucy shoulder, eyes half closed after the hard-working matchday. Their voices distant mingling into each other. Giggles fill the air when the darkness was suddenly illuminated. You open one eye and watch Niamh as she types on the display.
What’s a tired person’s favourite exercise? Yawning! picture
Why did the lamp go to bed early? It was burnt out!
Later that night you try to call Jessie multiple times, but she declines every single time, actively. After the fourth or fifth time she writes you go to sleep you seemed tired.
Irritated you glance at the message. “What? What do you mean? Did I play bad?”
Jessie bid her lip, holding back to cave in. “No, the picture.”
“??”
She didn’t answer you again
The next day was an off day for you, and you had planed a date with Jessie beforehand.
For the first time in months where neither of you had places to be or times to einhalten.
You waited in front of the small café, hidden in a quiet side street in the little village where your hotel is a few kilometres outside off a little on the mountain.
Five minutes fly past.
Fifteen.
Thirty.
It doesn’t seem like Jessie, she would never be late. It’s just not her.
You called, sent her texts. Nothing.
Despairingly you called Niamh, who was 100% at the hotel taking a nap.
Her voice deep, hoarse. “What?”
“I’m waiting for her, since 12 and no sight of Jess. Do you think something happened to her? She doesn’t answer my calls or messages.” You rattle, no breaths taken.
“No, that’s not like her.” She coughs. “I’ll try ma luck. Call you back.”
Thank you, Neve.”
A lifetime your phone vibrates and a picture of Niamh and you beams back.
“I couldn’t reach her.” Niamh voice small through the speaker.
You took a deep breath, the first one since your best friend picked up. “No, no… I can’t believe it, she’s miles away from home and something happened to her. I don’t even know where she is.”
Silence falls on the line.
Then, Niamh clears her throat, taking a shaking breath.
“Wait a damn minute…”
Niamh voice stops your train of thought. “What for?”
“You’re lying!”
Her eye rolling could be heard through the device. “No, I’m not.”
“Absolutely!”
“Y/N, no joke.”
“She doesn’t want to hear from me, she’s ignoring me. Tell me, now,” voice deep, all the concern you felt moments before washed away as you demand the truth.
“She said, she doesn’t feel well.”
“Still a lie.”
After seconds she denies, “no…”
“Well then maybe not the truth.”
“I cant tell you the true reason cause that’s something the two of you should resolve.”
Furious of the facts Jessie is mad and ignoring you and that Niamh, your best friends for over 10 years doesn’t tell you and comes to the Canadian’s defence that really grates on your nerves. “Fuck off.” You end the call, bristling with anger.
What could possible the reason your girlfriend doesn’t want to spent time with you and for your friend to not tell you the reason she doesn’t want to.
You trotted the way back to the tram which will take you back to the hotel. When you arrived lucy, Ella and Esme sat on the front porch, enjoying the sun, looking into the mountains laughing about small things. Walking straight past, you feel their glances on your back. Everyone knew you went to meet Jessie after a lifetime of calls and texts.
Barricading yourself in your room, blanket thrown over your body, shutting the reality out. Knocks echo shortly after through the air.
Then voices call after you.
“Y/N, what’s wrong?” lucy questions.
“Weren’t you supposed to spent time with jess?” Esme’s voice was muffled through the wood.
But you stayed silent. At some point they would leave you alone, hopefully. Minutes drag by and the scrapping of feet over the floor travel in the air.
Then followed silence.
Drowning silence.
Until you hear familiar footsteps. “Serious?!” her voice cuts through the air. “Y/N,” she knocks with force onto the wood. “open up!”
“NO!”
“I’ll break down the door.”
A groan escapes you as you stand up and open the door. Niamh stood there with a half-eaten biscuit. “Peace offer?” she slowly extends her arm so the biscuit almost crashes into your chest.
“I’m not even worth a whole?”
“Shut up and take it before I put salvia all over it too.”
“How do I know you didn’t already do?”
A mischievous smile spreads onto her lips.
You take the pastry from her and put it your mouth. “But I still hate you,” you say with your mouth full, trying not to drop any crumbs.
“Why me? Shouldn’t you be angry with Jessie?”
“No, I’m just hurt.”
She stays silent.
“She stood me up. Doesn’t answer my calls, ignores my messages. What did she say to you?”
Her eyes wander the room, avoiding you with her life.
“Neve, what did she tell you on the phone?!” heat travels through your veins.
“Well as I said, it’s something the two of you should discuss.”
“What could be this serious you shut your noisy mouth?”
“I totally understand her. Maybe it’s just the distance and if you tell her your plan everything gets better, but I kinda see her point.”
A look of puzzlement settles on her face. “I … I would love to clear things up, but doesn’t you get the part where she ignores me?!”
“I do.”
“Can you tell me what this is about, so I can start to change it and she’ll notice?”
“Maybe… maybe you should overthink your closeness to some on the team.”
“What?!”
“Yeah, like maybe some things, let them be reserved for Jessie.”
“Are you fucking serious? She promised me she’s fine with my nature of how cuddly I am with you.”
“Maybe not me in general. I like it, don’t get me wrong. Gives me strength, makes me happy, I feel wanted, you’re like a sister. I’ll miss it, truly.”
“With everybody its just like this. You’re my second family. I feel grounded with this closeness yet ill trade it for any minute I could get with Jessie.” Tears sting in your eyes and Niamh rushes over to you. Arms slinging around your shoulders.
“Oh, I know and I hope she does too.”
“Yeah.”
The next days you keep more to yourself and Niamh. When you pass certain players, you get questioning looks. The atmosphere around you got quieter, normally you were lively, fiercely. But you went inwardly. the semifinal game flew by, but you couldn’t feel the enthusiasm your fellow teammates hold. Jessie’s still distant your way and you try to ignore it. But your heart was heavy, not seeing her despite the few chances you could have.
You sat in the coach minutes before the hour-long travel to the stadium began. You sat at the window, the left seat still empty, still no sign of Niamh. Her perfume proceeds her and before she took the seat next to you, you knew who sat there.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“That’s a lie.”
“No?”
“Sure.”
Silence falls between you two.
“You’re ignoring me.”
“No. Just,” you stop, thinking. “Thinking.”
“About?”
“Nothing specific. Just things,” you fiddle with the scrunchy on your wrist.
“Tell me.”
“Lucy,” you warn her, voice tight. “Leave it be.”
“And if not.”
You rise from your seat and walk past her, down the aisle and took the seat next to Leah. Knowing she’s always quiet before games, thinking, getting into the tunnel.
Her sight falls on you and she asks without words.
“Please don’t,” you mutter as you lean your heads on her shoulder. Her body under you moves as she shrugs.
“You seem off,” the captain comments. “Are you good?”
You shake your head.
“Are you getting sick? You shouldn’t play if you don’t feel well.”
“I’m good,” you whisper.
“But…”
“Leah, I swear, please shut up.”
“Okay, okay,” she assures you.
Then you close your eyes, “thank you.”
Standing in the dug out your thoughts are running, still circling the same topic. You found her during warm up, sitting next to your parents, deep in conversation about everything under the sun. you know how your parents are, always enjoying spending time with Jessie, they love her, always interested how her games went, practice or asking about her parents. A little smile grow on your lips as you reminisce. Jessie didn’t notice you at first, but your eyes burn holes into her skin. Nimah pocked your side and brought you back to reality.
When the net rustles after Mariona sent the ball pass Hannah your heart sunk down your body. You went to her from your position in the midfield and tries to cheer her up despite your own turmoil. With the deficit you went into the changing room at half time. Before you disappeared into the tunnel your gaze met Jessie in the stands and she presents you a small smile, hope bubbles in your stomach and you stood an inch higher.
The ball was glued to your foot as you make your way down the midfield, slaloming past the Spanish player. Passing the ball to Ella on the wing you run further into the Spanish half. When the ball was back at your feet you don’t hesitate and shoot at the goal. As the ball rolls from the top corner diagonally down along the net you throw your arms up in the air. Lucy was one of the first arriving at your side, she pulls her arms around your hips and lifts you up towards the sky. You felt inexorable. As if a mind on their own your eyes wander through the faces until they land on Jessie again. Her lips pressed together as she nods once.
Odd.
The game went on and reached extra time. After millions of tedious runs back into your own penalty box and forwards again you see lucy hobble back into her position. You supported her with the fast Pina. But at some point, the older player couldn’t move on. She sat down on the grass, and you kneel beside her.
“You good?”
She just shakes her head, reaching for the hem of her shirt and pulling the fabric over her face. You wave for the medics.
“What happened?”
“My shin. I cant it hurts so much.”
“It’s all right. Better to substitute.”
“No!”
“Lucy…”
The referee gestured to her to leave the pitch, and the medics help her onto her feet, and you aided her side so she could relieve the pressure from her bad leg.
“Y/N, go. They need you more than me.”
“Shut up. You’re incredible, old lady.”
She flips gentle against your cheek. She entangles her arm from your shoulder, and you slowly retreat yourself backwards back to the game, one corner of your mouth pulled up. Lucy couldn’t move on and Niamh was switched into her place.
After the whistle disturbs the celebrating atmosphere, the hard truth hit you. Penalties.
Beth first try was invalid cause she slipped and touched the ball two times. The second try was deflected by Cata Coll. Ass she came back to the team you pulled her into your side and pat her on the back, encouraging her.
Patri converted her shoot on the goal.
So did Greenwood.
Hannah saved the penalty from Mariona.
Before Niamh went to the spot you whisper motivation to her on your left side. “Go girl. You’re marvellous. I believe in you. You can do this.” With a powerful shot, she send the ball into the left corner. The net rattles and you scream at the top of your lungs, clapping. “Yes Niamh! That’s my best friend!” she takes her places at your side again and you rock her with your arm around her shoulder.
Aitana’s shot was also saved by Hannah, pride taking its room in your chest as you watch the young goalkeeper bloom.
Next up was Leah, you shut your mouth tight. She hated when some of the team shouts towards her when she walks to the spot. But still, she couldn’t convert the penalty btu you still lead the sheet. You’re determined to go over to her once the penalty shoot-out is over.
Spain’s shooter couldn’t convert their penalty as well.
Now it was your turn to step up. You take four steps backwards, taking a deep breath in and a longer exhale. Your steps begin slow and then you accelerate, banging the ball under the crossbar into the left corner and the rest was history.
Everybody comes running towards your as you take off to the English stand. Arms outstretched to the side. Niamh was the first to reach you, she runs so she’s ahead of you and pulls you into an embrace, stopping you both in tracks. “What the hell, this penalty where do you took the strength?”
You shrug your shoulders and she moves to your back and jumps onto it. You carry her the rest of the way piggy bag.
__
You thought she would have left the stadium by the time the team moved the celebration from the pitch to the changing room. But as you walk around the corner you see her standing there leaning with her shoulder on the wall talking to Niamh, her back facing you. Naimh gaze meets yours and she shyly smiles at you. Placing a hand on jessies shoulder, saying one last thing to the Canadian before heading to the changing room.
Jessie slowly turns in her spot and lifts her head, her face coming into view as her cap raises with the movement.
“Hey,” your voice almost betrays you.
“Hey,” she whispers back. “Congratulations.”
“Thank you.”
There you were face to face after days of almost radio silence.
Silence fills the air but the unusual awkward, nervous silence.
“You were astonishing.”
“Thank you.” Your sight falls on the floor, and you scratch the floor with your pick.
You wanted to feel her arms around you. Her reassuring, rhythmical heartbeat. Her fingers scratching your head, rubbing circles on your back.
She cleared her throat and your eyes fall back on her.
“Can we talk…” you take a shaky breath, “please?”
She nodded and turned around analysing her surroundings. “Let’s take the first aid ward.”
Silence fills the space between you again. The distance feels further than when she’s back in America.
“You’re always smiling at her.”
“Yeah? That’s what you do in a conversation? You smile.”
“Not like this,” she sights. “Forget it, it’s stupid.”
“You’re annoyed. Why?”
“No.”
“You are.”
“I’m not!”
“Wait are you jealous?”
“No… no. why would I be jealous?!”
“I don’t know that’s why I am asking. Why are you acting the way you did …?”
“Because we used to do all these things together!” her voice grew louder, anger audible. She took a breath, shuddering. “Sorry, interrupted you. Carry on, please.”
“I tried to reach out to you, I called, I sent texts, but you ignored me.”
“What was that the last days? Since she’s at Chelsea, you’re all over her like I don’t exist or something.”
“What? Who?”
“You know who.”
“Lucy?”
Jessie nods.
“But why does it bother you so much, it’s exactly how I am with Sammy and Niamh.”
“Now you’re not.”
“Of course.”
“No, because you don’t look at Niamh like she hung the stars for you or at Sammy like she holds the secret to a perfect life. You’re glued to her, on the pitch, off it, you’re never letting her out of your sight. Sam and Niamh always share stories about your game nights or anything besides practice and matchdays. And it’s always Y/N and Lucy here… there and everywhere. And I tried to live with it, to overlook it, ignore it but if you don’t love me anymore, please just tell me because I can’t let you rip my heart out.”
“I tried to give her the feeling she’s at home, not left out. After years living in Spain, I thought shed a hard time settling back into London weather and the culture. Give her the same feeling she gave me a decade ago as my first call up happened.”
“Well, she’s a grown woman. I think she could handle the move alone.”
“Yeah, maybe but her girlfriend is back in Spain, at first, she her apartment made troubles, her neighbours were noisy cause she’s a star. I offered my place for more discretion. Nala her dog, was still back in Spain until she settled in. only a few blocks away from each other, we drove to practice together and all those small things, friends do.”
“Things we did. Before our relationship.”
“Do you hear yourself speaking? We know each other 2018 when I was this little, naïve youth player who was given the chance in the national team. She’s eight years older, experienced. She took me under her wings. Lucy is like a big sister to me, helped me through a lot. Helped me with you!”
she give you a questioning look.
“My feelings. I didn’t understand them cause you were my best friend and I never felt like this and I was so confused and lost. She helped me figure it out and how I could ask and all this.”
“Oh.”
“I’m sorry I made you question my intention or actions with her. That you don’t trust me to tell me. I’m sorry you feel insecure in our relationship. I love you, with all my heart, to the day I die. I’d leave everything and everyone if I could have time with you. I wanted to surprise you but… but the last days were torture for me and I…I had the worst fears and scenarios play in my head.”
“I’m sorry. It was childish and I treated you like trash, it was unfair. I think the last shot was dedicated to me,” she chuckles. A sound you thought you never would miss.
“kinda,” you join her.
She offers you her hand and you gladly take it. Her warmth travelling from your fingers further into your body. Relaxing your muscles and nerves.
“What was my surprise? If I’m still honourable to know.”
You squeeze her hand. “Can it wait until I showered? Got it in my bag.”
“Did you looked into the future that this would happen?”
You roll your eyes, “duh.”
She shoves your forehead gently and you show her your tongue, scrunching your nose.
“I love you.” Jessie inches closer, giving you time to retrieve from the gesture but you pulled her closer, so you could taste her further.
“I’m forever sorry I made you feel like I”
“Shut your mouth and kiss me again. I fucking missed you.”
You two close the distance again and you smile into the warm kiss.
It's an always kinda type – chapter seven - the cruel reality
Tw: Angst, heartache starts, maybe language
Not long after you said goodbye to the friend you made along your way, one you thought would never leave, you had to pack your own stuff for the world cup in Australia. You decided to fly home earlier than the rest to spend some time with your family before the big tournament. The plane ride home was a form of punishment like you were in a constant state of limbo, unsure whether to face forward into the unknown or to look back at what you had left behind. The hum of the engines was almost hypnotic, only added to the quiet storm inside you.
You were exhausted. Physically, emotionally, everything felt drained.
But it wasn’t the exhaustion that kept you up at night; it was the ache, the quiet gnawing sense that something essential was now missing from your life. You glanced out the window, the world below looking small and far away, much like everything that had happened in the past few weeks.
Your sight is glued to the clouds, head rests against the window.
A memory crept in.
One from the last season before everything started changing. You had been at training camp together, the two of you pushing each other in a way that made both of you better. After a particularly gruelling drill, you collapsed next to Jessie on the grass, both of you breathing heavily.
“That was insane,” you laughed, wiping the sweat off your brow.
Jessie chuckled, rolling onto her side to look at you. “You’re insane. I thought you were going to collapse halfway through.”
“I almost did,” you admitted, “but I couldn’t let you beat me.”
She smiled, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “Oh, I was definitely going to beat you.”
You both laughed for what seemed like hours, feeling completely in sync with each other. You couldn’t imagine a time when you wouldn’t share moments like these.
As you weave through the airport for your family. Before you found them a pair of arms laid around your shoulders, shortly after the scent of their perfume hits your nose.
You spin in the lock and bring your arms around his figure, “dad,” your voice mumbled by the fabric on his shoulder.
“I missed you bunny.” One of his hands is placed on the back of your head as he keeps you close to him.
Soon the rest of your family arrives around you two. Each of them pulling you into a tight embrace.
“So good to have you back.”
“You look bad,” your sister comments as she retracts from the hug.
“Oh, thank you, is nice to see you too.” You slightly punch her arm.
“Girl’s night?”
“Me too?” your mom quips in.
Emma lays a hand on her shoulder as the four of you walk out. “Tomorrow, okay?”
“We can go to the restaurant together and then we’ll leave you two alone,” your father guided you towards the car.
“Sounds good. I’ll stay with you guys afterwards.” You side hug your mom as you take the last step to the car. “I love you,” you whisper to her.
“Love you too sweetheart.”
In Emma’s apartment there was a cozy warmth that only Emma could create. The second you arrived she lit her candles, which are now flickering. A soft throw draped over the arm of her couch, and the faint hum of a mellow acoustic playlist in the background. Yet the coziness didn’t calm you, your chest tight, unspoken words weighting you down, pressing against your ribs.
You sit crossed legged on her rug, your back leaned against her legs, she scrolled through her phone, the faint glow casting soft shadow across her face. Every now and then the vibration fills the air. Her gaze glued on the screen until you finally broke the silence.
“I miss her.” Words slipping out before you can second guess them.
Her phone was now secondary, Emma leaned forwards, brows knit together. “Jessie?”
You swirl the wine in the glass, nodding as an answer. “I know it’s been a while since she left. Since we’ve been close.”
“It doesn’t matter how much time has passed. Some things stay forever with you,” she intervenes
“Yeah, yeah. But now that the seasons over it feels so final. I just thought we’d always find our way back to each other.”
Emma slid off the couch and sat next to you on the floor. One arm resting around your shoulders. Her gaze a familiar blend of concern and understanding, one you had seen so many times before. “What happened between you? You used to be inseparable. Every time I called it was Jessie this, Jessie that until it suddenly stopped.”
You take a sip of your drink, placing the glass on the coffee table. A weak smile ghosts your lips as you remember the countless stories you had shared about the Canadian and how your games went to your sister. “It just… fell apart. Slowly but surely. After she moved it even got harder, the damn time difference. We tried, the schedules not overlining.” You lied, eyes avoiding hers. “It felt off. Like we were speaking different languages. Calls became texts and messages turned into…” you take a deep breath. “Silence.”
“Y/N,” she places her hand under your chin, turning your face to look at her but you close your eyes. “What did really happen?”
A single tear streams down your cheek. “It happened over weeks. Maybe months. First, she’d withdrawn from the team, staying quiet even if things were bothering her, leaving gatherings earlier than usual. She just retracted from our friendship.”
Emma tilt her head. “And you think it’s over? Completely?” her voice gentle.
“Yeah kinda.”
Questioning look.
“She doesn’t seem like she wanna fix it, this between us.” You stopped, voice breaking and throat tightening. She waited; her patience was always infinite. “She was surprised I showed up on her moving day…” a shaking deep breath filled your lungs. “The trip after the world cup… she…” you gulped. “J… she cancelled.” Hiding your face in your hands, your body begins to tremble, tears leaving your eyes. Through tears you state the sentence that haunts you through your worst games, your nightmares or just any normal day. “She said she thought were better off just being… friends but even that feels like a lie now.” Your sobs grew louder, more frequent.
Emma sighs, pulling you closer to her, your head resting on her chest. With her other hand she rubs circles onto your back. “That must’ve hurt,” she mumbles into your hair.
You just nod.
“I just don’t wanna believe it,” you whisper after a long pause. “But I think what hurts more is how much sense it made when she said it. We’re different people now.” Tears were long gone and your voice was hoarse.
Emma sighed, her thumb absently tracing circles on your knee. “It’s hard, losing someone like that. When you’ve shared so much, it feels impossible to imagine life without them in it. But sometimes people drift, Y/N. It doesn’t mean what you had wasn’t real or important. It just means you’re both in different places now.”
You looked up at her, your voice barely above a whisper. “But I don’t want to lose her. I don’t.” you mumble. “She’s still the person I want to call when something amazing happens or when my world falls apart. I don’t know how to let go of that.”
Emma leaned back, her eyes soft but serious. “You don’t have to let go of everything, Y/N. The memories, the way she made you feel those things are yours to keep. But you might have to let go of the version of Jessie you’re holding onto. If you keep clinging to who she was, you’ll never see her for who she is now.”
You stared at her, the words sinking in like stones dropped into deep water. “But what if who she is now doesn’t include me?”
Emma’s expression softened further, and she scooted closer, wrapping her arm around your shoulder. “Then it’s okay to grieve that. It’s okay to feel hurt and angry and everything in between. But remember this. If your friendship is meant to survive, it will. Maybe not the way it used to be, but in some new way. And if it doesn’t... it doesn’t mean it wasn’t special. It just means its time in your life was meant to be finite.”
You leaned into her, the familiar scent of her lavender lotion grounding you as a tear slid down your cheek. “I’m scared that letting go means she’ll forget about me.”
Emma tightened her hold on you. “She won’t. And even if she does, I’ll remember for you. Because I know how much she meant to you. And I know how much you meant to her. That doesn’t just disappear, Y/N. It leaves its mark, even if it fades over time.”
You closed your eyes, letting her words settle into the cracks in your heart. For the first time in days, the weight didn’t feel quite so unbearable.
Emma sighs. “But why would she say something like that?” letting her hand massage your scalp, it always seemed to calm you.
“Last year’s vacation, Greece, the others left for bed and… and we stayed,” you sob. “Enjoying the moment, the ocean in afar, it felt perfect,” another steadying breath. “I kissed her… or she kissed me. I don’t even know anymore but we kissed.”
Her brows shout up and her mouth fell open, “you what?!” she blinked, processing your words. “Okay, wow. I wasn’t expecting that. And what happened after? Did you talk about it?”
“Not really,” you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. “At least not then. We just... pretended it didn’t happen and went back to being friends. But it wasn’t the only time.”
Emma’s jaw dropped. “There were more?” she shuffles next to you to fully face you. “You always told me those days were fairytale like, was that the reason?”
You close your eyes reminiscing in the moments these kisses happen. When your sight meet hers, your eyes were glassy. Clearing your throat, you win time for yourself. “Right before Christmas dinner last year. We were baking the cookies; she never did those. I helped her and she tossed the flour at me, she said she’d help me at first, she brushed it with her finger but then she leaned in and kissed me.”
Your sister rolls her eyes, a small chuckle filling the room. “That’s cheesy.” You shove her shoulder. Emma ran her hand through her hair, clearly trying to piece this together. “And the third time?”
You swallow hard, your chest tightening. “The vacation to the countryside. It was cozy around the fireplace, maybe we were tipsy, I don’t remember, we stare at each other our hands intertwined, and then we leaned towards each other, it was soft. But after that everything changed. She’s cutting me out completely.”
Emma stared at you, her mouth opening and closing like she wasn’t sure what to say. Finally, she settled on, “Why didn’t you tell me this before?”
You shrugged, your throat tightening. “Because I don’t know what to do with it. I don’t know what it means. Was it just a mistake? Did she regret it? Did I ruin everything by wanting more than she could give?”
Emma reached out, placing a hand on your shoulder. “Y/N, this isn’t just about drifting apart. This is... complicated. She kissed you too. That means something, even if she’s not ready to admit it.”
“But what if it doesn’t?” you whispered. “What if I was just a phase for her, or a mistake she wishes she could erase? I don’t want to lose her, Emma. Not as a friend, not as anything.”
Emma’s eyes softened, her voice gentle but firm. “Listen to me. You can’t keep torturing yourself by trying to guess what’s in her head. You need to talk to her. Like really talk to her. Lay it all out there, no games, no pretending it didn’t happen. And if she can’t meet you halfway...”
You looked up at her, tears slipping down your cheeks. “Then what?”
Emma sighed, pulling you into a tight hug. “Then it’s okay to let go, even if it hurts like hell. Sometimes, the people we love the most aren’t meant to stay forever. But if there’s even a chance, she feels the same, you owe it to yourself to find out.”
You nodded into her shoulder, her words sinking in like the first rays of sunlight after a storm.
TW: child abondonment, men (Augenrollen), pieces of past with cheating man, maybe language
This time around the year, in the middle of march was always hectic. With your parents’ birthdays both rolling up, congress’ around the corner. You were asked to present the newest finding on your team’s study therefore you needed to travel to New York. Leaving Freyja back at home.
“It won’t be long my love,” you promise her.
She gulps, “but I can’t go to football.”
“I’ll talk to him, okay?” she nods as tears slowly stream over her cheek. “I understand this makes you sad cause you enjoy football, and you see your friends. But it’s a long drive for your dad, you need to understand that it’s not easy for them as it is for us.” You brush a strand of her blonde curl behind her ear.
She nods and spreads her arms, and you lift her. You carry her to the car and plug her into her seat. The drive is long, longer than you thought, the miles dragging out.
When you arrive, he already waits at the front door, packed in a yellowish pullover eyes dared on the driveway as you guide your car to the house.
“Thank you again.” You begin as you open Freyja’s door and let her run to the door, “my parents are on vacation, and my brother has a lot of work on his watch as well.”
He groans, a sound you didn’t miss. “Yeah of course, she’s my daughter as well.”
You nod as you walk around the car to bring Freyja’s bag to the front door. “Maybe you can think about driving her to practice?”
Harry’s eyes widen at the request you made. “That’s a 45-minute drive, just for me to stand in the cold and watch three years old kick a ball.”
“Well, it makes her happy and she really enjoys it. She’s getting better by the minute. It’s just one time,” you whisper. Eyes dropping on the ground and shoulders hanging low.
“You know I don’t have time for that. With work and Steve’s and Ally’s hobbies as well.”
You sighed, nodding in understanding, dropping the topic. “All right, yeah okay. I’ll text you when I know when I’m back. I hope I can leave on Thursday again.”
That’s two days…
Harry rolls his eyes before they fall on you. “Good okay. Have fun,” he was about to close the door when Freyja comes running back to you.
Arms thrown around your legs. You kneel beside her and say your goodbye to her. “I’ll miss you and I’ll see you soon. Have a good time and you can always call me. Love you.” You peck her cheeks. “See you.” You wave until you’re back in the car. The engine drowning out your thoughts.
Later that day you receive a message from Harry that he has no time to drive Freyja to practice, so you let the team and coach Jessie know that Freyja can’t make it tomorrow. They react with sad smileys. After a while your phone vibrates, and you shriek as you weren’t prepared for another message.
Hope everything is alright?
Yeah, I’m just not in town.
Time drags on and the presentation went well. Finally, yeah finally it was time for you to fly home. Harry told you he was at work, leaving the kids with his new girlfriend.
Well new wasn’t she at all.
They were together before you from high school through college even afterwards a few years. Steve and Ally were from their previous relationship, they were happy, you didn’t understand why they broke up, they were co-parenting throughout your whole relationship. You didn’t mind. But six years is a long time, and if you’re honest you noticed their gazes, their conversations, the feelings unresolved, still between them.
At some point it got back to you. They were on vacation with the kids while you had work back home. You noticed the change their lingering touches, the looks.
One afternoon you sat down with Harry explaining how he seems distance towards you and his change in mind, and that you noticed. He got ashen, eyes wide.
“I don’t want an explanation why. I just don’t want you here with me anymore.” You stood up, left the room and went outside into the garden.
Two days later he moved out, leaving you and one and a half year old Freyja behind. You got the house but that didn’t even matter cause he moved in with her and the kids. You sold the house to move closer to your family in Portland, meaning he’s farther away from you and his daughter.
He didn’t mind and you knew, the way he interacted with Freyja told you he didn’t love her as much as his other two children. And so, it was no bad that Freyja only sees him once or maybe two weekends in the month.
You arrive back at the small house; the ringing fills the air and shortly the barking of the dog joins. The door is opened by Sarah and Freyja stands beside her soon after, backpack already sitting on her shoulder.
“Mommy!”
“Hey, my love,” you lift her into your arms and pull her closer to you. “You ready to go?”
She nods in agreement, and your attention shifts to Sarah. “Thank you, see you around.” You bit her goodbye and walk back to the car.
The next day you drop her off at daycare her football bag in the trunk, ready for today’s practice. “I see you later,” she waves at you from the door a smile plastered on her lips as she observes you driving out of the street.
Later when you pick her up, she practically jumps into the car for you to drive to the field. Practice doesn’t start for another hour, but Freyja didn’t mind that much. It means she could practice some kicks with you before the others arrive. It was a long time since you played football yourself through high school, even college.
College.
It rings a bell, but you couldn’t put together what it means.
And before you can slip further into your thoughts the practice starts, gaining all of your attention as Freyja rushes around the field, the ball glued to her feet.
It's an always kinda type – chapter six - goodbye, always
Tw: Angst, heartache starts, maybe language
You were torn, deeply.
Should you visit her? Should you see her one last time?
She did everything to avoid the places she knew you might be. She became a ghost the days leading to her departure. Every now and then you saw glimpse of her, in the gym, after practice but she never stayed long enough for you approach her.
As if the weather knew something was off, the sky hid the sun in thick clouds, hanging low, heavy with rain and a soft breeze stirred the air. You saw her from afar, how the wind blew through her curls, aloof. Jessie stood by the moving truck instructing them where all her belongings should go. Tears sting in your eyes as you stopped in tracks. The last days you debated, long, until the sky turned pinkish again and you could see the first shafts of sunlight. Part of you thought it might be better to let her leave without any more painful words exchanged. But another part, the part that couldn’t bear the idea of her leaving without a proper goodbye had won out.
Jessie stood by the cab, her car long sold. Her back faced you as she talked to the mover. The Canadian usual stood tall but now, her shoulders slumped under the weight of everything she was leaving behind.
As you see her drift further away you consider staying away, just a moment your heart plead you not to be pulled apart again. You thought about letting her leave without knowing you were there.
But she took that decision for you.
Jessie turns around searching for someone rather than something, sight sweeping over the street and it lands on you. Glued in her spot, expression unreadable, hands shoved deep into the pockets of her jacket, you notice when she slowly walks towards you, it was actually your garment.
“You’re here,” she mutters into the space between, for a second you could hear her voice break with all the emotions she’s holding back. “Why did you come?”
“I couldn’t let you leave without saying goodbye.”
Her eyes wander from yours to the building behind you, the sky, the floor, everywhere but you. She sighed, her eyes flicking back to the moving truck. "It’s better this way, Y/N. We’ve been over this.”
"Don’t shut me out, not now,” you said firmly. “You’ve decided it’s better. I never got a say.”
Jessie flinched at your words but didn’t argue.
For a moment, neither of you spoke. The silence stretched, heavy with everything you wanted to say but couldn’t find the courage to.
“Well, it was nice, wasn’t it?” you break the silence.
Her eyes soften as they meet yours a sad smile resting on her lips.
"I’m sorry," you whisper, your voice trembling. "For everything. For not being there when you needed me. For…" You paused, the lump in your throat threatening to choke you. "For letting things get so bad between us."
Jessie’s eyes softened, but she shook her head. "It’s not just you, Y/N. It’s me too. I…I didn’t know how to handle it. Any of it."
"Then why won’t you stay?" you asked, your voice breaking. "Why won’t you let us figure it out together?"
She hesitated, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "Because I need this," she said quietly. "I need a fresh start. I need to figure out who I am without…" She stopped, her voice catching.
"Without me," you finished for her, the words like shards of glass in your throat. “So, you’ll go your way and I’ll go mine…I guess it had better be goodbye.”
Jessie looked at you, her face crumpling for just a moment before she pulled herself back together. "It’s not like that," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.
"Then what is it like?" you asked, stepping closer. "Because all I see is you running away. From me, from this…"
"I’m not running away," she snapped, her voice sharp but brittle. "I’m trying to find something, anything that feels right again."
The rawness in her voice stopped you. You wanted to argue, to tell her she didn’t have to go halfway across the globe to find herself. But deep down, you knew it wasn’t your choice to make.
The sound of the moving truck door slamming broke the silence. Jessie glanced back at it, then returned her gaze to you.
"I have to go," she said, her tone final.
You nodded, the tears you’d been holding back finally spilling over. "I know."
Jessie hesitated; her eyes locked on yours. For a moment, you thought she might say something more… something that could make all of this hurt less. But she just reached out, drying the tear that rolled over your skin. Her hand then brushing yours for the briefest of moments before she pulled back.
"Goodbye, Y/N," she said softly, her voice trembling.
"Goodbye, Jess," you whispered.
She didn’t turn, not when she entered the car nor when the cab drove past you. And that’s when the sky opens, a soft drizzle turning into steady rain.
But you didn’t move.
You just stood there, the weight of her absence settling over you like the storm clouds above.
It wasn’t just the end of Jessie’s time in Chelsea. It was the end of something bigger. Something that had once felt unbreakable.
And as the rain soaked through your clothes, you let yourself cry for all the things you’d lost and all the things you’d never get back.
Rooted in place your mind played the memories like a movie on loop, every frame more vivid than the last.
Three years.
Three years ago, you met Jessie on the Chelsea training ground. She was the rookie; well, you only had one year ahead of her. Nevertheless, of this she had been a whirlwind of energy. Then she was shyer than now, more reserved. Still her presence was impossible to ignore. And following the weeks she had grown her confidence, and you could feel her getting attached to you more.
With her you lived many of the loveliest and memorable days in your life.
The first time you’d really spoken, you’d been stuck in a locker room together after the training, sweat dripping down your faces and the tension from the session still humming between you. You were exhausted, but Jessie had turned to you with a wide grin, eyes sparkling, and asked, "Hey, you think you can beat me at Mario Kart?"
You had laughed, incredulous. "You can’t be serious."
But that was Jessie. She never did anything halfway.
It wasn’t long before you two started meeting outside of practice. Tacos after training on Tuesdays. Lazy Saturday mornings at the farmer’s market. A ritual. You had laughed and joked over coffee, shared your frustrations with life, your small victories, your big dreams. The simple rhythm of it was a comfort, a constant in a world that always seemed to be changing.
You remembered one night in late fall, after a particularly gruelling match, when you and Jessie had ended up on the rooftop of the old brick building where she’d been renting. The moon was full, and the city lights stretched out like a blanket beneath you. Steaming mugs warming your hands, her head resting on your shoulder.
"I don’t know if I can keep doing this," Jessie had said, her voice unexpectedly soft. "Feels like I'm always chasing something, but I can’t find it. The team, this town... I just don’t know anymore. All this pressure to pursuit something. Always on my feet, not much time to rest."
You’d turned to her, your brow furrowed. "You’re killing it out there, Jess. You’ve got a lot going for you. Don’t pressure yourself into things you need to accomplish. Things will come when the time is ripe. Until then you try your best. And not lose yourself in this maze of travel practice and your private life."
She’d shook her head. "It’s not enough. It never is. The media, fans they all put pressure on me, when a game is under my level, they judge. If I don’t play, they judge. I feel like I’m stuck in this version of myself that I can’t shake off. You know? Like I need something else, something more." Her voice had trailed off, and she stared out over the city, lost in thought.
Your hand searches hers, intertwining your fingers you give her hand a squeeze. "Well, you’re not stuck," you’d said, your words slipping out before you could think too much about them. "you’re figuring out, trying to adapt, to grow. You’re allowed to change. Don’t give a crap about the media. It’s about making you happy, feeling home, yourself. And you’re not alone. I’m always here.” Your sight meets hers and you nudge her with your shoulder. “Hell, I’m still figuring myself out. But it’s easier when you have someone who gets it."
Jessie had smiled, but there was a sadness in her eyes that you couldn’t ignore. "I don’t think I know who I am without this... without soccer.”
“Then we’ll figure it out.”
The conversation had stayed with you, but at the time, you’d brushed it off, thinking she was just venting after a tough game. You didn’t know that, months later, those feelings of uncertainty would come rushing back, this time not as a fleeting thought but as a force that would push her away from you—and everything else.
A honk brings you back to the present. You still stand in front of her old apartment building.
And as you move to leave, the sound of her voice echoed in your mind, as if she was still there, beside you. "You’re allowed to change."
After a long day of practice, the team gathers to have a movie night in the lounge. Bean bags are littered around on the ground. You found a spot near the door in the back. When Carlotta arrived her gaze wanders around the room, landing on you, she presents you a half-sided smile. She also takes steps towards you until—you hear another voice.
“Calle!” it was further in the front. Carlotta turns and your eyes follow landing on Jule. The brunette then turns in her spot and walks over to the younger player, leaving you behind.
Your sight falls to the floor, and you begin to fiddle with the seam of your shirt. Their voices soon echo from the walls back to you, laughter cutting through your core. The bean bag shifts next to you and a warmth wanders from the other person. Their head already suited on your shoulder as you turn, and your eyes meet Sjoeke. You spin to the other side and watch Janina getting cozy in the bean bag on your left. They both smile at you, understanding, empathic.
As the movie starts the chatter dies down. It lasts for several minutes until their whispers fill the air again. Laughing about anything but the movie, the movie never had their attention.
Your chest begins to tighten, and your throat gets dry. A sad smile is plastered on your lips as Carlotta faces you when one of your favourite scenes plays. Her eyes observing you, brows dragged together, raised and lips pressed in a thin line.
You usually would have laughed at the scene, Carlotta knew but you didn’t, which racks her brain.
She turns around again, chatting with Jule, when the older places her head on carlottas shoulder.
You couldn’t stay here; breathing grew heavier every second and you felt your heart crack every minute. You wish she would notice.
When your other favourite scene played the brunette turns in her seat again finding your spot empty. The corners of her mouth fell and her brows raises. Her eyes wander between Sjoeke and Janina. They both present her a forced smile and just shake their heads.
Arriving in your room you slam the door closed and land face first on the mattress. Screaming into the pillow until they turn into cries. Your body trembles. You still see them. How they laughed, smiled, their proximity. The silence swallows you, everything comes down on you. A thought settles in you.
You will never be the reason for her genuine happiness.
How she beams when Jule makes a joke or when they spent time.
She will never want you the way you want her.
Training is intense. Everyone's focused. Btu you are… you are mentally absent. In group drills you’re too slow for some passes or tackles. From the beginning of the session, you feel eyes on you, but you don’t acknowledge them. You stay close to Sjoeke, Laura and Janina. Every single one of them try to cheer you up during and after training which doesn’t work. You feel it when she starts slipping further away. As she keeps her sight darted to jule, attention on her during drills and breaks. She doesn’t lean against you when you’re both sitting around after dinner anymore. She doesn't throw a grape at your head during meetings or pinch your knee under the table to make you break during a serious video review. You miss the mischief — but more than that, you miss her.
When practice is over you disperse into your room, hidden under the cover. Your phone next to you on the nightstand vibrates.
It's an always kinda type – chapter five - silent fields
Tw: Angst, heartache starts, maybe language
Find my other work, and previous chapters here
You noticed, you always do. Just small things, the others missed. Her energy, quieter, the spark that fuelled her game began to fade, she seemed more withdrawn, even when she was right there.
Of course they overlooked, she was always the quiet player in the room but with you, she was driving, confident, you gave her the support, you’re her biggest fan, cheering on her. Stress, that’s what you told yourself, with the CONCAF around the corner, the world cup in summer and Christine Sinclair’s injury inducing the question of the new captaincy in the national team. But the longer it went on, the clearer it became something more than football was going on.
Jessie never cancelled your plans; she was looking forward to the time spent with you. Enjoying trips to the farmer market or just a stroll around the pond in the park. Late cancellation heap, her arriving late to the spot with vague apologies, it was unusual, out of character, like she was avoiding you.
Everyone gets busy right?
You brushed it off at first but as the weeks roll on, it wasn’t just the occasional cancellation. Tuesdays, even Saturdays were sacred for staying late to laugh over stupid YouTube videos or share fries after work. These days were predictable but slowly became optional.
Nothing changed over the following weeks, if not it became more intense. By April you were glad you saw her outside of the football pitch more than once a week. At first, she cancel with poor apologies, the next week you didn’t even got a text.
Jokes that got you through practice, inside jokes, moments that happened randomly, began to fade. Shared moments of silence were replaced by awkward pauses and quiet phone calls.
you tried, you really did. Trying to maintain the rhythm of your friendship despite the growing distance. Her withdrawing from team events but also emotionally from you, you had no clue what is going on in her life, her mind is another language to you one you once were fluent in.
When you finally saw her, it felt forced, she held her answers short, silent space between you that was never there. It felt like was showing up out of obligation. Jessie felt just different, her whole personality her behaviour. She was there physically but her mind was elsewhere, her focus scattered. You’d talked about your team, the hobby you picked up recently or whatever gossip was circulating around still she rarely offered more than surface-level replies.
One Saturday you two were visiting the farmer market a block away from your apartment. “Same as usual?” you ask her as you hand her the coffee she always orders.
Her hand stops mid-air, she glances at the cup, hesitating. “Thank you,” her voice barely audible, lips turning up slightly, the smile never reaching her eyes.
That the day conversations didn’t last long, attention elsewhere, her responses clipped despite your tries to animate her for small talk. On your way home, alone, you clutched the cup with your untouched coffee. Every fibre in your body tries not to think about how wrong this morning felt.
The next farmer market was around, and you couldn’t stand the distance between you anymore. You deliberated, long, at night, during practice until you finally had the courage.
Jessie picked through a basket of peaches turning each one in her hand before placing it back on the pile.
“You have been distant lately,” you state, tone light but steady. “Is something going on?”
Her body froze, the peach in her hand forgotten. Eyes glued on the fruit in front of her. “I’ve just been busy.”
“Too busy for tacos and coffee?” you pressed, trying to mask the hurt creeping into your voice.
Her lips tighten. “It’s nothing personal, Y/N. I’m just… tired.”
You turn to face her, eyebrows dragged together. “Tired of what?”
After she set the peach down, she turned to face you, expression unreadable. She takes a breath. “Of everything,” she admits and walks off to pay her groceries.
The weight of her voice settle over you like a cloud. But you didn’t push further, she would’ve explained it to you if she wanted.
The game was tough but that is not what bothers you. Gloomy you trot into the changing room, Jessie’s already there. She hadn’t played the game, and her attitude told you everything you needed to know. The Canadian has ignored you all day, through warm up, when halftime arrived, even as your team celebrated the win. Frustration settles in your bones by the growing distance of Jessie towards the team, you. When it was just the two of you left in the room you cornered her, the thought impulsive, possible the wrong choice but you couldn’t stand this anymore.
Your chest is tight, a knot of worry forming for your friend. “Jess, what’s going on?” you asked, tone softer than you intended, voice still tinged with concern. “You’ve been shutting me out for weeks now. Did I do something wrong? Have I hurt you?”
Her sight falls on her bag on the bench as she sights. She fiddles with the hem of her jacket, shoulder sagging as she leans against the wall. Some weight was pressing down on her, and you didn’t know what.
“I can’t do this anymore, Y/N.” her voice hollow. “Chelsea, this… everything.” She gestures to the changing room, her eyes slowly falling on you. “I need a change. I’m stuck.”
A punch to the gut.
The lump in your throat only growing as you tried to swallow it. Your chest grew tight with the admission. Your sight gets blurry. “So that’s it?” eyes falling to the floor. “What do you wanna do? You’re just going to leave?” hurt creeping into your voice. This feels like a nightmare.
Jessie takes a step towards you, eyes full of regret, a frown settled on her lips. “I have to. For me,” she points out.
Just like that the fragile connection you and Jessie had spent so long to built had begun to unravel.
You stopped trying, she already slipped through your fingers. You were at your wits end with her. Lots of missed called and unanswered messages, stopped asking for meet ups after the fourth cancellation, making your heart shatter. She made her decision; her mind was set on leaving this life behind and find new happiness. It wasn’t Chelsea anymore, it wasn’t you.
The following practice sessions were a blur of drills and distance. Everyone noticed the changes between you, but no one hat the guts to question it. Jessie retreated herself from the team further, cancelling team events, lunches or even game nights, which were her favourite. In the final games of the season her playing time was brief.
Desperate for answers you showed up at her apartment. It was raining all day. Soaked from the storm you stood in front of her door. Heart pounding in your chest as if it would explode any second. You froze moments before your knuckle meets the wood. Inhaling sharply. Then you knock.
As she opens the door her eyes widen. “Y/N? what are you doing here? You’re soaked.”
You move inside her flat. “We need to talk.” You countered, voice shaking from more than the cold.
Jessie follows you into the kitchen. She leans against the counter, crossing her arms and sighs. “About what?”
“I’m done waiting Jess. What’s going on with you?” your voice trembles. “About why you’ve been avoiding everything.”
Her jaw tightens and she stared out of the window, as though searching for something she couldn’t find in the room. “I don’t know …” she murmurs quietly, you almost missed it. “Nothing. I’ve just been busy.”
The air was heavy with something you couldn’t put into words; you take a step forward. “But shutting me out…shutting everything out… does it help?” you softly ask. “Does it make you feel less stuck?”
Jessies eyes flicker to yours, dark and unfocused. Her shoulder slump, for a moment you thought she might finally open up. “I don’t know,” she mutters. “I thought maybe it would. I thought I just could leave everything behind and it would somehow make sense.” She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “But it’s not about you, okay? I’m just…figuring some stuff out.”
“Then help me understand!” your voice grows louder as you plead. “Because all I see is you shutting me out and pretending everything is fine, when its clearly not. We used to talk about everything, jess. Why wont you let me in now?”
Silence settles in the space between you. Before you can stop the words, they tumble out. “You’re running Jessie.” You pause. “You’re leaving everything behind—our friendship, the team you love… me.” You take a sharp breath; tears sting in your eyes. “And I don’t know why. I don’t know what I’ve done to make you feel like this,” a single tear rolls down your cheek, and you turn your face away from her.
Her expression is torn, lips parted. “I don’t even know if I’m running Y/N. I just know I can’t breathe here anymore. This town. This life. I’ve been holding on to everything, the team, my past, you. It’s like they’re chains. I need to figure out who I am without them.”
The weight of her words hitting harder than you expected, your chest tightening further if even possible. “Without me?” you mutter into the space between you, the question stinging more than you could’ve imagined.
Jessie looked away, her voice faltering. “I don’t know… but I’m trying to be someone I’m not anymore. Someone I don’t recognise.” Her gaze flickers to you, for a brief second you saw something you haven’t seen in a long time. It was raw, her vulnerability behind her guarded expression. Abruptly she avoids her eyes again and it was gone. “I can’t do this right now,” he voice barely about a whisper.
“Can’t or won’t?” you asked, the words cutting deeper than you intended.
She looked at you then, her expression pained, your features soften for a moment. "Because it’s too hard, Y/N," she said softly. "Being around you… it just... reminds me of everything I’m trying to move past."
Her words hit you like a slap, and you took a step back. "Move past?"
Jessie nodded, her gaze dropping to the floor. "I’ve been stuck, Y/N. Stuck in this cycle of trying to fix everything and never getting it right. I need to get out of here. Out of this town, this... this version of myself."
You stared at her, your chest tightening with a mix of hurt and confusion. "And leaving will fix that?"
"I don’t know," she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. "But I have to try."
Jessie texted you to meet at the café you always went to. Your heart skipped a beat and excitement flooding your veins. A part of you dreaded what was to come but another part clung to the hope that maybe something was left to salvage.
The café was quieter than usual when you arrived. You took a seat at the usual booth you two sat, waiting anxiously, tapping your foot and glancing every now and then at your phone. Your nerves twisted in your stomach as she walked inside right on time. Her posture was stiff and her expression unreadable. When she sat down opposite from you, she looked like she hadn’t slept in days, you almost didn’t recognise her, her face pale. This Jessie was like a shadow of the person you once knew. She gave you a faint smile, her hands placed in her lap, playing with the ring you gifted her two birthdays ago.
“Hey.”
“Hi,” she takes a breath. “I wanted you to hear it from me.” Her words devoid of the warmth you once knew. “I’m transferring to Portland,” she states, eyes glued right behind you.
You blink, “what?” struggling to process her words.
Her gaze flickers away, a sight leaving her lips. “Theres an opportunity with the thorns,” she continues. “It’s good for my career.”
“Portland?” you repeat, her form getting blurry. “You’re leaving?”
She nods, expression carefully neutral.
“When?” your throat was dry.
“Next week,” she replied.
You straightened your back. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
She shrugged, eyes still avoiding you. “I didn’t know how to bring it up.”
“You didn’t know how to bring it up?” you repeat, you could taste bile in your mouth. “Jessie, we’ve shared everything for years. You’ve been shutting me out for months and now… now you’re just leaving?”
Her jaw tightened, for a moment you think she might argue. “I’ve made up my mind, Y/N. this is what I need to.” Her voice was quiet almost resigned.
“You mean you need to get away from me,” you said, the words slipping out before you could stop them. "You’re running from me, from this, from everything…"
“It’s not about you,” she insisted, though her voice wavered. “It’s about me. I’m stuck, Y/N. I’ve been stuck for a long time, and I can’t stay here anymore. I’m trying to start over. You don’t understand what it’s been like for me...”
"Because you won’t let me!" you interrupted, your voice shaking. "I’ve been here, Jess. I’ve been trying to be here for you, but you keep pushing me away."
She looked at you then, her expression crumbling for just a moment before she pulled herself back together. "I can’t do this anymore," she said quietly. "I’m sorry, Y/N."
You wanted to argue, to tell her that leaving wouldn’t solve anything. But the look in her eyes told you it was already over.
“What about Australia?” you asked, desperation creeping into your voice. “What about our trip? We’ve been planning it for months, Jess.”
She flinched at the mention of the trip, her gaze flicking away. The two of you had been planning to go to Australia after the World Cup, a post-season vacation to finally relax and enjoy time together. It had been Jessie’s idea. A dream destination she’d spoken about with excitement and detail.
“Things change,” she said quietly, her voice barely above a whisper. “I can’t think about that right now.”
“Can’t think about it?” you echoed, your chest tightening. “Jess, we had plans. You can’t just—”
“I’m sorry,” she interrupted, her voice cracking. “But I have to do this. I need to figure out who I am before I can... I can’t make promises about the future, Y/N. Not right now.”
And with that, she turned and walked out the door, leaving you standing there in stunned silence. The world felt emptier without her. The café, once filled with her laughter, was now a place of silence. You found yourself reaching for your phone to text her, only to stop when you remembered she wouldn’t answer.
You kept replaying your past interactions, wondering where you went wrong.
Was there something you missed? Did you not fight hard enough for her to stay?
Maybe if you hadn’t been so wrapped up in your own life, you could have seen the signs sooner, understood her struggle before it became too late.
You wondered if there was more you could have done to be there for her. Maybe you hadn’t been the friend she needed. Maybe you hadn’t listened closely enough when she’d first started pulling away, too focused on your own confusion, your feelings, your career, to recognize her silence as a cry for help. The possibility that you’d failed her stung like a fresh wound every time you thought about it.
You missed her with a kind of ache that went beyond heartbreak. It was regret, guilt, and the unbearable weight of knowing you’d lost something you might never get back. And though the days marched on, each one pulling you further from her, the memories lingered echoes of what might have been if only you’d found the right words. The ache of her absence settled over you like a weight you couldn’t shake. And as the days passed, it only grew heavier, a constant reminder of everything you’d lost.
The next morning you sit with Sjoeke and Janina on either side. Carlotta sits across from you. The current Chelsea player teases you with something that happened years ago in the under team.
Your eyes glued on her as she reminiscent the moment. Hands flying, eyes bright. A chuckle leaves your mouth and out of the corner of your eye, you think you see it: the smallest falter in Carlotta’s smile. Her gaze lingers on you as your eyes meet. You catch her biting on the inside of her cheek before her attention drops to her plate. You gently kick her shin under the table gaining her attention. You present her a soft smile, nodding towards her, asking if she’s okay, without words.
Carlotta shakes her head and rises to her feet, excusing her. You’re fast on her heels.
“Hey, Calli. Wait.”
“What?” it comes out bitter. Her sight stays straight ahead.
“Did I do something wrong?”
Slowly she halts and turns in her spot. “No why?”
“Cause you seem distant.”
“Why do you care?” she shrugs. “Cause the whole time you’re hanging with them!” her words leave a sour taste.
“No, no wait.” You closed up to her. Your hand slings gentle around her arm. “That’s not the case. I invite you...”
“Yeah, to play cards or watch movies… with them.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“Because you’re hanging out with them all the time,” she throws her hands up. “And I’m just invited out of politeness,” the brunette states.
Your breath catches. “You could’ve said something if you wanted to hang alone or…”
“It’s not about alone or not. It’s about why. Was I invited because you wanted me there or because it was convenient.” She interrupts you.
You stare at her, heart thudding. Then softly. “I understand and I’m sorry. I should’ve thought more about how it makes you feel,” your gaze falls on your shoes, shoulders slumping.
“It’s okay, all right.” She says eventually. “Good we talked about.”
Silence fills the space between you. “Anything else?”
“Nope.”
Your eyes slowly creep up. “You’re lying.”
“I wouldn’t.”
“How do you feel?”
“Good.”
“Anything new with the apartment in Leverkusen?”
“My parents got the keys yesterday.”
“That’s great.”
“Yeah. Will you excuse?” she points into the direction of her room.
You shrug, “of course.”
“See you tomorrow.”
“Yeah… until then.”
It’s the day of departure to the Swiss hotel you’re staying for the tournament. You stand in front of her room coffee as she loves it in your hand, the one she always has to start a perfect day.
When the door opens her gaze flickers to the cup then to you.
A second of silence hangs between you. “I got you something.”
She reaches for the cup, your fingers brushing slightly, heat emitting from the spot, her eyes fall to the floor. “Thanks,” she said her voice flat.
Just that. No smile no question. Nothing.
The team finishes the last packing after breakfast before the coach leaves. You’re one of the firsts to be ready to wheel your suitcase down, loading it into the bus and climbing inside. Janina and Giulia are walking with you towards the bus parked in the driveway of the camp.
You settle in a seat, a section you regularly sit, with her. After a few minutes your eyes fall on Carlotta as she steps into the bus and trots the aisle down. Sunlight catching in her hazelnut hair, making it lighter, as she walks by.
Past you.
She throws her body into the seat next to Jule. Instantly their chatter fill the otherwise silent morning air.
Engosssed in thoughts you didn’t notice that Sjoeke fills the space next to you.
“Try to sleep.” She places her head against your shoulder and closes her eyes.
“You know me.”
“Exactly.”
You huff and let your sight drift outside the window. Familiar faces rushes by the bus into the camp and out of it. The music drowning the world around you out. Chest heavy, mind racing.
When the team arrives, the sun hangs low in the sky its warm clinging stubbornly to the evening air. Players spill out, collecting their bags from the storage compartment. You scan the crowd for yours. The handle comes into your vision and a hand grab tight around it. Your sight wanders the arm up until your gaze meets with Carlotta’s amber orbs. Slowly you approach her.
“Thank you.” Your fingers curl around the handle and Carlotta makes no move to let go. Your hands brush in the movement. “I should head upstairs,” you comment. Even then she stills. Your brows furrow and you glare at her. “This is no joke.”
“Chill out.” She rolls her eyes, gaze burning onto you. “There’s plenty of time before training starts.”
You feel heat rise in your body and making its way to your cheeks.
She knew.
She absolutely knows your pre-training routine the rhythm you follow before every practice and match. How you move when arriving at a hotel.
“Seriously?” the word comes out as a low growl.
She shrugs and retorts her hand from the handle.
“Thank you,” you mutter pulling the bag away and walking past her. Past Jule without looking back.
The distance between you still lingers even in the idyllic landscape of the Swiss alps. Carlotta choses Jule for every little thing, drills, meals, movies, they even hang out after curfew, that was usually your thing to do.
How you knew?
On the third day you left your room, before anyone else wakes, you sneak out wanting to feel the cold morning air and as you round the corner you see Jule tiptoe out through Carlotta’s door. You press your body into the wall, wishing to get swallowed. A breath leaves your mouth as Jule disappears into her own room, and you make your way to the elevator. As you pass her room, the handle twitches as soon as it started it stopped like you just imagined it. Resentment shoots through your body and the corners of your mouth fall.
something for reader x niamh charles x jessie fleming? please and thanks
Hey, I didn't know in what direction you wnated the fic to go, so I went with the flow. Hope you like it.
Clueless
platonic!Niamh Charles x gf!Jessie Fleming x fem!reader
It was the first game of the season and Niamh invited you into the stands as you did in your childhood. But this time she will be on the filed herself. You wore one of her jerseys from the last season she gifted you. The wind howls through the stands as you pull your scarf closer to you. Before the game starts Niamh waves at you, a smile plastered on her lips as she turns to lock into the game. You feel another set of eyes burn into your skin and when you face towards the person Jessie is quick to face the other side, you let out a chuckle and shake your head.
Niamh talked much about the team and how they feel like a second family, how she can be herself. The only place she can be was always you. She loved you sisterly and you did too. When you went out together, she always clings to you. Niamh is lively, outgoing, confident. With you she has someone who grounds her, brings her down and says to breath.
Another person who did was Jessie, since her transfer from college to the team the two promptly clicked as the newbies to the team. It wasn’t long after that you got to know Jessie as well. Over weeks and months, the three of you hung out. Farmer markets, libraries, sleepovers. you watched their games went out afterwards, with the team or just the three of you.
Slowly something grows inside you. Every smile Jessie presents your way makes your chest tighten. Every accidently brush of fingers sends shivers down your spine. When her amber orbits observe you, how you shift under her gaze.
After the game you went with some of the players to a pub in downtown. Now seated between Sam and Niamh, the latter has her head placed on your shoulder, playing with the ring on your hand. A low chatter hangs in the air and every now and then you feel eyes glued on you.
Niamh stands up, her hand grabbing yours and pulling you up with her. “Sorry,” you mutter to the group.
You end up in the bathroom, locked door. “What? Niamh, why?” your hands rests on the handle.
“What’s with you and Jessie?”
Irritated. “Huh?”
“Her eyes follow you everywhere.”
“Well, then maybe you should ask her.”
“But you’re my best friend.”
“But I don’t know about her.”
“And you?”
“What?”
“What do you feel?”
“She’s nice, shy, a good friend of yours. Great football player.”
“Are you dating?”
“Nell, that’s ridiculous.”
“And that’s an answer.”
“No?”
“Surely.”
You huff, crossing your arms before your chest. “What if we would?”
“Since when.”
“Oh Niamh.”
A knock on the door interrupts you.
“Just a second,” you call to the person.
“Is everything all right in there?” her voice carry through the wood.
Niamh eyes wanders to yours; a smirk grows on her lips. She unlocks the door and pulls your hand away from the handle. The brunette opens the door and drags Jessie at her collar inside the room.
“Now that the lovebirds are together. You both can explain.”
For a millisecond Jessie’s gaze meets yours, eyes wide.
You take a deep breath. “Why are you like this?”
“Cause you kept it from me. I’m your best friend.” She points to you then to Jessie, “to you two.”
“We just wanted to see where time leads this.”
“Where did it take you?” her gaze burns on your skin, her lips pressed into a thin line.
“Into a relationship. Are you happy now? Jessie is my girlfriend!” anger bubbles inside you. “This is ridiculous.” You shake your head, and you step outside the bathroom, out of the pub.
Jessie rolls her eyes and follows you.
When she leaves the pub as well, she sees you hunched over, hands covering your face. She kneels beside you and rubs your back. “Hey, hey. You’re good?”
“I’m sorry I exposed it.”
“Sooner or later, she would’ve found out.”
“I understand that she wants to know about my life, but some things just need time and sometimes I want some privacy before she knows. I’m so sorry,” you gulp, eyes rising to Jessie’s, a silent tear runs over your cheek. Jessie takes your cheek in her palm and dries the tear with her thump.
“No need to. It’s all right. I’m alright.” She pecks your forehead. “We’re good. Let me take you home.” She pulls you up with her and leads you towards her car, opening the passenger door for you. Her left hand on your tight, at some point you lift it and play with the ring or just caresses it.
“She probably hates me now.”
“Niamh would never.”
“Oh, she would.”
Shortly Jessie’s gaze falls on you before it’s glued on the road again. One brow raised.
“One time I flew to Greece without her, she didn’t even know. But me neither, my parents planted the trip.”
“But…”
“Yeah, but whenever vacation was around either her parents or mine always invited the other. But this time we flew with my grandparents, both sets and they just didn’t think about Niamh. She argued that she knew them all and so on. She was hurt and angry, I understood, she needs her routines and when somethings varies from it, she’ll get furious.”
“Did she have other friends during school?”
“Just the polite greeting and all that but nothing deeper. It was always me and her, beside her sister. Most of her free time was spent on the pitch.”
“You feel responsible for her.”
“She’s like a sister.”
“A possessive one,” Jessie chuckles. “She needs to understand that you have your own life. She’s part of it yes, but you get to decide whether you let her in or tell her things. At some point she’ll get a partner as well. And maybe she doesn’t tell it directly.”
“Yeah, true.”
“Give her and yourself time.” She intertwines your hands and squeezes it.
The next time at practice Niamh pulls Jessie aside. “I’m sorry for Saturday.”
Jessie nods. “I’m not the one you need to apologize to.”
“I know, I know. But you’re the easier one. I don’t want to lose her.”
“You won’t but you need to understand she’s an adult with her own life. She makes decision for herself that you can’t reenact but it’s important that you support her. She always has your back. That won’t change now that we date.”
“Well yeah, you’re right.”
“She’ll pick me up after practice, maybe I’m a little late,” she winks at her friend and let her digest the statement.
“Hey,” you hear her voice before you see her, and you turn to the source.
“Hi.”
“I’m sorry,” she states when she arrives by your car. “I was stupid and childish.”
You nod.
“You matter to me, and I need you in my life. I was so stupid to assume you’d let me in while you’re in the intimate phase of your life.”
“I would’ve done, at some point but not when things are fresh and breakable. Cause she’s a friend of yours and I didn’t want you to lose it.”
“Thank you for considering.”
“Always.”
“So, were good?”
“We always will.”
A smile spread from one side of her lips to the other.
