telling someone lottie is my favorite yellowjackets character when shauna is actually a psychic mirror into my own brain and soul. when i, too, when feeling less important to my best friend i loved so fucking much and hated so bad, grew resentful, to the point of doing something behind their back insanely twisted i KNEW would shatter their trust if they found out about, just to feel as if i were hurting them back for something so angry and personal inside of myself they couldn't even see. when i was punishing them for something i wouldn't even tell them about. and once they found out i only lashed out, spewed my feelings, and now they're gone and im left aching every day because i should have said this and just should have did that. when at the end of the day my only problem is that i can't tell them how i really feel about something im pretending to be careless and nonchalant about, something i know they have better things to do than be listening to. you're not supposed to be the one crying about feelings, they are. the world is so much worse to them and they shouldn't be caring about what makes you sad when in reality, they do. they care so fucking much about you and you're their whole world, but you can't see past the shadow you live in every day and how angry it makes you. you try so hard to sprout into your own person and they try to control it, little by little because they, too, just want to feel needed and wanted by you. they see such great things in you and never want you to grow out of them, while you angrily question why they won't just grow out of you. being placed in a category of care by them higher and more intimate than a lover, because that's what you two are. home is in your bed with you either at a sleepover in their bedroom with you in middle school after a summer pool day or after a long day at work without you. i want to wipe away your tears while we cry over boys together on your bedroom floor or while we cry over how special we are to each other. either as 13 year olds watching a gorey horror movie on a couch together on a friday night while your parents are out or as two people cuddling after a long day of being separated, ill never love another person like you.
izzy806
gummygunk
discoholicmusic
2087
vaporwave
annaxmalina
