musings on blue(s)
Maggie Nelson, Bluets Krzysztof Kieslowski, Three Colours: Blue

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NASA

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shark vs the universe
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Show & Tell
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Love Begins
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Today's Document
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🩵 avery cochrane 🩵
Three Goblin Art

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@floresmarique
musings on blue(s)
Maggie Nelson, Bluets Krzysztof Kieslowski, Three Colours: Blue
Les Cousins (1959), dir. Claude Chabrol
jess allen, the passing of time (2023)
Mermaid Peach is so gorgeous! 🐠🧜🏼♀️🐚
(pictures are mine)
Paul - Funny Games, 1997
Just a girlboss on her daily tasks 🎀
Ok so i don't know how this came up in my mind, i was just feeling pure rage inside of me and so i thought i needed to let that out with a little "female rage" type of piece. The first man that came to my mind that NEEDED that female rage was Thomas Shelby (don't take me wrong, i love him but he can be an asshole with women) also, i love seeing strong powerful man all intimidated and broken by a woman. I don't know, i hope you enjoy, let me know if you want more pieces like this one! :)
Ps. This was highly inspired by the song "Labour" by Paris Paloma (i love that song).
WARNING: pure angst, mentions of cheating, sexism, mentions of violent sex, mentions of death
Enjoy!
~
She was sat on their bed, white expensive sheets and pillows covered in tears as she tightened her fists into those layers of fabric where she always used to give her body to him to relieve his stress, no matter how violent he would bruise her, choke her, hurt her. He never cared.
But now she had found out that it still wasn't enough, since he had been sleeping with another woman for months. She sat on that bed, body shivering as she waited for him to return home. Nails perfectly painted of red just like her smudged lips, mascara running down her cheeks and hair completely down in a mess of curls. All dressed up, she lit up a cigarette, tapping the ash on those white sheets on purpose. She didn't care anyway, since she was never gonna sleep in that bed ever again. She looked at the clock; he was late, again.
A smirk appeared on her lips as she put out the cigarette right on the floor he was so affectionate about; he paid it millions. She ran both of her hands through her hair and stood up, the clicking of the clock getting on her nerves. Her eyes fell on her wardrobe and she stormed towards it, aggressively opening it. She saw those shoes he made her wear everywhere so that she could look taller, sexier. She took one of them in her hand and threw it on the clock, making it break and fall down on the floor. She walked towards it and kept breaking it by kicking it. Then she heard the keys moving against the door lock and she smirked again.
"What is with all this noise!" She heard him shout from the living room. Every step of Thomas getting closer to the bedroom altered the beating of her heart and the adrenaline pumping in her veins. When he opened the door, he didn't expect that mess. And he didn't even expect the luggage standing beside the bed. Before he could open his mouth to say something, she slowly walked towards him and put her finger on his lips. Then, unexpectedly, she slapped him hard across the face.
"I want you to stay silent for one fucking moment of your life." She spat and soon began with the words that were gonna cut deep inside of Thomas. "You see, Thomas, when i married you i knew what i was getting myself into. I knew i was marrying a troubled man, a gangster. But oh, how much i loved him. There really wasn't anything i could do about it. You met me when i was only 22 years old and started to seduce me, making me a part of your sick life. But i was young and naive, and you were older and so, so handsome that i simply couldn't say no to you. You were my saviour, my protector and you made me feel like a queen! Buying me every kind of thing, making love to me like i was the most precious thing your bloodied hands ever touched. And believe me, i really am the most precious thing those hands ever touched-"
Thomas was completely speechless. He didn't recognise her, his sweet and submissive girl. But he understood why all of that was happening; she knew. And he didn't have the strength to speak because that side he was seeing of his wife was completely new and that kinda intimidated him. For the first time, he didn't have control over a situation, over a person, over her.
"But then, i married you. That wedding was the best day of my life, but it was like making a deal with the devil. I soon recognised it everyday while living with you; you soon became selfish, you didn't care about me, i became your servant, ordering me around to clean the house, fucking me only to get your anger out, not giving a fuck if you left bruises on my body. Then our daughter was born and i thought that you were going to change, but no. She loved you, for sure, but where you there when she fucking died in my arms because of her illness?! Obviously not. Because you were fucking that bitch of a mistress, is that true? You were her hero and i let her die with that thought of you because i didn't want her to suffer more than she was already doing."
Tommy's eyes soon became watery and he looked down, clenching his fists. But she was not done with him, she wanted to see him completely break apart right under her eyes. So between tears and a broken voice, she kept going.
"Nothing was ever enough for you, Thomas Shelby. I kept the house clean for you, prepared you warm meals for your return at home that never was in time, gave my body to you multiple times to satisfy you and i took care of our daughter. She died young, but she died a lady and a warrior. And it was thanks to me. I have to admit that i stayed here with you only because of her, but now that she left us i have no reason to be here, to sleep by your side only to smell the perfume of another woman-"
By now, she was completely screaming at him, pure rage in her eyes. And he tried to not listen to her, to not react to those words, but the fact that what she was saying was true made it difficult for him to not react. He felt his heart shatter but he tried not to cry. However, he couldn't look at her in the eyes like he always did, and that gesture didn't go unnoticed by her.
"LOOK AT ME!" She shouted as she harshly gripped his face with her hands and when she saw his icy blue eyes completely red with tears she smirked to herself. "I'm not the young girl you met, Thomas. I'm not that girl anymore because you took everything away from me; my family, my home, my dream of a loving family. Everyday since i've been with you i always saw people being afraid of Thomas Shelby, never daring to stand up to him because it's too dangerous. But really, you don't scare me Thomas Shelby. And you could kill me right fucking now with your bare hands, but i wouldn't care. After all, that is all you can do. You ruin things, people, families, you're a killer and you can try to deny it all you want, you can take long baths, make every once in awhile a good action, but your hands will always be covered in blood."
As soon as she said those words, Thomas pinned her against the wall with his hands around her neck, tightening the grip. But she kept laughing in his face.
"Go on, Thomas, kill me. Reveal yourself once again. The killer you are. When i'll meet our daughter in heaven i'll tell her that it was her daddy that sent me there, because her daddy is only a selfish asshole that isn't capable of doing one thing right!"
Suddenly, she pulled out a gun from the long skirt she was wearing and that made Thomas jump back. She pointed it right at his head, which made him gulp. Never in his life he would've thought that the person that would be able to face him was gonna be his loving and sweet wife.
"Dumb of you to think that i really was gonna get murdered by you. You already took too much from my life, you're never gonna take my fucking life." Tears were now dried out on her face, her eyes were shining of satisfaction and revenge. She looked at him dead in the eyes with her head help up high. "Now i want you to listen to me closely; i'm gonna leave you, this house and this town and never come back here ever again. You are gonna fill the papers for our divorce and i don't wanna hear a fucking word from you while you do it. Then, i'll go away forever and i never want to see your face again, or i won't hesitate with the gun. You let me go and you'll be able to live your sick and unfaithful life without the thought of a wife waiting for you at home. Sounds like a great deal, eh?"
Thomas was in total shock at everything. He didn't feel like all of that was real, he couldn't believe it was. She was really fucking with his mind. He opened his mouth, hesitantly, with the gun still pointed at him.
"Listen, can we-"
"No." She immediately cut him off. "On the desk in your study there are all the papers to fill for the divorce. I don't have all night because i'm gonna take the train soon, so you better be quick."
Thomas couldn't say anything anymore and he knew that. After all, he knew deep down that he had treated her bad and that he was no worthy of her presence and her love, but it still hurt. He was pale, cheeks wet with tears and full of nausea. Followed by her, he walked towards his study and found the papers of the divorce scattered on his desk. He took the pen and looked at her one last time in the eyes with a pleading gaze, a gaze that was soon returned with a cold one. So he filled those papers under her eyes, and soon the woman he thought would always be by his side no matter his attitude and the difficulties, was gone. All he was left with was her wedding ring and some of their photos pinned to the walls around the big house.
Thomas sat on their old bed, still with those white expensive sheets on. He looked around at the mess in the room, at the broken clock, at the ash on the bed, the cigarette on the floor, the broken heel of those shoes he loved so much on her. How did everything escalate so quickly? He didn't know. All he knew was that he was a lost man now, with no one by his side. Alone in his tragedy.
And he cried. And cried, and cried...
the realization this brought me made me cry actual tears.. [not mine]
The Early Diary of Anaïs Nin, 1920–1923
That girl will astonish us all. Do not let the fact that she is so quiet fool you: she has powerful passions within her.
Ivan Turgenev, Rudin (1856)