enough love | grumpy universe
buckle up it’s a long one:)
grumpy masterlist | requested!
the first sign that something was wrong should have been how clingy you had been that morning.
and maybe leah would have picked up on it straight away however, today she was running on little sleep after three days of solo-parenting while alessia was away on ella's hen do.
not unusual clingy. not the kind where you needed help finding your shoes or wanted leah to fix your wonky ponytail. this was different.
every time leah moved, you seemed to appear beside her. when leah wandered into the kitchen to make breakfast, you climbed onto a stool at the island and watched her crack eggs into a bowl.
when leah crossed the room to grab something from the fridge, you hopped down and followed. by the time breakfast was ready, you were practically leaning against leah's leg.
leah glanced down as she stirred the eggs. "morning, shadow."
you wrapped both arms around her knee without hesitation. "mornin'."
"what're you doing down there?" leah asked with a small laugh.
"huggin'."
"clearly."
"'cause i wanted to." you said quietly, the answer was simple enough, but it made leah smile.
normally you would have been chatting non-stop by now, telling your mama about a dream you'd had or asking a hundred random questions before nine in the morning.
instead you seemed perfectly content just being close.
the pattern continued throughout the morning. leah disappeared upstairs to get dressed and heard little footsteps following her a few seconds later.
by the time she'd reached her bedroom, you were standing in the doorway watching her pull clothes from her wardrobe.
"you okay, angel?" leah asked, tugging a jumper over her head.
"yep." you answered in the same quiet tone as you leant against the doorway.
"you're staring at me."
"no i'm not."
"you definitely are."
a tiny smile tugged at your lips before disappearing almost as quickly as it arrived. leah noticed it. she also noticed how quickly the smile faded.
usually once you started giggling it snowballed into full-blown chaos. today, though, you simply stayed where you were, lingering quietly in the doorway.
even when leah brushed her teeth, she caught sight of your little blonde head in the mirror. you sat cross-legged on the bathroom floor, chin resting on her knees as you swung esme the elephant around in circles.
leah pulled the toothbrush from her mouth. "you know this is weird, right?"
"a little bit." you said quietly, continuing throwing your esme the elephant in the air.
"a little bit?" leah echoed as you hummed.
"maybe a lot." that earned a proper laugh from both of you, but once again the moment passed quickly. the giggle faded and you settled back into silence, still hovering nearby as though you couldn't quite bear being in another room.
the thing was, you had seemed absolutely fine all weekend. alessia had left on friday morning just before you were going to school, for ella's hen.
after many hugs, kisses, many promises to facetime, one dramatic declaration from you that's you'd miss your mummy forever and not to forgot alessia's ramble of do's and don'ts for the weekend - alessia finally made it on her way for her weekend away.
since then there had been movie nights, pancakes, facetime's before bed and enough sweets to make alessia question leah's parenting choices when she got home.
but despite all of that, something felt different today.
but by the time they were getting ready to leave for sunday dinner at leah's parents' house, you had managed to remain within arm's reach for almost the entire morning.
leah was sitting on the sofa pulling on her trainers when she felt a familiar weight press against her side. looking down, she found you once again attached to her arm.
"what am i going to do with you?" leah asked fondly, pressing a kiss to your hair which had spent her too long doing
you just shrugged. "keep me."
"oh, is that the plan?" leah laughed lightly at your innocent response.
"yep."
"just keep you?"
"yep, forever."
leah laughed and crouched down in front of her, brushing a stray loose strand of blonde hair back into place. "sounds expensive."
that finally earned a proper grin.
"you excited for your sunday dinner?" leah asked, knowing you quite like the odd sunday when football games didn't fall on those days where you'd just be surrounded by family, a trait which you definitely got from your mummy.
you nodded immediately. "yeah!"
"see grandma and grandad?"
another nod.
"the cousins?"
"yep."
leah smiled. "going to see henry."
the reaction was tiny. so small most people would have missed it entirely. the smile faltered for a split second, you shoulders drooping before you quickly straightened again. "yeah."
leah frowned slightly. "everything okay, angel?"
you nodded so quickly it was almost suspicious. "yep."
"you sure? you can tell mama if somethings wrong"
"i sure."
this time you wouldn't meet leah's eyes, focusing instead on the zip of your jacket. leah had the distinct feeling she was missing something important, but before she could ask again, you reached out and grabbed her hand.
"we go now?"
leah looked down at the little fingers wrapped tightly around hers and squeezed gently.
"come on then angel"
you immediately brightened and followed her out to the car, still holding onto leah's hand. neither of you realised that by the end of the day, leah would finally understand why her little shadow hadn't wanted to let her out of sight all morning.
—
sunday dinners with the williamson's were rarely quiet.
the house was already buzzing by the time leah pulled onto the driveway. even from outside she could see movement through the windows and hear the faint sound of voices carrying out every time the front door opened.
it was the same every sunday; loud, chaotic and completely impossible to escape a conversation for more than five minutes.
the moment leah opened the front door, the familiar warmth hit her. the smell of roast potatoes, gravy and freshly baked yorkshire puddings drifted from the kitchen, mixing with the sounds of laughter coming from what seemed like every room in the house.
her dad was carrying a stack of plates towards the dining room while attempting to have a conversation over his shoulder. amanda was standing in the kitchen doorway directing people around despite nobody actually listening to her instructions.
leah's grandmother was settled comfortably in her favourite armchair, issuing orders from afar with the confidence of somebody who knew everyone would eventually do what she wanted anyway.
you stepped inside beside leah, your hand still tucked securely in leah's. usually you'd already be halfway through the house by now with alessia calling ahead for you to slow down as you would race off to find someone to play with or investigating whatever snacks were sitting unattended on the kitchen counter.
today you lingered close, letting leah hang her coat up before slowly following her further inside.
"there's my girls!" amanda appeared almost instantly, pulling leah into a quick hug before crouching down to greet you properly.
"hello, sweetheart."
"hi, nana." you said quietly as you hugged her, the smell of home cooking surrounding you.
amanda smiled immediately but even she seemed to notice the quieter-than-usual greeting, but before she could comment, a familiar voice echoed from somewhere deeper in the house.
"leah!"
the next thing leah knew, her five-year-old cousin henry came hurtling around the corner at alarming speed.
"woah buddy!" leah barely had time to brace herself before he crashed into her legs. she laughed, steadying him with both hands before he sent himself sprawling onto the floor. "there he is."
henry grinned up at her proudly. "guess what le!"
"should i be worried?" leah asked as you sat quietly on the floor taking your shoes off, pulling lightly at the laces.
"no!" the answer came far too quickly.
leah narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "that wasn't convincing." as an excited giggle came from henry.
but then, finally, he spotted you sat not far from leah. his face lit up immediately. "y/n!"
usually that was all it took. usually the two children would disappear before any adult could stop the two of you. you'd both spend the afternoon building dens, making up games or getting yourselves into enough mischief that somebody inevitably ended up apologising for the two of you later.
today, though, you didn't run forward. didn't throw your arms around him. didn't immediately start asking questions.
instead you offered a small smile. "hi, henry" henry just blinked. the greeting wasn't rude. just... quiet. different an even leah noticed it.
for a second henry seemed unsure what to do with that response then his excitement took over again. "come see my lego!"
before leah could answer, henry had already grabbed her hand. "made loads of new stuff."
"oh yeah?" leah laughed lightly as henry rambled on about his lego creations, you hanging by leah quietly.
henry simply laughed and started tugging her towards the living room. "come on!"
and because leah hadn't seen him properly in weeks, leah allowed herself to be dragged along. family gatherings were one of the few places she got to see some of her younger cousins and extended family regularly, and henry had always had a habit of making sure she saw every single one of his latest creations.
"alright, alright," leah laughed. "show me then." henry took off immediately and leah followed behind him and a few steps behind leah came you, quiet. silent almost as if you wouldn't know you were there unless you seen her.
your small trainers padded softly against the floorboards as you trailed after them while henry excitedly chattered away about dinosaurs and spaceships you simple listened.
watching henry cling to leah's arm. watching leah laugh at whatever story he was telling. watching him pull her attention away over and over again.
at first nobody noticed: not henry, not leah, not any of the adults who were busy preparing dinner.
but you noticed and you followed them into the living room, something uncomfortable settled quietly in her chest. a feeling you didn't quite understand yet.
only that every time henry made leah smile, you seemed to feel it a little bit more. at first nobody noticed, not really.
there were too many people in the house and too much noise for anyone to pay attention to the fact that one little girl wasn't quite herself.
the living room was full of overlapping conversations, the kitchen even louder as people drifted in and out stealing roast potatoes before dinner was ready.
every surface seemed occupied by a family member, and somewhere in the middle of it all henry was enthusiastically showing leah every single lego creation he'd built since she'd last visited.
to everyone else, it probably looked completely normal. henry was excited, leah was catching up with family.
the house was loud, busy and full of people who all wanted a piece of her attention. so nobody thought twice about it. you tried not to either.
you followed them into the living room and sat quietly while henry launched into an explanation about a complicated lego spaceship. leah listened with a smile, asking questions and making the appropriate impressed noises whenever he pointed out a feature he was particularly proud of.
you sat nearby on the sofa, eyes drifting between leah and henry and the programme on the tv which you couldn't really understand as it wasn't your usual cartoon watch.
every now and then you'd think about joining the conversation, opening you mouth only to close it again when henry immediately started talking over the top of whatever leah had been about to say.
it happened once, then twice and then again. eventually you stopped trying.
when henry proudly placed the spaceship in leah's hands, leah gasped dramatically. "that's actually brilliant."
"i know." he smiled proudly as leah inspected the small lego creation.
"you built all this yourself?" henry nodded so enthusiastically leah thought his head might fall off. you watched the exchange from your seat on the sofa.
normally you'd be climbing all over leah by now. normally you'd be sitting pressed against her side, helping examine the lego or proudly showing off whatever you’d built too.
instead you remained where you were. quiet and almost invisible as you held your esme the elephant just that little bit tighter.
as the afternoon continued, the feeling sitting inside your chest started growing. not enough to make you cry. not enough to make a fuss.
just enough to make everything feel a little bit wrong.
when henry climbed onto the sofa beside leah, you settled herself on the other side of the sofa, still close enough to be near her. not close enough to compete
you pulled at the sleeve of your jumper while listening to henry chatter away beside you. every few minutes he'd grab leah's arm to show her something else, and every single time leah's attention immediately shifted back to him.
not because she was doing anything wrong. not because she was ignoring you.
but because henry was four years old and excited and desperate to show somebody all the things he'd been waiting weeks to share.
still, you noticed. you noticed every time.
when henry made leah laugh, you found yourself staring at the carpet. when henry leaned against her shoulder, you shuffled slightly further away. when henry demanded her attention again, you looked down at her hands.
nobody noticed; not henry, not leah. not even you fully understood why you felt the way you did. you just knew there was a strange ache sitting beneath her ribs.
but because it wasn't really about henry. not entirely anyways. henry was your friend, your cousin. most days you adored him and most times you saw him the two of you were inseparable.
this ache feeling had started before you left your house with your mama. it had started when you'd woken up that morning and realised your mummy still wasn't home two days ago.
to most people that wasn't very long but to a five year old it was enormous. the house had felt different without alessia there. bedtime was different, breakfast had felt different.
even facetiming your mummy hadn't quite fixed the problem because every call ended the same way, with alessia saying goodbye and promising she'd be home soon as you sat with a pout and sad eyes.
soon felt like forever when you were five. you'd tried to be brave about it, you smiled during the facetime calls. you'd tell mummy about your day, you'd laugh when your mummy showed the ridiculous costumes she'd convinced ella to wear.
but every time the call ended, you felt that little empty space all over again. the place where your mummy should have been. and now, sitting in a crowded living room full of people, that feeling seemed even bigger.
because usually when you missed your mummy, your mama was there. leah would be the person you curled up beside, the person you followed around the house, the person who always seemed to know when something was wrong.
but only leah was busy, not on purpose and definitely not because she didn't care. just because henry wanted her attention too.
and for the first time all weekend, you found yourself wondering whether there was enough of leah to go around and that thought made your stomach twist.
so instead of saying anything, you simply sat quietly now with a colouring book and some pencils glancing over every time henry made leah laugh again. the ache in your chest growing just a little heavier each time.
by lunchtime, leah's mum, amanda had started to notice something was off. not enough to say anything at first. just the little things.
the way you weren't running around causing chaos with henry like you usually would be, the way you sat quietly colouring in longer than you usually would be. the way you seemed to be watching leah more than participating in whatever was going on around her.
amanda had spent enough years raising children to know when one was carrying around feelings they didn't quite know how to explain. still, she kept an eye on things and waited.
by dinner, leah's grandma had noticed too. the entire family was squeezed around the dining table, conversations overlapping from one end to the other.
plates were being passed around, somebody was arguing about football, and amanda was trying unsuccessfully to stop people stealing roast potatoes before everyone had been served.
through all of it, leah's granmda sat quietly observing. she'd always been good at that. while everyone else got caught up in the noise, she noticed the things people missed.
and right now, she was watching two children sitting at opposite ends of the table or more specifically, she was watching one child and one very distracted adult.
henry was halfway through explaining something incredibly important about dinosaurs. at least, incredibly important according to him. "and then the t-rex bites him," he announced dramatically.
leah nodded with complete seriousness. "seems a bit rude."
"it wasn't rude." henry said as he pushed more food onto his fork.
"no?" leah asked as henry shook his head finished what was in his mouth before speaking.
"he was hungry."
"fair enough."
henry grinned triumphantly before immediately launching into another explanation. leah listened patiently, occasionally asking questions or pretending to be shocked by whatever twist the story took next.
the entire exchange was harmless. sweet, even but sitting three seats away was you and leah's grandma could see exactly what nobody else could.
every time henry spoke, you looked towards your mama. every time leah laughed, your eyes followed. every time henry tugged on leah's sleeve to get her attention, you seemed to sink a little further into her chair.
you weren’t throwing a tantrum, wasn't sulking. wasn't demanding attention. that was what made it so obvious. you were trying very hard not to let anyone know you were upset.
leah's grandma's heart immediately softened. she glanced across the table towards amanda. "you seeing what i'm seeing?"
amanda followed her gaze and at first she looked confused. but then her eyes landed on you and suddenly she saw it too. "oh."
"exactly." for a moment neither woman spoke, they simply watched.
watched as you pushed a pea around your plate without eating it. watched you force polite little smiles whenever someone spoke to you. watched you glance towards leah every few seconds without even seeming to realise she was doing it.
most importantly, they watched what happened whenever henry got leah's attention. because every single time, your shoulders seemed to droop, just a little. just enough.
enough for two mothers to spot it immediately. "bless her," amanda murmured quietly as leah's grandma hummed in agreement.
thea older woman took a sip of tea before speaking again. "she's jealous."
amanda considered it for a second and normally she would've laughed at the idea. you adored henry. the two children spent most family gatherings joined at the hip.
but looking at you now...
watching the way you kept staring towards leah...
watching the way you looked so much smaller than usual...
amanda slowly nodded. "yeah maybe." leah's grandma continued watching. "not really of henry"
"no."
"just what he has." amanda's expression softened. because she understood exactly what the other women meant.
henry had leah's attention, not all of it. as leah had continuously tried to involve you but you just seemed so sullen.
but henry had enough of leah's attention and today, that mattered. especially for a little girl who'd spent the entire weekend missing her mummy.
amanda glanced towards the empty chair alessia usually occupied whenever they came for dinner then back towards you. the pieces clicked together almost instantly. "and she's missing her mum."
that made leah's grandma sigh because of course she was.
alessia had only been gone a couple of days, but to a five-year-old those couple of days probably felt enormous. the facetime calls helped, the reassurances helped.
but they weren't the same as having your mum there to cuddle into at bedtime. they weren't the same as hearing her laugh from the next room.
amanda looked back at you again. you were now staring down at her yorkshire pudding, absentmindedly poking at it with your fork. not eating. not joining the conversation. not asking your usual questions. not being herself.
the contrast was impossible to miss once you saw it.
"both," amanda agreed quietly and for a few moments they simply watching you. neither of them liking the sadness they saw there.
because underneath the jealousy and the clinginess and the quietness was something much simpler. you weren't angry. you weren't being difficult. you were just a little girl who missed her mummy.
and who, for the first time all day, was starting to wonder if you might be losing some of leah's attention too.
amanda's gaze shifted towards her daughter. completely oblivious. still listening to henry explain dinosaurs as though it was the most fascinating conversation she'd ever had.
amanda shook her head affectionately. "that girl hasn't got a clue, has she?"
leah's grandma snorted into her tea. "not a single clue."
"think we should mention it?"
leah's grandma looked back towards you. the little girl chose that exact moment to glance towards leah again. a tiny, hopeful look crossing your face before henry immediately demanded her attention once more.the hope disappeared just as quickly.
leah's grandma expression softened. "oh i think we'd better."
—
leah was helping clear plates when amanda finally decided enough was enough.
dinner had mostly finished, people beginning to drift back towards the living room with cups of tea and half-finished conversations. you were back colouring in, concentrating on staying perfectly in the line.
leah was standing at the kitchen counter stacking plates when she felt her mum appear beside her. amanda didn't say anything at first. just nodded towards the doorway. "you need to go talk to tiny."
leah blinked. "what?"
amanda simply gave her a look and tilted her head towards the living room again. leah followed her gaze automatically and immediately her stomach dropped.
you lying by yourself in the far corner, colouring but not talking, not following henry around, not doing much of anything really. instead just a shell of yourself sitting there small and quiet
the sight hit leah harder than she expected. "what's wrong?"
amanda folded her arms. "you tell me."
leah frowned and looked again. really looked this time and suddenly she saw everything she'd somehow managed to miss all day.
the way your shoulders seemed permanently slumped. the way you'd barely spoken throughout dinner. the way your eyes kept drifting towards leah every few minutes before quickly looking away again. the way you'd spent the entire afternoon hovering nearby without ever actually joining in.
waiting and watching.
leah groaned softly and scrubbed a hand across her face. "oh no." amanda just nodded knowingly.
"i've been an idiot." leah whispered a wave of guilt spreading across her immediately.
amanda's expression softened immediately. "no, you've been distracted."
leah still looked guilty. "same thing."
amanda squeezed her arm. "then fix it." and leah she didn't need telling twice.
she found you exactly where she'd been left. lying in the corner with your colouring but you were colouring slow as if your mind was not really in it.
the television was on in the background, everyone was talking around you moving in and out to go and get dessert but somehow you seemed completely separate from all of it.
lost in your own little world, leah's chest tightened. "hey angel"
you looked up immediately. the sad expression disappeared so quickly leah almost thought she'd imagined it.
"hi." you said quietly dropping the blue pencil that was previously in your hand on the page and sitting up.
leah sat beside you. close enough that her shoulders touched yours. neither of you spoke for a moment. leah simply sat there quietly, letting you settle into her presence.
eventually she nudged you gently with her shoulder. "you alright?" you just shrugged, the kind of shrug that wasn't actually an answer.
leah smiled softly. "wanna tell me what's going on?"
for a few moments you simply stared at the carpet and leah waited patiently. she'd learned a long time ago that rushing children rarely got you anywhere.
eventually, in a voice so quiet leah almost missed it;
"when's mummy coming home?"
the question caught her completely off guard but for a second all the pieces clicked together. the clinginess that morning. the quietness all afternoon. the sadness. the jealousy.
it wasn't just henry. it had never just been henry.
leah's expression immediately softened. "oh, angel." you kept your eyes fixed firmly on the floor as though you were embarrassed you'd even asked.
"tonight."
the reaction was instant, your head snapped up. "as in tonight, tonight?"
leah couldn't help smiling. "yeah."
"what time?"
"i'm not actually sure."
you frowned immediately. "that's not a time."
leah laughed, as she held you just that little bit tighter, "no, i suppose it isn't."
you considered leah's answer carefully, "will it be dark?"
"probably."
"really dark?"
"probably really dark."
you let out the most dramatic sigh leah had ever heard. the kind of sigh only a five-year-old could manage. leah reached over and smoothed a hand through your blonde hair. "you miss her?"
a tiny nod.
"i just wanted mummy."
the words shattered leah's heart. not because they were dramatic. not because you were crying but because of how simple they were. honest and raw. the kind of truth children delivered without even trying.
leah immediately opened her arms. "c'mere angel." you practically climbed into her lap as though you'd been waiting for permission all day.
leah wrapped both arms around you and immediately felt the little girl melt against her chest. there it was. the thing you'd been looking for all afternoon.
comfort and safety.
the place you always ended up whenever something felt too big. leah rested her cheek against soft blonde hair. "you know she misses you too, right?"
"yeah."
"she probably talked about you every five minutes." leah said as she rubbed a hand against your back a tiny smile appeared on your face, "really?"
"oh definitely."
"even with auntie ella?"
leah laughed quietly. "especially with auntie ella."
that finally earned a proper giggle. small but real. the first one leah heard in hours. for a moment she thought that might be the end of it.
then she looked down and noticed something still lingering behind your eyes. a hesitation, a worry. something you hadn't quite said out loud yet and suddenly leah understood.
"angel." you looked up. "did you think i was spending more time with henry than you today?"
the silence answered before you did. you immediately looked away chewing slightly on your bottom lip.
"oh angel." leah cooed, she felt awful, absolutely awful. because now she could see it from your perspective.
missing your mum all weekend. coming somewhere familiar looking for comfort then watching henry monopolise leah's attention for most of the day. of course you'd felt pushed aside.
"you know i love henry, don't you?" leah spoke quietly but with a sense of rawness. you gave a small nod. "he's family."
you nodded again and leah gently lifted your chin until those familiar blue eyes met hers. "but so are you."
you blinked and leah smiled softly. "actually." she brushed a piece of blonde hair behind your ear. "you're my girl, my angel."
instantly your lip wobbled and leah felt her own chest ache because somehow those five words always seemed to mean everything.
a tear threatened to spill from the corner of your eye. leah your her forehead immediately. "you don't have to compete with henry." another kiss. "you don't have to compete with anybody."
and another. "i've got enough love for all of you."
that was all it took. you buried your face in leah's shoulder and wrapped both arms tightly around her waist. leah held you just as tightly back.
holding you close. holding you safely. holding you exactly where you should have been all day.
—
the difference afterwards was immediate. the heaviness seemed to disappear from you almost entirely.
you smiled more. talked more.even joined in when henry came over to show everyone another dinosaur fact he'd apparently learned.
most importantly, you stopped watching leah from across the room because now she was right beside you. where she wanted to be.
when the family migrated back into the living room, you followed. when leah sat down, you immediately tucked herself against her side.
when henry wandered over carrying another toy dinosaur, you simply leaned into leah's shoulder and listened rather than retreating into yourself.
much happier, much lighter.
to his credit, even henry eventually noticed. "tiny tired."
leah looked down at the young practically draped across her side. "aren't we all buddy?"
by eight o'clock, you were barely functioning. your eyes kept drifting shut mid-conversation. every few minutes your head would slowly droop onto leah's shoulder before jerking awake again.
the entire family found it endlessly entertaining. "she's fighting for her life over there," holly, leah's cousin whispered.
leah laughed quietly, you glared at them all then yawned so hard your eyes watered but five minutes later you'd lost the battle completely.
curled underneath a blanket against leah's side. one tiny hand wrapped firmly around the sleeve of leah's jumper as though you needed physical proof that leah wasn't going anywhere.
leah glanced down, you were already asleep. long eyelashes resting against flushed cheeks. mouth slightly open, breathing slow and steady. completely out cold.
across the room amanda smiled knowingly. "there she is."
leah looked up. "what?" amanda nodded towards the sleeping child. "our tiny."
leah followed her gaze back down. at you who trusted her enough to fall asleep wrapped around her side. you who had spent the entire weekend missing your mum. you who had worried there wasn't enough room for you in leah’s heart.
and you who had finally fallen asleep feeling safe again. something warm settled in leah's chest.
leah leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to the top of your head. "always has been."
almost as if you'd heard her, you made a sleepy little noise and immediately snuggled even closer. the entire room laughed softly, leah just smiled then settled deeper into the sofa.
because there was absolutely no chance she was moving now, she'd think about how to get you in the car later on. but she wasn't moving, not right now. not when a sleepy little girl had chosen her as the safest place in the room.
and not when, in a few hours, alessia would finally walk through the front door and find both of her favourite people exactly where she'd expect them to be curled up together on a sofa, waiting for her to come home.
