"Habitual Damage" by @eggmacguffin on AO3
About a week after starting back at the 118, and about three weeks before he was supposed to start getting a steady check again, Buck quietly moved out of his loft—
Ok, I found this one by chance, cause I noticed the "Homelessness" tag, in another story and went on a spiral research about every 9-1-1 fics with that tag. And found this, third on list by word count. And oh boy was I glad to have read it. It destroyed me a little bit. For a second when I read the words "selfish, self-destructive choices" I was kinda outraged, cause, selfish? And then, oh, oh , that's exactly what Buck though they were. Selfish. Even though the whole lawsuit arc what's about how no one was really in the wrong, just how they went wrong about it, Buck really does believe he was being selfish. Like, his parents screwed him up so bad that he believes defending himself (while doing it in the wrong way possible, mind you) was him being selfish.
One thing I love about his characterisation in canon is that, even tho we find out about Daniel in season 4, we can already see the impact before. Because even tho he didn't know he wasn't wanted, that he was made for spare parts, he felt it. He knew they didn't love him or wanted him, but didn't know why. Knowing about Daniel didn't change anything other than giving him the answer to the old question surrounding him his entire life: "why was I not enough".
(The information that he used to get in situations where he could get hurt only so that his parents gave him attention? It was surprising to absolutely no one. If you watched the show carefully, then how could it be a surprise?)
And in this fic he doesn't know the why, but the feeling? Still there, still present, and during the lawsuit, it was breaking him, driving him to stupid decisions instead of just talking. He didn't know he could. Talk it out. Because before Bobby, he only ever had Maddie, and Maddie might have been his substitute mother, but she was also, like him, a broken child. That's why, in season 3, they both fell into bad habits. Jeez, I wonder why.
This fic is just the feelings he had in season 3, but with the worst outcomes possible. And differently from the other lawsuit I recommended (aka Interlude on I-10), there's no funny situation here. Only pain.
My favorite part about this fic is chapter 3, not gonna spoil it, but God.
This is a BIG one, and not because of the amount of words (I've read things longer than the bible itself, so really, this is nothing) but the work I've done, let's just say I went a little, ehm, Crazy? What I mean is, I did a pre page for every chapter + other two (start and end), for a second I consider putting Eddie for the last chapter, but then I scraped that idea, cause the story IS about Buck.
(also, how funny is it to cut and edit quotes from the story like producers do with scenes for trailers? Like yes girl, lie to me, deceive me) (still can't believe the LIE that the the last of us 2 trailer was, and I watched AFTER I already played the game, so I KNEW, but still, damn, it was EVIL)