Things No One Tells You About Having A Dog
1. There will be dirt. The dirt will come in on paws and faces and furry bellies that have rolled on the ground, and it will be in your house, and you will have to sweep it. Sometimes the dirt is mud.
2. There will also be fur, shed everywhere, neccesitating the frequent use of dust pans and lint rollers and upholstry brushes and hand vaccuums and other strange and specific implements. The fur will always return, and it will multiply into tribble-like piles in all the hard-to-reach corners. You will learn to ignore this for long periods, and it will be fine.
3. If you are lucky enough to have dogs with curly fur that barely sheds, there will still be debris. There has never been a dog who, if given opportunities, will not at times chew a cardboard paper roll to bits, or tear the ears from a plush pet toy, or take a few bites of kibble away from his bowl to enjoy elsewhere in the house, and perhaps leave crumbs in his wake. Some adventurous canines may bring treasures in from outside: dry leaves, or pieces of tree bark, perhaps even a pebble or other miscellania. On one unfortunate occasion, after a rainstorm, my young boy attempted to bring in the drowned corpse of a fledgling robin. Dogs see entertainment where humans see filth, and they will share it with you. You will learn to ignore or adapt to this also, and it will be fine.
4. Your dog will always be smarter about disobeying you than they will about obeying. Much like humans, dogs of even the most negligable intelligence will become Mozart-level geniuses when it comes to circumventing a directive. A dog who knows a command by rote will, if sufficiently distracted, or moody, or rebellious, or just full of mischief that day, invent thirty unrelated actions before doing what you have actually asked. The effort expended toward avoidance of the task will go leagues beyond what would have been taken up by the task itself. This goes triple for dogs with high intelligence, high energy, or--god forbid--both.
5. Your dog will become bored when it is least convenient. Dogs never want to play or walk or otherwise be entertained when you are awake, rested, and have no other responsibilities. They need things when you are working, preparing a meal, attempting to shower, or blinking in bleary-eyed dismay at some dismal hour of pre-dawn. Like very young children, you will have to find a way to accomodate them, or they will accomodate themselves, often in undesirable ways.
6. As with very young children also, canine stomachs may at times be disturbed, and vomit may spontaneously happen. This is part of caring for a biological creature, and it will stop being a source of panic with practice. Cat owners may already be familiar with this.
7. Bath Time will happen. Your dog may protest in fun and varied ways. If your furred treasure somehow enjoys the tub, this will lower the difficulty level; however, your dog will still shake, and you will still get wet. If your dog is larger than a purse, prepare for added difficulties, such as sweating from effort, back pain (from bending forward and manipulating a whole beast), wet, shed fur sticking to clothes and skin, and other unpleasantness. Drying your dog will take years.
8. Dog medical needs are expensive. You will hear this. You will think you understand. The veterinary bills will still catch you off guard. Good pet insurance may dull the pain a bit via partial reimbursement, but get used to seeing a $300 bill and thinking, "Oh good, that's not NEARLY as bad as I feared!"
9. Dogs are very like toddlers with austism and ADHD. They can be distractable, and particular, in love with routine, and driven mad by boredom. They may be sensitive to sounds, or smells, or certain other stimuli. They may at times be hard to motivate or even understand. They can be deeply emotional, and damnably clever, and complicated in a thousand ways. Some days, they may feel like too much, and you, as their guardian, will find reserves of strength and tolerance within that will shock and amaze you.
10. Once you have bonded with a dog, there will be a dog-shaped place in your soul for the rest of your life. Even if that space goes unfilled for a while, it's there. Even after your "last dog ever, I MEAN it," that mark remains, and it is worth it. It will always have been worth it. For the fur, and the mess, and the frustrated tears; for the trials and triumphs; for the simple miracle of a toothy "smile" and a wiggling tail. They won't tell you these things about having a dog, but you should know.
A WORD TO FUTURE PET OWNERS, WITH LOVE: Never get a pet without doing your homework, assessing your space, your lifestyle, and your needs as well as the needs of the animal. Good luck, and much joy to you and your future animal companion!
tangentwithtanner
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