Harris causes mass chaos in the locker room every game day by releasing a fan edit style hype-video for each player featuring a song that puns on their name.
Ilya, as team captain, is the first victim (and he does feel victimized) when a video of his greatest plays as a Centaur is set to Rosanna by Toto. The rest of the team is absolutely delighted by his outrage at being set to a jazz rock anthem from 1982 (the soviet union hadn't even fallen yet! that is a decade before I was born and Luca thinks I'm the oldest person ever!!)
The teasing abates slightly when Wyatt is next, with his video turning Hey Ya by Outkast into Hayes Ya. Wyatt is deeply pleased by this (Ilya still grumbles because of course Hazey likes Outkast, what else would he listen to).
The teasing is back in full force when, the next week, Zane is struck with Beautiful Boy by the John Lennon, bastardized into Bood-iful Boy. Cassie Boodrum is reportedly charmed by this, but every time Zane makes a pass in practice, all the other players yell BOODIFUL!! and he is threatening to kill people by the end of morning skate.
Luca is the next to fall, with Our House by Madness becoming Our Haas. As always, Luca is teased for this, but with lots of love because the edit is cute, Luca loves the song, and the centaurs will be damned if that isn't their Haas.
Evan Dykstra is next on the chopping block and is the first occasion where the team's teasing is turned towards Harris, not the player, when Jason Aldean's Big Green Tractor is clumsily turned into Big Green Dykstra. Harris insists that no one will be reading into the sexual innuendo of the original song, but the edit is ultimately taken down after an hour when the comments are overwhelmingly horny. Evan is the only one happy about this situation and #tractorgate starts trending on twitter, much to Harris's chagrin.
Harris's assessment about sexual innuendo proves more true with his own partner when a very (suspiciously) well crafted edit to Barbie Girl by Aqua is released as Barrett Girl. Troy gets a little bit of shit for this (you do look like a fuckin barbie doll, dude! you have such a tight waist! followed by four heads whipping around that is the gayest shit to ever come out of someone's mouth and I've spit instead of swallowing). Ilya spends weeks exclusively referring to Harris as a Barrett Girl only to be met with it's gonna be Mr. and Mr. Drover eventually.
Shane's edit has been highly anticipated, especially by Ilya who is dying to have something good to tease him over. They all realize why it has been such a long wait when his comes out the day of a game against Montreal. Gwen Stefani's Hollaback Girl, with Hollander mostly gracefully used as Hollaback, show Shane looking cool as fuck to "I heard that you were talking shit and you didn't think that I would hear it" along with a well synced shots on goal compilation to this shit is bananas B-A-N-A-N-A-S. Ilya, while quietly pleased about any middle finger to Montreal, is livid that Shane gets to have such a cool edit to a good song that makes it look like he plays hockey at the professional level and not in the beer league. This also works wonders for morale before the game and little teasing to be seen.
Shane gets his time though when a month later there is a special holiday edition to Deck the Halls (Hollz). It features an intro segment with Ilya in full santa gear holding Chiron on his lap saying "And what would you like for Christmas this year? More goals from Hollander? Oh, ho ho ho, that can be done!" This was a secret from Shane, at Harris's suggestion, and Ilya makes sure the locker room really piles on over it even though they both think its genuinely funny.
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