fate is always so cruel | lietbel
part 1 of ‘when the world was at war, we tried our best to stay happy.’
angels don't walk the barren land, and flowers don't grow on the battlefield, but dead bodies make the most fertile of soils.
natalya watched as the clock ticked ever endlessly, as she sat on the couch, just waiting for her children to return.
she began biting her nails, wondering if her children were safe and sound, with all the violence against her people at an all time high now. she could only hope that no police officers were going to suspect her children and take them away. those police officers are disgusting, they turned their backs on humanity, just like tolys did.
...but this lifestyle was all her children have ever known since their birth, and natalya even felt disgusted with herself, to think that she would even bring her innocent children into the middle of this crossfire, into a country that was growing increasingly intolerant to her people.
she fiddled with her ring, noticing that it was taking a little longer than usual for her children to return home, causing her to get slightly nervous and anxious.
did they find out that her children had a jewish mother? what if they punish her children for having a jewish mother? oh god, what if-
the sound of the door opened snapped her out of her anxious daze as she snapped her head towards the direction of the door, her eyes falling onto her three children.
"anya! nikolai! veronika!" natalya's voice called as she flung herself onto them, wrapping them in her motherly embrace, not taking notice to the man who had returned home with them.
"mama! papa brought us home!" veronika's high-pitched, lovely voice reached natalya's ears. natalya raised her head up and made eye contact with the man who she once shared so many happy memories with, but now could only harbour hateful emotions towards.
"go upstairs, children. go study," natalya instructed, to which the children obeyed and ran upstairs into their shared bedroom.
once she heard the door close, she turned towards tolys and snarled. "what are you doing here? i thought i told you never to come back," she hissed.
"i know. i just-" tolys started, but got cut off by natalya.
"miss me and the children? don't. they are better off without you anyways."
"don't 'natalya' me, i already told you what would happen if you joined the military for that damned country, didn't i?"
"i joined for our own good! with these connections, i can possibly get all of us out of poland safely and-"
"by associating with them? i'd rather leave the country without their help, thank you very much," natalya huffed in annoyance as she moved to the kitchen to start on dinner while tolys simply watched.
"what do you want? leave," she growled, venom dripping from each and every one of her words. a sad, soft sigh fell from tolys' lips, his eyes cast onto the floor as he turned towards the door, glancing at his wife one last time before leaving the house, making it silent once again as natalya sank deeper back into her own thoughts.
"no, we aren't jewish, i swear," natalya lied through her teeth, keeping her cool while she stared intently at the officers standing at her doorstep. her hands, which were behind her back, toyed with the star on her bracelet nervously, as anxious thoughts rushed through her mind. she stood defensively in front of her children. what if they didn't believe her? that would horrible. they would rip her children away from her and she would be sent to death-
"are you sure?" the officer's gruff voice asked, to which natalya nodded quickly, trying to not rouse anymore suspicion — assuming they didn't already have enough suspicions about them being jewish.
"she's lying," a voice from across her house hissed, and natalya stumbled a few steps backwards in shock.
"w-what could you possibly mean?" natalya spluttered, the surprise of her neighbour's betrayal hitting her hard. she'll remember this person's name, so natalya will be able to get revenge on her in the future, provided, she even has a future. the officer scoffed at natalya, before turning to his other officers.
"take them," were the words natalya heard before being pulled out of her house. she saw anya's eyes widen as her oldest daughter began screeching.
"what are you doing? where are you taking our mama?" anya screeched as she stood in front of nikolai and veronika, trying her best to protect them as an older sister. an officer towered over the three children, as anya kept a brave face while the other two cowered in fear behind her.
"look at them! acting all strong and brave," the officer taunted before he threw anya over his shoulder and instructing the other two officers to do the same to the other children. all four of them were thrown into a truck that was littered with many people.
this was it. this is where their story ends. they'll never meet the light of day ever again. they won't-
"mama? where are they bringing us?" veronika asked, clinging onto natalya's dress as her children huddled around her. natalya ran her fingers through veronika's brown locks, keeping silent as she pondered over an answer.
should she tell the truth? should she lie to them? how was she supposed to answer the question?
"i don't know," her voice came out soft and quiet, as though she was disappointed by her own answer. "but you'll make it out alive, i'm sure of it."
"mrs laurinaitis - i mean, ms arlovskaya, why don't you want to give your children to me? i'll make sure they'll find a good family to take care of them, and i'll make sure their real identities will never be found out," the woman pleaded, to which natalya shook her head.
"who knows how the foster family will treat my children? and why would anyone in their right mind take in jewish children? unless they're looking for death, of course," natalya scoffed, crossing her slender arms over her chest.
"i'll provide fake identity documents, so the germans won't find out," the woman spoke. "and i will find families willing to take in your children," the woman ended before turning around to walk out the door of their small, crammed apartment. natalya stayed silent.
was she going to have her children suffer here with her? was she going to run the risk of having her children dead? this was an opportunity, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. by letting this woman take her children, they would be able to live a life outside of the horrendous ghetto!
"wait, irena*," natalya stopped, walking — limping — to her. she gripped the sleeves of irena's shirt and looked at her with deep navy blue eyes glistening with tears welling on her waterline. "please, take my children with you. they deserve more than this," she added. irena looked at her, a smile present on her face.
"very well, i'll bring them with me," irena spoke as natalya called out for her children. three of them rushed out to greet their mother. natalya smiled gently at them before turning to look at irena.
"children," natalya started, kneeling down to their level. "from today, you'll never be called by your names anymore. you will live under a new identity, and you must always remember what mama told you all, okay?"
"where are you taking us?" anya asked, her eyes looking at her mother with concern and fear. "you're not giving us away, are you?"
"no," natalya paused. "no, i'm not giving you away, i'm sending you off to a brighter future. anya, take care of nikolai and veronika, okay? you are already 13, you should be able to take good care of your siblings."
"but big sister doesn't need to take care of us if you're coming!" nikolai exclaimed.
"mama isn't following you, little nikolai."
"i..can't...now, be good children and follow mrs sendlerowa ," natalya spoke in a hushed tone, as if she was afraid that any german was going to kick down her door. she pushed her children towards irena.
"shh," natalya hushed as she stood up and looked at irena. "please, i'm counting on you."
irena gave natalya a firm nod before looking down at the children. "anything you want to say?"
"when will we see you again, mama?" anya asked. natalya pondered over an answer.
"after the war," she answered, smiling as irena ushered the children out and rushed off out of ghetto. not before she gave natalya a comforting smile, however. natalya tried to muster a smile of a similar nature back to her before the yells of the german officers echoed throughout the ghetto, beckoning all its inhabitants to gather outside.
natalya let out one soft, sad sigh before she rushed herself outside.
the train rumbled and shook as it moved over a rocky path, as natalya sat in a corner of the overcrowded space. how long has she been on this train? hours? days? months? god she didn't even know. all she knew was that it felt like forever.
had irena found her children a good family for them to live with? will natalya be able to see her children again? will she make it out? can she ever see her husband again?
her husband...his name felt so unfamiliar to her, as though he had already died and she was trying to forget about him. was he dead? was tolys dead? has he died?
the sensation of someone— or something— snuggling up against her brought her out of her daze as she glanced down to her side, seeing a small girl, malnourished and skinny, barely the size of a full-grown golden retriever, huddled up against her, most probably in an attempt to get some warmth.
her heart pounded in sympathy as she continued staring at the child. her hand unconsciously went to run her fingers through the child's brown locks. the girl stirred a little before her eyes fluttered open and looked up at natalya. natalya's own azure orbs widened as she managed a small and comforting smile.
the girl looked at the ground as she clung to natalya's skirt.
"can you sing a lullaby?" the girl asked natalya in a weak and strained voice. "my mama does that all the time..."
natalya felt her heart shatter into millions of tiny little pieces. the thought that this could have been her children hit her hard. "yes," she answered softly. "i can sing you a lullaby."
the girl's eyes lit up with anticipation and excitement, and suddenly natalya had performance anxiety. she cleared her throat nervously.
"oyfn pripetchik brent a fayerl,
un in shtub iz heys,
un der rebe lernt kleyne kinderlekh,
dem alef-beys*," natalya sang, petting the girl's head as she recalled the time she spent with her own children.
the whole world seemed to be silent and desolate, only the presence of the two of them was all that mattered to natalya.
"natalya, please," tolys begged, sitting across natalya in the small interrogation room, his hands grasping her cold and small ones. "please just speak to me."
natalya kept her lips sealed as she kept her eyes glued to the table, refusing to make eye contact with him.
"natalya," he repeated, his voice sounding desperate and raising in pitch. "please. speak to me," he pleaded with her. again, natalya kept silent, not wanting to talk to him. no, she won't talk to this person, not this traitor.
"you probably hate me, huh?" tolys mumbled, staring at natalya. "i'm sorry," he spoke. natalya jolted a little and brought her head up to look at him. her lips remained sealed.
"laurinaitis!" a heavily accented german voice yelled out from the other of the door. "times up! bring the jew back!"
tolys sighed before opening the door, with natalya following him with her eyes. "i have to bring you back," he softly spoke. natalya stood up, stumbled a few steps, and walked out the room before rushing herself back to the women's bunk.
"aš tave myliu [1]," tolys mumbled, watching natalya's leaving figure.
natalya faced the wall as she heard the other prisoners in the camp being lined up beside her. this was the day she was going to die. she was going to die, in the hands of the germans. she wasn't going to live to see the new century. it's all her fault. she was born jewish. that was her sin.
"drei [2]!" a german officer started as natalya's mind raced with countless thoughts.
no! she can't die, not just yet! she hasn't said goodbye to her children! she hasn't lived out her whole life! she hasn't felt the joys and sorrows of her children growing up!
she hasn't said goodbye to her husband! she hasn't said...
her last 'i love you' to tolys yet...
in a haste, she gave tolys one last desperate look before the sounds of guns firing echoed throughout the camp. natalya felt a piercing pain go through her head before she blacked out and her body falls onto the ground motionless, frozen, dead.
but not before she mumbled her last parting words.
"tolys!" natalya called out as she slammed open the door. "tolys! i have something to tell you!"
"what is it, natalya?" tolys asked, walking out from their shared bedroom to greet her. he walked over to her.
"i just went to the clinic a-and..." her voice trailed off as her gaze fell to the floor. "and..."
"and?" tolys probed, getting worried because he had no idea what she is intending to say and why she even had to go to the clinic in the first place. he squeezed her hand, causing her to make eye contact with him.
"well, you know how i have been vomiting a lot lately, especially the mornings..."
oh, that. that was why she went to the clinic.
tolys nodded, looking into natalya's deep, azure orbs that he loved and adored so much.
"well, turns out, i'm pregnant..." she finished, nervously biting her lips. tolys stared at her, shocked before the announcement finally began set in, and his emerald eyes lit up and sparkled in anticipation and excitement.
"that's great!" tolys exclaimed, gripping natalya's hands into his own. "we can finally have a mini version of us running around the house! it's going to be amazing!"
looking at him, natalya couldn't help but let out a little, sweet giggle.
"it is going to be amazing, tolys."
i wanted us to lead a happy, wonderful life but fate had other plans.
*irena sendler, known as irena sendlerowa in poland, was a catholic polish social worker who smuggled children out of the warsaw ghetto and provided them with fake identity documents and shelter with willing polish families or in orphanages and other care facilities, including catholic nun convents, saving those children from the holocaust. she was recognised as righteous among nations by the state of isreal in 1965.
*a jewish lullaby called oyfn pripetshik.
lithuanian ;
aš tave myliu ; i love you
german ;
drei ; three
zwei ; two
eins ; one
belarusian ;
я цябе кахаю ; ja ciabie kachaju ; i love you
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