"I'm Not a Violent Dog, I Don't Know Why I Bite" by @floatboats on AO3
The first punch Buck throws is a confession.
It’s a scream he cannot utter, a tear he cannot shed, an accusation he cannot voice against the universe that took Bobby.
He hits for the years of reckless choices Bobby forgave. He hits for the missing voice at the dinner table. He hits because he doesn't know how to do anything else with this kind of emptiness.
I am not a violent man, he thinks, the words a desperate, silent prayer. I am the one who finds the victim, the one who carries the child, the one who brings the peace.
Or, in the aftermath of (supposedly) losing his captain, Buck joins a fight club.
There's something so appealing about a kind person being violent. It certainly was with Eddie, who used anger as a coping mechanism, who was labeled an 'angry man', when he was nothing of the kind. So how bad would it be, if Buck ended up the same?
We already know he's impulsive, he doesn't think things through, cares so much, too much. His feelings are bigger than him. Would it be so surprising, that his grief would be too?
And we also know that the violence is not really towards his opponents. The kid who broke bones to get love. The youngster who had sex to feel useful, wanted. The man who finds comfort in a violent hand.
The violence is always towards himself.
I also did a slightly different version without the name of the author to use as a poster if you want
